Wow! This is super late...I'm getting worse with updating, my apologies. I do hope you enjoy this chapter though!
Leo held back a gasp as he was handed a buldge of papers tucked in a blue envelope with his name on it. A total of four pages filled with how Mikey was sorry that he held the team back and how once he was gone everything would ok once more.
Leo cringed at one part that read, Leo, I left all my razors in this envelope because I have been wanting to quit for a long time but I never had the heart to give them all up or to really reach out so I guess if I didn't kill myself then...at least you have them so I won't start again. I know there's not a lot but...I'm sure you realized I already got rid of the others when you found me. I'm really sorry for all of this and what has happened, guess your wondering why I did this. I kinda put little chunks of the 'why' answers in Don, Raph and Master Splinters letters.
Leo stiffened at that, it only reminded him of the cruel reality of there fathers demise, he held back a sob as he read on.
I figured you all would read each others letters and try to piece all of this together. It's weird...I kinda hope I didn't do this right...so I can wake up and maybe you guys will understand. But I'm afraid my plan is full proof...I really don't want to die Leo, I want to live! It's just not possible at this point and frankly I'm tired of being a burden. So I guess there is one reason right there, I'm just a burden on every single person in this family, I can't name three times I've really saved the day. Therefore I deserve this, especially if it ensures everyone else's safety.
Leo read on as Mikeys letter went more and more in depth with how he wasn't good enough and never would have been. That and the topic of Mikey really not wanting to die but needing to was the main point of the first three page's of the buldge of papers.
As for the last page, that was the page chocked full of everything Mikey loved about Leo and everything he always wished he could be, his hopes, dreams and soul were all found on the last page of the tear stained package of papers.
As Leo read more and more of his letter Don decided, after he checked Mikeys vitals, that he would do the same. He tore at the pastel purple envelope pulling out the folded papers and poured all of his attention into each and every word on the sheets. However, there was one main point of the letter that Don found himself going back and reading over and over.
Well Donnie, I'm sure by now you have already figured out how all this worked out and how all these letters explain my state, I mean how could I expect less from a genius like you! You're the smartest guy I know, maybe that's another reason I left, I watched you and Leo and Raph all grow up and start making your own decisions and saw how you all got stronger but then realized I was stuck.
I got stuck being this little kid that the whole team had to babysit and wait on. I only wish I could have been as smart as you, as strong as Raph or as focused as Leo. I was always just mess everything up Mikey, that was all I ever had the potential to be. I put my journal in your envelope because well...I'm hoping that if even the slightest chance I made it then maybe you and L.H. could read over it and help get me back on track.
Don was shocked to find that Mikey really wanted the help, so much so he was entrusting him with his journal that most likely had every gut wrenching moment of the process that Mikey never spoke of. He decided to leave the journal reading until later when both he and L.H. could read it in peace.
Don stared at the pages for a long time, had he not heard the faint sound of pages ripping in the background he would have stared at the letter longer.
He snapped his head over towards Raph as he heard a thud, then another, then three more. He then found himself along with Leo holding Raph back to the vans wall as he tried to rip his envelope to shreads.
"R-Raph! Calm down!" Don snatched the half ripped envelope out of Raphs hand and threw it towards the front of the van.
"Its my letter assholes! I can do what I want with it! I don't want any damn explanations of why he did this! I don't- I don't...care...anymore..."
Raph crumbled to his knees and punched the van floor, Mikeys unmoving body just inches away.
Leo and Don quietly sat beside Raph and within only a few seconds found themselves in a group hug, each of them trying to stay strong and each of them failing to do so.
"Why the hell is this happening?" Raph said gritting his teeth as angry tears rolled down his face.
Don sighed, "I don't know Raph but...ripping that letter isn't going to solve anything for sure. You have to read it for yourself, he explained more things then you know. Please, in order to help Mikey the best we can we each have to read these letters so we can piece this puzzle and offer him the help he rightly deserves."
Leo put a comforting hand on Raphs shoulder and added to the plead, "I promise you won't be disappointed by what you read...he explains a lot more then what you would think."
Raph sighed and retrieved the half torn envelope then proceeded to read it, Dear Raph, I'm sure you're really mad right now, I can't blame you at all. I will never be able to repay you for everything you have done for me. For how you stuck by me on all those late nights, how when I was drunk I would be super rude yet you would always be there the next time, for how much faith and time you had devoted into me in hopes that I would get out of this phase somehow. Maybe this is my way of saying sorry in a sense...I just want you to not have to do any of that ever again.
