A/N: Hello, lovely readers! You guys just continue to blow me away with your amazing reviews. The love for this story so far has really shocked me, and I'm just so grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you so much for reading along!

Chapter 3 - Rule Number One: Never Criticise

In an effort to avoid Malfoy the next morning, Hermione woke up two hours earlier. She dressed in her favourite blazer, a deep purple with golden buttons adorning the front, pairing it with comfortable slacks and sensible flats.

Perfect for a day at work.

After running a hand over her sleek curls one more time, she summoned her work bag. Another wave of her wand neatly arranged the finalised proofs within. She slipped the wand within the interior pouch and summoned her travel mug with a snap of her fingers. When it landed in her hand warm and ready to go, she smiled at herself in the mirror.

Happy Tuesday to her.

As she was exiting her flat, she paused, eyes falling on the scrap of parchment she'd torn off the proof and stuck on her memo board. Theo's messy scrawl stared back at her, and though she knew it was foolish, she grabbed the scrap of paper and tucked it safely in her bag.

Just in case.

In an effort to enjoy the early fall morning, Hermione decided to walk instead of Apparating as she normally would. The crisp morning air was invigorating, putting a refreshed spring in her step that she'd been missing in recent months. The city was only just waking, so she admired its sleepy productivity as she walked.

Perhaps it was optimism, but she couldn't help thinking about the way Theo's hands had lingered on hers when they said goodbye. Something about the way his eyes twinkled at her when he walked away still lingered in her memory. By the time she made it to the office, her shoulders had loosened and she beamed at everyone she passed.

Upon entering the office, she scanned her wand to summon the elevator and stood waiting, glancing up at the numbers ticking by. Other witches and wizards gradually filed in behind her, each waiting to pile into the lift to be dropped off on their respective floors. None of them appeared to be as awake as she was, though, all returning her eager bouncing with tired smiles and groggy nods.

Just as the last of them filed in and filled the lift to the brim, the doors began to slide shut. Suddenly, a muffled shout outside prefaced a hand sliding into the open doors, stopping them in their tracks, and she rolled her eyes at the latecomer holding them all up.

And then Malfoy shoved his way inside.

Bugger.

Given the lack of room in the lift, everyone shuffled, nestling together to allow him space to stand. Per usual, Hermione had sequestered herself in the back corner and prayed it would be enough to keep him from noticing her. The woman in front of her shifted forwards, though, waving Malfoy behind her as she muttered something about needing the next floor.

Double bugger.

With a coy smile in her direction, Malfoy settled in front of her, entirely too close for comfort. "Morning, Granger."

And just like that, her good mood evaporated. She wrapped her hands together in front of her, a sharp spark of accidental magic jumping from the tips of her fingers as she forced herself not to hex him for his quirked lips.

Malfoy hummed a nondescript tune, rocking on his heels as the lift rolled to a stop. So focused on not hexing him, Hermione overcorrected her wobbling when the lift jolted, and she fell forwards, her clenched hands brushing against his arse.

His very tight, well-defined arse.

She froze, her hands still resting against his arse as she tried desperately to think her way out of the situation. But then he turned, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. "Granger, if you wanted to cop a feel, I'd have been more than willing to let you have a go at it when we had a little privacy." His words washed over her, doing absolutely nothing to stop the blush from shooting along her cheeks and up to the tips of her ears. "Feeling me up in the lift is absolutely absurd."

Two older women next to them tittered, leaning their heads together to whisper about young love and remembering the good old days.

Hermione bristled, shooting a glare at Malfoy as she wrenched herself back against the wall. "We're not in love," she blurted, gesturing wildly between the two of them. "He's just a coworker with whom I work very reluctantly."

One of the women laid a soft, gloved hand on her forearm with a wink. "Whatever you say, my dear." The women exited the lift together, shooting poorly concealed looks over their shoulders as they walked away.

