I'm going to apologize in advance, I'm so sorry but this needed to happen.
Steve's heart fell out of his chest, thumping on the floor. He held the phone to his ear, barely hearing the woman on the other side of the phone. He was frozen, stock-still, not breathing. His mind had even stalled, puttered out like his motorcycle.
"Steve?" the sob broke him from his stunned state.
"Y-yes Margret," Steve breathed.
"W-will you come? Sh-she's asking for you," Margret cried on the phone. Steve could feel the heat behind his eyes as tears began to pool, threatening to fall. He looked up at the sky, beating them back. Why? Why now? he thought to the sky, to God. Why now?
"I'm coming right now. What about your siblings?" Steve asked. He packed up his notebook and laid a fifty on the table. He didn't have time to know how much he'd spent or how much change he'd get back. He didn't have time. He didn't have time.
"I-it was too fa-ast. I called th-them but they wo-on't get her t-till the morning," Margret hiccupped. Steve could hear her trying to hold back the tears, the sorrow. He was trying too. Margret was alone and she needed him to be strong. He just wasn't sure if he could be.
"And the kids?"
"They're h-here."
"I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Hurry Steve." He didn't need to be told twice. Steve raced, yet again, down the highway except he was racing towards something, not away. Peggy was dying. Steve still couldn't wrap his head around what had happened. Two hours after he'd left the home, Margret had texted him saying Peggy was doing better. Another three hours later and Margret called him, sobbing, telling him the news. Peggy was dying. His Peggy was leaving. And he she wasn't coming back. Steve's heart shuttered and he had to remind himself to breathe.
He quickly parked and ran inside. The nurses, knowing exactly what was going on, led him to the room. Margret met him outside. Her eyes were red, her hair falling out of its bun. She looked up at Steve and her lip wobbled. He had only known this woman for a little while but Steve did what first came to his mind. He pulled Margret into an embrace. Margret shuttered and began to sob. She clung onto him, tight as a lifeline and Steve held her steady. So much pain, so much sadness. He hadn't dealt with death this directly since his mother had passed away. He didn't want to be here. But he did.
"I-I'm s-sorry," Margret sobbed against his shirt.
"Shhh, it's okay," Steve rubbed her back. He let her cry for a few more moments and then gently pulled away. Margret took a few deep breaths and wiped her eyes.
"Where are the kids?" Steve asked softly.
"They're ta-alking with her right-t n-now. I couldn't-I can't," Margret tried to contain her tears but they fell silently down her cheeks.
"She's the c-closest family I-I have left. I mean, that l-lives close. Sh-she's my m-mother." Margret covered her face. Steve hugged her again, knowing the pain she was feeling. He had lost a mother once too and it was heartbreaking. Now, he felt a different pain but it was still just as powerful. His heart felt like it was being squeezed through a lemon press. It was so hard to breathe. Peggy pulled away and wiped her eyes yet again. A nurse approached them with a cart and record player.
"Oh Celia, thank you," Margret said to the nurse. Celia rubbed Margret's arm comfortingly and responded, "If there's anything else you need, you call me." Margret nodded and Celia walked away.
"What's this?" Steve asked. His voice didn't sound like his own. It didn't convey his pain or sadness. He couldn't show it, not with the state Margret was in. He had to be strong, right?
"M-mom asked for it. Come on, it's t-time," Margret swallowed. She held her head up as she entered the room.
"Mom, here's the record player you asked for and I brought Steve." Steve walked in behind Margret and smiled slightly. Robert and Samantha were sitting on the bed, their eyes red and noses running. Peggy lay in the bed, frail and weak. She looked so much worse than she had those short hours ago. Her face was pale and sunken, her breathing shallow, her hands trembling. Steve felt like it was blow to the stomach. Breathe in and out. Breathe in and out.
"Steve, you came," Peggy rasped.
"Of course I came. I couldn't leave my best girl. Not when-"
"-she owes you a dance," Peggy finished. Steve let out a breathy laugh and nodded. Peggy turned to Robert and pointed at the cabinet across the room.
"Get the record of Kitty Kallen please dear." Robert hopped off the bed and opened a drawer, revealing several records. He rummaged around, pulling out one with the face of Kitty Kallen and Harry James. He held it up and Peggy nodded. Margret held out her hand and Robert gave the record to his mother. Steve watched as Margret placed the record down carefully and plug it into the wall.
"Grandma!" Samantha cried. Steve's head whipped to Peggy, his heart beating furiously. Peggy had raised herself up on the pillows and was trying to swing her legs off the bed.