I put you and everyone else through so much pain and anger, I made sensei sick with worry, I made Don cry, I made you punch walls and hurt yourself, I made Leo stress out beyond his normal fearless leader stress, and I made L.H. quit his valuable time that he could have spent studying or experimenting just so he could come help with my pathetic self. I hope this is a big enough apology, I ran out of valuable things to give to you but I'm sure you will be happy to know what I did give to Leo and Don I hope those things help to restore a little faith. If I did survive then just know I want to talk to you first, you were the one that was really there to try to help me through all of this...
Raph read the next two pages filled with apologies, gratitude and dreams for the family then carefully folded the letter. He covered his face with both hands and rubbed at his eyes, "you were right Leo, didn't expect all that from someone like Mikey. He said you guys got things that would help 'restore faith' any idea what he means by that?"
Leo and Don both nodded and held up the sacrifices Mikey made. Raph took in the sight of the familiar book Mikey had always carried with him and Leo's handful of razors.
Don tried to explain, "this is his journal and the blades he wanted to give up all this time. Me and L.H. are going to scan and analyze his journal to see where everything went downhill. I feel if we find key points in the time this has been happening then we can surely fix something."
Leo froze as he saw a remaining envelope, it was yellow and labeled 'Father'. "Should we...read his letter?"
Don sighed, "we have to, it seems a little disrespectful but if each letter is going to help us to help Mikey then we have no choice."
Without any further conversation Raph opened the envelope only to find a mysteriously smaller letter that was only two pages. "Jeez...we all got like four or five pages! Why the shell did Mikey not write alot to his own father?!"
Leo took the letter slowly, "maybe we will find out." With that he read the letter aloud, "Dear Father,
There are not enough words to explain my sorrow to you in this time. Thank you so much for understanding all of this and letting me finally just let go. I knew you out of everyone else would let me do this, you knew deep down I was going to do this without permission anyways so thank you for at least supporting my wishes. It takes alot to even agree to let anyone do this, I can only imagine what was running through your mind when you said I could commit this crime. Although I'm not quite sure why or how you came to this conclusion I am internally grateful to you."
Leo stopped unable to fully grasp what he just read, he was speechless.
Raph however was full and ready to speak, "what in the hell?! Splinta' gave him permission?! What the rest of it say Leo?!"
Leo speed read through the rest of the letter and threw it down once he got to the end, "it does not explain any further! He just thanks him more throughout the letter and just tells everything he basically told us! This doesn't make sense...we're missing some kind of connection here- right Donnie? Uh...Donnie?"
Raph and Leo both looked up to find Donnie searching Master Splinters robe only to find a single folded paper in his pocket.
"Thank shell, I think this is an explanation, it's to Mikey but we have every right to know."
This time each turtle read the letter silently, afraid they would overlook any and all detail.
'Dearest Michelangelo,
I am sure you have come to realize that I was never going to let you do that horrible act to yourself and get away with it. I was prepared to make a sacrifice so that you could learn this well needed lesson. I was fully aware of what you were going to do my son, and please do not feel responsible for what has happened for it was my decision. I felt this was the only act to keep you safe and so I gladly fell through with it.
I am sorry I haven't come to see you as much to talk as I have been trying to meditate and connect with your distant soul as much as possible so I could tell when your life energy was growing weak. As I write I sense this so I'm afraid this letter will be painfully short, I must focus all my life energy into you at the perfect time so that you may survive whatever you decide to do. I am doing this purely because I love you, I would do this for any of your brothers as well. You all are my life, joy and pride. Without one of you this clan is not complete. That, my son, is why you cannot leave this life behind. You are part of a team now and you must realize your worth. You will find that when you do get the energy to wake up once more that you will find that everyone loves and cares for you more then you have ever imagined.
I wish you the best of luck on the rest of this tough spiritual journey and promise that although I want be there physically I will always be there to guide you in spirit. Your brothers and friends are going to help you through this my son, the biggest favor or act of apology you could ever give to then is cooperation. You have the strength to get through this, and for times you think you don't we shall all be there to ensure that you think this once more. We all fall my son, it is a part of life, and you will overcome this fall I am sure of it. There was never a day that went by that my pride for you ever faltered. I love you my son.
