Yggdrasil
the tree has many branches

I'll be honest and say I don't like genderbend stories, but this is a little experiment on my part, short of testing the waters. And I'll admit, it was kind of fun! I hope you enjoy this!

Warnings: grammatical mistakes, first POV galore, pure angst...

Disclaimer: The How to Train Your Dragon franchise is property of Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks Animation.

…&…

world 04

genben!Hiccup/Astrid!au

...&...

You knew that this would happen. It was a certainty from the moment you were born. You had seen it happen many times before, yet in your youth, you had allowed yourself to forget. You relished in your new found freedom, your friendship with Toothless opening your horizons broader. Your future seemed lighter, brighter, endless possibilities that lay ahead were sprawled to your feet.

Then that letter arrived.

"Please, Hic. Let me in?"

You were the single person she used that tone of voice to. Yet, you still didn't open the door. Anger coursed your veins, scorn curled your heart for your father and the constantly needy village and that damn arse that threatened to ruin everything you have slaved for. But most of all, betrayal rooted in your stomach. Opening the door meant you'll see her, accept her words, her comfort, her help. Opening the door meant rubbing sea salt on the still fresh and open wounds of your heart.

Opening the door meant betraying her further.

"Hiccup, please."

The door would stay close until you could look her in the eye without falling apart. Until you could tell her what was wrong without curling away in shame. Until you could handle seeing the disappointment in her eyes without ripping your heart to pieces.

Until you reassembled your broken self, the door would stay close.

…&...

Three days later she broke through your window.

You were still curled into a corner, still trying to piece yourself together and ignoring the itch of your tears on your cheeks. She had kicked your shutters in and landed gracefully into a crouch. You couldn't help but stare.

"Oh, sweet Freya, you are alright!"

You were in her arms in a heartbeat. You could feel her trembling heartbeat as she pressed you tighter in her body. You tried to breathe her in; sea, sweat, cream and honey broke into your nostrils and muddled your brain.

"You idiot! Why didn't open the door? I was so worried!"

Her eyes were of fire and ice, her lips drawn in a scowl. Your head was a mess, your heart still pulsing in pain. Your eyes fell on your lap; it was still painful to look at her.

"Hic?"

Her hands rose to your neck and your skin lit up like a Nightmare's. You wanted to touch her, to bury back into her embrace and hide your face between her breasts. She'd let you, you've done it before, but the pain in your heart wouldn't settle.

"What is wrong? Why did you hole up here for?"

"I'm sorry." Was all you could say, "I made you a promise I can't keep."

You felt her freeze and you shut your eyes in shame. You couldn't handle her disappointment yet, you couldn't. All your life you had strived to be like her, to make her notice, to make her see you. And after everything you've been through, you felt as if you betrayed her trust. Your eyes welled in tears and you couldn't help the sob coming from your chest.

"It's alright." Her voice soothed your trembling as she gathered you in her arms again. Her hands were in your hair, stroking each strand, curling each braid she had made only the day before disaster had hit.

"It's okay." She said and you broke right then and there. You hugged her back and she held you tighter. "The village comes first."

You broke into heaves and sobs and her fingers tightened their hold. She let you break and bleed in her arms, until you were no more.

"The damn village always comes first."

…&...

A week later and you can't take it anymore.

The mask you have adopted is ready to crumble. You manage to stand tall, but it is too much. Everyone is watching you, their perfect little Heir, their perfect Pride. They watch and smile and laugh and you smile. And all the time, you manage to swallow the loogie you want to spit in their face.

Two days ago, you met your intended. He is tall and brash and loud, with gleaming smirks and wiggling fingers that make you want to crawl into a hole. Today you are getting married.

You don't have a mother, so the village women take her place. They strip and bathe you. They swaddle you in an atrocious dress that itches. The color makes you want to hurl. The women coo and giggle and you just want to rip your skin off. Someone is reaching for your hair and you can't take it anymore. You kick them all out and rip the foul fabric off.

Your mask falls off and it takes all your strength not to fall. You can't fall again, you keep reminding yourself. Astrid made you promise not to. Astrid promised it will be okay.

But it isn't. And you are held together by strands.

A hand brushes your spine and you jerk. There's cream and honey in the air and you relax instantly. She chuckles when you fall against her, and you remind yourself you have to stand tall. You shouldn't break.

Don't fall. Don't break. Don't let them change you.

Her hands guide you to your bed and you sit as she leans over you. Carefully she cleans your painted face with that horrible dress. You can't help but answer her grin. She dips it into the water and starts patting your skin. She skims over your chest; you shiver and she hums. She lowers to her knees as she moves the wet fabric to your back. You gasp at the cold and you arch. She smiles and moves closer.