Malfoy sighed contentedly as the rest of the lift emptied, occupants dispersing to their offices. "Well, there's my good deed of the day." Her temper rose as he tipped his head at her. "One feel for a desperate lady and a good laugh for the elderly crowd. My work here is done."

Her head hit the back of the lift with an audible thud. "You're incorrigible, Malfoy."

The smug grin in his voice brought irritation rumbling to the surface again. "That's why the ladies love me."

If she rolled her eyes any harder, they'd fall out of her head and roll across the floor. Instead, though, she levelled a glare at the ceiling as the lift ground to a halt, signalling their arrival with a ding.

Malfoy followed her across the floor, his incessant humming creating a low-grade headache just behind her eyes. Dipping into her office should have provided a welcome respite from him, but just before the door clicked closed, his foot shot out, stopping it. A groan welled up in her throat as she deposited her bag onto her desk. "What, Malfoy? What can I possibly do for you at—" she checked her watch "—six-thirty in the damned morning?"

Malfoy shrugged, dropping into the armchair across from her, and Hermione made a mental note to get rid of all office furniture so she wouldn't be bothered. "I don't have an office, and I'm supposed to work with you." He raised his arms, gesturing around the office. "Seems like this was the best place to be."

She would not scream. It'd be unfair to alarm the janitorial staff so early in the morning. With a deliberate calm she didn't feel, she unpacked her bag, arranging the prepared proof on the upper right hand corner of her desk when a thought hit her. "Malfoy?"

His head snapped up, eyeing her sudden change in tone suspiciously. "Granger…"

Hermione continued unpacking her bag, settling items around her desk so she could start her day. "Take that down to the printer, won't you?" She bit her lip, fighting to conceal the smile. "Don't come back until it's accepted."

With a pop, his mouth dropped open. "Granger, that could be hours."

"You wanted to work; here's your opportunity." She affected a contrite frown over her desk at him. "Isn't that what you meant when you asked me to let you help me?"

Check.

Malfoy stood, gathering the papers into his arms. He was nearly to the door when he paused, tossing a mischievous wink over his shoulder. "You know, Granger, I meant what I said. If you wanted to touch my arse, all you had to do was ask."

He was gone before the hex she threw at him hit the door.

She managed two hours of blissful, Malfoy-free reprieve before he strolled back into her office.

"Issue's out to print, Granger." Scowling, he threw himself into the chair. "I had to stare at Potter's ruddy face for three hours. I ought to get a raise."

Despite herself, a laugh tittered from her. "It was only two hours, and good luck with that." Reading glasses hung precariously from the end of her nose, perched there to negate some of the pounding headache that had started in her temples from hours of editing the miniscule print.

Silence descended on the office as she settled back into her work, pausing over a sentence to debate whether an em dash or semicolon would be more effective when a quiet tapping began. It started innocuously enough, a background noise that she could have ignored. But when the floor started to tremble slightly, she aimed a glare at him.

Malfoy sat, his head lolled backwards and hands on the arms of the chair, rocking his leg up and down. His eyes seemed to move rapid-fire across the ceiling, and each bouncing rock of his leg drove her closer to exploding.

"Malfoy." Nothing. "Malfoy!" The rocking petered out, and finally his head rolled forwards. When he lifted his brows in question, she sighed. "What are you doing?"

In a show of innocence, he lifted his hands, affecting a small frown. "There's nothing for me to do, Granger. I'm bored." His lip jutted out, the feigned frown grating on her nerves. "I'm supposed to be helping you get Witch Weekly some new content; I don't see much of that going on here."

She resisted the urge to yell at him, waving a hand at her desk. "You know what would really help me get organised?" A saccharine smile spread across her lips, anticipating the sweet victory of making him squirm already. "Help me clean up this mess?" Throughout the morning, her employees had shuffled in and out, dropping notes and articles on her desk for later reading. Now, it looked like an Obscurus had blown through it, no rhyme or reason to the precarious stacks of paper.

Jaw popping open, Malfoy leaned forwards to dispute, no doubt having crafted another way to annoy her while going through the papers. "Sure, Granger. Happily. Whatever makes your life easier."

