Adrenalize Me

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me. Cuz I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it

-Rihanna-

"Emma..." Regina's voice lingers in Emma's head as she wakes up from her slumber. Today's her last day in Aruba and what a way to start it, with a wet dream involving her and the mayor.

She feels more clear headed today and bites on the bottom of her lip to temp the irrepressible joy she feels inside as she thinks about how the mayor of Storybrooke might reciprocate her feelings. To be certain, it only makes their complicated situation even worse, but there's a lightness, a relief, in knowing that Emma's not the only one to feel something.

Maybe this might not have to turn into a Lily situation. Maybe they can work this out? Maybe Regina does care for her in a healthy manner and not just faking it out of sheer boredom like Lily had.

Don't be stupid, a dark part of Emma sneers. In what world would Regina give up her fiance and her career to be with you? Emma groans at the intrusive thoughts and pulls herself out of bed so she can shower and pack quickly, the fears wiping away any pleasure she might have received from her dream world.

They have to check out at ten am today so Emma leaves her room at about half an hour till and finds Regina exiting the room at the same time, suitcase behind her. Their eyes lock and they still. For a good while nobody moves or says anything, just taking in each other with a new light after last night.

A half smile forms on Emma's face but Regina panics instead.

"Good-"

A slam as Regina hurries back inside the room, Emma's hand dropping from the greeting it was about to give.

Oh.

This was bad.

This was very bad.

Immediately her stomach sours and her smile fizzles as her body grows cold. What if Regina hadn't wanted last night? What if she thought Emma had used her? Had pressured her to anything when it had been mutual? What if Emma was going to lose her job over this? Was going to lose her progress, however tentative, with the mayor?

A lump stands in her throat as unpleasant and unwanted thoughts assault her and she trudges down to the lobby, her suitcase squeaking sadly behind her.

Emma can't be happier to be back in her apartment. It smells unused, like dust, and she sighs out, flopping onto the couch and rubbing her pricking eyes. It had been nearly unbearable sitting next to the mayor on the flight back. The mayor was ice cold, not even bothering to look at Emma. Body stiffening up whenever they so much as were in close proximity. So much as whenever Emma even talked to Robin.

Robin noticed all this, obviously. He wasn't that blind. He held apologies in his eyes each time Emma tried to address Regina only to be brushed off, or when Emma tried to edge closer to Regina only for her to immediately retreat.

"She's just cranky probably because she has to go back to work. Don't mind her," he waved it off and even managed to get Emma a seat away from Regina on the plane so she wouldn't have to freeze her ass off from the chill emitting from her. But Robin himself didn't make any better leeway when trying to check up on her. She only looked more and more pissed off by his concern and so he dropped it there before she could bit his head off.

Emma wanted to ask Regina what was wrong. Why the hell couldn't they talk this out? Emma wouldn't know what to fix if Regina wouldn't let her!

Emma's heart ached each time she saw Regina move further and further away from her. Emma had been dumb. So, so dumb. Why had she ever believed a word Zelena said? The mayor didn't love her. Didn't care for her. Last night had been a mistake, letting things progress that far.

And Emma had foolishly raised her hopes, thinking more could come from it.

Going on vacation was supposed to help things, but it only made it worse. And as Emma stared up at the cracked ceiling of her bedroom she let out a deep sigh, burdened with every emotion wrought inside her. How could she face the mayor in a session ever again? If there was even another session.

She just wished she could erase what had happened between them. And maybe everything would go back to normal once more.

But life didn't work that way.

Emma went back to work. Nothing like whipping disobedient subs to get her mind off of a more troubling sub. Ursula noticed her attitude, noticed how she was being a bit too harsh and he approached her. "Everything okay sweetie?" he asked, brushing back a strand of her hair behind her ear in maternal care.

Her lips quivered as everything threatened to spill out of her. But she couldn't say anything. If she did, she might get laid off from more work. And right now, she needed every distraction she could get her hands on.

"Just, a bit out of sorts," she said, fixing a plastic smile. It didn't reach her eyes. "It feels weird being back at work when I didn't have to do anything for almost a whole week."

He cuffed her chin gently. "Well, chin up then. You have a lot of work to do." He could tell she wasn't telling the whole truth but he didn't pry further. She would tell him in her own time.