"Give me a hand Steve," Peggy said, waving to Steve. He did as he was told. He helped Peggy unsteadily to her feet and supported her with his arm.
"Margret would you be a dear and play the record? I've owed this man a dance for seventy years. It's about time I fulfilled my promise," Peggy smiled. Steve really couldn't breathe now. Margret did as requested and soon, Kitty Kallen and Harry James filled the room. Trumpets sang, cymbals clashed, and Peggy stepped on Steve's toes. Steve looked at her curiously, holding her close. She felt like paper in his hands.
"This way you won't step on my feet," Peggy winked. Steve couldn't help but chuckle.
Never thought that you would be
Standing here so close to me
There's so much I feel that I should say
But words can wait until some other day
"Sorry I'm late," Steve said.
"Well, better late than never. And it's not exactly the Stork Club but I think it'll do," Peggy smiled.
Kiss me once, then kiss me twice
It's been a long, long time
Steve stumbled slightly as he stepped forward. Peggy laughed and Steve chuckled.
"Guess I still don't know how to dance."
"I'll show you." Peggy directed him gently by pulling on Steve's hand, nudging him with her knees, and telling him "step forward, now back, to the side." Steve held her gently, tenderly and eventually, he found a rhythm. Peggy smiled when he started to dance without any direction.
Haven't felt like this, my dear
Since I can't remember when
It's been a long, long time
"You're better at this than you think," Peggy teased.
"I have a good teacher," Steve breathed. Peggy looked up at him with her brown eyes and Steve could almost imagine them dancing in a 1940s club. The music swirled around them and Peggy's hair changed from silver to brown, her nightgown to the red dress she wore to the bar that one day.
You'll never know how many dreams
I've dreamed about you
Or just how empty they all seemed without you
"I imagined this…so many times when I was younger," Peggy whispered. Her eyes were still locked on Steve's and he couldn't look away.
"But then, slowly sometimes achingly slow, another handsome man began to take your place. The day I let this dream go, I wept," Peggy's voice was thick with emotion.
"I knew you weren't coming back, I knew for years. But I didn't accept it for a long, long time. It was painful at first but then, I was free in a sense. I no longer held onto the past but stepped into the future, my future. You were still there. You were my inspiration, my motivator. But you were no longer my love," Peggy paused, searching Steve's face for emotion. He couldn't make his voice work, couldn't say anything but Peggy must have seen what she was looking for because she kept going.
"Steve, I want you to let me go. Step into the future and let go of the past. It will only bring pain and heartbreak the longer you hold on. Remember me but don't you dare cling to me. Promise me you'll let me go and be free?" Peggy squeezed Steve's hand. Steve swallowed. Swallowed again.
"If I let you go, there will be no one left," Steve's voice was barely above a whisper. Peggy smiled sadly and cupped Steve's cheek.
"There will always be someone. You are not alone." Steve wanted to say no, there was no one. But that wasn't true. Because the moment Peggy had said those words, Charlie popped into his head. Betty and Nathan came next. Fury, Natasha, even the man he'd met that morning. There were people in his life. Steve wasn't alone. But he didn't want to say goodbye either.
"Promise me Steve. Promise you'll let me go and step into your future," Peggy insisted. Steve swallowed and nodded.
"I promise," Steve whispered. He kissed Peggy's forehead, closing his eyes.
"I promise," Steve repeated. He kissed her forehead again, remembering and cementing the memory in his head. It may be painful but he needed it. He needed her to be with him, even if she was gone.
"Good. Don't you dare go back on that promise, Steve," Peggy breathed. She rested her head on Steve's shoulder as Steve continued to sway to the music.
So kiss me once, then kiss me twice
Steve held Peggy as they danced for the first and last time. She felt fragile and delicate in his arms but her words to him were strong, commanding. The Peggy Steve had known.
Then kiss me once again
Steve barely recognized Margret and the kids in the background. It was just him and Peggy, dancing to a slow song.
It's been a long, long time
Steve felt Peggy's life start to slip away. He looked down and saw her eyelashes flutter. His heart trembled as he stopped dancing and picked her up. He laid her gently on the bed saying her name.
"Peggy, Peggy can you hear me?"
"Mom!? Oh no, oh gosh, Mom! Mom, wait-"
"Grandma?" Margret rushed to her mother's side and the kids followed suit. Steve squeezed Peggy's hand one last time and stepped away. This was her family's moment, not his. Peggy…
"Mom, please…" Margret pleaded, holding Peggy close. Peggy took a shuddering breath and whispered something. Margret nodded frantically, tears streaming down her face. Peggy smiled and closed her eyes.
