**Trigger Warning: Self harm**
Mikey gasped in heavy labored breaths as he tossed and turned all night, it had been a whole day of alcohol free hell. He had sweat profusely and hacked up everything he had even thought about eating. Don had tried to give him the lightest of foods like soup and lightly buttered toast but to no avail Mikey would unwillingly rid his stomach of it.
The next morning Mikey woke for the fifth time and stayed awake, he looked over to find Leo snoozing against his bed. He sighed and, with much hesitation, removed the blade from his belt pocket. Mikey stared down at it as he flipped it around in his hand, if I can get that same sensation...that same feeling...then I could get past this bullshit detox.
Mikey removed his wrist cuff with a nervous sigh, he pressed the blade to his wrist with quite tension building behind it.
Do I really want to- just do it. Do it. I need this relief. DO IT.
He swiped.
One line, one red perfect line.
He let out a shutter as he watched the line grow,he watched as the blood expanded over the new wound and spilled over the thin barrier holding it back making a small stream trickle down his arm.
As Leo began to stir Mikey quickly grabbed a disregarded napkin and folded it then stuffed it under his wrist cuff directly over the fresh cut. As for the blade, Mikey carefully stuck it in his belt once more.
He let out a shaky breath. What the shell...it's not the same feeling that alcohol gives me by any means but...it's exhilarating. It's...it's...perfect and best of all I can hide it! It doesn't impair anything but the skin I have hidden from them all.
Mikey didn't realize but tears were also streaming down his face now, his stomach still had unsettled butterflys from what he had just done. He was in control though, that's all that mattered. That was all that ever had mattered.
As Mikey started to calm down he felt the gags coming on, he started dry heaving violently causing Leo to immediately awaken.
"Mikey! Alright Mikey calm down, it's alright, stay calm." Leo rubbed tiny circles on Mikeys shell as he spoke hoping that it would calm the distressed turtle.
Mikey finally took calm and steady breaths, "sorry about that...s-something just came over me I guess! Hah."
"Its alright bro, jeez, your still sweating pretty bad. Here-" Leo dipped all of the now warm towels they had set on Mikeys forehead into ice cold water, as soon as he replaced the towels Mikey sighed In relief.
"Thanks Leo..."
Leo sat back officially content with Mikeys current physical state once more, although he was a bit confused on Mikeys mentality. Mikey had went back to being very negative and moody after he had recovered from his little breakdown with Don, but now it seemed like he was at least ok with Leo being there- for now.
Leo shrugged it off, Don had told him that Mikeys moods would go to one extreme to the other during this process due to the sheer stress of it all. He had also warned everyone that Mikey was in fact emotionally unstable and that, that fact alone held warnings to watch him as closely as possible.
Leo looked Mikey over and sighed as he saw the slight tremors wracking throughout his body. He then remembered the calender that they had yet to show Mikey. But first- Leo took out his notebook and clicked his pen then looked at the different questions he had been wanting to ask Mikey. Before he could speak he heard a sigh.
"You too?"
"...Huh?"
"Raph and Don have notebooks too...when they ask me questions they write every syllable I say in those things. Why?"
"Well, we had kind of reached an agreement that we would each pick a special set of personal questions that way we could help kind of guide and track you through this process."
Mikey shrugged, "I'm strangely willing this time around so might as well ask while you still can."
"Really?!"
Mikey frowned, "I'm rethinking it."
"No! Alright, ok...well I guess the first question is where did you get all the alcohol? Raph had some speculations but we were never sure."
"Got it from this guy I met one night, he just kept coming back after that. Probably because I just kept buying."
Leo nodded at this, had a alcohol seller that he had meet up with every night? It could have been a foot soldier or purple dragon member, the drinks he bought could have easily been poisoned. No Leo, just keep asking questions while you still can.
"Next would be...why did you do it?" Leo knew it was a stretch but this could very well be the only moment in the detox stage that they would get any real answer.
"I...Leo...shit I dunno..."
"That's ok! That's just fine, how about...well tell me how getting that intoxicated made you feel?"
"Invincible. In control. Like...I was actually alive."
Leo held in a small gasp as he saw Mikey deflate into his bed, his bright eyes now dulled back to their now usual lifeless state.
Nonetheless Leo wrote Mikeys answer word for word, when he tried for another question Mikey cut him off.
"I'm...done."
Leo saw the slight flinch before Mikey brought a hand to his head, "You alright?"
"Headache...bad..."