So Emma threw herself into her work with everything she had, relishing in the muffled cries of pain and ecstasy. Of the cold steel chains, of the smell of leather. Everything stayed silent on the mayor's end and surprisingly on Zelena's as well. Emma had expected the red haired woman to badger her, to ask on what was going on. Emma even missed the British woman's persistent phone calls. She willed them to come but they didn't and she worried Zelena hated her now.

And Emma had expected the mayor to dismiss her entirely too. But when Emma asked Ursula if she was still on the mayor's roster, the answer had been a shocking yes.

Emma had dumbly blinked in shock.

Ursula had been shocked by her shock. "Something the matter?" he asked, tapping the ash off of his cigar.

"No, I just-uh, well she didn't request me for a while, so I thought she moved on?" Emma's voice sounded meek and uncertain even to her ears.

Ursula shook his head. "No. She's probably just busy. Or doesn't feel up to it. She'll contact us when she's ready."

Emma didn't know if a time like that would come. After all, the mayor was deep in the closet. So deep. And probably sleeping with Emma outside of their sessions had only pushed her even deeper inside.

Emma sighed out in a forlorn manner. Why did she always have to fall for the most complicated women?

But Emma's issues pale in comparison to Ruby's whose dealing with none other than Gold.

"The bastard's trying to come after Belle!" she growled out, as she paced Emma's apartment, full of anger and spite and maybe even fear.

"What the fuck? Why?" Emma asked, sipping angrily on her beer as she sat on the couch and watched Ruby pace.

"He's a fucking creep, that's why! And he has a crush on her or something." Ruby shook her head. "I've been staying over at her place so he doesn't show up but it's only a matter of time before he does something."

"Did you tell the cops?"

"And do you think they'll care? Gold's got them in his pockets. They'll turn a blind eye like they have those other times I tried to get a restraining order on him."

"What about moving out?" Emma suggests, because she wishes she could ask Regina to use her mayoral power to do something. But the woman's not talking to her. Zelena would be another option. The crazy red head would have him taken care of in two seconds flat. But that's another Mills sister that's not talking to her either.

"We don't exactly have the money to move somewhere far away from him. It's a lot, just uprooting. Belle has her business and I have my job..." she trailed off shaking her head. Her shoulders were slumped like she was weighed down by something. Something heart breaking.

She wishes she could do more to help Ruby and Belle but honestly, she's not much use herself. "Just try not to stress out too much. And keep me on speed dial. In case you need my help or something I'll pop by and pop him off."

"That's nice of you to offer. But I don't think we'll be able to get away with hurting him if he gets too close," Ruby said dejectedly and Emma feels her pain, she really does. But sometimes, the only thing to do is weather out the storm, much like she's doing with Regina.

When Emma goes back to her apartment that night, she finds Regina sitting on her couch, clacking away at her laptop. The sight of her there freezes Emma as she is filled with a flood of emotions. Like a dam has opened inside her and is drowning her.

She doesn't know which emotion to cling onto, so she doesn't pick one at all, instead letting them flush through her until she's wiped clean of them all, only feeling a numb sensation.

Regina doesn't notice Emma has come in and so the room is filled with the sound of Regina typing away and Emma's breaths leaving her mouth in little gasps. At last Regina looks up, closing her laptop. She folds her hands over the compact thing, looking somewhat so formal that Emma feels like she's walked into a board meeting or something.

Regina's in her sharp pantsuit, hair swept carefully to the side and lipstick bright on her lips, and Emma is sweaty after the gym, with her hair sticking up everywhere in a messy ponytail, and this is not how she expected to look when she saw the mayor again.

"Uh, hi," she croaks out. She can't read the mayor's face at all. It's like a mask has slid up it. "So, uh, what's the emergency this time?" Because Regina's only ever been in her apartment for sex and for emergencies and she can't think of why Regina would want to have sex with her when she's avoided her for so long.

But the mayor's gaze is strong on her, unlike how it had been that time all those days ago.

"Emma, I thought we should talk. About what happened on that beach."

Emma sucks in a breath. Here it comes. She nods her head. Doesn't breathe just yet.

Regina licks her lips, thinks of how to make this sound passable. "We were both drunk. And we fell into it because we were so used to being with each other intimately. Let's not make it into anything more than that. I trust your discretion."