For a few moments, he picked through the random papers, stacking story requests together and discarding random bits of parchment that had been deposited on the tabletop. Finally, they worked in companionable silence, and Hermione mused that maybe, just maybe, this might not be so bad after all.

When he picked through the contents she'd spilled from her bag that morning, Hermione thought nothing of it. The only thing in there that held any value at the moment was the—

The scrap of paper on which a Floo address was written, and at which Malfoy was grinning mischievously. "Granger, did you have a date?"

Her chair nearly toppled over as she shot out of it, but Malfoy lifted the paper above his head. Blood boiled in her ears even as a hot blush raced up her chest, the several inches he had on her putting him at a distinct advantage. Still she stretched up on her toes, swatting in vain at his hand. "Give it back, Malfoy. That's personal property."

Warm breath ghosted over her cheek as he tsked, waving the address above her. "It's a simple question, Granger. Did you have a date?"

She bit the inside of her cheek even as she reached for the parchment again. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to tell him, and maybe it'd get him off her back a little bit... "Not yet. And I won't if you don't give me back the bloody address."

"Oooh," he breathed on a chuckle, a low whistle accompanying it, "someone's feisty today. It's a good look on you."

The taunt did nothing to quell the embarrassment racing through her, but she refused to rise to the bait. "You said you wanted to help me, so you can help me by giving me the address and resuming work like a civilised human being." She was well aware that her voice had turned into a hiss, but she was beyond caring. Finally, she stamped her foot, glaring up at him as she stuck her hand out for the parchment.

Malfoy only looked back at her, raising his eyebrows higher on his forehead. "That's all you've got, Granger?" His shoulders slumped, raised hand drooping towards her. "Merlin, I'd have thought you'd—"

With a deep breath, Hermione struck, lunging forwards to snag the address, but the combination of her sudden movement and Malfoy's shocked withdrawal sent them arse over tit into the chair.

Her legs straddled his in the chair, both of them staring at each other with comically wide mouths.

Oh gods, she was straddling him in her office chair.

Surely this had to be a violation of some policy somewhere, some small print she could find to get him ejected from Witch Weekly so she wouldn't have to deal with him anymore and—

WHY WAS HER MIND RAMBLING WHILST SHE STRADDLED DRACO BLOODY MALFOY'S LAP IN HER OFFICE.

She wheeled backwards, her legs catching in the openings below the armrests, and of course that would be the moment the bleeding door opened and Daphne walked in.

Silence reigned for approximately five seconds before Daphne turned beetroot. "I— erm, I was just bringing you an update on the Quidditch exposé, but—" Daphne floundered, unwilling to meet Hermione's desperate gaze as she finally extricated herself from Malfoy's lap. "It looks like you're busy, so I'll… I'll come back later, yeah?"

And then she was gone.

If the tension in the room was any more palpable, Hermione would have sworn it was a person. Malfoy still sat slumped in the chair, frozen to the spot while the parchment hung limply from his fingers. After a few loaded seconds, he blinked, his smarmy grin returning. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were throwing yourself at me."

Gods, she hated him. His stupid, too-straight teeth and ridiculously sharp jawline and every last v-neck he wore and the ridiculous fine hair that curled in the centre of it. "Not even in your wildest dreams."

She pushed herself upright, strolling around the desk as he watched her, parchment still in hand. When she lunged for it, he reeled backwards, folding his hands protectively on his chest. "I don't know, Granger. I've had some pretty wild dreams."

The weight of his gaze settled on her, and Hermione fought off the thrill that raced through her at having a man stare at her like that. It'd been too long, and it seemed it affected her no matter how sleazy or incorrigible the person. A brief respite seemed to be all she'd get from him, so she leaned forwards, elbows on the desk and resting her chin in her palm. "What do you want, Malfoy?"

He mirrored her position. "You said you haven't been on a date yet. Why not?"

