Ben Solo, famous actor, lived in my apartment building. Want to know how I found out? He knocked on my door. I opened it to find a giant, handsome man lurking there in the hallway, looking like he wanted to run off. It had taken me a minute to grab the door as I was knee-deep in sorting laundry, which the boys were supposed to be doing, but were not.
I about shit a brick when I saw him.
"Hi," I said, pushing tendrils of hair out of my eyes. "Oh, hi." I was quite surprised to say the least.
I'd heard a celebrity had moved back into the penthouse suite—security had ramped up a lot again. But I didn't know who the hell it was. We residents were kind of used to it. The celebs came and went from the top floor as needed. We were pretty jaded about it and didn't even think twice to see one of them floating around the lobby with cell phones pressed against ears, looking like aliens.
But Ben Solo was apparently a different breed. And he was standing there while I tried not to gape—or fangirl. Shit, he was so handsome and LARGE. Damn.
"Hi," he said. "Um, are the three little boys yours?"
I groaned inwardly. Maybe outwardly, too. "Oh, God, what did they do?"
"Well," he said and paused. This couldn't be good. "They have been … I don't know if rude is the right word…."
"Oh, no. Those three…" I said. "Would you like to come in and talk about it?"
He peered behind me into my living room with its sectional, comfy chairs, and PlayStation 4 set-up. "No, uh, maybe. I'm not supposed to…"
"I get it," I said and stepped into the hallway. "What did the boogers do?"
"Boogers?"
"The boys. They are my little boo—never mind. What happened?"
He scratched his beard thoughtfully. "It's OK if they say 'hi,' you know. But the little one tries to hit me every time he walks by me. He's about the right height to do some damage."
"Aw, hell," I said. "When have they been doing this?"
"Mornings," he said. "I get my mail and packages, and there they are in the lobby. Maybe on their way to school?"
I nodded. "Yep."
The kids in question were not mine specifically. They were on loan to me from the Unkar Plutt Adoption Agency, which helped orphaned kids from the Republic find homes. These three in particular were not of interest to anyone who applied to adopt. I don't know what it was about them that turned people off. Well, I did know, but it was stupid and racist. They were three adorable, if rough-and-tumble, boys. I was, in effect, babysitting.
"Do you like kids, Mr. Solo?" I asked. "I'm not trying to pry, but I need to understand what's going on. These kids are Republic orphans. They've had a tough time."
He took a step backwards. "I am not that used to kids, no, Mrs. …"
"Rey Jackson, no Mrs. I am their caseworker slash foster mom slash what am I doing slash am I nuts person." I held out my hand and saw the ghost of a smile flit across his famous Solo face.
He took my hand in a giant paw. It was calloused and warm. "Ben Solo," he said. "But I guess you already knew that."
"Yes," I said. "Please come in. I can handle this thing better if you come in and sit. You won't look so…" I waved my hand at his largeness. "…uh, big and monstrous. I will ask the boys to come out and meet you."
Ben took a step forward. "Monstrous?"
"Yes, they think you are a monster, a bad guy. I don't know how much they separate reality from movies they see." I opened the door wider and gestured inside. "I promise, we are nice people and won't mob you, talk shit about you, or post your address on the internet."
"All right," he said. Ben Solo then stepped his big monster feet over the threshold.
He perched gingerly on my sectional, looking like a huge beast in the cozy living room.
"Are you ready?" I asked. I could hear low rumbles of boy-energy in the bedrooms behind me.
"Sure," he said, running his hands down his jeans. He really didn't look ready to me.
"Boys," I called. "Please come out here and meet someone."
One, two, and three tumbled down the hall, bitching at one another, loudly.
They slid into the living room. "Uh oh," said Luke, the oldest. "We're in trouble."
The youngest spotted Ben and yelled at the top of his lungs. "No, not him! He's a monster. He's a bad guy." Obi launched himself at Ben with claws extended. Ben caught him midair and held him out at arm's length.
"Oh, crap," I said.
Little Obi wiggled and clawed at Ben. He got a kick or two in before I could grab him out of Ben's hands.
"No, Obi, that's not OK," I said, turning him around and kneeling in front of him. "We don't hit and kick grown-ups."
"He's Kylo Ren. He's a bad guy," Obi said, looking at me with wild dark eyes. He craned his neck to glare at Ben.
I looked up at the two older fellas. "Did you two tell Obi that?"
They mumbled and shuffled. Luke tugged at his curly hair, pulling a stray kinky lock down to his eye and letting it spring back up to his head. He did that when he was nervous.
I picked Obi up, balanced him on my hip, and stood behind the other two to push them forward toward Ben. "Boys, this is Mr. Solo. He lives in the building. He is not, in fact, Kylo Ren. He only plays Kylo Ren in a movie."
"Three movies," Ben said. "But who's counting?"
"Three movies," I repeated. "Anyway, Ben Solo is not really a bad guy."
