Adrenalize Me
You drive me drive me crazy
Can't think my thoughts are hazy
This feeling is amazing
You always drive me drive me crazy
-Maruv-
"Emma..."
The ringing of her cell phone is what wakes Emma up the next morning. A cool bleak morning in which she had cried herself to sleep after her argument with Regina last night.
"Hello?" she picks it up with no real enthusiasm but also with no spite. She just feels drained, and also, her body is still hating her for her clubbing sessions with Dorthy and is still trying to repair itself.
A long heavy sigh on the other end. "Look, I don't quite know how to say this..." Ursula trails off and Emma sits up, concerned. "You're not firing me, are you? I just got back and I was going to go into work tomorrow evening and sweat my ass off for you." Her heart thumps in her chest.
"No, it's not that. Though...it might as well be." Regret is laced in her boss's voice.
Emma's heart beats harder. "The fuck do you mean?"
"Emma, I think you should come into work. The mayor's done something crazy," Ursula says. "And it would be easier to explain things to you in person rather than over the phone."
Emma swallows hard. "I'll be there." She angrily ends the call, wishing this was a regular phone so that she could just slam it down in anger. Instead, she jerks out of bed and slides on her clothes, barely brushing her hair before she's out and in her car, driving to work with a mix of dread and choler. What did Regina do now? Did she expose Emma? But Emma had already exposed herself. What more could be done?
Emma pulls in and exits the car, finding Ursula standing on the doorstep, smoking and arms crossed over his chest as he waited for her.
"What the fuck is going on?" is the first thing out of her mouth when she sees the dour expression on Ursula's face.
He sighs, a look of regret on his face.
"She bought you."
Emma doesn't react for a good couple of seconds because the incredulity of the statement takes some time to sink in. She sputters, trying to find her tongue. "Bought me? The fuck am I? Property, that she can just do that!"
"She bought out your services," Ursula says in a low voice, blocking Emma from coming inside the establishment. A man crossing on the street stares at them, before the pitch of Emma's voice causes him to scurry away fast.
"And?" Emma shrills.
"Technically you are no longer employed here." Ursula handed her an envelope, an apologetic look on his face. "I couldn't do anything. She threatened to shut us down if I did. This is your cash payment in advance and that's your termination slip." He shifted guilty eyes away. "I'm sorry."
Emma's hand shakes on the envelope and she wants to hurl it away in rage. Hurl away the filthy money she's been bought out with. She cannot believe this. She cannot.
She squeezes her eyes shut tight as if this will erase any of what has happened. It doesn't, sadly.
"Emma, what happened between you and the mayor?" Ursula asked delicately as he watched the blonde struggling with her barely veiled emotions. But Emma can't hear him. She's got her heart thumping in her ears and adrenaline racing through her veins. She stomps off, all of her laser sharp focuse on getting to Regina and...and...giving her a piece of her mind!
"Emma. Emma!" Ursula called from the doorway. "Don't do something stupid."
"I already did," Emma shot back, because she'd done the mayor, the mayor who had just done something incredibly stupid. Emma slammed the door to her car shut, tore out of the driveway with a screech of wheels, and drove to Regina's mansion.
There was no way she was going down without a fight.
She barely remembers to park her car when she pulls up in front of Regina's mansion. She takes the stairs two at a time, knocks on the door until her knuckles turn red. Robin opens it a second later, confused by the abrasive pounding.
"E-"
Emma doesn't wait, just pushes past him roughly. "Where's Regina?" she asks brusquely. Rudely, even. He looks confused by her behavior.
"Upstairs. But she's taking a call-"
Emma doesn't wait to finish hearing what he has to say. She rushes up the stairs, going right for Regina's bedroom. She slams the door open and Regina turns on her heel from how she was pacing around the room. She's dressed impeccably, in a tailored pantsuit with tasteful pinstripes. Normally, an outfit like that would have Emma drooling and wanting to disrobe the mayor. However, this isn't enough to distract Emma from how angry she is.
"I'll call you back," Regina says slowly as she takes in Emma's panting and enraged form. If she is worried, or at all regretful about this, she doesn't show. In fact, she's got a mask on. One of smug gloating. It only pisses Emma off more as the mayor ends her call.