You feel her breath in your skin and it's too much. Your heartstrings thrum when she drops a kiss in your shoulder. She drags her lips up your throat and for a second you can't breathe. She kisses you with gentle force. Her touch light like the sun, yet scorching like flames. She hums and presses into you; it is too perfect a moment that you want to sob.

She moves away with a soft smile and continues patting your skin. You bite your lip and look at your lap.

"You are prettier without all this paint." she hums and you dare a peek at her face. She's looking back at you, her eyes like molten steel, hard and glowing, yet soft.

I understand, her eyes say and your heart falls to your feet.

"And your hair." The soiled dress fall and she reaches for your locks. "It's so long and pretty. It smells wonderful."

You fight back both a moan and a snort. Your hair had always been ridiculous; brown with red, tangled and always cropped short. A hindrance in the forge, Gobber had told you once and you remember not blinking when you took your dagger and cut your braid off. Your father had looked stricken by he let it go, and soon no one dared to bring it up before him. Only these past six years you've let it grow; Toothless loved playing chase with the ends and Astrid's fingers itched to braid them.

Her nails scratch a path down your scalp and you fight back another moan. Her fingers chase the tangles down and you arch with every tag. You take another peek at her and you flush; she is too close.

She hums again and her eyes trail the flush all over your skin. "Red really is your color. It makes your eyes pop." Her hushed words only make you feel hotter.

You try not to let the disappointment show when she moves away. She goes to a trunk and peels back the lid and anything she doesn't want. She comes back out with a red bundle that makes your eyes sting.

You stand tall as she dresses you. The fabric is soft on your skin, even after the years hiding away in the trunk. You stand before her in your mother's dress and it takes everything you have not to break down.

"Beautiful." She whispers and dives for your hair. You let her braid them as she wants. The gentle prodding almost making you sleep. Her fingers rub your ears and down your neck. You bite your lip and stare at her through the cleaned shield. The look on her face is unreadable.

"Let's run away."

You stare at her reflection and your heart beats faster. Her eyes cut deep in your soul and it's difficult to breathe.

"Let's steal away."

She says again and your heart almost leaps from your chest. You are ready to bolt, grab her hands and jump on the dragons and just go. Where doesn't matter. As long as she's with you.

But you don't. You fight back the urge to act on your desire. Because you know her; she'll hate herself if something happened and she wasn't here. She has people in the village, she can't leave behind. Not for anyone. Even for you.

Your eyes blur and you laugh.

"Wouldn't that be something?"

…&...

Your marriage lasts.

Your new husband is deep down a good man. Your father beams at the good match you make. He supports your ideas and helps you run the village when your father finally steps down.

Then you are with child, and your world is shifting. Everyone walks on eggshells around you, telling you not to do this or that, toeing in the line of your annoyance. More than once you fight with your husband. You want to fly and relax. He wants you inside and cared for. You bristle and you run.

Hours later she finds you in the cove.

"I knew I'd find you here."

Toothless is curled around you, keeping you warm.

"Have they sent you to drag me back?"

You can't help the sneer in your face. She laughs and sits beside you. Her hands, automatically reach for the stifling marriage braids. She takes them down and you can finally breathe.

"Why would I do that?"

Why would she indeed. Out of everyone, she is the only one acting normal towards her. You had expected the blow of your wedding to drive you apart. Instead, you grew closer.

"We should have run."

Your eyes turn to find her forlorn face. She is still as beautiful as ever. Nothing deterred her beauty, not even the lonely life of a Shieldmaiden. Her eyes, sharper than ice, fall on you and you bite back a shiver.

"We should have taken that chance to run."

"You'd regret it." You say and you reach for her hand. Her fingers twine with yours instantly. "You'd hate yourself… Me."

"Never." She whispers and leans to you. Her lips brush on yours and you allow yourself to smile. "I'd never hate you. I'd be happy to be with you. To hold you, have you."

This time you don't fight your shiver. She kisses you and you tilt your head, kissing her back. Something bubbles in your chest, moving lower, and you know it's the hormones. Peculiarly, you are never like that with your husband. Only with her.

She hums as she pulls you to her chest. You can feel her heartbeat with your head on your throat. Her hands move in your hair and your fingers play with her tunic.

You stay like that for a long time. It feels so right, and you don't want to move. There, with Toothless and in her arms, it feels as if everything has finally fallen into place.

You'll go back to reality eventually. But for now, you want to stay where you belong.