I'm so so sorry this is ridiculously late I know, it's been an insanely difficult and busy summer so thank you for being patient and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you for reading and sticking with me!

Mikey gasped for much needed air as another unforgiving tremor racked through his body. Not far off Don, Raph,Leo and Leatherhead stood anxiously.

Raph gritted his teeth as he watched Mikeys face contort in pain, "Don, he's gettin worse. Is this normal?!"

Don nodded and sighed gripping his clipboard. "I told you this was not going to be easy Raph."

"Do not worry my friend I have set cameras around the laboratory so that we can pin point symptoms and also let him feel as if he is also gaining our trust, this will help his addiction recovery process."

Leo nodded, "That's a brilliant idea LH thank you so much for helping us again."

"Come, I have informed Michelangelo that we would be out today so let us see how he handles this sudden freedom."

Raph chuckled, "well considering its already pretty late in the afternoon we might just be watching the squirt sleep."

"Shush! He's waking up!"

The four mutants neared the computer screen as the small turtle stirred, they had set up Dons small laptop in Leo's room so they couldn't possibly be heard.

Meanwhile...

Mikey opened his eyes and yawned as he sat up, he looked over in surprise as he saw he was alone. He then remembered LH telling him they would be out on patrol the whole day.

The longer Mikey sat though the more anxious he became, the shaking and sweating he had been experiencing throughout his recovery were only growing worse and just the slightest sip of alcohol would cure this he knew.

Time to ease this hell.

Taking one last glance around Mikey carefully slipped off both of his wrist bands to reveal horrific gashes and scars of gashes followed by dry blood crusted around all the wounds.

He sighed looking down at them but then found himself bringing the blade closer every second of the gaze, then with one slide of the blade yet another thin line of blood was added to the collection of cuts on his left wrist.

He didn't even notice the tears streaming down his face as he kept sliding the blade across his wrist, the more he kept cutting the more the little red lines grew and spilled over. Crimson was spilled everywhere as the unforgiving blade was switched to his other hand and started its descent on his right wrist.

Meanwhile...

Leo, Don, Raph and LH all watched speechless as Michelangelo, the one they all viewed as the sweet baby innocent turtle, cut into his own skin.

It wasn't until he made his third cut that someone actually found the strength to move, Raph wiped at a few stray tears and growled. "I don't think so!"

Leo and Don caught him as he tried to leave, "Raph stop!"

Raph whipped around to the ill looking crew, "are you kiddin' me?! We are not ganna let him do this! Especially now that we know!"

Don neared Raph carefully, "we won't! W-were not its just that if we rush in there now he will know about the cameras and we could lose the trust in this recovery process. Let's just take a moment to-"

"Hell no."

Before anyone had the chance to catch him Raph was already storming down to the lab not even sure what he was going to do or say. He was completely fuming off his own anger for now.

As he neared the lab an unsuspecting Michelangelo continued his gruesome work, as soon as the blade touched his skin though Mikey gasped, a cold hand now sat on his forearm forcefully. As he looked up he flinched at the desperation written on the said turtle holding his arm back.

"R-raph?! What are you doing here? I thought you-"

"Mikey...what the hell is this?! Your...your cutting yourself! What the hell?!"

Yanking his arm away from Raphs grip Mikey sighed annoyed, "your not supposed to be here..." He gulped as he heard a low growl in return.

"Yea well sorry to rain on your parade but turns out I'm not the only one here."

Mikey visibly paled at this, "what are you talking about?"

As Mikey finished his sentence in walked LH, Don and Leo. He refused to look up as they circled him, that was until he felt a forceful hand raise his chin up to meet the four stares gazing at both him and his arms.

Mikey tried to pull away but Raphs voice slipped into his consciousness, "look at our faces Mikey! What do you see right now?!"

Mikey took hesitant glances at everyone's face and started to shake more and more as he saw the desperation, anxiety and confusion. He stopped short as Raph raised his head up to meet his angry and hurt gaze. "Do you want this?! Is this what you planned! Why are you doing all this? What the hell is your problem?"