"Hi, boys," Ben said solemnly. He lifted a hand.
"Hi," the two older boys mumbled, trying to back up into me.
"Ben, this is Luke," I put one hand on Luke's thin shoulder to nudge him forward. "He's the oldest of the bunch. He's a responsible…" I emphasized that word and patted Luke, "… ten-year-old. Right?"
Luke nodded, staring at Ben with a wary expression. "Hi, Ren," he said.
"Ben. I mean, Mr. Solo," I said. "Not Ren." I rolled my eyes a bit. The name thing was confusing.
"Ben is fine," Ben said. "I am an actor who plays someone else. But it's not really me."
The older boys nodded. Obi put his face in my shoulder.
"The next one is Anakin," I said, patting Ani on his curly head. He took a step back and crunched my foot. "Ouch, Ani, get off my foot. We call him Ani. He's seven and has good manners."
Ani looked up at me with big brown eyes. "I do, Rey?" he asked.
"Can you shake Ben's hand, Ani?" I prompted softly.
Ani shook his head at me.
I looked at Ben to see his reaction. He was looking at Ani. "It's OK, Ani," he said. "How about a wave?" He waved and Ani waved back.
"Obi here is six," I said, holding him tight. "He's my little fireball."
Ben said, "He's very brave to protect you from a monster. Obi, you are a brave person."
"Fortunately, Mr. Solo, I mean Ben, is not a monster. Boys, you can't just go up and hit people. Especially you, Obi. You could hurt Ben if you hit him wrong."
"In the nuts," Luke said to Ben. "That's what she means."
I felt my face flush. "Luke," I said. "Not appropriate."
Ben looked at Luke. "But accurate. I appreciate you translating Rey's meaning for me."
"She's nice and all, but she doesn't know much about us boys," Luke said, in a confidential tone to Ben.
Ben said, "I guess she needs a teacher, then."
I ignored that comment. I started my lecture. "You must understand, boys, movies are not real. Actors like Ben play roles. Ben only plays Kylo Ren in The Star One. In real life he's an actor who has been in lots of other movies."
Ben raised his brows at me. "And what movies might those be, Miss Jackson."
The kids looked at me. "Well," I said… realizing that they shouldn't watch any of this man's other films. They were simply too adult for kids. "Grown-up movies. You are not ready for those yet." I rushed on as Ben watched my face turn red. A small smile played on his lips. He looked like one of the sexy men he brought to life on the screen: Adam, Phillip, Toby, Flip... My mouth went dry. "Anyway, the point is…"
"And you do have a point, don't you, Miss Jackson?"
"The point is," I said through gritted teeth, "movies are not reality. Mr. Solo plays a character who is not real. Therefore, Mr. Solo doesn't deserve to be punched. In fact, no one deserves to be punched. It's rude to hit other people."
"What about each other?" Obi asked.
"Nope," I said. "Be nice to each other. It's good to be nice."
Ben gave me an amused look. "Good luck with that."
I shot him a quelling look. "Thank you for talking to us, Ben. We all feel so much better."
Ben smiled his famous smile at me. It was the smile that was finally seen at the end of The Star One, when the villain disappeared and the good guy inside him emerged. I sucked in a breath. I stared at him. He winked at me, just a little eye twitch, dimples still showing. I was pretty sure he knew what I was thinking.
Then Ben looked at the boys. "I have an idea," he said. "Kids, would you like to learn some sword-fighting techniques? I could show you some of what I had to do as Kylo Ren."
"Really?" Luke said. Obi climbed down off me and went to sit next to Ben on the sectional.
Ani jumped up and down. "We have lightsabers," he said, running down the hall to their rooms. The other two followed.
I stared at Ben. "Are you sure?"
He shrugged. "Why not?"
I didn't want to be this person, but I had to say it. "Be careful what you start here, Mr. Solo. These kids have no home, no parents, and nobody who gives a damn about them. They can get connected easily and quickly. An adult can break their hearts without meaning to."
Ben gazed at me. "If that's the case, then why are they here with you? They live here for the moment, correct? You don't plan to keep them. Won't you be breaking their hearts when you have to return them to foster care?"
I had thought about that myself. He'd hit a nerve. "That's none of your concern," I snapped. "I'm just saying that if you start something with them, you had better know what you are getting into."
Ben had the good grace to press his beautiful lips together and nod once at me. "Point taken, Miss Jackson."
He jumped up from the couch and went after the kids. "Hey, guys, I might need one, too. Got any extras?"
I followed Ben to make sure the boys didn't trap him in their rooms for all eternity. Obi and Ani shared a room, while Luke had his own. They were all in Obi and Ani's room, rummaging in the toy bin. I saw Obi pull Ben down to the floor to sit with him. Obi plopped his behind right next to Ben so they were touching legs. So much for thinking Ben was a monster. He was showing Ben all his stuff and speaking earnestly about his favorite toy truck. Ben was listening and adding a few um's and uh huh's whenever Obi stopped for breath.
