This one is a little more serious than the previous one. Humor is really not my thing.
Kurama wasn't quite sure what exactly happened. One minute everything was fine and normal, the next… He's a baby again. A human baby, no less! And it was nothing like when he was sealed by that Namikaze brat in Naruto. This time, no matter how much he looked, he couldn't feel the presence of another's mind, however infantile. It was as if he wasn't trapped in someone's mindscape behind unbreakable bars, like this was not yet another prison for him to struggle to escape from. Maybe this was some kind of possession?
No, that wasn't it either, he slowly begins to realize with dawning horror as days pass and the nightmare does not end. He hadn't accidentally suppressed the child's mind without noticing and taken its place as he had previously theorized. This wasn't a seal so shoddily-made it was even worse than Shukaku's.
There never was anyone else there but him in the first place. This was his body, and no one else's.
He really was a human baby now.
Getting over his shock took time. So much so that his new meat suit's parents tiptoed around him for almost an entire month after he'd finally ceased his practically unceasing tantrum.
As far as he was concerned, Kurama had never wanted to find out first-hand the human babies' inability to control their own actions. When he was stuck in Naruto, he had spent most of the earlier years sleeping and had not paid much attention to the outside world during the infrequent stretches of time when he was awake.
Unfortunately, his initial panic had caused a session of involuntary crying, which refused to stop, which had made him angrier, which in turn made him cry even more. It was horrible. He only stopped crying when his exhaustion forced him to sleep. He had a persistent headache, and his throat was constantly sore. It lasted weeks before he at long last figured out how to stop it.
He's never telling Matatabi that the meditation he had grudgingly learned after caving to her demands ended up being useful after all. Never.
Also, he's never been so glad the Sage had created them already half-grown, and not as squirming infants.
Speaking of his siblings, it turns out he had an older cousin. A red-haired, golden-eyed cousin who was called Son Gokū, and who had obviously recognized him if the smug grin was any indication.
He was already despairing. If one was here, then the others were also, and they would inevitably appear to torment him, and he would let them because, despite their many, many violent arguments, they were still family.
His uncle crouches down in front of him. "Why do you look so sad, little guy?" He asks.
Kurama looks up with the most somber face a four-year-old could make. "I'm mourning the end of my peaceful life."
The adults' exchange startled glances, but Son Gokū's smirk widens knowingly, and he leans over to whisper in his ear. "Mom's pregnant again. How much you wanna bet it's another one of us?"
He doesn't take the wager knowing better, and several months later, he's greeted with the sigh of a wailing baby. A single look at the so-pale-it-appeared-white hair and the green-blue eyes is all he needed to confirm it. Kokuō.
It is his meat suit's younger twin brothers, Saiken and Isobu, in the company of Kokuō, who discover the home base of a long-dead pirate crew hidden in the nearby forest by getting lost in it.
They disappear for several days, and when they come back, they're babbling about mountains of gold and jewels, whole armories worth of weapons, and weird fruits that gave powers when eaten but tasted disgusting.
How they managed to eat a Devil Fruit and only notice it later, Kurama has no idea. In the first place, from the little he knew of them, they had very distinctive appearances.
He himself had resolved himself to stay as far away from Devil Fruits as possible. Too similar to the Chakra Fruit of the God Tree for his tastes, though Saiken and Kokuō had been thrilled with the return of their strangely coincidental bubble and steam powers, even if they were slightly different and came with a crippling weakness to water.
Thankfully, Isobu had been the only one not to act like a complete idiot and had refrained from eating anything strange-looking when he first found the two fruits despite having by then gone several days without food. He'd looked horrified when he realized just how close he came to losing his precious swimming ability.
"It's official." Kurama groans in exasperation. "Isobu is my favorite from now on."
By the time they were all reunited together, and he turns ten, the World Government decides to create a Marine Base on their humble, little island. The soldiers start abusing their authority almost immediately, demanding to be served nearly like kings, despite their general incompetence. Unfortunately, there was little the inhabitants could do, as their leader had made it very clear that refusing would be considered as treason to the World Government and the Celestial Dragons.