Mikey tried to respond but found he didn't have the voice to, in fact he had no energy suddenly. His arms laid bleeding at his side's and suddenly everything was too much.

Don saw the symptoms early and quickly made Raph let go of Mikey and lowered his bed to where Mikey was completely laying down on his shell instead of being propped up. Raph was infuriated as he felt his hand being slapped away but as he made a move to reclaim his angry grip on Mikey LH quickly grabbed his shoulder.

Sure enough only moments later Raph found himself holding both of Mikeys shoulder down to the hospital bed as Leo held his legs and Don and LH scrambled to get him to stop convulsing.

Raph stared blankly ahead at Mikeys exposed and still bleeding wrist, his left was coated in blood and Raph knew if he hadn't come in when he did the right would have been just the same.

Finally a few painful minutes later Mikey laid lifeless on the medical bed. Leo panted as he wiped his sweat drenched forehead, "Don...what was that?"

LH took over as he saw Don carefully cleaning Mikeys wrists and wrapping them with a broken hearted expression.

"I believe this was the next step in Michelangelos recovery process. Withdrawl seizures are unfortunately usual for this type of severe drinking detox process. The stress from this current moment probably helped set it off."

Leo nodded, "will he be ok ?"

"I believe so, we are going to run some blood tests just to be sure and Donatello or I will likely give him a check up when he awakens. Thankfully Donatello caught signs of the start of the seizure and got him in a safe position so he would not hurt himself.

Raph grunted at that, "yea, think we're a little too late to catch that action aren't we?"

"Shut up Raph!"

Time froze as all eyes fell on Don, "If you hadn't of made such a big deal out of all this then he wouldn't have freaked out like he did!"

"Oh you think this bullshit is my fault? Shove it in ya shell Donnie! If I hadn't made such a big deal then he woulda started slicing up his other freaking wrist too! Ya can't just sugar code this crap for him! He needed that and you know it so don't ya stand there and blame me for something you were too weak to pull off!"

"Get out."

"Who do ya think you ar-"

"I said get the hell out!"

Raph gritted his teeth as he stormed out of the lab and into the sewers, "whatever!"

Leo sighed and soon took off after him, usually he would let the red banded turtle sulk but in reality Leo couldn't even look at Mikey at the moment. It wasn't because he was disgusted of Michelangelos actions, it was because he was disgusted in his own.

Twice now that Mikey had hid something and took it too far, and twice had Leo looked over all the signs. Never again.

It didn't take long for Leo to find Raphael in the sewers, the red clad turtle had tried to hide in a downed sewer tunnel but to no avail Leo had found him. "Raph, please talk to me."

"Whats there to talk about Leo? Our baby brother is an alcoholic that we just caught slicing up his own wrists and that I made go into a full blown seizure! So w-what's there ta talk about?!"

Leo flinched as he heard Raphs hand make contact with a nearby wall, "punching a wall won't help any of this go away Raph...and you know that, that seizure was not because of you. Mikey needs help...and I know it all seems out of reach right now but need I bring up when I went through my whole brooding mood after the Shredder incident. I came out better then before after all of that! And why? Because none of you all gave up on me, and we won't give up on Mikey ethier."

Shortly after his desperate speech Raph came from behind the downed sewer tunnel walking right past Leo.

Leo smiled and followed his lead back to the lair knowing that Master Splinter had probably caught word of what happened as he saw LH coming out of the dojo.

"My friends, I see you return a bit more fresh. Michelangelo has not yet awaken up yet but he should at any moment. I have informed you sensei of Michelangelos state and he took it...very harshly. He told me to tell each of you not to disturb him for now."

Leo and Raph looked at each other in unease knowing that Master Splinter strictly prohibited any such harm to one's self.

As the three walked into the lab they noticed Don had hid Mikeys wrist cuffs and taken the blade far from him. As the three neared the bed however they saw Don shaking, Leo hurried towards him only to find him clutching about five or six pills.

"H-he had these in his pillow case."

Leo's eyes widened as he caught sight of the pills, "what...are these usually used for?"

