A/N: I am still writing my other fic but I'm re-watching series 4 and I still can't my head around episode 10. This is how I would have liked it to have happened. Some lines are like those of ep 10. This will be a one shot just split into two parts.

Please enjoy.

A Dangerous Illusion

One shot.

I want you more than anything in this world. I thrive on the attention that you flourish me with. I force myself to love you so she cannot have you. I swear that I am not jealous. You will be mine and I will be yours, you can trust me on that one. I am committed. I love you.

I love you, but I am not in love with you. Devastation ripples through me as I cannot give myself to you fully. My heart lies with another woman. A courageous, beautiful soul. She is damaged but not broken. I want to love her only. I am sorry.

I am sorry. I am more in love with you than you'll ever know. Please understand that my love for you is pure, but also tainted. I cannot burden you with such baggage. I'm afraid to allow you to love me. I am terrified of my vulnerable state. I am petrified of not being enough.

A dark and gloomy array of cloudiness filled the sky. Breaking away any hope of sunshine and warmth. The air was cold. A tormenting atmosphere haunted and prepared them for what was to come. A marriage to be and yet so many lies and secrets. This was not what a marriage was to be based on.

Phillip forced himself down the corridor to the direction of his mother. The nerves cursing over him as he wondered how he'd do this. His fragile nature preparing for the battle that awaited him. She was his mother, but she was about to commit a crime, again. He'd pushed aside all loyalty and realised what was right, and what was wrong. This was it. It was time.

'Mum .. I- I need to talk to you', Phillip stuttered as he sheepishly stepped into the room. Melissa let his words wash over her and she dared raise her head or her eyes. The uncertainty of what he'd say frightened her and she couldn't afford for him to waste time and persuade her not to go through with the wedding. She wanted Eddie. She needed Eddie.

'Phil love, me and Eddie need to go. We're going to be late'. She let the words escape her and Phillip sensed her underlying hostility. Eddie looked between the pair and sensed the icy tension. A silence dwindled around them eagerly awaiting to be broken.

'Mum, please ..', Phil begged as he hovered nervously. Eddie put his suspicions aside as time loomed over him. He grabbed the bags and flung one over his shoulder before making his way to the classroom door.

'Phil mate, we're just going to scrape by as it is', Eddie said frustrated. He'd grown to like the lad, but his timings had always been off. The last thing they needed were any interruptions for their 'special day'.

'Mum, you .. you need to stop alright, you need to tell Eddie what you've done!', Phil blurted. Silence dawned drastically, and Melissa shot a sharp glare at Phillip before turning her attention to Eddie.

The light tapping of the rain scattered across the glass of her office window. She wondered how many more hours she'd have to endure the never ending topic of their wedding. It was cruelly stabbing at away at her until she had no breath left. She often wondered whether their love had been genuine or if Eddie had latched onto Melissa for comfort. Keeping Eddie at arms length had been the easier option regardless of how much her heart ached to be with him. A man that she'd craved to live her life with, and he'd been ripped from her by her own demons. A torturous battle day in and day out. Whilst lost in her own thoughts, she'd been oblivious to Tom's dramatic entrance.

'Er sorry Rachel, I've got Bolton and Paul in the cooler. They've been caught out of lessons again', Tom waffled on. She took a heavy sign and gave him a nod before following pursuit to the cooler.

Silence. Absolute silence. Eddie found himself paralyzed at Phillip's words. Dread and a sickening feeling tormented his body.

'What does he mean, Mel?', Eddie asked. He placed the bags on the floor and awaited her answer. Melissa looked to Phil once more and secretly begged him to cover for her once more.

'Its nothing is it, love?', Melissa reassured as she took a few steps closer to Eddie.

'Phil?', Eddie questioned once more. Phil looked from Eddie to his mum and then back to Eddie. Droplets of sweat formed on his forehead and he braced himself for the words that would escape him.

'She's married.'

Eddie's world crashed around him and he was unsure of what emotion to feel. Then it hit him within seconds. He'd jeopardized any hope with Rachel for a lying bigamist.

'Is this some kind of joke?', Eddie spat. The hostility in the room caused Phillip to tense up again. He waited for his mother to answer Eddie's question, but she kept her head down and her gaze to the floor. Phillip took it upon himself to give Eddie the answers he deserved, 'To two men, my dad and some other bloke.'

'Mel?', Eddie glared at her, waiting for confirmation. She kept him waiting for a few seconds, and the suspense became too much for him. Melissa let out a heavy sigh and spoke quietly, 'It's true Eddie. I .. I wish it wasn't, but it's true.'

Her comment was barely audible, however she assumed Eddie had heard correctly as he threw his hands up in anger and bellowed at her, 'I can't believe this! When were you going to tell me?! Were you going to add it on after the I do?!'