Before either of them can speak, Robin is there, looking worriedly at them. "Is everything-"
"Leave us," Regina says imperiously, not even bothering to look at him.
"Are you-"
"I need some privacy for this business between me and miss Swan," in the same tone of reply.
He nods his head and walks away. Emma has some common sense to close the door behind him before she starts in on Regina.
"What the fuck is this, Regina?" Emma asks as she tosses the manila envelope on the bed between them.
Regina side eyes it, arms crossed over her chest. "I believe that is called money."
"I don't have time for you to be a smart ass with me right now," Emma shrills out. "Did you seriously buy me out from Ursula? What the fuck are you trying to accomplish with this? You want me to be your sex slave? What, what the hell is going through your brain right now?" Emma is livid. Flushed with it. And she shakes.
She has never felt this out of control before. Meanwhile Regina is calm. Still. Shrinking maybe even under the realization of what she did. "I wasn't thinking," she lets out at last.
"Obviously!" Emma spits out.
"Let me finish," Regina cuts in, eyes flashing. She's so cool and collected. But perhaps she truly is a politician, because they always were primed to deal with the worst situations and this indeed was a terrible one.
Emma suffers back her need to explode and waits impatiently for Regina to continue. "I was upset at you. So upset. Without a word, you cut off our wonderful play sessions and left me out in the cold. No explanation, no warning. So when you came back, I, in my own twisted way of possession, wanted to prevent you from ever leaving me again. But...it was a wrong thing to do. So wrong. I used my mayoral power over Ursula to twist things into my liking and I shouldn't have done that. I was just so upset and hurting..." she trailed off, voice rough.
"And what did it matter to you that I was gone," Emma hissed lowly. "I was just another sex worker to you. I wasn't important to you, but you were important to me."
"Emma, I-" Regina's eyes widened at this.
"I love you, Regina," Emma confesses and it doesn't make her feel any better to say this. She thought it would take a weight off. Make it easier to live with this. But she feels the same. If anything, it hurts more, this awareness that she loves the mayor. "And what you've done really hurts me."
"Oh," is all the mayor can say for now. Her face melts into shock, into softness. Her eyes glimmer with emotion. "Emma..." she takes a step forward, as if wanting to reach out for her. Wanting to comfort her.
"I know you- I know this doesn't fucking matter to you," Emma insists and her voice is choked tight with tears. She can feel them press back on her eyes, wanting to come out. "But I just- it matters to me. And I can't keep this charade up between us. I can't continue being with you when I can't be with you. And I'm not selfish enough to ask you to give up your fake relationship with Robin, or your job, just for me. But god, sometimes I wish I could ask that of you." She rubs an angry hand over her eyes because the tears are coming out, even if she doesn't want them too. "That's why I stopped the sessions. That's why I left town. To be away from you and my feelings for you."
Regina obviously wasn't excepting such a reaction from Emma. For the blonde to bear her emotions out like this. This time she does come closer to Emma, cradling the woman to her chest whose openly sobbing now despite her intentions to stop. Her hands clench into Regina's lapels, tears soaking her no doubt expensive blouse.
"I'm...I'm sorry," Regina's words are so low they might as well be a hum. "I'm not good with relationships. With..." she gives up, unable to find the words she wants. She directs Emma's face to hers, pressing a kiss to her forehead. It's such a caring gesture and it only breaks Emma down more. She knows she looks a mess; is acting like a mess. But she can't stop it.
All those months of feelings, pouring out. Regina cradles her cheeks in her hands, studying her face with a worried expression. "Emma, I'm in love with you."
The quiet statement rips right into Emma. Clenches her beating heart hard. "You...you are?" she sobs questioningly. It's almost a dream to hear those words.
"Mhm," Regina nods, bites her bottom lip shyly like she'll get scolded for admitting such things. "I just didn't want to admit it to myself. But...I can't hide my feelings anymore. And it was stupid of me to try and buy you out just so I could continue being in denial. Continue this facade we had. Continue hurting you." She shakes her head. "I'm...I'm a coward. And I have always been for the longest time. For too long I was afraid of my mother. Even now, when I thought I had finally rebelled against her, I never truly had. Because I'm still scared of all this. Of being gay. Of being with you. Of loving you."