"Shut up about trucks, Obi," Ani said. "We are looking for the lightsabers."
"We can do both," Ben said. "You guys look for the sabers. Obi is keeping me company. I don't know where to look."
The boys were ecstatic when we left to go to Ben's apartment. We all stood in the elevator with lightsabers. Obi held his tightly in one hand and slipped his other hand into Ben's giant one.
Ben looked like a train had hit him. I saw that little hand slip into Ben's and caught his eye. He looked down at Obi and back at me.
I smiled at Ben. I swear his eyes became a bit brighter and he blinked. Kids will do that to you if you aren't careful to keep your heart closed tightly.
Ben melted my own heart with his patience and caring toward the three boys. He showed them some easy moves and sparred with each one individually. He praised their efforts and handed out high-fives to the older two. He lifted Obi up into his arms for a hug.
Ben's phone rang and he stepped out of the room to take it. The boys descended on me to request that we invite Ben for pizza, though I had planned a healthier meal. I told them that Ben Solo was a busy person and that they shouldn't get their hopes up.
I was correct in that assessment. Ben came back in and said he needed to go to a dinner meeting.
There was a chorus of "aww's," followed by Luke's belated and rather pouty invitation to a pizza dinner.
Ben started to say, "Save me a …," but he saw me shaking my head. "Uh, Luke, you need to eat whatever Rey is fixing for you. Be polite and tell her thank you for the good food. We will have a pizza party of our own soon."
There was a chorus of cheers following that announcement. "But…" Ben raised his voice over the cheering. "We have to eat salads with our pizza because that's how men get stronger. You guys have to practice your swordsmanship and show me when we next meet up."
"When will that be?" asked Ani.
Ben smiled. "Soon. I will check my calendar and let Miss Rey know when we can have pizza and sword fighting, round two."
He ushered us out of his penthouse and onto the elevator. I gave him a long look and hoped he understood what I was saying. Please don't let the kids down. He nodded at me once. Maybe he got it. Maybe he didn't.
A couple of days later, I found a note addressed to "The Boys" taped on the door. I gave it to Luke, who read it out loud: "Please come to my pizza party (with salad) this evening. Finish your homework, clean your rooms, do a chore for Rey, and find the lightsabers. 6 pm in the elevator. Security will unlock the floor for you." It was signed by Ben.
The boys scrambled around, doing everything that Ben said. I couldn't believe it.
At 6 pm, a man wearing a suit and tie knocked on the door. "I'm Fred," he said. "I am on Mr. Solo's security team. I will take you to his apartment."
We rode up the elevator with Fred and met Ben at the door. The boys tumbled into the apartment with their lightsabers ready.
They did some training with Ben and another fellow named Tom, who turned out to be a sword fight training instructor from a local acting company.
While the boys worked with Tom, Ben stepped up beside me. "I kept my promise," he said. "I didn't let them down." He looked at me. "Good enough?"
"Yes," I said. "Oh, yes." I smiled at him. I wanted to hug him, but he had said in interviews that he didn't like people to be all over him. I could understand that. But I couldn't stop myself from turning toward him and almost reaching out.
Ben didn't miss anything. He saw my impulse and held out a hand. It wasn't for a handshake. He was reaching out to hold my hand.
I slipped my hand into his. He pulled me in and wrapped his long arms around me. He was so much taller than me that the poor guy had to bend down to hug me.
Ben whispered in my ear, "What you are doing for these guys is incredible. I applaud you."
I pulled away to smile at him. "Thank you. Same to you. They love the attention."
"My pleasure," Ben said, keeping his arm around my shoulders. He squeezed my shoulder a little and smiled at me. My heartbeat skipped a little and my stomach did a small flip. He was so beautiful.
Then Obi lost his mind completely. He screamed so loud that my ears hurt. He ran at Ani full force and shouted, "Take it back, Ani! It's not true."
Suddenly, the two boys were rolling around the floor, while Luke looked on laughing. Ben dropped his arm from my shoulders and ran over to grab Obi, while Tom held Ani.
Obi flailed in Ben's arms and cried out. Ben held him tightly.
Ani didn't want to apologize for calling Obi a monster, so he had to sit off to the side for a while to cool off.
Obi slunk by Ani and surreptitiously made faces at him until Ani tripped Obi and the whole fight started again. They yelled the word "monster" at one another, while trying to land punches. I rolled my eyes and put my head in my hands.
"Boys," Ben yelled. He waded in and picked Obi up yet again. He ducked Obi's swing, but Ani's connected with Ben's thigh.
"Ow," was all Ben said.
Ani was rolling on the floor, so Ben hauled him up by the shirt. Ben had one kid in his arms and the other by the back of the shirt. Both were still trying to reach each other to throw punches.
Luke, Tom, and I watched.
Ben said, "A little help here, people."