Emma let out a harsh breath, feeling a stabbing pain next to her heart. What did she expect the mayor to say? That they could run off into the sunset together? That Regina would throw her whole world away because suddenly being an open gay was on her agenda? Fat chance of that. This would be for the best. They could both move on from this.

"Got it. Yup. Nothing more than that," she tried to instill fake cheeriness into her voice even as her heart crumbled and her mouth rambled. But Regina wasn't done.

"I also told Robin."

Emma feels everything inside her freeze again at that admission. Had they not been trying to keep this a secret? Namely from him? What the hell was the mayor doing? Was she...was she cutting him loose?

"I didn't tell him it was you," the mayor soothed when she saw the alarm on Emma's face and mistook the concern there. It didn't help soothe Emma, however. The mayor let out a bereaved sigh. "He didn't believe me when I told him I'd slept with someone on the beach."

Emma could just imagine the scene. Regina, with a guilt stricken face, almost in tears, telling Robin who would look on at her with so much love and adoration and not being able to understand a single word coming from her lips.

He would wave it off, saying she must have made up stuff because she was drunk and that it didn't really happen. That the hickeys on her neck were nothing more than mosquito bites.

Okay, so nothing had been mentioned about the sessions. But still...why did Regina tell him now? Of all times? Was it guilt?

She watched the mayor's face for any clue, but her voice was even and her face unreadable still. "He just doesn't think I would do something like that, even if I was drunk." She closed her eyes to hide the flash of pain from Emma and she took in a shaking breath. "He's too good for me. Sometimes I wish he wasn't." Another pause. "I admit, I have no idea what I'm doing anymore."

Emma could hear the cracks in her voice now. A facade slowly crumbling. "I thought hiring you to deal with my inner urges so I could keep up a 'happy straight' relationship would work out fine. But," at this she shook her head, mad at herself. "I don't know anymore."

"Do you want to stop?" the fear blurts out of Emma's mouth before she can even stop it. Regina jolts at her suggestion. "No." Resolute, certain. Absolute. Emma wished she could be as decided as her.

"I tried to be normal these past two months, but I can't anymore." Regina got up, her hands fidgeting nervously. The cool she had had was slowly diminishing in the face of her true emotions, under the flow and ebb of them. "I want us to continue what we had. Just, no more slip ups like the beach."

Emma nods her head. Amazed by what she is hearing. There's more to this that Regina isn't letting on but she won't press. Things had almost gone down the drain before. She doesn't want to risk that. Not when she has two more sessions with Regina.

She's going to savor them with all she's got. Because after that, they're done even if Regina doesn't know it. And it means Emma needs to be done with her emotions too.

Emma wants to bitterly laugh out loud. Ursula has given her the chance so many times to pass Regina off if Emma doesn't want her as a client, but it seems Emma's a bit of masochist despite her dom status, because she keeps powering on through, letting this situation continue to hurt her.

"Thank you for understanding," Regina gives a wry smile, says, even if Emma doesn't fully understand. She picks up her laptop, her bag, and brushes past Emma on her way out. Her perfume wafts past Emma's nose and she inhales it, longing for the days when that scent was imprinted into her skin from their constant fucking.

Emma tells herself it is better this way. She'll get over the crush eventually. Regina cannot be dragged into Emma's world. Emma cannot stress this enough times. And if Regina wants to keep playing it at being straight than that's Regina's business. Emma will not force her out of the closet. That night on the beach had scared Regina despite her not saying it.

It seemed there was a line. As long as the service was just that, a service, than it was a different matter. But it being a genuine thing, that frightened the mayor. She couldn't handle acting out on her desires as not something she paid for, but as something she could do in a relationship. Because she could have all that so easily and she was too scared to go for it.

The door closes with a silent whoosh and Emma stares at her feet, her stomach a knot of emotions she doesn't want to figure out. She digs her phone out and calls Ruby. She needs a girls night out and she needs to black out.

She's made her resolution. As soon as the sessions are done, she's gone.

"You really must stop ending up on my bed when you black out, or else Mulan is going to think you're trying to seduce me," Zelena's dry humor is the first thing Emma wakes up to, as she sits up with a groan. She's half dressed, her pants missing somewhere and revealing the underwear she's wearing.