She chewed on her lip, debating the merits of allowing him even a modicum of vulnerability. But if it got her back that address… "I just met him last night. I didn't want to come on too strong; besides, he already knows I'm a working woman."

Malfoy tsked at her, nodding already. "That's your first problem. You assume that men are like women and meticulously plan out how they're going to approach a date." He raised the scrap. "You got this. That means he's already thinking about how he wants to bone you."

Her headache returned, and she dropped back in her chair with a groan while she reached up to massage her temples. "Believe it or not, Malfoy, not all men are insatiable pigs like you are. I'm sure it'll shock you to hear otherwise."

But Malfoy stood, rounding her desk to crouch beside her chair. Suddenly, the paper was fluttering before her. "You know what? Here's your first tip for free, love: never criticise. Want a man to fall head over heels for you? Listening to your incessant nagging is one sure-fire way to ruin any chances of that."

Hermione scoffed, rolling her eyes at him. "I'm sure he can take constructive criticism if it's meant to help him become a better person."

Drumming his fingers on the back of her chair, he tutted. "You say constructive criticism; he hears all the reasons he has to change who he is." He smacked his palm against her chair. "Alright, Granger, we'll do it this way. Take this and Floo call him. When he answers, give him some bullshite about wanting to check his availability, then hang up."

Confusion drew her brows together. "Why would I hang up?"

"Because, love, if he calls you back, he's interested." He eyed her with a shrug. "No bloke just calls back a random woman who Flooed him and hung up, no matter how attractive he finds her." He sucked on his teeth. "If he Floos you back, I'll help you nail the date."

Nail the date? What did Malfoy… "Why?" Her voice was coloured with suspicion, but she rose anyways, crossing to the Floo nestled between floor-to-ceiling bookshelves.

Following suit, Malfoy stood, though he lounged opposite her, one elbow propped on the mantle. "Call it even. I'll prove to you that my methods are useful, you get a date, and I get a job outside of a shady bar. Bonus points if you quit bringing up the Death Eater shite every ten minutes."

It felt too easy, like she was getting far more in return for the deal. Then Hermione remembered Theo, his easy smile and his long list of credentials neatly checking off the mental boxes she'd created, and before she knew it, she shouted his address into the flames.

Several moments passed, the only sound the crackling of the flames and Malfoy's fingertips drumming on the mantle, and she'd nearly given up when the distinct sound of the Floo picking up echoed in her office.

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

In her haste to answer Theo, she shoved her head into the emerald flames, inhaling a mouthful of smoke. Immediately, she descended into a coughing fit, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes as she croaked out a miserable, "Hi, Theo."

"Hermione? Blimey, you sound terrible." Lovely. Exactly what she wanted to hear from him. "Are you alright? I could come through with some tonic—"

She cleared her throat once more, thankful that the flames obscured the tears shining in her eyes from the force of the cough. "Oh, no, that's not necessary! Just need to mind my surroundings a bit more." The self-deprecating laugh she aimed for fell short, but she powered on. "I just— er, I wanted to say thanks again for your help last night. Y'know, with the salve and the potions."

Theo's throaty chuckle sounded, and he finally moved into the frame of the Floo. "Oh, you're welcome. I actually meant to call and check up on you, but it looks like I forgot to get your Floo address as well."

A thrill of excitement raced through her, and Hermione had to fight the urge to dance lest he notice. "Oh, right, well… this is it! My Floo, I mean. Well, my office Floo. The Floo that is in my office." She was rambling. Oh gods, words were pouring out of her mouth, and she couldn't make them stop, and—

Suddenly, a foot nudged her in the side, and she jumped, pulling back just enough to see Malfoy staring down at her, his eyes bulging as he whispered, "What the fuck, Granger? Stick to the plan!"

"Hermione? Everything all right?" Concern laced Theo's voice as she ducked back into the flames.