"You're doing fine," I said, laughing.
Ben hollered "Stop!" at the top of his considerable lungs.
The boys stopped.
Ben let Obi slip down, but he held the child in place. Ben pushed his hair back with one hand.
"No more name calling," Ben said. "We will have to cut our party short if you two can't be civil to one another." He looked at me and said, "Why did my father's voice just come out of my mouth?"
"Happens to the best of us," Tom said.
"Time for food," I said. I suspected Obi and Ani were overstimulated and hangry.
I was right. Ben made sure the boys ate their salads and pizza and drank glasses of milk. In fact, the blasted man eyed Tom and me suspiciously when we started pouring ourselves glasses of pop from the fridge. Ben was drinking milk himself.
"What?" Tom said to Ben, opening the big liter bottle of pop. "Milk and pizza don't go together that well."
Ben simply looked at Tom, who closed the damn bottle and put it back in the fridge, muttering something about who died and made Ben supreme leader of the damn universe.
I took defeat gracefully and poured myself some milk. Ben smiled at me and winked a tiny wink.
"You are a monster," I said, leaning over to speak softly.
"Don't I know it," he said.
After dinner, Tom excused himself amid many goodbyes and farewells. Ben showed the boys a few slower, more meditative moves that he claimed were part of the training. I would bet he made them up on the spot. But he sure looked awesome moving through them. He had long, lean muscles and a tight ass. I found myself staring and thinking inappropriate thoughts. Ben holding me in his long arms, touching me with those big hands. Ben kissing me with his sweet, full lips, nuzzling his beard into my neck for soft tickles. Ben moving his large body on top of me. My body felt a hot twinge of desire. I shook myself out of the fantasy. I could not afford to drool. The man was a celeb who would be gone soon, just like the others.
The boys were clearly wearing out, so I told them to pack up the sabers. They whined a bit about having to leave, but when Ben offered to come downstairs to tuck them in, they were all kinds of compliant.
I supervised the pajama and teeth brushing rituals, while Ben chose a short book to read as a bedtime story.
The boys all snuggled up in Obi and Ani's room to listen to Ben read the story of two friends, Frog and Toad. Ben's reading was simply amazing. He made the characters come alive just with his voice alone. The boys and I were riveted. I was honored that Ben would choose to share his talent—which he got well paid for—with the likes of us—for free. It was an incredible and unexpected treat. I so hoped the boys would not be too sad when Ben left.
Obi fell asleep by the end of the story. Ani begged for another and Luke said he wanted to learn how to read like Ben.
I shooed Luke to his room and hugged Ani. Ben did the same and Ani clung to Ben's neck.
"You're not a monster," Ani said. "You're a good guy. I wish you could marry Rey and adopt us all."
Ben hugged Ani. "That would be very nice, Ani. Thank you for believing in me."
Luke was picking out his messy 'fro in the mirror. "Hey, Ben, do you think I can get dreds? Can I pull it off?"
"Sure," Ben said. "Wear your hair how you like it. I can ask my stylist about dreds."
"She's a white lady?"
Ben nodded. "Yeah."
"Aw, she won't know." Luke shrugged. "I need a Black one. They know locs."
"Well, we'll see. I can ask. She might know someone."
"Luke, I didn't know you wanted locs," I said. "I can help you with that. You can ask me."
Luke and Ben looked at me like I was an alien.
"I think," Ben said carefully, "that Luke was looking for a male perspective on changing his hair."
Luke agreed. "No offense, Miss Rey, but Ben's a man."
"Ah," I said. I realized that Luke craved a male role model, someone to talk to about grooming concerns. Even though Ben was white, Luke was trying to connect with him.
"Well, good night, Luke," I said.
He had the good grace to spare a quick hug for me before he started peppering Ben with questions.
I went out to the living room to pick up a few scattered books and toys left behind by the boys.
Ben came out of Luke's bedroom, smiling. "I had to pry myself out of Luke's clutches."
"They all crave attention and stability," I said. "And I am a poor substitute for a father figure."
"Aw, you're not so bad," Ben said, grinning at me, plopping on the couch.
I sat next to him. "If you say 'for a girl,' I'm going to bop you one."
Ben laughed out loud—a belly laugh that crinkled up his eyes. I had not heard such a laugh out of this usually solemn man. I have to admit, I was as enchanted as the kids.
"Rey Jackson," he said, wiping his eyes. "You are adorable. Thank you for making me part of this little family situation." He leaned over and kissed my cheek.
We locked eyes. "Ben," I said.
"Shhh," he said. He touched my face with gentle fingers. He moved closer to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. His lips touched mine, so heavenly, so full and soft. He nudged my lips open and slipped his tongue into my mouth. I let him. I shouldn't have, but I did. And I kissed him back, tangling my tongue with his.
Ben tightened his arm and pulled me closer. "Come here," he whispered, nuzzling me with his nose and smothering me with tiny kisses. "Sit on my lap."
