Chapter 1 – The Purest of Hatreds

Summary – Chad, unlike Ben, has some sense of self-preservation. So when he sees Mal offering the crown prince of Auradon a cookie, he eats it before Ben gets a chance to, and maybe gets love-potioned in the process. Which is just entirely inconvenient when he's trying to keep the future king of Auradon in one piece, and also make sure the VKs settle in, you know, not horribly.

It's a difficult, stupid job, but someone has to do it.

Also known as: Chad's adventures in loving the mess the is Benjamin Florian and making new friends who occasionally try to poison people. What a life.

Notes: This is my second story for the Descendants fandom! I don't know what about this fandom (and Chad specifically) I find so inspiring, but I've got like a dozen or so messy, dumb love stories in the works and this cliché love-potion-gone-wrong is but one of them. I hope you all enjoy it!

-:-:-:-:-:-

"So was there anything in that cookie?" Lonnie asked, as though Chad would splay himself across Jane's bed in a pathetic representation of misery if something hadn't been in it.

Jane tugged at her hair nervously, rechecking the chemical breakdown of the cookie one last time. "Based on its components it looks like a um… love potion was in it."

"Wait." Lonnie sat up straighter, the way she did whenever there was a delicious morsel of gossip dangling just out of her grasp. "Are you saying Chad's in love with someone? Is he in love with Ben?"

"I hate him," Chad muttered, clutching at his chest and cursing the world in its entirety because fuck this eternal devotion bullshit. "I hate him and his stupid goddamn face. I hope he falls in a vat of lava. I hope he gets a million papercuts. Going around eating random cookies like 'Nah, it's fine, I'm just going to be king is all, who needs caution?'. Fucking bullshit."

"This… does not seem like love," Aziz noted from his position by the window, but Chad was aware of how little this came from a place of concern because he'd only climbed in to mock Chad's suffering, and maybe take blackmail pictures for a future date.

"No, this is love," Lonnie managed between laughs. "This is how Chad loves. Aggressively."

"I hate him," Chad moaned, burying his face in Jane's pillow. Maybe if he said it enough times, it would stick. Maybe if he said it enough times this relentless magic-driven infatuation would evaporate from his very bones and let him think clearly again. "Fuck."

"I don't get it," Aziz slid further into the room, wandering over towards Jane's desk. "He was normal during the game."

"Love potions aren't as all-encompassing when you're already in love with the target," Jane said, just casually giving away Chad's biggest secret that everyone in the room already knew but was polite enough not to discuss. Unless they were Aziz, because Chad didn't want Aziz to know shit. He was worse than Lonnie.

"Oh-ho." The Agrabah prince turned his stupid waggling eyebrows at Chad. "What's that? Chad was already in love with-?"

"Shut up," Chad hissed, thinking about Ben's stupid smile and his stupid laugh and his stupid easy generosity that led him to almost eat cookies from strangers that didn't have a thorough security check. "He's charming and I hate him."

"You keep telling yourself that, boo." Lonnie consoled, patting his head in a poor attempt at comfort. "Why do you think Mal wanted to love potion Ben anyway?"

"Probably because Audrey's a piece of shit," Chad muttered. "Likely wanted to break them up and also having the prince as a lovesick ally is a pretty good idea – survival wise. In fact-" He turned to Aziz. "You should go ahead and find a way to break up Ben and Audrey anyway. We all know she'd be a terrible queen."

"Would Mal be better?" Lonnie asked, genuinely curious.

"Politically? Probably." If they were able to continue pushing the prison reforms through the council's approval process, the majority of the Isle residents would be released into Auradon soon, and they would need a champion. He turned back to Aziz. "Just- try to get her to dump him in a fit of rage and then we'll line someone up for Ben before she can come to her senses. You can give her some consolation prince to keep her from going off the rails. Not me-" Because Chad's vague persona would be a perfect target for Audrey's manipulating ways. "But somebody."

"Sure you're not asking because you want to be with Ben?" Aziz joked, snapping a photo of Chad's pissy retaliatory expression. "Get Audrey out of the way so you can snag him for yourself?"