"You don't have to be. You don't have to come out. I don't- my intention was never to pressure you into anything. I just wanted you to know-" Emma stammers out, her cries quieting down a bit now. Regina's words were doing a lot to soothe her. To fill that gaping hole in her heart.
"It's alright," Regina soothes. "For now, let's not think about that. I just...I just want to be with you," soft words paired with such a soft expression, it made Emma's heart flutter. She allowed Regina to hold her until her crying subsided and then, Regina wiped her tears away with almost marvel at how amazing it felt to openly hold Emma like this, when not in a session with her.
"Can I kiss you?" she asked tentatively and uncertainly.
"Of course," Emma half laughed, a wet laugh, because she had just finished crying.
Regina smiled shyly and leaned in, pressing her lips gently to Emma's like she could break her. It was a kiss unlike any other they had shared, and it made Emma feel alive. Regina pulled back, hands still cradling Emma's face to hers. "I fell for you before I knew it and when I did finally realize my feelings they scared me. Because I thought everything I had so carefully built up- my public image, my persona, my job and my relationship with Robin- would fall apart. And I couldn't afford that because of pleasing my mother. But...I don't care anymore. That month you were gone I was so miserable. I almost sent out police looking for you but I figured you wouldn't like that. But I was so tempted to do it because it was one of the more miserable months of my life.
"And now...now I want everything I have to be destroyed," she finished, a fire of determination brewing in her eyes.
"Regina, like I said-"
"I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me." She stepped away, went to look out the window. "I never wanted to be a politician. I only did it so to please my mother who said I was perfect for this field. And I never wanted to be in a straight relationship. I'm not even straight." A small depreciative chuckle at this.
"What do you really want, Regina?" Emma asked.
"I want a nice life. On a ranch. Tending horses perhaps. And with you by my side if you'll have me."
"Of course," Emma breathed out. After all this time, how could she say no when the thing she wanted most was being offered up to her.
"I just...I just need some time," Regina closed her eyes, brow furrowing up with the weight of everything that had to be done. "I have so many loose ends to tie up. But my term ends this year, Emma. Can you wait? I know it's an incredibly selfish thing to ask-"
"I can wait," Emma assures, coming up and squeezing Regina on the shoulder in comfort. "I've waited this long for your hard ass to come around, I can wait some more."
Regina smiles at Emma's levity. "I want to come out to people too. Robin, I think, should be the first to know. Because if I'm going to be in a relationship with you-" at this her breath hitches and Emma squeezes down on her shoulder again.
"I'm not forcing you to be in one. If you're not ready-"
"I want to be ready. I've wasted all this time, lying to myself, trying to please my mother. And what has it given me? Nothing but misery in my life. I don't even like this town."
"Take as much time as you need, Regina. Just please, don't shut me out. I couldn't stand that," Emma pleaded.
Regina nodded her head, meeting gazes with Emma in the combined reflection in the window.
A week passes after that faithful encounter. Regina retracts her previous actions at Ursula's club and Emma is back in business, working her ass off for her customers. Everything feels just a bit off, however, because now that she knows Regina wants to be involved with her, should she really continue to work here? She is good at this job, and it's all she's pretty much known since forever. This club and the girls here are her family more or less.
All she knows is she will have to make a decision regarding this. Just not now. Not until everything with Regina is figured out.
When Emma had come back after the whole debacle, Ursula had raised a brow and demanded to know what was going on. Emma had winced in having this brought up. She has no right to out Regina, but also, what could she tell her boss?
She shrugged, figured Regina could take the heat for this. She had been the one to start this mess after all. "I don't know. Talk it out with her. I'm too pissed off to think about it anymore. Just set me up with some man who won't mind me being extra harsh today."
Ursula hmphed but did as asked, no doubt about to call Regina after he set Emma up. Emma wondered what Regina would say to this. But Emma wasn't going to clean up messes for others. That wasn't her job and neither did Regina deserve it for doing such a dumb ass thing in the first place.
So, while Emma waits for Regina to come out on her terms, Emma just works and works and tries not to call Regina or even Zelena. Though Zelena leaves her a bunch of messages on her phone.
