The next few days after our carriage ride had been amazing, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but worry about Clare, she was obsessing over the possibility of her cancer being back. Every time Adam brought up something that involved making future plans Clare would leave the room in tears. One night we were putting him to bed, and Clare got so upset Adam himself began to cry.

"Clare, Clare come back!" Clare slammed Adam's door, causing the pictures on his wall to fall off. I looked back at him, and he had little tears dripping off of his chin. "Adam it's ok, mommy is just tired." I wiped his tears with my shirt, seeing his sad eyes broke my heart.

"Daddy, what did I do? Does momma not want me in da weddin?"

Adams little lip quivered and I could feel mine starting to do the same. "No, of course she wants you to be our little ring bear. Mommy is just," I paused, not knowing what to say. I said I'd never lie to my children about anything, but I now knew why sometimes you had to. "Mommy is just tired, and she's worried that she will have to work on our wedding day, and mommy really wants you to be a ring bear, ok buddy."

"So she just doesn't want to miss the weddin?" I nodded. "Well, can you tell her I promise we won't do nothin until her work is over?"

I kissed Adam on the forehead. "I'll go tell her right now buddy, you go get some sleep."

as I was about to exit the room, I felt a tug on my shirt. "I don't wanna see mommy sad, if you maybe call Ziggy mommy will feel'd all better. He always makes her feel better."

I felt my stomach drop, and all I could do was whisper a "Yeah." Adam ran back to his bed, and I closed his door. I closed my eyes and slid down his door, landing on my bottom."

"Did you have a rough time in there too?" Clare was sitting across from me in the exact same position, with tears rolling down her cheeks. I stood up, and bent down to pick her up. As I cradled her in my arms, she only cried more. I sat down on the living room coach, still holding her.

"Clare, you can't do this to youself, or to Adam. You have no idea what the test results will say, you have to think positive."

Clare looked up at me with the saddest look I had ever seen on her face. "Eli, last time I had cancer, the biggest fear I had was losing all my hair, or you leaving me for being losing all of my hair. Now, that little boy in there depends on me. I'm his whole world, if he lost me he would be devastated. I've been the only consistent thing in his life since he was born."

"I'm here now too, and even so, noting is going to happen to you. Nothing, stop thinking that way." The last few words I spoke cracked, and I could feel my breathing starting to become uneven, because no matter how much I encouraged her to be positive, my mind was in the same place as hers.

"Eli, I don't want to not see him everyday, and you, I just got you back."

I looked away from her, not able to stomach seeing her so broken anymore. "No more, please. No more talking like you're going somewhere."

"Look at me. I need you to tell me right now, that if anything happens to me you won't let him forget me, and you'll take care of him."

I looked back at her and nodded as Clare wiped my tears away. "You know I would never let him forget you. Can we not about this anymore? Just the thought of you being sick again hurts me Clare." Clare slid off of my lap grabbing a picture of Adam off of the table next to the couch. She closed her eyes for a moment, and held the picture to her chest. I took the picture from her and put of back in its spot, "Clare." My voice was stern, and she seemed to snap out of her depression for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I just can't help thinking the worst. I had a nose bleed this morning Eli."

I could feel my face turning pale, imagining the first time I saw her nose bleed before we found out she had cancer before. "There could be a million different reasons why you had one."

Clare half smiled at me, and scooted closer to me again grabbing my hand. "I know that, you're right. Talking about this isn't going to do anyone any good. Should I go talk to Adam?"

"No he's probably asleep by now, he actually has someone he thinks you should talk to." There was an edge in my voice from just thinking about Zig.

Clare noticed my tone, and frowned. "Oh, who?"

"Ziggy, as our son called him. He said he always makes you feel better." My voice came out rougher than before, and I mentally scolded myself. Clare was stressed enough already, I didn't want to make anything worse, but sometimes I couldn't control my outburst's, and I hated myself for that.

Clare seemed unfazed by my outburst, which only made me feel worse. "Eli I'm sorry. Zig was always my shoulder to cry on."

"Thats just great Clare, please tell me more." My words were soaked in sarcasm, but it was better than yelling.

"I shed a lot of tears over you."

My heart melted at her words, and the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. "Clare I'm sorry I snapped, it's just a touchy subject for me. I need to put my pride aside though, because I know that he was a big part of Adam's life. Tomorrow, we need to invite him over for dinner."

Me trying to act rational seemed to anger Clare more than my being angry and jealous. "Oh, and what just got him into the role of uncle Zig?"

"Yes exactly that. That's the only way I know how to make this all make sense for our son."

"I just don't like being around him, I feel like it upsets you. I don't want you to go away." Clare looked down at her lap, and began to fidget with her hands.

I put my hands over hers to make her focus on me, and not her hands. "Now you look at me Ms. Edwards, I'm not going anywhere, I'm mature enough to get through this. You and I have a long future ahead of us, no matter what the test results say, or what Zig does."

Clare tilted her head, and a smile appeared on her face. "So, since we are talking about forever. Have you thought about a date for our wedding? I would like to do it as soon as possible."

I shook my head, "Not if its because you're scared you have cancer, no way."

Clare put both hands on the side's of my face, "Eli, I want to get married soon because it's way passed time for me to be your wife, but if that isn't what you want..."

"Of course it is, there is nothing more that I want than to be your husband. Name a time and place, and I'll be there."

Clare put her forehead on mine, "How about next week, Alli's back yard?"

I pulled away, surprised. "Are you serious?"

"Dead."

I rolled my eyes, "That isn't funny."

Clare brushed my bangs out of my face, "it's just a little joke, but yes, I'm serious. I already talked to Alli about it, after I called her to thank her for helping you out the other night. She is really happy that we found our way back to each other, and she wants to help in any way she can. So what do you say?"

"I say I'm there." Clare squealed, throwing her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek repeatedly. I began to tickled her, and we both rolled on to the floor in laughter. Our laughter was interrupted by the ringing of the house phone. I jokingly made an angry face, "Who would be calling you at 9 at night missy?"

Clare rolled off of me sprinting to the phone. "My doctor, she and I have formed a very close relationship over the years, this is her cell number. Eli, my results. It has to be."