"Duck print. Cute for someone whose a dominatrix."

"Oh suck it," Emma grunts out, not in the mood for this.

A door creaks open and Mulan shows up, carrying a tray with tea in it. "I made something to help. It won't taste good but it gets rid of hangovers." She hands a cup over to Emma who grimaces as she sips from it. Mulan wasn't lying about the taste. It tastes about as good as burnt rubber.

The taste also chastises her in a way because she tones back the snappish attitude. "Sorry. I don't mean to crash here each time. Thanks for having me."

Zelena studies her, hands on hips, while Mulan leaves the room. Emma pretends to be busy studying the tea but they both know there's a very important conversation to be had. "I heard."

"Heard what," Emma says, her heart beating faster in her chest.

"Robin's and Regina's conversation."

That's old news. "I know about it. She told him she cheated on him. And he laughed it off."

Zelena cocks her head, tries to assess Emma's feelings. Emma puts on a neutral face; it helps that she's so hungover it hurts to smile or grimace. "So you two did have sex." She scoffs. Not the reaction Emma expected from Zelena who had been trying so hard to get them together. She expected massive jubilant and not this brimming disappointment. "And yet, the two of you are still shite. I was rooting for you both."

"Zelena, I don't want to push Regina into coming out when she's not ready."

"She won't ever be ready if you continue acting like this."

Emma glowers. "So you want me to out her?" That's a terrible idea that no gay appreciates if they're not ready yet.

Zelena shakes her head. Her eyes are soft now. Sad almost. "Emma, let me tell you, Regina's not in a great position." She sits down next to Emma, voice taking on a gentle tone. "Our mother...well she's the source of much pain and strife in our life. I had the good luck to not be raised by her or have to interact with her too often, but Regina grew up in a very abusive household. She was beaten by her mother for the smallest inconvenience and her father would do nothing about it."

That sounded terrible. She had never expected that of Regina's past.

"Cora had visions of the perfect life for Regina. And that involved being in politics and marrying a rich white man and starting a family with him. There was no space for Regina's own opinions and hobbies, much less for her own sexual preference. Only now has she started to rebel a bit against what our mother put on her."

Emma could feel Zelena building up to something. Something she wanted Emma to do. "And?"

"And, Emma, Regina's not going to come out and fight for her own happiness until you convince her otherwise."

Emma grit her jaw, clenched her teeth, feeling a strain over come her. "So, what, you want me to play at being some sort of white knight? At saving her?"

"No. You don't have to do that. Just...show her what she's missing out on. Nobody deserves the situation they've been pushed into."

Emma contemplates this, feeling more lost than ever.

"Also, are you still mad at me about Aruba?" Zelena asks.

"Yes. Very," Emma answers without hesitation. She smells an opening. "But, you can fix that, if you help me with something."

"Anything," she says with a gentle smile and pats Emma on her knee.

Emma doesn't know what Zelena expects her to do to help Regina from her situation. It's none of Emma's business except it is, and she just wishes things were easier. Her first instinct is to take Regina to a gay club but that would probably be a big no and so Emma blows up a strand of hair and turns on the TV louder instead to drown out her annoying thoughts.

Eventually the mayor books a session with Emma and the blonde dom is practically shaking with nerves.

Emma doesn't know how she can go back to normal in her sessions with Regina when they've progressed so much farther past them. When she can still hear Regina calling out her name as she cums. It's like asking to give up something better for something worse. Nobody wants to do that. Not if they can avoid it.

Regina doesn't have the same qualms about this.

She's ready to throw herself into this play, as if it will erase everything. As if losing herself in it will make up for the fact of what they shared before.

Ever the actress and consummate professional, Emma masks her inner feelings and does what she's been paid to.

And it's a pretty standard session. Orgasm denial, some whipping. Surprisingly Regina doesn't come off as a glut for punishment like in previous times when something had happened at her job and she wanted to be punished for it.

So why no pain now? Not when Emma could have ruined Regina's relationship with Robin? Things don't make sense but Emma isn't being paid to think about this, but to pleasure Regina and so she does, the whole time feeling like it's all happening behind a glass wall.

It's the end of the session where things take a turn.