She was sure her grin bordered on manic, but she nodded frantically nonetheless. "Of course! Everything's great! My ribs are just a little sore today, and the burn only hurts when I move just right." She paused, sucking in a long breath. "Anyway, I just wanted to see if you—"

With a sputter, the flames disappeared, Theo's head gone, and Hermione was left kneeling over the open grate.

"What part of stick to the plan don't you understand, Granger?" Malfoy's finger held down the grate lock, the source of the dropped call. "You'd have rambled on for all of England if I hadn't cut you off."

Regardless of how true it was, Hermione bristled. "I was getting to a point, and you interrupted me! I was going to ask if he wanted to get dinner."

Malfoy lifted a finger, stalling her tirade. "That's where you'd have gone dreadfully wrong, Granger."

All the words she wanted to respond with died in her throat as she climbed to her feet, the only audible word through her spluttering a sharp, exaggerated, "What?"

Malfoy retreated, hands tucked behind his back as though he was beginning a lecture. "Men don't want women to ask them out, Granger. It's emasculating."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." She crossed her arms, indignation welling beneath her breastbone. "Besides, Theo's not like that. He's—"

"Kind, considerate, different?" Malfoy affected a high-pitched tone as he mocked her. "You just met him last night; you're projecting."

She scoffed, refusing to back down. "And now you're the bloody expert on how to get a good date? Please, Malfoy. You wouldn't know a respectable date if it landed in your lap."

His lip curled up in a snarl, and he turned, stepping into her face. "An Unbreakable Vow, then."

Her mind reeled, struggling to catch up with him. "Malfoy, what are you—?"

His laugh huffed out of him, his sculpted pecs brushing against her in his proximity. "If you stop being so bloody difficult to work with, I'll help you fall in love."

It was a ridiculous proposition, and though she wanted to scoff at it, wanted to turn away and kick him out of her office on his arse, a larger part of her begged her to take him up on it. "I'm perfectly capable of falling in love on my own, thanks." Even as she spoke the words, flashes of her failed dates flew through her mind, a highlight reel of depressing proportions.

His eyebrows shot upward, once more mimicking her. "Of course! Everything's great! Take me, Theo! I'm yours!"

She shouldered around him, clipping him with her hip as she resumed her seat. "First, I don't sound like that. Second, I'm well aware that I'm not the most graceful conversationalist when it comes to small talk, but what I lack in wit, I more than make up for in polite discourse."

Malfoy snorted. "I can absolutely assure you that no man is interested in polite discourse." He lifted his hands, glancing back over his shoulder. "This Theo bloke sounds like an alright guy, but if you're going to get any further, you're going to need to take some advice."

Maybe humouring him would get him off her back… and maybe he'd give her some advice that wasn't entirely rubbish. "What do you propose?"

Apprehension grabbed a fistful of her belly when a sly smile graced his lips. "I'd be willing to stake quite a lot of money that the Floo will ring before this conversation is over; if it does, don't answer it."

Hermione rolled her eyes, grabbing her glasses and slipping them back on the end of her nose. "I'm sure that broom has soared by now, Malfoy. I hung up on him; he isn't going to call back, and even if he does—"

The unmistakable ring of the Floo echoed through her office. Snapping her gaze to Malfoy's, she watched as smug self-satisfaction rose to his face; too soon, though, his eyes dropped to where her hands twitched on the arm of the chair.

He'd blocked her way before she even made it around the desk.

"Don't even think about it, Granger." His tone was low and dangerous. He'd lost all semblance of the overly-confident playboy, and Hermione found herself strangely drawn to the deep edge to this new voice.

It was reckless, and she had a feeling she'd absolutely come to regret making a deal with him, particularly one that would result in the imminent death of either of them should they break it. But the tiny voice in the back of her head that whispered for her to follow her heart chose then, of all times, to override logic.

Desperate times.

The Floo cut off, leaving them suspended in charged silence until she stood, extending her hand over the desk while unholstering her wand from her hip. "It's a deal, Malfoy."

His hand settled into hers, the butterflies that rioted to life in her core a far cry from the reluctant acquiescence with which she'd accepted it last time. His voice was velvet when he answered her. "Deal."