"I can't give Ben children, Aziz." And until the ban on magic was lifted again, they couldn't magically create children like Fairy Godmother had with Jane and introducing a surrogate into the mix only created potential power struggles in the future. There was always finding a lesbian couple to create families with, but again, that generally led to more power issues than it was worth, and also Ben was not gay. Chad had already had this issue with his stupid crush on Doug.

"You know women can do more than bear children, Chad," Lonnie said in a dangerous tone that indicated she was about to go on one of her equal opportunity rants.

"And you know I already know that, Lonnie, but King Adam's never going to give a pass on me or any guy for that exact reason," Chad shot back, because he had already agreed on and helped with every point in Lonnie's argument. "Also, Ben is not gay."

"Pretty sure he's bi," Aziz said, forever unhelpful. "Or pan? I don't think he cares."

"Which means he wouldn't care enough to fight for- why are we having this argument? Go work on their breakup or something."

"Fine," Aziz muttered, rolling his eyes. "But don't take your unrequited love out on me."

"My magic unrequited love, thanks."

"Sure." Aziz rolled his eyes, climbing back out the window. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Fucker," Chad muttered when the window shut behind the other prince. Chad hated this. He hated it. Things had been manageable before but now he wanted to be with Ben all the time. Wanted to dance with him and sing for him and it was very unconducive to some of the more delicate plans he had in place so if his heart could just- fuck off for a hot minute that would be great.

Jane sighed. "Want to go to the Enchanted Lake?"

"Looks like I'll have to." Get the burning passion down to more manageable levels that he could shove into the far corners of his mind. "Lonnie?"

"I'll keep an eye on Mal," she offered. "They're scared. I just wonder what they're scared of."

"Change," Chad replied. "Everything here is completely different from what they know. Of course they're scared."

"When you say it like that, you almost don't sound like a lovesick asshole," Lonnie chirped. She hopped off the bed before Chad could swipe at her, shifting into her cheerful schoolgirl persona the same way a warrior put on armor. "Have fun swimming, Chadwick."

"I hope you stub your toe!" Chad shot back.

Jane sighed. "I hope we make it through coronation."

Yeah, that made two of them.

-:-:-:-:-:-

So it went like this.

The moment Chad saw Mal offering Ben a cookie of the homemade variety he got suspicious, because Chad had been raised with a healthy sense of paranoia that had helped him survive three assassination attempts and Ben had been raised on sunshine and friendship and fair play. Bottom line, Ben sort of took the idea of self-preservation and eagerly hurled it out the window, which left people like Chad and Jane and Lonnie to have to do it for him, because Ben lived the fairy tale life the rest of them only sort of dreamed about.

The cookie in itself was mildly suspect (why was there only one? Red flags, people), the way Mal goaded Ben into taking it sealed the deal on that-is-not-good-shit status, so Chad had only hesitated for about half a second before slapping on his cheerfully oblivious dumb guy persona who didn't pay a whole lot of attention to other people's boundaries before snagging the treat for himself, cramming half of it in his mouth before giving Ben a cheerful wink (too slow, bro).

And then Chad was hit with an overwhelming rush of Ben-yes-fuck-need-love-you-love-you-love-youthat he had managed to coax into the background years ago, and Chad decided he may not know what exactly was in this cookie, only that he was glad Ben had eaten it.

Mal did not seem to share this notion, but Mal was also not that great at drugging people so Chad didn't really care about her opinion.

That was how it started.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Ben continued his streak of being the most inconvenient human being in the world by somehow managing to be at the Enchanted Lake when Jane and Chad got there, clad in swim trunks and a stupid school t-shirt and also Mal was there for whatever fucking reason.

The rest of her crew were there, too, so it wasn't horrible, only it sort of was because Ben was taking off his shirt and being stupid and charming and Chad hated him.

"Chad!" Evie was the one who spotted him first – perfect Evie who Chad genuinely didn't understand because he acted about as clever as a potato but she was totally onboard with that. He'd suspected she was only into him for reasons similar to Audrey's, except Evie was either a better actor or was actually desperate for his affection and he didn't know which was worse.