The song ended and the record skipped. Peggy didn't breathe again.
Margret gave a little cry, her hands trembling over her mother. She broke into sobs, heartbreaking, uncontrollable sobs. Steve could only watch. He watched as Margret sobbed, Robert clutched his grandmother's hand, and Samantha cried, hugging her mother. He watched as Celia came in and turned off the record player. He watched as she gently pried Margret off of her mother with soothing words and held her close. He watched as Robert hugged Samantha, tears falling from their eyes. Steve watched, unable to move, to do anything. He was helpless. Margret eventually fell into a chair, beckoning her children over to her. Celia carefully pulled a sheet up to Peggy's chest. Steve didn't know how long he stood there, watching as the nurses took care of everything, watching as the family cried. But eventually, he knew what he had to do.
"Let me take you home," Steve said gently to Margret. Samantha had fallen asleep, clutching her brother with tear tracks on her face. Robert sniffled up at him. Margret wiped her eyes but the tears kept falling. She made to protest but then nodded. She handed him the keys. Steve gently picked up Samantha and led the family out to the car. He laid his bike in the back of Margret's car and got into the driver's seat. Margret buckled Samantha into the car and then climbed into the passenger's seat. Steve drove them silently home. There were no words to say. No words of comfort. This was a moment to be sad, to grieve.
Steve carried Samantha up to the apartment and placed her gently on the bed. She immediately curled up, her breath hitching. Margret took off her shoes and kissed her gently on the cheek. Robert went straight to his room and curled up on his bed. Margret did the same with him; took off his shoes and kissed him goodnight. Steve got a glass of water for Margret and set it on the table.
"Thank you," Margret whispered. Steve embraced her.
"If you need anything, let me know," Steve said. Again, his voice wasn't his own. It didn't convey emotion but it wasn't cold either. It just wasn't his own. Steve gave Margret one last nod and headed for the door.
"Steve," he turned back, "Will you be alright?" Steve swallowed.
"I'll be okay," this time it was his voice. His answer felt choked and raw. Needing to escape, Steve nodded and walked out the door. He didn't know how he got home. Steve's mind went blank from the time he left Margret's to the time he sat in his kitchen, staring at the table. It wasn't until his phone buzzed that he even moved a fraction. Steve blinked and brought out his phone. It was eight o'clock and Charlie was calling him. Steve didn't even think when he pressed accept. It immediately went to face time and Charlie's face came into view.
"Hi Steve! So-" Charlie cut off the minute she saw Steve's face.
"What happened? Steve, are you okay? Steve?" Charlie's eyes grew wide and she stopped what she was doing. Steve mechanically set the phone against the salt and pepper, leaving his hands free. He looked at them, remember the feel of Peggy's wrinkles against his skin. She's gone.
"Steve look at me," Charlie commanded. Steve looked at her, looked into her big brown eyes. Peggy had brown eyes. Steve remembered how Peggy had looked at him, begged that he promise to let her go. Let her go. Peggy was gone. His defenses started to crumble.
"Peggy," Steve gasped. His chest felt heavy and it took so much effort to breathe. It was like an anvil sat on his lungs and chest, suffocating him. Charlie waited, listened, knowing the answer but not wanting to say it. He needed to say it. Needed to accept it. Steve searched Charlie's face and somehow found the strength to say it.
"Peggy died," Steve whispered. His heart shattered. The tears and sorrow he'd been holding back since he got the call flooded his eyes, making Charlie's face blur. They cascaded down his face in rivers and he couldn't stop them. Peggy was dead. She was gone. A sob escaped his throat and Steve shuddered.
"Oh Steve," Charlie breathed. He couldn't hold back anymore, couldn't keep the sadness away. Peggy was gone and he was left behind. Just like everyone he had known or loved, gone. Bucky had fallen, leaving Steve on the train. The Howling Commandos were gone, leaving Steve in a new era. Peggy was gone, leaving him the last of his era. Steve's body shook with sobs and he held his face in his hands. They were gone, all gone. Steve felt alone, so utterly alone.
But Charlie stayed with him. She didn't say anything, didn't know what to say. Much like Steve had done earlier, she just watched. She cried with Steve, watching the man before her break. She watched for as long as she could until her battery died. Steve didn't even realize when the call ended. He was hunched over, the sorrow crushing him as his tears continued to fall. Peggy was gone.
T_T
If you want to know the song it's called: "It's been a long, long time" performed by Kitty Kallen and Harry James. It was featured in chapter 10 and will make yet another appearance. I see this song as their song. Long live the memory of Agent Peggy Carter!