Son Gokū often came home from the blacksmith shop he was apprenticing in half-dead from exhaustion, and little to show for it. Day in and day out, he and his master were forced to forge weapons in enormous quantities and were always underpaid for their efforts. And Matatabi, the only one who managed to be reborn in a rich family, starts complaining about the heavy taxation her merchant household was subjected to each time they exported or imported products.
Discreetly, they take up weapon training at Kurama's suggestion. Something was telling him this wasn't going to end peacefully.
"I refuse to deal with people who dress like common ruffians." Matatabi declares one day over a large pile of clothing with her hands on her hips. "You are going to change right this instance. And I expect you all not only to keep those clean but also mend them carefully if something is ripped." She glances with disdain at their grass-stained knees of their worn-through pants.
Kokuō looks bewildered. "What wrong with what we're wearing now?"
Matatabi ignores him, busy shoving a kimono-like piece of fabric into Kurama's arms. "Try this one on."
"No, really, what's wrong with what we're wearing now?"
"No, no, Saiken! Put that down! It's going to clash horribly with that hair of yours. This one is going to be much better." The woman thrust another kimono-like piece at the former slug and turns away again to continue rooting through her heap of clothes. Chōmei warily takes a few steps back, sensing his turn was coming next.
Saiken self-consciously tugs at his bluish hair, peering at it in confusion. "Is it truly that weird?"
"I don't think so," Shukaku answers, for once too baffled to act out as he usually did. "it looks fine to me."
"Why are they all kimonos?" Kurama wonders aloud. "Why aren't there any normal pants? Or shirts?"
"Just let it go," Gyūki advises them. "I hear this is normal for human females."
"She's gone native." Kokuō whispers in dismay.
Having spent years locked away in the subconsciousness of shinobi, they inadvertently learned quite a few skills, ranging from simple things like mathematics and cooking to human fighting skills. This, of course, influenced their weapons choices.
Shukaku, for example, finds a pair of tessen somewhere, while Matatabi begins to adorn her fingers with Neko-te. Only her new toys were sharper and longer than the norm and resembled genuine cat claws with a beautiful, elaborate design carved into them. And although she falls in love with them at first sight, the rest of them quickly remember why they used to fear her claws.
Son Gokū forges a heavy, metal staff for himself and eight identical swords for Gyūki, who had decided to emulate Killer Bee. He also helps Saiken make a new pipe for his bubbles despite his grumblings, because the other was absolutely useless when it came to crafts.
And it's while strolling in the forest that Kurama comes across Chōmei carving a blowgun and some darts, while a large variety of poisonous plants were laid out drying in the sunlight around him. He stands there watching for a while, relaxing in the infrequent quiet, before addressing Isobu, who had been sitting on a rock nearby. "What about you? Choose anything yet?"
The former turtle ducks his head, and shyly peeks out from underneath the grey bangs that covered his right eye. "I'm learning Fish-man Karate." He mumbles quietly. "I found a few manuals in the pirate base. Whoever they were, they probably had a Fisherman on their crew."
"What about you, Kurama?" Chōmei asks, looking up from his project.
He shrugs in response. "Neither Naruto nor Kushina were very keen on weapons other than kunai, but Mito was a master of the naginata, and I unearthed a very nice one in the armories, so I'm probably going to go with that for a while. I'll see how I like it."
"That leaves only Kokuō then." Isobu musses.
"Nah." Chōmei waves the hand holding his carving knife dismissively. "He decided his steam alone will suffice since he's pretty good at hand-to-hand. Plus, he's also wicked fast, so the enemy will have to catch him first if they want a chance at beating him, and weapons will only slow him down."
"What's wrong with them?" A child points in their direction, and Kurama feels an eye twitch in irritation.
"Don't look at them, sweetie." Her mother tells her, taking the little girl's hand and hurrying away.
"…We are pirates sailing through the Sea! The waves are our pillows, the ship our roost. Flying the proud skull on our flags and our sails! Now comes…"
"Will you drunken imbeciles shut up!" Kurama spins around and snarls at the three siblings that were following him, hands thrown over each other's shoulders, and clutching bottles of rum. "I love alcohol as much as you do, but it's barely noon!"
