Alex didn't seem to hear her. „Alex, stop it!", Meredith screamed again. He looked at her. „She lied to me, she lied to me about everything" He threw another glass against the wall. „Alex, please." Meredith closed the distance between them and pulled him into a hug he wasn't willing to accept. She hold him tightly and slowly he started to relax just a little bit resting his head on her shoulder. She has seen him like this before, the last time was when his dad died a few years ago. Since then it had been Jo to put him back together and took care of him when he was broken. And she had been so happy for him finally being able to love somebody, to trust somebody, to rely on somebody without getting disappointed or abandoned as soon as he started to relax a little bit. „Jo is alreday married to another man, Mer. Hadn't told me in all those years.", his voice broke.
Meredith pulled him closer. „Oh Alex, this is really, really crappy." She guided him to the couch and made him sit down. He looked at her with empty eyes. „Can you believe it? Weh ad a fight once about me not having told her Izzie and I have frozen eggs when she had cancer, she found the papers, she was all mad about it. She asked me what she was to me. She asked me whether I am all in or not. She did the judge and the whole time she hadn't told me she was married. Not only haven't told but also raising my hope when I proposed that one day she would be ready. This sucks."
Meredith could feel his desperation in every single word. „I know.", she simply said, „It really, really sucks." He looked at her with a sad smile „It's always like this, isn't it? I start to feel safe and the world comes crashing down on me. Maybe I deserve it, maybe I am to screwed up to be loved, maybe it's my fault that nobody can stick with me." „Oh Alex, this isn't true and you know it. Jo loves you, post-it-on the-wall loves you, yes, she lied to you, but she hasn't left you. She hasn't given you a reason?"
Alex laughed bitterly. „Oh, of course, she has given me a reason. She wanted to protect me because she was scared I would try to find that voilent son of a bitch and kill him or that I could get hurt by trying to do that. That is her fraking reason for lying to me about her whole her damn life, about us, about everything."
„Well Alex, maybe this girl knows you better than you do, thought about it? To me it sounds like a total Alex-thing. Protect the woman he loves no matter what it costs." Meredith looked at him carefully. „To me it's a proof of love what she did, Alex. She wanted to protect you, like you have wanted to protect her."
Alex stayed silent, starring out of the window into the pouring rain of Seattle. Meredith decided she couldn't do anything for him but sitting with him so he wasn't alone. She knew he thought about what she has said and she lso knew that deep down he know she was right. But knowing was something totally different than feeling. And when it comes to feelings Alex was always vulnerable. Especially since Izzie left all of the sudden without giving him any chance to explain. Meredith watched Alex, a silent tear left his eye. She squeezed his shoulder. „You are a good guy, Alex and you deserve anything good in this life you know? Please, pretty please, don't give up on your relationship. I am sure, Jo is worth the fight."."
Alex glarred at her hatefully. „Oh, come in Mer, you really think this is going to work out?! After last night? After what I did? She flew from an abusive husband, turns out I am exectly that kind of man. And you know what?! Deep down I always knew it, you can't escape your crappy childhood, Aaron was right all those years ago, I am exactly like my dad. So safe yourself, safe your kids; Mer. I am a monster.", he screamed.