Messages asking about Regina because apparently the woman is behaving erratically.
Emma figures Regina can deal with Zelena. It's not like Zelena doesn't know about Regina being gay anyways.
It's on Sunday afternoon as Emma's watching TV, that there's a knock on her door. She goes to open it, hoping it's not Zelena because she is no mood for shenanigans. Except, when she opens it up, it's Regina on the other end. Wearing layers to keep her face hidden.
"Hi," she says shyly and Emma smiles, letting her in. Regina goes in, not shedding her clothes. This must be a brief meeting then. About what, Emma wonders. Regina opens her mouth to speak but closes it when the words won't come out.
Emma waits for Regina to speak. She can tell the mayor is nervous, so she doesn't press her. Just let's her take her time. Regina twists the gloves in her hand. Bites her bottom lip before she straightens up and resolves herself to get through this.
"Emma, I can't do this."
Emma's stomach fell down at the admission.
"Regina..." she breathed out, tried to pull up some understanding.
"Emma, I can't do this alone," Regina quickly filled in. "I need you there by my side."
Emma lets out a breath of relief she has been holding. Oh. Okay. This she can manage. "You want me there when you come out?"
Regina nods her head. "I want you there when I come out to Robin. I can't...I don't think I can do it on my own."
Emma considers this. "How much are we going to tell him?"
"Everything," Regina whispers. "I owe him that in the least. I don't want him finding out from anyone else."
Emma could see this going badly. She could taste it going badly. "He wouldn't find out from anyone else because no one-"
Regina shakes her head. "No. He deserves to know how shitty of a person I have been to him."
"Alright," Emma said with a tired breath. She would mentally prepare herself for the worst. "When do you want to do this?"
"Today?" Regina asked questioningly. "The sooner the better."
"But when you break up with him, what are you going to do?"
"I'm keeping the house. It's mine. He's free to go wherever he wants."
"What about...what about the fallout?"
Regina's lips twist up. "It'll be for the best. If he goes to the news, then my infidelity will be out there and my reputation ruined and I'll never be able to run for office again."
"Are you sure?" Emma asks, because this is a lot to do and not be able to turn back from. Will their relationship be worth everything they are sacrificing?
"Yes," Regina says confidently. "It's time I finally did something for myself. That I finally get the life I should have not the life I don't want." She raises her chin in a show of bravado.
Emma nods her head in understanding. "Let me just dress up a bit. I don't wanna enter a confrontation in sweats and an old tank top." She needs armor; whatever boost she can get to get through this.
Emma rushes over to change clothes, her hands shaking a bit. God, this isn't even about her coming out but she's nervous. Nervous to see Robin's reaction. Whatever happens, he will not react nicely. There will be screaming, hurt feelings, and tears. And she feels terrible already for doing this to him. But it was better to let him go rather than keep him there just to hurt him. It would be painful for all involved, especially him, but surely he would see the benefit of not continuing this.
When she's done changing, she meets Regina outside the door and the mayor leads them to her car and they drive over to the mansion. "How are you holding up?" Emma prods gently.
"Surprisingly well," Regina says, voice even. "I just have to think of myself as a terrible person and of this break up as a nice service to Robin. And then, it hurts a little less."
"You're not scared?"
"Well, that's what you're here for, dear," Regina says affectionately.
The car is parked and Regina is marching up to the mansion, back straight, head up. Emma follows like her shadow, anxious on what will happen.
They enter, finding Robin inside the manor, reading a newspaper on the armchair. He looks so at peace and so content. Emma feels for the pain they're about to cause him. "Robin, I need to talk to you," Regina starts in a no nonsense tone of voice. He glances up at her and when she sees her grim expression he seems to blanch a bit. "What happened?" he asks. "Is it something with the political office-"
"No," she cautions and he sits back down from how he was halfway up from the seat. "No, this is about me, Robin. And I know, you're going to hate me for what happened and I'm sorry it did. But I can't keep doing this."
He tries to reach out for Regina's hand. "Regina, I could never hate you-"
"You should," she interjects, taking a step back so she won't touch her. She doesn't deserve this loving touch.