"I use them as a cleaner of sorts...basically they make you throw up! But...I don't know why he would have them. He's been losing weight but surely he hasn't bee taking these-"

"He's starvin himself now?! How much more messed up is he ganna get?!"

Leo whipped around and glared at Raph, "he's not messed up! He just needs our help and we're ganna help him! Besides, we don't even know what he was using these for so don't just assume!"

Raph chuckled darkly, "come on Leo! There's no assuming to it and you know that! He's already drank himself to near death and cut into his wrists, he's...he's...not right anymore! He doesn't even-"

"Of course."

Everyone stopped in there tracks as they all turned to find Mikey glaring straight back at them. "I kept those pills because Master Splinter kept giving that nasty jasmine tea that made me spill my guts about everything and I caught on and decided to do something about it! I'm not starving myself, but apparently I didn't even get a chance to prove that I'm not! You just freakin' assumed! You guys suck just don't even help me!"

Don tried to push Mikey back to laying down as he saw his heart rate rising, "Mikey...just calm down ok? Your going to go into another fit if you-"

"I don't care! Just let me out of this hell hole! I'll get my own place and take care of myself! God forbid I hold you guys up from your missions! By all means just let me go!"

As Don began to struggle with keeping Mikey down LH soon joined in trying to coax the young troubled turtle to cease from getting up but to no avail Mikey fought even more against the restraint.

"Just let me go!"

Don summond Leo who now held a tranq needle over to him. "Sorry Mikey..."

Soon enough Mikey was fast asleep leaving everyone panting from the tension.

"So...guess he wasn't starving himself." Raph mumbled as he ran a shaking hand across his face.

LH took in the sad sight of the trembling mess of turtles and sighed, "go and rest my friends, I will watch over Michelangelos state."

Don sighed as he stood from Mikeys bed, "your sure you don't mind?"

"Of course not Donatello, you each look exhausted and Michelangelo needs each and everyone of you rested, healthy and in good spirits in order to help him through this."

The three elder brother hesitantly left each with different but troubling worries in there minds.

LH sat beside Mikeys bed in a sigh, "my dear friend rest not only your body but your mind as well, we need you to reveal as to why you are on this destructive path. I realize you haven't come clean with many reasons for this, in order to get better and recover from this you must trust us Michelangelo."

Leo's P.O.V.

Shell, what the heck is going on nowadays. Sensei is more silent then ever, Raph won't stop freaking out, Don is physically and mentally exhausted constantly, LH is still struggling to figure out what all Mikey has been thinking up to lead him to this and Mikey is just...is he even getting better?!

We still don't really know why he fell into these habits. I wish we did but each time we ask he just gets even more angry with us. I don't think we can afford to lose anymore trust with him...if he even trusts us anymore. What are we going to do?! We're just running in place.

Leo sighed as he broke from his meditation pose and layed back in his bed with a heavy heart weighing him down. Soon enough the troubled teen was fast asleep letting three days of stress and tension wash off of him for the time being.

Don's P.O.V.

When did it even lead to this? I can't think, not now I just have to drift right now. I have used up any brain power I have left this week alone.

Within seconds Don had a pair of headphones on and his shell cell blasting whatever song his phone had been playing previously.

It seems like every day's the same

and I'm left to discover on my own

Don quickly paused the song in confusion, The shell...this isn't my playlist... course I did let Mikey borrow my phone the other day while he was drawing...might as well listen it might help me understand.

It seems like everything is gray

and there's no color to behold

Dons eyes widened, definatly depression I mean duh but from what...

They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah

Try to stay sober feels like I'm dying here

Morbidly relatable...Mikey...where did all this come from? You were just fine a couple months ago...right?

And I am aware now of how

everything's gonna be fine one day

Too late, I'm in hell I am prepared now,

seems everyone's gonna be fine

One day too late, just as well

Don cringed at these few verses as his mind took its way to disturbing images of what Mikey thought of just these few lines.

