I know it's a little on the weird side to keep jumping back and forth between the two of them for one conversation, but I felt like it was important to see how their thoughts were similar in some cases and different in others. It's easy to say you're on the same page, but difficult to actually be there.

I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Don't have just yet, but keep a look out as they'll pop up eventually.

If you want to be kept up to date with any upcoming stories or want to ask me to write a story for you please follow me on Facebook 'SilverMidnight52' or on Tumblr under SilverMidnightWrite! I own nothing.

Callen felt as if his entire body was vibrating as he waited for his husband to say something, anything. In that moment it felt as if something was pushing at his chest making it harder and harder for his heart to even beat as the seconds past.

He knew that he couldn't have uttered the question more than a few seconds previous. A question that had been on his mind for longer than he liked to admit. A question that he wished with everything he was that he could take back. The silence between them seemed almost painful though.

A part of him couldn't help but wonder if that was answer enough. If Deeks wanted to try to fix what had become of their marriage than shouldn't he have already objected? Shouldn't it have been an easy question to answer?

Even as he thought that though he knew that it was far from the truth. It wasn't as if he could really answer either anyway. After all the times he questioned what they went through he was no closer to figuring any of it out than before.

All of his life he had found himself questioning everything that went on around him. He did whatever he needed to do to get the answers and keep himself in a relatively safe position. That was all he ever wanted. To be safe.

When he and Deeks started to date that was exactly how he felt. There was just an air of warmth and kindness that came from the younger man that it was impossible not to let it fill you whenever he was around.

That was something that had confused the living daylights out of Callen when he first met the man. It was almost impossible to come across someone that had been in their line of work that still mostly had faith in humanity.

That was exactly what Deeks had though. The younger man saw the world in a much better light than practically anyone Callen had ever met. It wasn't that he didn't think that people could do the right thing for the sake of the doing the right thing. He just figured that people would take care of themselves before they took care of others.

Deeks was different though. It wasn't as if he was delusional by any means. He knew exactly the kind of evil that people were capable of doing. He had seen enough to know how dangerous a person could be when they thought they had no other choice.

Somehow he still had faith that if given the chance the majority of people would try to do the right thing. He loved that part of Deeks almost as much as he hated it. It was never fun to see someone you love set themselves up for heartbreak.

For awhile Callen had actually tried to get the younger man to see that he needed to change that habit before it hurt him to harshly to fix. Deeks had always laughed at him before walking away as if nothing had happened.

It wasn't until he saw Deeks trying to talk down a kid that was holding a gun to the head of a man that had killed his mother. Throughout the case all of them had tried to stop the kid before he got to that point. None of them had succeeded.

Slowly all of them had lost hope that the case would end in anything but arresting the kid for murder. Everyone except for Deeks. He fought as hard as he could to the point that Callen had wondered if it wouldn't be the best to remove him from the case.

In the end it was a good thing that he didn't. Deeks was the only person that had been able to get through to the kid. It had taken longer than any of them were comfortable with, but in the end there was no blood shed.

Every time he thought about that story he knew that it should have filled him with hope and love for his husband. Instead he was always terrified. If Deeks hadn't been able to talk the kid down than he would have cared that heartache for the rest of his life.

That wasn't something that was easy to come back from. It was the type of heartbreak that stayed and he couldn't save the younger man from that type of thing. He couldn't save Deeks from himself.

Callen had spent a lot of time before they started to and while they were dating trying to fight the urge to get angry and yell. He knew that Deeks was the person he was and he wasn't going to change that, but he wanted so badly to protect the man.

That was what he always had done though. He protected. Even without thinking about it he put himself in the position so he was the one that took care of everyone else. He didn't even try to question it. That was who he was.

It wasn't as if he thought that the younger man was weak and couldn't take care of himself. The opposite of that was true. Deeks was by far one of the strongest people that he knew Especially when it came to his heart. He just wanted the man safe.

That was one of the reasons that the question kept running through his mind. Was Deeks really safe in the situation that they were in now? Or, was it possible, that he was just a little too safe for his own good?

All of his life Callen had been searching for a family and home to call his own. The idea of having a place where he felt like he belonged was always the dream that he kept int the back of his head whenever he did anything.

Which he had finally gotten. Thanks to his team and Deeks he had everything that he had ever dreamed about. Yes, it took a lot longer than he liked to think about to realize that, but once he did he stopped running.

Ever since he had started to actually stay at the house with his family instead of stopping by every once in awhile he saw all that was in his hands. Everything that he had ever wanted was right there waiting for him and he loved the fact that he had a place that he could truly say he belonged.

At the same time though he hadn't realized how empty that feeling could be. Yes, he knew that he had a place to call his own and a pair of kids that loved him. He had everything that he had ever wanted. It was a good feeling that never failed to bring a smile to his lips.

He loved the his children more than he ever thought was possible. The only person that had even come close to how he felt with them was Deeks. The younger man had been the one that showed him how good things could be if one opened their heart just a little.

None of that made it any easier to admit that having what he had always wanted felt nothing like what he thought it would. It wasn't as if he hated what he had. It simply wasn't what he had thought it would be. Nothing was.

He loved his kids with everything that he was and nothing was going to change that. He still loved Deeks as well. The more time that passed though the more he wondered if he still loved Deeks or if he loved the man he used to be.