But Evie was also very pretty and Chad liked pretty things (or pretended to like pretty things) so he returned her greeting with a wink that left her giggling.

"Evie," he said smoothly, making a concentrated effort to ignore the way Ben was bouncing over to them. "You look ravishing as always."

"Thanks," Evie giggled, twirling a strand of silky hair around her finger and were Chad legitimately dumb and not stupidly in love with Ben, he would totally be all over this flirting business. "Back at you."

"Chad!" Ben was eight times too loud for how close he was, making Carlos roll his eyes from his position by the lake. "And Jane!" he added belatedly. "What's up, guys?"

"Oh, you know." Chad stepped closer to Jane so he wouldn't do anything stupid like throw himself into Ben's bare chest. "Just going for a celebratory swim. Since it's so hot."

"Right, hot," Jane said after Chad nudged her elbow. "You know how the mascot suit gets. We were just gonna-" She motioned towards the water in that fluttery little wave of hers.

"That's actually why we're here," Ben said. "You know, as a celebration."

Mal perked up with a frown. "That's why you brought us here?"

"Dude." Carlos had an incredulous look on his face. "We can't swim."

To that point, Jay had been silent, though that was likely due to the fact that he was trying to memorize the curves of Ben's back. Not that Chad could blame him, but he also sort of wanted to blame him and claw out his dumb eyes at the same time. So.

Chad sighed. "Did you bring four people out here for a celebratory swim without checking to see if they could actually, you know, swim?"

"They lived on an island," Ben defended himself evenly, still very much not wearing a shirt.

"Yeah, with a barrier around it," Mal scoffed. "You guys go swim. We'll watch."

That was actually super fine with Chad who took the excuse for what it was.

"Awesome. Hey look, Jane, there's a boulder we should totally jump off of."

"Um." The young fairy blushed. "I don't know if I actually-"

And then Chad was dragging her away, because like hell was he doing this by himself.

"He's so dumb," Chad muttered as he pulled his shirt off, flexing for Jane's appreciation because it made her laugh. "That dumb, stupid human is going to be king some day and I hate it."

"Just get in the water, Chad." Jane sighed, sliding out of her sundress to reveal a tasteful one-piece swimsuit. "We'll try to save Ben from his dumb planning later."

"Ugh, you're right," Chad groaned, and then he jumped into the water, but not until he made a show of flexing for Evie because she hadn't fucked him over with his homework like he'd honestly been expecting her too.

Maybe she was making a long play. He'd find out later.

Doug had once said that having an enchantment removed from you was a lot like coming up for a breath of fresh air. Not that Chad's roommate had ever experienced as much first hand, but the dwarf-kin had made an effort to research the magical heritage of his home kingdom, which involved a lot of potions and enchantments and so called 'cleansing breaths that spoke of freedom from weighted chains you hadn't known existed in the first place'.

That said, the moment Chad popped back above the surface, he didn't feel any different. He didn't feel any different when he ducked himself under again, or when he stayed under holding his breath as long as he could, or when he drank a bit of the very unpurified, natural, magic water well.

"Fuck," Chad hissed after his multitude of failures. "This is bullshit. It's still-" He cut himself off with a scowl.

"Well…" Jane began slowly, which meant she'd had a secret theory all along she had preferred not to share until it was necessary, and now it was unfortunately necessary. "There is a chance that because you already loved Ben that um- the potion just enhanced what you already had. So. You don't have the drawbacks of all-consuming need, but you are um-"

"In turbo stupid love with him, fuck." Chad couldn't pitch a fit because the VKs were still very much staring at them, and Ben was waving like the dumb dope he was every time he thought he had their attention. "This is it. I am no longer going to be useful. I hope you and Aziz and Lonnie are okay with protecting Auradon because I have been severely compromised."

Jane, who was accustomed to dealing with Chad's fits over the years, simply rolled her eyes. "Stop being such a drama queen, Chad. Danger to Auradon stops for no one, least of all your dumb heart."

"It's friendships like this that really make life meaningful," Chad muttered, and probably shouldn't have been surprised when Jane dunked him the following moment.

