This was it. Today, Owen began his stint as a volunteer at Battle Creek Riding for the Disabled. It was a new experience for him, nor was it like what he expected it to be. He didn't expect to have to clean out the horse's feet. He also didn't expect the horses to be as big as they were. Owen was somehow under the impression that horses were no larger than a bicycle. He learned that horses were much larger than a bicycle. Between getting over his misconceptions about how a horse works and having to do something new quickly, he was kind of frustrated.
Sure, it might have been frustrating for Owen, but it was even more frustrating for Ursula Savage. Ursula was in charge of showing him how to groom and tack up the horses, and she had to endure about twenty minutes of "What do you mean it doesn't come with the saddle already on it?" and "What do you mean I have to pick out its feet?" Holy shit, this is frustrating she thought, I've explained this to him like, nine times now, that the horses have to be groomed and tacked up before being ridden. In fact, it was a wonder that she didn't lose her temper with him during that time. Ursula had little patience for stupidity (especially Owen's stupidity) and had definitely had her fair share of someone being a moron over the course of a normal day.
Except it wasn't a normal day. On top of being Owen's first day at Battle Creek, it was also the day that they were doing their fire drill. Doing a fire drill at a riding barn is tricky. The horses and their humans have to be able to get out of the barn into a place of safety quickly (emphasis on quickly).
"OK" Ursula said as she gestured to the stall doors, "See that big grey thing on the back of the stall door here?"
"Yeah" Owen said
"That's an electromagnet. When the fire alarm goes off, the electromagnet will turn on, and then the door flies open. Once the doors open, the horses go down this roped-off pathway here, out to a relief paddock."
"Gotcha" Owen said. Nobody was sure he understood anything.
"Now, you have a simple job." she continued, "your job is to open the gate into the paddock and close it behind them when all the horses go in there. When the drill is over, you then have to open the gate again, so the horses can go back to their stalls."
"But" she continued, "to get to the paddock, you have to go through another fenced area that contains two llamas. Do not let the llamas out!" She emphasized that Owen was not to let the llamas out.
Then it came. The fire bell went off, the stall doors screamed open, and the horses made a beeline for the paddock. When the last horse entered the paddock, Owen closed the gate. He'd done his job, but he kept thinking that he forgot something important. He remembered Ursula signing "do not let the llamas out!" as she spoke. Ursula either spoke or signed, almost never both at the same time. If she was speaking and signing at the same time, it was because she was trying to emphasize something important, like not letting the llamas out.
He didn't register it, but there was something he'd forgotten: to close the gate for the llama enclosure. It wasn't like he didn't know where it was either. It had a great big huge sign on it that read "¡Cuidado, Llamas!" (Look out, there are llamas!)
Terrific. Now the llamas ran loose. They attacked cars, tried to bite the horses, and spit at passing strangers. One of the llamas walked up to Owen. It tried to spit at him, but he ran away. It didn't stop the llama. It chased him. It continued to chase him until he went up a tree (Owen, not the llama.)
Good news. Owen got away from the llama. Bad news. He was now stuck in a tree. Even more bad news: he really had to go to the bathroom!
To pee, or not to pee? That was the question that went through Owen's mind. Should he hold it until someone calls the fire department to get them out of the tree, or should he just let it fly and risk accidentally hitting someone? Both choices were risky. If he peed in the tree, it would've hit somebody; but he couldn't hold it anymore.
Regardless, the fire drill was now over. It was time for the horses to go back inside. "Where is he?" Ursula mused.
"Uh, I think I saw him in the tree over there" said Kimberly (one of the other volunteers)
Why would he get stuck in the tree? Ursula thought. All of a sudden, she realized that Owen being stuck in the tree had something to do with letting the llamas out. Oh, no, she thought, I bet he let the llamas out.
Just when he thought that he didn't need to go anymore, he heard an angry voice say, "Owen Lam, get out of the tree now!" It startled him back into reality. On the plus side, he didn't need to go anymore. On the downside, though, he probably needed some new pants.