Feeling a hand rest on his wrist he let the thoughts rushing through his head fade away before looking at the younger man. The ocean blue eyes that always seemed to be filled with happiness and love looked so sad. So brokenheartedly sad. Without a second thought Callen reached out to wrap an arm around Deeks shoulders pulling him close so his head was resting on his chest.

"Please don't leave me," Deeks pleaded out loud his hands fisting in the back of his shirt.

Closing his eyes Callen wrapped himself as tightly around his husband as if he was trying to protect him. Swaying softly like he would if he was comforting one of his kids he forced himself to ignore the tears soaking into his clothes and the ones filling his eyes.

He had no idea how long they had been sitting there before Deeks pulled away so they were staring into each others eyes. It had been so long since he had seen his husband cry. The swollen and red eyes cut into his heart as tears continued to slowly stream down his face. With a sad smile he reached up to brush the tears away hating the way his husband shook as he took a deep breath.

Callen started to pull his hands away not sure exactly what he wanted to say but needing to say something. All the words seemed to escape him though as he saw the mans eyes dart down to his lips before moving back to his eyes. A voice in the back of his head yelled that it was a bad idea yet he still found himself leaning forward.

Deeks seemed to have the same idea leaning forward meeting him halfway. Sighing softly he placed a hand on the side of the young mans face tilting his head to the side letting himself simply feel the mans lips against his own. He forgot how much he loved it.

Even with that thought in his mind though he found himself pulling away. As much as he loved the feeling he knew that it wouldn't help either of them in the long run. If they ended up getting lost in what they were feeling and not in actually talking than nothing was ever going to get better.

Pulling away he forced some space between them. Deeks blinked a few times before licking his lips and running a hand through his hair. All he wanted to do was pull the man back to him, but instead he moved so they were face to face.

"Sorry," Deeks signed before Callen could think of anything to say.

"For what?" he replied his lips curling up a little, "Kissing me? I'm not going to complain about that."

With a shake of his head Deeks reached out pushing him slightly. Smiling at the movement Callen couldn't help but be reminded of how they had acted when they were first dating. He had always loved how playful the younger man was.

Alright so he hadn't always loved that side of Deeks. For awhile it had been something that annoyed him. Like with everything else that came with his husband he found himself falling deeper and deeper in love.

"I don't want to lose you, Callen," Deeks offered after a moment.

"I don't want that either," Callen replied instantly before sagging slightly, "but can we keep doing this? Can we keep going through the motions without actually thinking about it? How is that fair to either of us? How is that fair to the kids?"

It was easy to see that Deeks wanted to argue with what Callen was saying, but all too soon was the familiar sight of his shoulders sagging as the fight slipped away. He hated more than anything that he had come to expect to see that.

"Do you really think that?" Deeks signed his hands shaking slightly.

"I don't want it to be true, but looking back on everything," Callen responded his eyes dropping to the sand for a moment, "I don't know how we got to where we are, but we're not okay. We haven't been for awhile. Both of us have just been ignoring it and hoping it would go away or work itself out and I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of hurting you."

Callen watched as Deeks started to reach out for him as if he wanted to comfort him. Before he got close though his hand fell to the sand his fingers curling into a fist. It took all of his willpower not to take the mans hand in his own.

As much as he wanted to touch his husband, to reassure him that they were going to be fine he couldn't. It would have just continued the cycle that he wanted broken. They had spent too much time trying not to cause each other any pain that they hadn't realized just how far they were falling.

It was hard to believe that them trying to provide comfort could have hurt them so much. He hadn't even really realized that he was doing it. It was something that he had always done. Anything to wipe the pained look off the face of the man he loved. Yet it was a problem.

All of their time together over the last few years had been them bouncing off each other without thinking about what was going on. They no longer stopped to think about what was really being said. It was simply reacting. They just kept agreeing with each other about things that they never discussed.

"I think we need to talk about it," Callen offered hating every word he was signing, "You know how much I hate sitting and talking about feelings, but don't we owe it to ourselves and each other?"

"I don't…" Deeks tried to start before squirming so he was sitting up straighter, "Okay. Do you remember when we first met Arlo?"

Without thought Callen felt his jaw clench. He knew that Turk was a good man and that nothing was going on between the two of them, but it was clear to everyone that Deeks and Turk had liked each other. Who knows what would have happened if he wasn't there.

"Wipe that look from your face," Deeks signed rolling his eyes, "I'm not going to confess my undying love for the man."

"He did like you," Callen shrugged trying not to show how much it bothered him, "And you did seem comfortable around him."

"I'm with you, G. I would never cheat."

"I know you wouldn't cheat on me. I know that. What if we weren't though? What if we weren't together? You and he could be good."

"He's not you. That's what I'm trying to say. Yes, it was nice to have someone look at me like that. It was nice for someone to see me. I wasn't a father or someone that lost their hearing or a lawyer or anything like that. I was just me. Do you know how long it's been since I've just been me? Do you know how long it's been since I felt like a person? A real person?"

It took a moment for everything that Deeks was saying to hit him. Every single word that he signed broke his heart yet cleared up the picture so much. Having the younger man actually start to explain what he was feeling was more than he had imagined.

"I'm sorry," Callen responded licking at his lips, "I'm so sorry that I…"

"No," Deeks cut him off angrily, "Stop trying to make this about something you did. You didn't do this. I did. I did this to myself. I broke me!"