His eyes skip over to Emma, noticing for the first time she is here, before flicking over uncertainly to Regina. "Alright, what is going on?" he asks at last, visibly gearing up to hear the bad news.
Regina takes a deep breath before looking over at Emma for mutual support. "I've been cheating on you Robin. With Emma."
There is silence as he sits there, processing this. He doesn't seem to know what to make of it. Of which part of the statement is worse. "What?" he utters out at last, looking so very lost. "You cheated on me- with Emma?"
Now he looked at Emma, seeing her in another light. "Why?"
"Because I'm gay, Robin. And I've been living a lie," Regina continues. "My mother wanted me to live the life she choose for me. She wanted me to be a politician. She wanted me to be straight. And I tried to give all that to her, but I can't do it anymore. It's tearing me apart to do this and you got caught in the middle of this and I don't want to drag this charade out any longer. I want to break up with you so you don't have to suffer me being unfaithful anymore. You didn't deserve me being shitty to you. You're too good for that, and truly I am sorry for ever doing that to you behind your back when you didn't deserve any of it."
Robin's jaw dropped open and he looked to be fighting for words. "Was it because I wasn't man enough for you? And she was?" Poor Robin didn't seem to understand what being gay meant.
Regina shakes her head sadly. "No, it's because you were too man enough for me. And she wasn't."
He turned hurt eyes to Emma now. "You pretended to be her friend, this whole time. Pretended nothing was going right in front of me, this whole time!" he began to get louder, and his fist hit the arm of the chair he was sat on. Both women startled a bit and Emma took a step closer to Regina, in case he thought of hurting her.
"I'm a sex worker, Robin," Emma calmly states. "It's kind of what I do."
"I can't believe it," he mumbled, more to himself. "I feel like an enormous dumb ass right now." Then he asked them, "how long has this been going on?"
"More than a year," Regina says without hesitation. "It wasn't meant to become anymore than this. I was only supposed to go to Emma's sessions for relief, so I could keep up my straight charade. But then one thing lead to the next and I fell for her. And now, I don't want to continue living a false life."
"And what, you're giving up your job, your reputation, all for some whore!" he got up now, vacillating between anger and sadness.
Before Emma can defend her own virtues, Regina does it for her. "She is not a whore!"
"She spreads her legs for anyone!" he countered angrily. "And you just want to live with her? She's disgusting! You could have picked anyone else to fall in love and yet you fall for the whore. You're such a damned cliché that you sicken me too!" he raged on. "I knew something was up with you Regina. You've been secretive, withdrawn, and moody for a while now. I had a hunch you might be carrying out an affair; after all, isn't that what politicians do best next to lying and breaking their promises? But I always thought maybe I was imagining things, because you surely weren't like that. But you are, and the worst part isn't the affair, it's that at least I thought you would have more class than picking someone like her!" he jabbed a finger at Emma who clenched her jaw. She guessed she deserved this barrage of insults. She had fucked up Robin's relationship.
"Don't you dare take this out on her!" Regina shrilled out, loosing that cool she had been carrying. "She has nothing to do with my actions-"
"Oh, she has everything to do with them! She came in between us. She ruined what we had!"
"What we had was always going to be ruined, Robin!" Regina said with a hint of exasperation. "Because I'm a fucking lesbian! And I was only with you for show. I'm sorry, but it's true," she added more softly when she could see the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
"So what we had meant nothing to you?" he asked in a hoarse voice, hand over his mouth.
"I care for you as a person. But romantically, I wasn't there," she shook her head.
He stood there a moment, before rushing out. The door slammed as he left and Regina and Emma were left standing in silence. "That went better than I had hoped," Regina admitted. "Thank you for being here." She gave Emma a grateful smile that Emma couldn't return.
"There's no telling how he'll react now," Emma said. "What if he does something crazy?"
"Then let him, he has every right to after what I did to him," Regina sighed out and went to her cabinet to pour two glasses of wine for themselves. Emma eagerly took the offered one and chugged it. They had no idea what would happen now, especially with Robin being so emotional and rightfully so. But Emma couldn't help keep hoping it would all work out well.
A/N: In this story, it's been roughly about two years since Emma and Regina first met.