"I gatcha bro." Leo quickly gave Mikey two Ibuprohins, he watched as Mikey fell back into a restless sleep.
He then walked over to the calender, so far one day was checked off, Leo saw all the days ahead, his heart sunk as he realized just how much time this would take. He wanted Mikey better now, not thirty days from now, the good part of all this was that if Mikey got past one more day he would get a reward of his choice. Leo hoped that would at least motivate Mikey a bit through all this chaos.
Don coughed a little while entering the lab immediately alerting Leo. "Hey Don."
"Hey! How's Mikey?"
"Alot better now, he's really calmed down! I even got some questions in!"
Don let out a relieved sigh, "that's really good! I contacted leatherhead on this issue-"
"Why?!" Leo didn't like the fact that Don was telling anyone outside the family, he knew Mikey wouldn't approve of anyone else knowing about his condition at the moment.
"Relax. I needed further information on all this Leo, if we truly want Mikey getting better healthily then we have to know the facts. LH said he would help us through this and that he would be over soon. He knows alot about this subject- as you know his medical knowledge highly outranks mine. So this way Mikey won't be at risk for any complications because my lack of well-"
"Knowledge. I get it Don, I'm sorry to jump to conclusions so quickly. I just don't want alot of our friends to know. Mikey wouldn't approve of all that, ya know?"
Don nodded, "I gatcha. I'm sure he won't take this well either, but it had to be done in this case."
"Very true...so...the sweating and vomiting...is that all he will go through?"
"I'm afraid not."
Leo looked over to find Don making a very distressed frown. "What else then? Surely it couldn't be that bad!"
...
"Don?"
"Right! No...um...oh who am I kidding? Yes Leo, it can and probably will get worse."
"How so..."
"Well, I'm not really one hundred percent on all the details and statistics but when Leather head comes over he and I will go over these things then I plan to have a family meeting over it while Mikey is asleep tonight."
"I see...well...sounds like a plan then but at least tell me this...he will make it right?"
Don sighed, "he has shown great first recovery signs so far, a few complications of course but they are usual and were expected so that answer for now is a yes."
Leo frowned, for now...
"Don't overthink this Leo. It'll be alright, just have faith in him!" Don smiled a bit.
"Hah! You're right. Mikey is not weak at all, why am I even worrying?"
In the next few hours LH did in fact make his appearance, at this time Raph was now watching over Mikey while Don and Leo quietly welcomed him in the living room then guided him over to the lab where Mikey lay eating a plate of toast.
"Look at there Mike, ya got a visitor!"
Mikey finished his toast and shrunk down in his sheets as he saw his friend walk into the room, he was embarrassed and out raged. But he swallowed all that emotion and spoke carefully, maybe LH didn't know anything? Long shot but Mikey hoped that was the case and this was just a surprise visit. "Leatherhead! How goes it?!"
"I am a bit perplexed my friend, how are you?"
Mikeys stomach turned with the questions as he felt his wrist sting from recent cuts he had made only a short few moments ago while Raph was off making him lunch. "Good!" Such a lie...
"Michelangelo, I have been informed of your current state as of now. My friend, I am here to help."
Mikeys face burned with embarrassment and rage, his eyes pricked with tears and his hands balled up in fists.
Everyone saw how tense he had gotten as Leatherhead made this statement.
"T-thanks...I...-"
"I too had a friend to struggle with this Michelangelo. I understand the rage you are feeling right now, do not think just because this is all happening that you are less then any of us. I promise you that is not the case, we all care a great deal for you and wish to help. Alright?"
Mikey was shocked at this but he nodded all the same not feeling as bad now. "Thank you."
Leatherhead smiled and proceeded with Don and Leo out of the lab, "I will see you soon my friend! Get some rest, these next rounds of symptoms will not be as easy to get through as the first."
Mikey and Raph both freaked a bit at that statement.
"What did he mean by that Raph? I thought this was it...and that it was going to fade."
Raph shook his head, "I honestly dunno Mike, but once I find out I sure as shell will let you know. I mean it can't be as bad as he says...you have been clean since...let's see...36 hours almost last time I heard! That's almost a day and a half Mike, that's great! I dunno what other things are comin' but I don't think there ganna be that bad."
Mikey sighed, "they probably will be...but oh well. I guess I deserve it after all that I have put you guys through."
"Stop that...let's not focus on that! Let's- oh! Didja see the calendar Leo made? It's kinda stupid but he felt like it would help." Raph held up the oversized calender and pointed towards the top where there was one square checked, you got two more days, including this one, till you get a prize of your choice!"