"You gotta relax, 'Rama." Gyūki slurs. "Here, drink. Get that giant stick from out your ass."
"Hear, hear!" Both Shukaku and Son Gokū agrees, raising their bottles in a cheer.
He rolls his eyes in response and speeds up to a jog. Behind him, someone stumbles and goes down to the floor, pulling down the other two with him amidst a storm of curses.
A vengeful grin tugs at his lips. Yeah, he loved his alcohol, but he knew better than getting drunk in the middle of the day in public. Once Matatabi caught wind of this, those three were dead meat, and he'd be savoring his well-executed revenge for the prank they pulled on him last week. Maybe he'll go drink some sake in a quiet, out of the way clearing.
If there's one thing humans got right, then it was alcohol.
Kurama was vaguely aware most of their meat suits, his included, were considered fairly attractive by the humans, and that Matatabi's especially was particularly beautiful, it was just… They never did get the hang of what was considered to be too violent. And that caused them to kinda accidentally scared off all their potential suitors. How were they supposed to know that biting each other, even when playfighting, was not considered to be socially acceptable? The Sage had always called that cute.
Romantic love and all that it entailed never really mattered to them anyway, and they were all perfectly content without all that drama, except an exceptionally ballsy Marine gets interested in their only sister. And not just any Marine, but the commander of their island's Marine Base. Who was at least twenty years older physically, if not mentally.
Evidently, this guy decided he will be able to tame their wild cat and somehow got her into a wedding dress and in front of the altar at the Base. Personally, Kurama suspected a substantial amount of tranquilizer, and lots of manpower had been used for that operation to have gone as successfully as it did.
Needless to say, none of them had been very pleased.
The next day after that particular disaster, Kurama opens the newspaper and finds nine new bounties issued by the World Government.
There was one for a 'Monkey King' Son Gokū, and one for 'Eight Swords' Gyūki. They were followed by bounties for a 'Raging Torrent' Isobu, a 'The Geyser' Kokuō, and a 'Thousand Bubbles' Saiken.
And after flipping in quick succession through 'Poison Sting' Chōmei, 'She-Devil' Matatabi, and 'Razor Wind' Shukaku, he finally found the one that he dreaded to see the most.
It was a close-up of him, his long red hair split into nine strands resembling his dearly missed tails like Kushina's once did, a bloodthirsty grin on his face, and burning flames flickering wildly around him.
'Firestorm' Kurama, it read. Wanted dead or alive for a bounty of 400,000,000 Beli.
He calmly folds the newspaper back up, places it on the kitchen table, and then sighs. "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have set the Marine Base on fire."
They should have known attacking a Marine Base would have consequences, but somehow, not one of them had thought of it before committing the act. The discovery of their newly issued bounties resulted in an emergency meeting, which of course, dissolved into a massive argument. They should have expected that too.
"We can't just do nothing!" Hissed Matatabi. "We'd be putting our families at risk!"
"Well, we aren't joining a pirate crew either." Roars back Son Gokū. "I ain't working as an underling for anyone!"
Chōmei agrees, slamming a hand on the table. "We've been slaves for long enough. Never again, I say!"
Kurama rubs his temples, trying to ward off the beginning of a massive headache. "If we stay, it won't be long before bounty hunters come after us. I won't be able to nap in peace."
"That's what you care about?! What about your parents? They can't defend themselves if they are attacked." Matatabi whirls around to glare at him looking incensed.
"Not all of us care about our meat suits folks like you do." Shukaku cackles.
"You!"
There was nothing the former cat could say to that. Most of them really didn't care, Kurama included. With so many bad memories involving humans, they had a hard time trusting them. That's not to say they hated their families. They didn't. They just felt rather indifferent towards them.
"What if we formed our own crew?" The quiet suggestion is almost drowned out by their yelling, but they nevertheless heard it. Slowly, they all turn to stare incredulously at Isobu.
I don't own Naruto or One Piece.
Edit: Next in series, The Deliverer, is posted.