I feel the dream in me expire

and there's no one left to blame it on

I hear you label me a liar

'cause I can't seem to get this through

You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah

Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here

Don quickly paused the song and ripped the headphones out as sobs wracked throughout his shaking lifeless form. He curled up into a ball as he let himself give up on trying to hold it all together.

I'm alone now...I can cry...I've earned this.

He didn't know how long it had been until the tears finally stopped leaving him a sniffling mess. Finally Donatello fell into a dreamless and troubled sleep.

Raph's P.O.V.

What the shell is wrong with Mikey?! He needs to get his freakin' act together before I completely go off on him. Huh...if he would just be honest with us for five seconds this would all get alot better very quickly. I just don't understand...

Raph stared blankly at the ceiling as he let all of his angry thoughts filter through his exhausted brain which quickly and thankfully lead him to his sleep as well.

Main Story

With everyone asleep now a quite tension slowly weaved its way throughout the lair, Mikey cracked his eyes open to see LH sleeping soundly in the chair next to him.

Putting a shaky hand to his head Mikey sighed knowing what he had to do now.

In order to earn freedom I have to play there game for a while. It'll be worth it, I just want to get out of this freakin' lab. I'll just be there little puppet until I have freedom once again then I can finally run and be free.

Mikey looked down at his bandaged wrists in shame as he realized his family now knew all of his secrets, he felt exposed and stupid at this point but he knew he couldn't help this.

Maybe I should just come clean...it would be nice to just tell them how I feel...but would they even treat me the same? Would they be mad that I did all of this just because of how I feel?! Ethier way...I'm ganna have to make this recovery look as smooth as possible and start acting happy again.

Mikey sighed at that, So...basically I'll just act like I did before all this bullshit ever started...perfect. But if that's what it will take then that's fine by me. Bring it on.

Surely enough over the course of the next few days with everyone rotating in and out of the lab Mikey never dropped his smile, when they asked whys and hows not once did he speak truth, he only spoke what he knew they wanted to hear.

The more lies that he spoke the more he died inside with each false word. Finally after about a week of the lies Don proclaimed Mikey healthy enough to leave the lab for short periods of time to watch t.v. and eat.

This was plenty of freedom to keep Michelangelo satisfied for now, although he didn't feel any better then he had before any of this. Every so often the tremors in his shaking would get worse making it impossible for him to move, when this did happen he would have to fully shut down and breath through the terrifying time it took to calm down.

With his withdraw symptoms finally improving a bit Mikey still looked down at his still wrapped up wrists and felt empty. He knew that underneath those bandages scars were fading leaving him with emptiness that was driving him to the brink. He knew all it took was one little push in the wrong direction and the whole fake facade he had carefully constructed would surely crumble leading him right back to where he started.

He sighed as he sunk into the couch, he had been watching T.V. with Raph for the past twenty minutes and already he felt restless.

"So Mike."

"Eh?"

"You still really haven't given us an answer on why ya started all this in the first place. We have an idea of what it might be but that really doesn't help."

"Why...does it even matter now Raph? I'm getting better aren't I?"

Mikey backed away as Raph glared at him from where he sat on the other side of the couch. "You may have the others fooled but I can tell your just fakin' Mikey."

Mikey glared right back at this, "why can't you just be happy for me Raph?!"

"Because it's all fake! It's only been three or four days since we found ya freakin' cutting yourself. Don't tell me you just decided to recover now, you might be regaining some freedom but from now on you will ALWAYS have someone watching you."

"Shut the hell up Raph. I'm trying to better myself and you are over here spoutin' BS that you don't even understand. Just get out of my face and let me get better."

"You're not ganna get better Mike! If you don't tell us what's actually going on then you will never solve the actual problem! You're so pathetic! Honestly what's the big secret?!"

"Shut up...shut up! Stop it! Just stop talking!" Mikey clutched his aching head as Raph continued his harsh rant.