Mikey laughed at this, "so every three to four days I get a prize? Well...keeps things interesting I guess. Why would he do that? In fact...why are you all doing all this?"
Raph was a bit caught off by the question, "what do ya mean Mikey?"
"Well...it just seems like everyone is really being careful around me. I don't like it, and since when did you all care this much?"
Raph sighed, "Mike...I know it may not seem like it 24/7 but you mean alot to us bro. And the fact that you almost drank yourself to death and almost drowned in a river and that we found you bleeding everywhere kind of woke us up to how fragile of a state you are in."
"I'm not fragile."
"I didn't say that! You are strong Mikey, but something in your mind right now is just a little off because of the alcohol addiction and whatever caused it in the first place. We have to be careful with how we handle all this so you don't have to go through it again."
Mikey hummed, "I guess that makes sense...I still don't think I was addicted though. I just...had nothing else to do."
"Or you had nothing left to turn to my son."
Mikey and Raph spun around to find Master Splinter standing in the doorway.
"Raphael, a moment please."
Raph quickly left leaving Mikey and Master Splinter in a cool silence. "How do you fair Michelangelo?"
"Alright."
"I see, that is good to hear, here you are. Specially made to soothe you." Master Splinter said as he placed a small but strong cup if tea in front of Mikey.
Mikey took a sip finding the cool flavors in fact soothing him, "I don't think I've ever had this! What is it this time-" Mikey let out a loud sneeze and quickly brought a hand to his face then sighed letting Master Splinter finally answer.
"Some of my most special blended teas, I felt as if you would appreciate it."
Mikey smiled at this, Master Splinter was the only one of the family that was not freaking out about the whole situation in his eyes. Every time they would talk Master Splinter would just talk as he normally did and give him the most amazing teas and different foods. It kept Mikeys mind off of all the chaos and idiocy his brothers caused him hour by hour.
"So my son, how are you?"
Mikey sighed not noticing the fact that this question had been repeated, "I am stressed out Master. Bad."
"Why is this?"
"LH is here now and I dunno...it makes me feel like some dumb kid, they all are acting like I'm a five year old. I hate it! Everyone accept you is just being ridiculous."
Master Splinter hummed at this, "I see, is this all you are distressed about? Have there been anymore cravings of alcohol as of late?"
"Definatly it almost hurts...but I have actually found a way to keep my mind off of it a little bit."
Master Splinters ears perked up at this possible hope for Mikeys recovery, "and what is that my son?"
"Well now when ever I feel the urge to drink I just make a big cu-"
"Master Splinter. Would you please join LH, Leo and I in the dojo?" Don interrupted quietly.
"Yes Donatello, I shall be there soon."
As Don nodded and walked off Master Splinter set a hand on Mikeys shoulder, "I shall return my son, for now, sleep."
Mikey dozed off into a blissful sleep, Raph came into the lab startled to find the once wide awake Mikey now fast asleep. Master Splinter replaced the rags Mikey had on him and sighed, "he is in deep distress. But thankfully he seems to have found some hobby to decrease the urges to drink."
Raph made a face at all the information that Master Splinter spoke of, "he told you all that? I have been trying to get that information forever! How did you do that?"
Master Splinter looked down and sighed, "this is the sweet jasmine tea, anyone who drinks it is bound to speaking nothing but the truth no matter the question.
"Masta Splinta...I mean that's great that we know now an all but don't cha think that's wron-"
"Yes. But without me doing this we would never get anywhere with helping Michelangelo recover. Sometimes wrong has to be done to make a right my son. This is sadly one of those times."
Raph nodded, "so you have been getting answers...when will we get to hear what he said though?"
"Right now my son. The rest of us are having a meeting in the dojo right now to discuss the next step for Michelangelo."
"But what if he wakes up?"
"Do not worry about that, the herbs I put into the tea cause sleepiness as well, he will be that way for a while."
"Alright then, let's have this meeting! Finally some progress!"
Master Splinter smiled, "hopefully so."
As the two walked away and closed the lab door Mikey turned quickly and vomited all the tea up in the nearest trash can to his bed. He chuckled after he was done and hoped to the sweet Lord that he had not said too much.
He sat back and sighed, do they think I'm a complete idiot?
He remembered the first two or three time Master Splinter had done this little tea stunt.
Right after the first time he understood what had happened and had smuggled gag pills as he liked to call them from Dons medicine cabinet. He had gotten caught with them but he had come up with a believable story to back him up, then he kept three or four pills from the now locked up bottle in his pillow case.