Each brother with wide eyes fell back against the wall of the van and tried to comprehend everything they just read. Much to Leatherheads relief he soon heard light snores, 'my friends, you are in so much turmoil right now, I am determined to help each of you.'
L.H. quickly formed plan after plan in his head, using his basic knowledge of psychology and all of the therapeutic remedies to treat such situations as this to conjure up a simple few things he planned to put into motion in the next few months they would be away.
Once the crew finally arrived at the Vermont country side L.H. had promised. With it came an old abandoned two story farm house, the cracked and faded blue paint was the only thing going for the poor broken down place. Once inside the four of them set Mikey on the surprisingly preserved old couch. As for Master Splinter they kept him inside a small building beside the house inside a large case they found there.
For the span of the next two days each brother, except for Mikey, spent their time making a suitable coffin out of any supplies they could get their hands on.
L.H. grew concerned about Mikeys waking, "my friends...I hate to bring this up but I'm afraid that Michelangelo will not be able to attend your father's burial. We really can not hold this off any longer."
Each brother cringed at the idea but knew it was for the best, holding such things off were disrespectful even if it would help with Mikey accepting the closure of the news that they would have to give.
Leo finally spoke in a gruff and regret filled voice, "let's do it today then...it's the third day being here and we have to respect Master Splinter in his death. So...let's go...please."
Everyone seemed to agree to this as they proceeded to help carry the wooden handmade coffin to a nearby grassy hill right behind the farmhouse. After getting the proper burial ground dug up each turtle paid their respects and, with grief stricken hearts, lowered the now closed coffin into the ground then quietly poured in the dirt. Each then noticed there was no gravestone.
"Don't worry about the grave, I decided that I'm going to let Mikey help me make it. He is an artist so I was thinking he could make it look very nice in honor of father."
Leo smiled a bit at that, "that's a really good idea Donnie."
"That's great an all but...when the shell is he ganna even wake up?" Raph huffed.
L.H. cleared his throat, "the estimated time for Michaelangelos time of awakening is very soon. Any day now in fact! We must be patient- and prepared. Which reminds me, I do have some ideas for how we can help Michelangelo achieve happiness and peace in his mind and being."
"Anything at all that you think will help we are completely on board with L.H." Leo said confidently.
"Very well, once we get back to the farmhouse we will
discuss these hopefully effective methods further."
Surely enough twenty minutes later Don, Leatherhead, Leo and Raph were all seated at the old cedar wood table in the kitchen.
"I think the best methods of choice are for each of us to individually set specific goals to work with Michelangelo. So then we can set an hour to two hour interval time between each private time then at the end of the day or every two days we can have a group session to discuss Michelangelos process." Leatherhead then passed out color coded schedules to each turtle, where Leo and Don were very pleased and relieved that L.H. had a plan Raph was very freaked out. "Don't cha think this is a little much?"
L.H. smiled in understanding at this, "that is why if you look on the schedule I have you on there twice a day. You will be in charge of most of Michelangelos free time. You will meet with him in the morning then be with him in his free time in the afternoon."
Raph chuckled at that, "works for me."
"I would also like each of you to focus on what he said to you in his letters, address the reasons he wanted to leave and be sure to support him through this time. Don't just be black and white with your questions, be creative with how you ask and create little activities where he can express himself in healthy ways. I will teach him healthy coping devices and go in depth with why he did what he did and what will happen next. If I see that he can not handle these sessions without extra help then I have these I can easily replicate."
Leatherhead threw a neatly packaged set of little green pills on the table.
Don examined them, "antidepressants?"
L.H. nodded.
"I can easily copy what is used in these and quite possibly not only replicate them but improve the likely hood of them working."
Raph scoffed, "he won't be needing those, we can help him just fine."
L.H. scooped up the pills, "of course. So, now that we have a plan do you think it will be good enough for Michelangelo to get something out of it?"
Each brother nodded, Don sighed with relief.
"For once I feel confident in helping Mikey."
L.H. suddenly looked uncomfortable, "while that is relief, I would not get in such high hopes as to believe that Michelangelo will show signs of improvement any time soon. This will be a long drawn out process regardless of how well we think he will take it. Be ready for the unexpected, and never stop watching him once he awakens. We can not afford another episode to set him back even more then he already is."
Each brother nodded, anxiety and excitement rose in their features as the scenarios of what would soon happen played in their minds.