"You know what we could have been doing during all of this BS you have been putting us through!? We haven't been on patrol in over a week because of you! And have ya noticed Master Splinter hasn't come out of his room?! Yea he is ill now from the despair of hearing that his own son harmed himself, Don and Leo have been having to look over him as well! Why don't you just come clean with what started all this so we can be done?! Why can't you-"

"SHUT UP! Shut the hell up. You wanna know why I have been this sorry little fuck up for all this time?! I hate myself Raph! Every laugh, every joke, it was always fake don't you get that?! No one ever heard me cry at night, no one ever noticed how exausted I always was or that I never had any other emotion but happiness. All you all ever did was mock me for it and I...I finally had enough! When I saw that guy I saved that night and saw how he felt I just...wanted to try what he was doing! So I...did and it helped! But no! Apparently that's not right ethier! So just-"

"That's it?! Shit Mike, we could have solved this a long time ago why the hell did you think this was such a big secret? I can't believe you do you even realize how much hell you have put us through?! You have made everyone breakdown! You-"

Raph flinched as Mikey let out a scream of pure anguish, he didn't have time to react as Mikey ran straight to his own room and locked the door. Knowing that his brothers would only knock down the door he also moved his bed and dresser in front of it as well. He knew he had no alcohol stashed away but he did remember the secret box he had picked up the night he drank all the left over alcohol that Ryan had left over. "Wait..."

Mikey searched for the boxes he had also picked up that night, as he opened the boxes he gasped. Inside were clean blades of all sorts, some small, some large about twenty or so in total.

Finally.

Mikey ripped the bandages off as he slid down on a nearby wall into a sitting position, his shaking hand gripped the blade as he brought it down on his wrist.

The more he heard the desperate pleads for him to open the door the more unbearable it all became. Raphaels words rang through his head as he cut more and more until finally it became clear.

"I'm...not going to get better..."

If I keep wasting there time then no one will ever be happy and that's all I've ever wanted...wait. I can make them happy, I can make them stop worrying and I can finally be relieved of this hell.

Mikey quickly found his heavy duty nunchuck rope he had for when he had to make a new pair, It's...perfect.

As he started preparing his plan he heard a crack, then another, then three more. He knew the door was not going to hold up so he quickly hid the boxes and rope deep in his dresser, he used his bed sheets to stop the bleeding and cleaned the wounds he had only recently inflicted on himself then quickly rewrapped all of the cuts. He paniced as the bandages slowly turned red, suddenly the top of his door broke open revealing a pissed off Raph.

He didn't have much time to react as Raph shoved his bed and dresser over then stormed over to him, "get up."

Mikey shook his head and let out a sob, "no. I'm not going back. You can't make me!"

"Oh hell yes I can! Get up! Last chance."

"N-no! I-" Altogether Mikey became unresponsive, Raph quickly became silent as he realized what was taking place and dropped to his knees to help Mikey lay back. "Don!"

Donatello was there in an instant along with Leo as the three of them held Mikey down to the floor, "LH! We need a tranq in here quickly!"

Sure enough in ran Leatherhead with the needed medication in a syringe, he then injected it into Mikeys arm thus ending the flailing turtles panic.

Leo glared at Raph as he explained what all had taken place, "let's just get him to the lab, that's quite enough stress for today."

Don gasped as he saw the blood, "guess he reopened his cuts in all the panic. Time to rewrap these!"

As he unwrapped Mikeys wrists however he saw the new cuts and nearly gagged, Leo and LH gathered around as they noticed Don shaking. Seeing the awful gashes LH quickly pushed Leo and Don over and began to wrap and clean the wounds. "Do not worry my friends, they are not as bad as they look. Where has your other brother gone?"

Leo sighed, "he's probably off brooding somewhere, don't worry about him...is...Mikey okay now?"

Don ran a hand over his face, "he's stable for now, thank shell...man he was doing so well."

"He still is Don, Raph just pushed him past his breaking point. He will be fine let's just let him rest and help him realize Raph was just mad when he wakes up."

Don nodded, "good plan, what's Raphs problem any ways?"

Leo shrugged, "he was apparently past his breaking point to."

As the three settled down and got back to what they were previously doing a new unforseen plan was about to take place, one that would surely test the patience and faith of the family.