I pulled back. "I can't, Ben. I shouldn't."
He leaned back and looked at me with some surprise. "Why not?"
"Because you're you and I'm … not like you. I'm not famous. I'm just a regular person. Plus, the kids are right down the hall. I can't risk it." I stood up. "You've got them totally invested, which is great for now. But what happens when you go off to do your next movie. I hear it's filming in France."
"Yes, I will have to go away for a couple of weeks. I am planning to live here in this building, though, for the foreseeable future."
"Do you know how many celebs we've had move in and out since I've been here?"
Ben said with a long sigh, "I don't, Rey, but I suspect you will tell me."
"Seven," I said. "I've lived here for three years."
Ben stared at me. "Well, that's quite the turnover."
"Yes, it is. Please forgive me if I don't want myself or the boys to be another notch in a celeb's belt."
Ben stood. "Got it. You want me to back off now? I can."
I sat down again. I closed my eyes. "Yes. No. I don't know. I'm sorry for saying all that. I am doing the same thing to these kids, as you pointed out to me earlier. They are unwanted, but I can't keep them either."
He sat down and took my hand. "I'm sorry I got perturbed." He laughed, without humor. So different from the earlier belly laugh. "I am not used to… Shit, I can't believe I'm going to say this."
"You're not used to being told no anymore," I said.
He looked me dead in the eye. "Right. And I'm not proud of that statement. People think I am a star. I can usually get anything I want when I want it. Everyone falls all over themselves to make it happen." He paused again and looked at my hand tucked into his. "Well, now I am a monster for sure. I learned to take advantage of the situation and it is hard to stop and think about others."
I squeezed Ben's hand. "I think that makes you more human than monster."
"What are you going to do about the boys?" he asked. "Why doesn't anyone want them?"
I sighed. "I don't know the answer to your first question. I'm not sure what to do. As to your second question, very few families want three boys. Fewer still want three Black children, let alone boys."
"Do they think these kids will become criminals?"
"Not 'become,' Ben. Are criminals. Right now."
"Are they?"
"Sort of. Petty theft to stay alive. That's about it. That's why they ended up at Plutt's instead of the Palpatine agency."
Ben snorted. "Any one of us who were abandoned would do that, too. One time, on a dare, I took some candy from the store. My dad made me take it back, confess, and pay up. He put my ass on chore duty for weeks to pay him back-with interest. That kind of thing is not uncommon."
"You were a white kid with a dad who cared," I reminded him.
"True, but I tell you what. If one of those little monsters did that around me, I would do the same. I would go with them to talk to the store manager…"
"And hope he didn't press charges…"
Ben stopped. "Well, there is that issue."
"Yeah," I said. "A little more complicated. And then there's the fact that you are going to France. And you are not really their father—so why would you be meeting with managers and enforcing rules?"
"You think the kids wouldn't listen to me?"
I shrugged. "Hard to say. You are exciting and fun right now. If you really adopted them, they would start testing you. I guarantee."
Ben kissed my hand. "Complicated. I got it. Rey, I really like you, but I understand if you can't get involved with me. I will certainly honor your wishes." He raised his brows at me.
I chewed my lip. It would be a really bad idea to continue down this path.
Ben touched my lip with his thumb. "Let me do that," he said. He bent and captured my lips again. He kissed me hungrily, gently chewing my lower lip. "No one needs to know," he whispered.
"What if the kids hear us?" I said, pulling back. "What if they need something?"
"We will stop making love and take care of it. Does Obi come in and sleep with you ever?"
"No, he doesn't. He gets in with Luke."
Ben said, "All right." He stood and held out a hand. "Bedroom?"
"All right." I took his hand. We walked to my bedroom together.
Ben closed the door deliberately behind us. "Can I make love to you?"
"Yes," I said. "Yes." He picked me up like a bride and lowered me onto the bed.
Ben lay on top of me and kissed me. He pulled my shirt up and kissed my stomach, rubbing his beard against my skin. I gasped and dug my hands in his hair. He started pulling my clothes off. I grabbed his shirt. We yanked at each other's clothes, laughing together.
We shushed each other.
"Quiet sex," Ben breathed in my ear. "No moaning allowed." He smiled at me.
"No guarantees," I whispered. "You might have to put your hand over my mouth. I come loudly."
He buried his face in my neck and I could feel his laughter. "Good for you. I plan to make you come a lot, baby."
Ben kissed his way down my body. I heard my own breath coming in hitches as he opened my legs and settled his big self between them. I saw the rest of him hanging off the bed, his big toes dug into the carpet. He opened me with his thumbs and made me writhe with swipes of his tongue. His lips sucked me and his tongue teased my bud until I thought I would go up in flames.
I dug my hands in his hair to move him closer, to smash his lovely face into me. I needed him to suckle me harder. Ben caught my hands and held them down. Then he kept up the light teasing, while I bit my lip to stop from groaning my frustration. He chuckled low, raising his head to look at my flushed face.