Melissa became desperate, and she flung herself onto him, latching at his coat.

'Eddie I-', she began, but Eddie cut her off immediately.

'I've been an idiot!', he roared whilst shrugging her off and making his way towards the door. His temper caused Phil to sheepishly back away into the corner.

'Eddie, please, I love you! I never meant for this!'

Approaching the cooler, there she found the two boys leaning against the wall. Bolton Smilie. He'd been the one to show her she wasn't a failure. He'd shown her she could still implement change in someone who had seemingly hit rock bottom. She'd saved him. Paul Langley. He'd always been a keen favourite of Eddie's. Again, Eddie had mentored him onto the right path. Eddie had given him the guidance when he needed it the most. Eddie had saved him. She and Eddie were a team. She was pulled from her thoughts once more. They were awaiting her gruelling, telling off that they were sure to have.

'Right Bolton, in the cooler now! Paul you too, now I don't-', Rachel was interrupted by the very man who she'd just been thinking of. She spun around quickly to find him slightly closer than she initially expected.

'Rach, can I have a word?', Eddie questioned. He watched as she looked confused. She looked back at the two boys before ushering them into the cooler.

'Eddie? Shouldn't you be on a plane?', Rachel asked. Her voice shaky and her body became tense.

'That's what I need to talk to you about ..', he began. He looked into the cooler to see Paul, and Bolton slumped in their chairs. He wondered how he'd drag her away from her responsibilities. Waterloo Road had become her life, and she was loyal to not mixing her professional life with her personal.

'I .. I'm a bit-', Rachel halted as Eddie cut her off. The pleading in his eyes, and the urgency to his tone alarmed her.

'Please?', he begged. The uncertainty of what she would do lasted for a while. She found herself in a trivial situation. This was the beginning of letting her personal life rule her professional. Watching the sadness in his eyes was enough to finally push her over the edge. She nodded gently and took a few steps into the cooler. She was about to divert the boys elsewhere, however she heard Eddie's voice creep up behind her.

'You two, Mr Clarkson's classroom. He's got a free period you can go and sit in there. Tell him I've sent you', Bolton didn't hang around for another minute before he shot out of his seat and nudged Paul to make their quick escape.

'I'll be checking in on you both. I'm trusting you', Rachel confirmed as she continued to watch their movements. Before long they'd left sight, and Eddie gently closed the door trapping him and Rachel inside. Her heart rate increased rapidly, and she was unsure of his intentions.

'I don't understand .. where's Melissa? Phil?', she quizzed nervously. She brought her eyes away from his hoping she wouldn't fall. Keeping distance both physically and mentally had been her strategy, and she wasn't about to break that.

'You might want to sit down', he spoke with a gentle tone. She, however, became more agitated with the suspense.

'Eddie just tell me!', she demanded. Her harsh tone shook him slightly. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and brought his eyes to the window. Melissa was the last person he wanted to discuss, but he understood that Rachel deserved to know.

'The wedding is off', he grunted. His voice laced with anger, confusion and embarrassment. A thousand questions needed to be answered, and she found herself unable to speak. How could the wedding be off?! Melissa and Eddie were set in stone to get married and to spend the rest of their life together. She could see his own confusion and sadness. She longed to comfort him and to ensure that he'd be okay, but the boundaries were hazy and she couldn't take that risk.

'What?! Eddie I-'. The words escaped her, but she cut herself short. She was unsure how much she could question him.

'Your sister, she's still married-', Eddie stated. It shocked him she showed little surprise.

'No, she told me her decree absolute came through, she-', Rachel halted as she realised what she'd said. It wasn't as if she wanted to lie to Eddie, and she hadn't, she just hadn't told him the truth either.

'You knew?!', Rachel sensed his anger through his gritted teeth. He took a few steps closer to her, and she nervously looked around, plotting her next move to distance herself.

'Eddie, I .. Phil, he came to me-', Rachel didn't get the chance to finish before Eddie interrupted again.

'Twice, not just one marriage but I'm guessing you already know that'. He looked her up and down and then cast his eyes elsewhere. His annoyance was obvious and she couldn't blame him.

'Eddie, I only knew about Phil's dad. I wouldn't lie to you!', Rachel insisted. She knew he'd continue with his anger, but she never wanted her loyalty to be questioned.

'No?', he questioned her sarcastically. She looked away in shame and gave him a few moments to calm down.

'Poor Phillip', Rachel muttered. She brought her hand to her head and sighed in frustration. Her mind raced to wonder where the lad had been now. Had Melissa taken him? Had he still been wandering the corridors? She'd caught him earlier doing so, but he'd convinced her he'd been on his way to lessons.

'But that's not the only reason. There's another reason why I can't marry her ..', Rachel threw her eyes to him. Her body became numb in anticipation at what he would say next.

'I love somebody else.'