Now every time he saw Master Splinter with a cup he immediately 'sneezed' or 'coughed' and quickly downed the tea in one gulp along with the pill. Sure enough ten minutes of talking and unconsciousness later Mikey upchucked the tea once more.
Usually when he did he was all alone, the others always ate under the assumption he was in his unconscious state. Once he was up the time was his to take up, every time this would happen, which was about four times now, Mikey would usually enjoy just being alone and relax but this time was different.
He slipped the blade out of his pocket and slid it across his wrist as many times as he pleased, eventually he went to the other wrist but as he soon ran out of room there as well he was forced to move back to the near healed previous wrist. He did this over and over, cuts overlapped cuts and scars overlapped scars.
He made a line for every fake joke, every fake smile, every urge to drink, every frustration, every misunderstanding, every rage filled thought he had. Everything. And with every time he cut Mikey went deeper and deeper even more times then the last. He wasn't scared in the slightest when he would bleed for a good ten minutes, there were perks in not caring what happened to himself he assumed.
Finally after he had done his damage he let out a shaky sigh and held the all familiar blood stained hidden towel to his wrist and waited till he felt this so called 'meeting' was coming to an end.
As he slipped his wrist cuff back on, careful not to reopen anything, he sighed laying back in his bed. Both wrists stung with fresh cuts now, Mikey had no regrets, this is what they wanted all along, him alcohol free. He was doing this for them, so that maybe they would finally just be happy with him and not disappointed.
As he waited he found himself drifting off, soon enough he was asleep letting Raph find him snoozing.
Raph walked in oblivious to the horrors that were taking place in his baby brothers head as he sat down next to Mikey and took his hand.
"Well Mikey...it's ganna be a long ride but we- we..." In that moment Raph broke down thinking that the now secretly awake Mikey was sound asleep under the affects of the tea.
"Shell Mike...why..."
Mikey then wondered what could have happened in the meeting to make the red clad turtle act this way, he decided to play it safe and listen to Raphs mumblings.
"Mikey...I know ya can't hear me...but...but shit please just...stay strong through all this no matter what. You gatta...if not for yourself then for me! Please...please."
Mikey choose that moment to open his eyes and do what he hadn't done in months, he pulled Raph into a hug. "Raph...I don't know what you all talked about but bro...it's ganna be ok."
Mikey was lying through his teeth but at this point he had caused himself so much self inflicted pain that he wasn't afraid of any minor comfort issues ahead anymore. In reality he wanted to know what happened and what was going to happen but for now that could wait because his big brother never cried. He needed him now, and frankly Mikey was ready to help someone else instead of being taken care of himself.
A few minutes later Raph broke from the hug and wiped at his eyes furiously. "Sorry bro...it was an intense meeting. I'm just worried for ya."
"Jeez Raph it can't be that bad."
Raph shook his head, "I dunno Mike...I ain't supposed to tell ya nothin right now so I apologize."
Mikey shook his head and tried to catch his breath from the small movements, Raph took notice and caught Mikey as he slumped forward.
"Bro?! Mikey! Ya ok?!"
"Yea...Yea sorry I'm fine! Sorry...just got lightheaded is all. Must be because I haven't got up for a while, hah! But Raph please, don't worry. As long as I got the best support team a turtle could have right beside me I can get through this. Like you said! It's been almost a day and a half now. It's all good."
Mikeys heart ached as he smiled, but this was for Raph.
Raph chuckled at this, "shell Mike...looks like ya got me there! Heh, fine, but seriously bro get more sleep right now the symptoms are ganna be keeping you up and beatin' the life outta ya."
Mikey nodded at this and turned over then began to carefully fake sleep so he could listen to Raph. As soon as he 'fell asleep' Raph grabbed onto his hand and sighed. "Mikey...you're ganna get through this...you will damnit."
Mikeys face scrunched up at that, What the shell is going to happen to me?
Mikey then flinched a bit at putting too much weight on his wrist, whatever happens...I can get through it with my blade. I feel invincible again, then after I trick them all I can just get me a big secret stash. A...an yea...so sleepy...
Soon enough Mikey was asleep, unaware of all the hardships ahead of him, unaware of all the horrible decisions that awaited him and unaware of the secret camera being placed in each corner of the lab.
Sorry for the late update! Hope you enjoyed the chapter all the same, Mikeys got alot of recovery to do! Thank you so much for being patient, you guys are great! :)