"Mistress, I want to taste you," Regina spouts out, and the sentiment freezes Emma for a good two seconds. This wasn't the first time she had been requested to be fucked by a client, and she didn't have to do it, didn't owe them anything other than the pain and humiliation they signed up for. She had been begged to be touched, to be tasted, but she never expected Regina to ask to do it.

"Do you?" she asks, just as she is loosening the handcuffs from the frame of her bed. She moves once more, sitting back on her haunches to observe Regina coolly. It takes her all of one second to decide that yes, she wants Regina's tongue on her, fucking her hard. But she won't seem greedy for it. She won't. "And why should I indulge you? How badly do you want it?"

"I ache for it with my very being. I will die if I don't get it," Regina says hoarsely from where she lays spread out under Emma, her tan hands drifting up to caress pale thighs clad in leather.

Emma quirks up her lip. "Don't be so dramatic, pet." She gets up off the bed, sits down on the chaise and spreads her legs. "Crawl to me," she demands and Regina does so diligently on her hands and knees. Her eyes are trained on the apex of Emma's thighs and Emma has to settle her hands on her thighs to calm her nerves. This is sort of a fucking big deal for her but she doesn't want to give Regina the impression of that.

Regina makes it to the edge of the chaise, hands crawling up to touch the softness of Emma's thighs, to properly worship. Her eyes have not once moved from the thin material covering Emma's crotch. "Go ahead pet," Emma permits and Regina's face moves in, nose buried in Emma's panties, inhaling her scent of arousal. She let's out a small groan of delight and Emma tries to stop the prickles of goosebumps on her skin, bubbling up in anticipation.

Something inside screams red flag, that doing this is bringing them closer to what they had on that beach, that something that Regina had put a stake through. But apparently it's back from the dead because it's creeping inside both of them, rushing through their veins, overcoming their minds.

Regina looks up with devout eyes, wordlessly asking if she can proceed. Emma gives a subtle nod of her head and thus they spiral down deeper into the hole.

The underwear is removed hastily before Regina dives right in, impatient yet slow, thoughtful and worshiping at the same time. She's savoring every moment of this, trying to make it last, and it's torment on Emma who feels an orgasm being slowly built in her, who wishes Regina would hurry up but she too wants this to last, wants to savor it because she knows she shouldn't do this but the wrong feels so good.

Regina swirls her tongue, spreads Emma's folds, sucks on her clit and Emma arches into her with silent groans, a light sheen spreading on her back from the painful slowness of her pleasure being built. Still, she encourages Regina. "Good girl," she murmurs in soothing tones as Regina clutches Emma's thighs tightly as if afraid she will escape from her. So Emma runs her fingers through Regina's hair to comfort her, silky locks thick in her fingers.

And when Emma comes at last in Regina's mouth, she tugs hard on those locks as Regina murmurs her pleasure at servicing Emma. But she doesn't stop there. She keeps going, lapping up all of Emma's wetness and employing the use of teeth this time. She scraps them against Emma's clit, nibbles on her, and Emma comes for a second time, eyes fluttering shut and thighs holding tight onto Regina who licks up the mess obediently.

"Good girl," Emma praises breathlessly as she pulls Regina up from between her legs. The woman's face is smeared with wetness and Emma wipes it away. "I think your efforts deserve a reward, don't they? What would you like me to do to you?"

Emma expects Regina to say she wants to be pinned to the wall, that she wants to be fucked from behind, that she wants to be humiliated. But she surprises Emma, and perhaps herself, with her request. "I want to kiss you. Kiss you until we can't kiss any longer."

It's just...such a domestic request. So normal...that it makes Emma's insides churn more pleasurably than any orgasm. So much for the mayor's request in returning their sessions to normal. That was a valiant yet failed attempt.

Emma studies her, eyes wide and Regina shrinks back, ashamed at her own want. "I-we don't have to- I just-"

Emma cuts off her stammering by tugging the woman up to her lap and shutting her up with a forceful kiss. "I think it's cute," Emma hurries to reassure because it made her heart clench in adoration and made Regina all that more lovable to her. "I think you've gotten all domesticated on me, pet." Their lips meet again, and again, hot and needy, teeth clashing, tongues battling as mouths slanted against each other. Regina's hands twined in Emma's hair, over her neck, digging nails in with delicious pressure. Emma tugged Regina in closer by her ass so that her hot center was resting on her stomach, Regina wiggling in more to get more contact.