"Harder," I whispered, furiously. "I'm dying here."
"No," he said. Then he dipped his face back down to lick me so lightly I would have come off the bed if he wasn't holding me down.
I almost moaned out loud when Ben finally licked me hard enough to make my life work again. I came, hard and long. I couldn't say a fucking word. Ben had moved his hand over my mouth to muffle my cries.
I lay still feeling some of the sweet aftershocks. Ben nosed me a bit.
"No," I whispered. "I can't take it."
"Hmmm," he said. He licked my wet folds again but ignored everything else. The need for him to move his tongue upward grew. When he finally did so, I came again, deeper this time, somehow more satisfying than the first. The man was going to kill me, and I wasn't going to care at all.
I floated back down to find Ben lying by my side, smiling at me. "Hi," he whispered when I opened my eyes.
"Hi," I said in a soft whisper. I reached out to touch him, kiss him, let him know how great he was in all kinds of ways.
He kissed me, allowing me to taste myself on his lips and mustache. "So good," I said. "It was so good."
Ben said, "Um, yes it was."
I slid my hand down to touch him. He was rock hard and large, like the rest of him. I shifted myself downward to take him in my mouth. He lay back and swallowed a small sound.
I looked up at him. "Need me to put my hand over your mouth, too?"
"You might."
I gave up one hand, while the other was busy holding his dick. He slipped my fingers into his mouth and sucked them, while I sucked him.
Ben pulled my fingers out of his mouth and sat up. "I need to be inside you, babe," he murmured.
I popped his dick out of my mouth. He pushed me down on my back.
"Condoms are in the bedside drawer," I said.
"I have one in my pocket, too," he said.
"Feeling lucky?" I asked, laughing softly.
Ben retrieved the condom, ripped the packaging, and rolled it on himself.
"Yeah, especially when you can't stop staring at my ass, baby."
I stifled another laugh. "I am not that obvious." I sat up to glare at him in mock outrage.
He pushed me back. "Yeah, you are. You were eye-fucking me from the start." He positioned himself between my legs.
I wrapped my arms around him as he pushed into me.
Ben stifled his deep groan of pleasure in my hair. I stifled mine in his collarbone.
We pushed and pulled together, slow and then fast, working ourselves into a sweet rhythm. The bed creaked a little, but it wasn't too loud to worry about. At least, I didn't worry about it. I didn't care about anything but the way Ben filled me and how I grabbed his tight ass to push him into me harder and faster. Ben drove himself into me one last time and came. He pressed his lips against me to moan into my mouth. I swallowed his cries.
We lay together, touching each other gently, learning the curves and hollows of each other's bodies. Ben's whiskey brown eyes were a little tired.
"I can't sleep here," he murmured.
"No," I said. "Luke knows some things he probably shouldn't. Maybe Ani, too. Let's not add to that knowledge."
Ben sat up and started dressing. I put my nightgown and robe on so I could walk him to the door.
"Don't be a stranger," I said, holding the door open.
Ben gazed at me. "I hope you don't think that about me. I'm a hardworking, upstanding Midwestern guy at heart. I just happened to get lucky in my career."
I felt like a shit. "I know. And you worked hard to get where you are. Sorry, that was unfair. I don't feel equipped to handle this situation."
Ben nodded. "I get it. I usually don't date … non-celebrities. You know, fans."
"Not a fan of yours, Solo…" I said, quickly.
Ben leaned in, eyes bright. "Yes, you are. I heard you moaning my name."
"Shut the hell up," I said in a friendly way. "You know what I meant."
Ben kissed me repeatedly, big friendly smacks on my lips and little butterfly kisses all over my face.
"See you soon, Rey."
The next day at work, I received a text from a private caller. It was Ben, telling me he had to fly out to LA for a last-minute meeting about his new film. It was unexpected, he said. He was so sorry, he said. He wanted to call but had no privacy, he said. He would be back in a couple of days, he said.
I sighed. Of course.
His last text said that I didn't have to respond because the number was not able to receive texts. He sent me his publicist's number instead in case I needed to get in touch.
I really didn't.
Ben texted again to say that the filming schedule for his scenes had been changed. He was due in France earlier than expected. He would not be coming back to the apartment for another couple of weeks. He missed me and the boys, he said. He wished he could have gotten back before he had to leave, he said. He would be back as soon as the film wrapped, he said. He was sending his actual number if I wanted it, he said. Against his security team's wishes, he said. Text me back, he said. Or call, he said. Maybe I should call you, he said.
I wasn't going to call or text. I was pissed at Ben Solo, pissed that I had let myself be open to him and this is what happened. If it was just me, well, fine, but the boys were involved. Against my better judgment, I searched his damn name on the internet. I found out that he had been spotted in France. The filming schedule really had been changed.