With a deep breath, Hermione lifted her wand, hovering it over their clasped hands "You know that you can't back out of it until it happens, right? At the very minimum, you can't sabotage me."

Malfoy nodded. "I'm well aware of the terms of an Unbreakable Vow, Granger."

Slipping her hand from his grasp, she pressed the intercom on the desk. "Daphne, please report to my office." She didn't wait for Daphne's response, instead watching Malfoy closely until the door clicked open and Daphne dipped inside with a wary glance between the two of them. When Hermione locked and warded the door with silencing charms, she finally addressed the other woman. "Daph, I need you to perform an Unbreakable Vow."

Daphne's brows shot up to her hairline. "Hermione, I— for what? It's a bit unconventional for eleven o'clock on a Tuesday."

Hermione couldn't help the self-satisfied smile she allowed herself at the pinched expression of discomfort that flitted over Malfoy's features. "Unconventional or not, Malfoy's got his word to keep."

Wide eyed, Daphne glanced between them, but she unholstered her wand anyway, holding it aloft above their hands. She cleared her throat, colour rising to her cheeks. "I, um… right. Before this vow can be performed, I need to ensure that both parties are consenting, legal adults."

Malfoy and Hermione groaned in unison, but only Hermione responded. "We're consenting, Daph. I didn't Imperio him into it; it was his idea."

When Daphne swivelled to him, Malfoy muttered, "Get on with it, Greengrass. I've not got all day."

"Right." Daphne straightened her shoulders, waving her wand with a flourish before settling it on the juncture of their hands. "Hermione, whenever you're ready."

"Do you, Draco Malfoy, promise to help me fall in love?" His given name was foreign on her tongue, but she couldn't help the tiny bit of elation that ran through her when he grimaced and nodded once, the sharp jolt pulling his grip tighter in hers.

Daphne cleared her throat quietly, eyeing Malfoy through her eyelashes. Finally, the Malfoy heir scoffed, squeezing Hermione's fingers as he responded, "I will, Merlin. Yes."

The ghost of a playful grin touched Daphne's eyes, and she turned to Malfoy with a nod. "Malfoy, your turn."

The wizard flattened his lips into a thin line before his tongue flitted out to wet them. "Do you, Hermione Granger, promise to listen to my rules and advice for helping you?"

She'd stopped listening, though. If she'd thought his voice caressed her surname, it gave her given name an altogether different treatment. It dipped on the peaks and valleys in the syllables, lingering in just the right places, and she was suddenly very aware of just how tightly he gripped her hand.

A delicate cough drew her gaze upward; she'd been staring at Malfoy with her mouth agape, no more aware of what he'd said than if he held a piece of parchment before her to sign. With a shake to clear her head, she responded, "Yes, I will."

Eyes wide, Daphne tapped their hands again, another brilliant flare of magic wending around their hands.

Before Daphne could declare the end of the vow, Malfoy spoke again. "And do you, Hermione Granger, vow to let my Death Eater past die in exchange for my help?"

The words washed over her, the gravity in his tone unmistakable, and she found herself captivated by the intensity in his gaze. For just a moment, a moment she wasn't sure if she imagined, sincere regret and longing passed over his face. But then it was gone, his mask of frivolity firmly back in place as he aimed a sharp grin at her.

"I will."

A final tendril of magic coiled over their hands, the brilliant flash of it bright in her dimly lit office. When it disappeared, Hermione pulled her hand free, sliding it over her slacks in an attempt to smooth away some of the jitters still jumping on her skin.

"Well then, Granger." Malfoy smiled wolfishly at her. "Let's get this party started."

A/N: Mega thanks to my lovely alphas mcal and LadyKenz347. A HUGE plug to my stellar beta In_Dreams, who just posted the first chapter of her new (and incredible) multichapter Nocturnus! Run, don't walk, to read this wonderful piece. You absolutely will not regret it (and I am not just biased because I'm betaing for her too lol).