Their excited pants filled the room, warm breath caressing skin and kiss swollen lips. Emma could feel Regina growing slick against her, feel the faint throb of her arousal on her stomach muscles. Emma ducks her head down and nibbles a path, careful not to leave a mark, Regina throwing her back while her hand scrambled to push Emma's face up to meet her once more in a heated kiss. Her hips began to grind, seeking friction.

"Are you trying to get off without asking my permission?" Emma asked playfully.

"No mistress," Regina breathed as Emma's lips. "I only need your lips. I don't need you to touch me." But Regina's already so worked up from eating Emma up that the blonde wonders why Regina is denying the need for relief. Her hips do still but her lips do not, nipping, licking and sucking on Emma's lips.

To be honest, Emma is getting turned on again despite how intimate this exchange is, despite how much she shouldn't have done it. But that's how it is with Regina, a lot of should'ves and shouldn't haves and Emma can never bring herself to make the smart choice.

Grabbing onto Regina by her thighs, she hefts the both of them up and slams them into the adjoining wall and Regina groans as her legs wrap around Emma's back and her hands dig into her blonde tresses. "You like this, don't you? Pinned to the wall like the sick freak you are," Emma hisses between kisses. "But you're mine. My little pet." She rolls her stomach into Regina's slit, teasing and taunting her with barely a touch before she pulls Regina's lower half from the wall and slams right into her, right into the wall again.

The neighbors will surely complain but they are the farthest thing from Emma's mind right now.

The motions send jolts of pain and pleasure racing up and back down, coalescing into thick heat. Regina throws her head back and moans but doesn't do anything to try to get off. Good girl, she's really holding true to her word. "You really don't want me to touch you? To fuck you so good in that needy little cunt of yours that you'll drip down your legs and have to sit to keep from falling?"

Regina shakes her head. "No. My reward is enough for me right now. Just don't stop kissing me."

Emma wonders where this is coming from-where is Regina's ardent need for kissing formed? But she doesn't have time to think, pressing her lips up and down the column of Regina's neck while she continues to slam their hips into the wall anyways and roll her stomach into Regina's slit. "You're my pet," she whispers out, needing, wishing, to know Regina is hers even if it is just fantasy, and then bites down deeply on the junction of Regina's neck and collarbone, sucking the flesh into her mouth, soothing it.

Regina's legs are trembling in that way they do when she's reached her peak and Emma knows she's going to come before Regina even knows it. So she grinds harder into her, slipping a hand down in between to help though it doesn't take too long. Hot wetness gushes out and she shudders, sagging in Emma's hold. Emma watches her do so with careful eyes. Something's changed between and she doesn't know what. She feels stripped of her defenses, feels uncomfortable. She's so out of sorts, she doesn't even want to punish Regina for coming without her consent.

Regina comes down from her high, nuzzles Emma's neck, tugs on her earlobe and Emma sets her down, needing space, needing to run from the fucking intensity of it all. "Mistress?" Regina husks, eyes confused. "Aren't you going to punish me? I came without you saying I could."

"N-no, it's okay. I just remembered I have someone coming over. I need to clean all of this up," Emma says, not looking at Regina, not able to see what expression she is making.

"Oh," Regina says and it sound vulnerable, disappointed, and sad.

"I'm sorry- I don't mean to cut this short. I won't charge you for tonight if you don't want me to," Emma is shoving tools into her bag, is grabbing a change of clothes for the shower.

"Emma-" Emma can feel the fleeting touch of Regina's fingertips reaching out for her, but she disappears before they can land. In the shower she scrubs and scrubs as her skin, the spot where Regina came on her, tingling to the touch. She washes her lips, spits out the soap that gets into her mouth. She needs to wash this all away. Wash away -fuck, they had made love with each other sober and during a session and the damn way it was so soft and that expression in Regina's eyes- the proof, the link, that the both of them are falling in love more and more each day.

And Emma can't deal with this- with this constant back and forth on her heart. Either the mayor wants her or she doesn't. But Emma's tired of always being the one to put her heart on the line. Let the mayor do it for once.

She doesn't dare soothe the ache between her legs this time.

A/N: We're getting into the endgame now.