The pap photos showed Ben looking anxious and stressed on his way into a building. He had the resting bitch face that he usually wore, the one I thought was real until I saw his smiles and the sweetness of his personality. I started to believe that he hadn't ditched me or the boys on purpose.
And, yes, the little monsters asked about Ben every day. They plagued me with questions. At first, I felt like I was just covering for Ben, smoothing over the hurt with words about his work. But it turned out to be absolutely true. It was his work that took him away, and there was literally nothing he could do about it, short of quitting the movie and reneging on his contract.
We looked up information about how films work and what actors do on set. It was eye-opening for all of us. The celebrity part might be fun—though that seemed debatable with the security concerns and crazy fans—but the work was real and often difficult. So, we decided to cut our guy, Ben, some slack. That's when I decided to text him back.
My first text to Ben said, "The boys were adopted. I was fired."
It was the first time after a whirlwind of a horrible day that I had time to think, to even consider texting the man I most wanted to talk to. The man I loved—though I wouldn't dare admit that.
The boys had gone off to school as usual and I to work. My supervisor, Gail, had called me into her office and told me that the Plutt agency did not approve of caseworkers becoming so heavily involved in the children's lives. The throwaway children had the potential for a permanent home, and I had made it much more difficult for that to happen. Because I took them home with me, they would have trouble bonding with a real family.
No one had informed me of this concern when I asked to remove the boys from a bad foster situation. No one had cared.
I was given a box to clean out my desk and walked out by security. I wondered if the security people ever worked with celebs.
I went home in shock and spent the day trying to find my children.
My cell phone rang about an hour after I texted. It was Ben.
"What the fuck happened?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said. I told him how the day had gone down.
"Where are the kids now?" he asked.
"I don't know that either," I said. "I called the school, but they would not talk to me. I drove there and they wouldn't let me in either. I was in danger of being thrown out by security, so I left."
"Shit," he said. "Let me think."
"No, Ben, there's nothing to think about. They are going to a new home with parents. I am out." The last word came out a whisper as I struggled to keep from losing it on the phone.
"Hang on, just hang on," Ben said, rather sharply, I thought. "Do not… Just hold the phone a second. Lily…"
He covered the mouthpiece, then came back on the line. "Rey, pack a bag. Take your passport to the airport. Your email will have a ticket to France in it soon. There will be a car waiting on the other end to bring you to my apartment here. We can decide what to do at that point."
"Ben, how can I …" It was totally overwhelming. "No, I have to wait and see if the kids need their stuff. If they need me."
"Leave a key at the front desk. Make sure the security team sees some identification and confirms the identity of anyone in your apartment. Have them call you before they allow someone in. They can escort the person who shows up for the items. You do not have to be onsite. Get your ass to the airport."
I had never heard Ben go into professional celeb mode before. He knew exactly what he was doing and how to make things happen without being involved himself. I just wanted to crumble into a pile of dust.
Yet, I owed it to the kids to make sure they were safe and well. I needed to see this through to the end.
I swallowed hard and said words I did not wish to say. "I can't, Ben. I have to stay and make sure the kids get their things. I will not leave it to other people. And they might need me. The agency might need me, too."
Long pause. Sigh. "I want to be with you. I know this is ripping you apart, baby."
I gulped and swiped at my tears. "Yes, it is. But I did this to myself. I brought them home. I will see it through. Come back as soon as you can if you still want to be with me."
"I do," he paused again. "But you didn't call or text, so I wasn't sure you wanted me around."
"I know," I said. "I was suspicious when you left so abruptly. The boys were heartbroken, and I thought it was your fault." Hot tears slipped down my face. I wiped them away. I cleared my throat and sniffled. "I have been an idiot."
He sounded so tired when he spoke again. "No, I understand. I'm sorry I couldn't explain better. I will when we have more time. They are calling me back to the set."
"I am sorry I interrupted your work," I said.
"It's all right. I wish you would come to France and be with me."
"Maybe later," I said. "Let me get this situation under control first."
Luke, Ani, and Obie were not allowed to retrieve their belongings. Another caseworker stopped by with nasty looks and an attitude. I refused to help her pack one thing.
When she walked out with the last box of toys, she said, "You will never be a caseworker for anyone again."
"Fine by me," I said, and slammed the door.
And that was that.
I did not go to France. I was in no shape to handle a celeb crush who was working on a film. I didn't want to screw up his focus, and I wasn't good company. I told Ben so when he called me. I needed to mourn and plan the rest of my life, if I wasn't going to be a caseworker. He said he understood. He called me every day, though, to check in and say he was thinking of me. It was very sweet. I longed to be with him, but I was never one to take the easy way out. Or to use others to fix my problems.
Ben called me one last time from France to tell me when he was due home. I worked on getting my apartment ready for his return, removing the last vestiges of children. It broke my heart to do it. I thought Ben might not want any reminders of what happened. We would start over, just he and I.
He told me not to meet him at the airport because of security concerns. He would meet me at home. So, I waited, with sweaty palms and a racing heart. I jumped when my phone buzzed.
It was my old supervisor, Gail. "Meet me at the Plutt agency," she said. "Something's gone wrong. The kids ran away."
I jumped in my car, texting Ben at the same time. I skidded into the parking lot and jogged up the stairs to slam myself into the agency.
Gail was standing in the outer reception area. She didn't even say hello. She asked me point blank if I had stolen the boys.
"I did not," I said.
The police walked out of the back room.
"I did not take them," I stated again. "I don't know where they are."
The door slammed open again, and Ben walked in with his security guard behind him. Gail's mouth dropped open.
He ignored her and walked up to me. "Are you all right?"
"Yes," I said, though I was not. He pulled me into his arms for a long hug. He kissed the top of my head.
Then, I watched this man, Ben Solo, tall and commanding, use every ounce of his celeb power to convince Gail and the police to back off. He offered his security team to help find the boys.
Gail's phone and my phone rang at the same time. We both got the same news. The children were out in front of my building, looking for me. Luke confirmed to Gail and the cops that I had not initiated contact. The kids had run away from their new home to be with me—and Ben.
Ben and I sat next to each other in the waiting room, while lives were being hashed out around us.
He took my hand. We stared at each other.
"It's never been done like this before…" I said. "I don't know what a judge would even say."
"I bet they won't say no to me," he rumbled, giving me the resting bitch face, dead-eyed look that scared the shit out of most people.
"The perks of being a celeb?"
He eyed me without a word. I sighed and fanned myself with some of the court papers we were given. He smiled slowly and looked around.
"There's no one here," he whispered and puckered up his juicy lips. "Kiss."
I kissed him absently.
"Do you love me, Rey?" Ben put his nose in my hair and kissed my temple.
"Yes," I said, staring at the court papers in my hands, not really paying attention. "Ben, they might not do the joint custody thing in an adoption. None of us are related. It's a strange situation. Kids need stability."
Ben rolled his eyes and pulled the papers away from my twisting fingers. He set the papers on the coffee table in front of us and turned toward me. "Rey, will you focus? Do you love me?"
"Yes, Ben. I do." I looked at him like he was a lunatic. "I already said that."
"I love you, too," he said. "A lot. And if there's no joint custody, then the judge can award full custody."
"I have no job," I hissed. "Loving you doesn't mean squat to the court. They won't give me the kids without a job."
"Not you," he said. "Me."
"You're going to be their dad?" I asked.
"Yes," he said. "One way or another."
I gazed at him.
"One way or another," he repeated, firmly. "Listen to me. I love you. We are a family."
"We are not," I said. "Just because we love each other doesn't mean that we are a fucking family. It takes more than that to be a family. It takes hard work and commitment. And you fuckers aren't big on sticking around. I'm not marrying a celeb. Or living with one, either. Not happening."
Ben smiled at me, full watt. "Yeah, you are."
"We'll see," I said.
Damn that man. He was right. The court awarded him full custody, citing joint custody as too confusing. I was nobody. Ben Solo was … well, Ben Solo. Very few people said no to Ben Solo.
The boys, however, didn't see it that way. They were all about the joint custody idea. Those three ran between the two apartments like maniacs until Ben talked me into moving to a single location outside the city. We could all live together in peace and relative quiet.
Then Ben talked me into marrying him because living together was … in his words, ridiculous. I agreed only because he loves me so desperately. I also agreed to shut him up. He was driving me crazy talking about it. Oh, and to let him know that I was not impressed by his fancy security teams and his publicists and agents and award ceremonies that I had to attend with him.
To be perfectly honest … I adore Ben Solo more each and every day. I couldn't live without him, even though he is a celeb and I fully expect him to move away any minute. I did say that I would haul his fine celeb ass back kicking and screaming, though.
I suppose Ben was right about the family thing, too. We became a family the day the children came home-even though on some days, it was hard, and we were all tired and cranky as hell. We were still together when Obi threw up on Ben's custom tux that cost an arm and a leg. And when Ben couldn't take the whole family circus to a film set with him because Luke was getting serious about hockey and needed to get to practice. And when Ben and I were too exhausted to do anything other than snuggle together in our giant bed and sleep.
Luke finally told us the story of the horrifying adoption that was never finalized, in which Unkar Plutt himself took them to his own home and tried to make them his personal servants. One day after school, Plutt came at Obi with a belt for some imagined slight or offense. Luke remembered Ben's lessons with the light saber. He knocked Plutt down, grabbed his brothers, and ran back to us.
Using his considerable resources and celeb power, Mr. Ben Solo put Unkar Plutt out of business and in jail. I showed the boys a news article about Plutt's downfall and their father's role in the takedown.
"Who's the monster now?" I asked Obi, hugging him close.
"Unkar Plutt," Obi said. "But not Dad. He's our hero."