"Just double-checking," she said sweetly when he came up for air, and then they might have started splashing water at each other because it was this or help Ben's dumb face and Chad could think of a lot of other things he wanted to do with that face and most of them weren't polite for company.

"For the record, I hate that guy."

"I know Chad," Jane sighed, and then she dunked him again.

You know, like a good friend.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Here was a fun story.

Once upon a time Chad had been instructed to be not only the best prince he could be, but the best backup he could be to the Auradon crown. Because good kings needed good allies, and sometimes the best allies were the ones that no one suspected. Which was why Chad had been groomed to be cunning and forever aware of his surroundings in private while being a 'loveable' but vague goof in public. Charming, of course, because that was the way of Sardinia, though while his father's charm was based in a quiet sort of kindness Chad's had to be all flash because times were changing and communication was better, so it was easier to say 'that Prince Chad guy might be a problem so let's keep an eye on him' only an 'eye on him' meant 'stab him a lot'.

So Chad was dumb, in public. Air headed and vain but ultimately harmless. And aside from a few trusted individuals, that was all anyone knew. That was all anyone cared about.

And then there was Ben.

And Chad hated him.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Eventually, they paddled their way over to where Ben was trying to sell the VKs on the benefits of swimming. As far as Chad could tell, it wasn't going that great, but Evie was giggling and Jay was ogling Ben's chest so Chad supposed they were getting something out of the exchange.

"We could teach you to swim, if you wanted," Ben offered once Chad and Jane had drawn close enough, giving his best 'don't leave me hanging you know you want to help' puppy eyes that Chad had been weak to before the stupid love cookie, and now he just wanted to flop back into the Enchanted Lake and let the water take him.

"If you wanted," Chad stressed, giving Evie another wink before splashing Ben right in the face, because if anyone deserved the harassment, it was him.

"It's not that hard," Jane murmured, doing that thing where she mostly hid behind Chad but also splashed Ben because he was stupid. "Your basic survival instincts will get you most of the way through."

"Like floating!" Chad chirped, then made a demonstration of floating on his back so he could let the water in his ears drown out Ben's terrible ideas.

"What, are you saying we can do that?" Jay asked, shifting his ogling from Ben's chest to Chad's – as he should.

"Everyone can do it," Jane said. "It's basic physics."

"And then from there, you just-" Ben made a show of paddling around. "You just have to trust the floating thing."

"You look stupid," Mal said, and Chad couldn't choke down his laugh because it was funny.

"I mean, he's not drowning," Carlos sort of defended. "So it's not that stupid."

"Depends on how enthusiastic you are about swimming, I guess," Mal drawled.

"You guys seemed to be having fun over there," Evie cut in, fluttery gaze on Chad. "You stayed under for a while."

"Oh, you know." Chad tossed his hair, trying to block out the feel of Ben's eyes on him. "I was just improving my cardio."

Carlos frowned. "I don't think that's how cardio works."

"Don't question a guy's workout routine, Carlos," Chad said, leveling a vague finger at the teen. "We each gotta do what we gotta do."

"So is that why you and Jane came out here?" Mal pressed, slinking down the steps towards the edge of the water. "To work out?" Chad wasn't entirely sure how to reply because they literally already explained why they were there when Mal continued. "Sure you're not on a date? Since it's just the two of you?"

"What? A girl can't try to drown a guy in a lake without it being romantic?" Chad asked before he could think better of it, still heartsick and furious over Ben and Mal who had made the Ben situation so much worse.

"I didn't drown you," Jane muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Well, obviously because I'm still alive," Chad shot back. "Jane and I are bros."

"Friends."

"Pals."

"Amigos."

"What the hell's an amigo?" Carlos asked, who seemed to be getting more confused as the conversation went on.

"The Avalor word for 'friend'." Chad tried to ignore the weird shift of tension to non-tension that had settled on Ben's shoulders, but unfortunately Chad was just- terribly aware of everything Ben-related. "Sorry to crush your gossip-related hopes, but I am-" He turned back to Evie with a grin. "Tragically available."

"Really?" Mal cooed and oh, did she not like him. "I just find it so hard to believe that a stud like you can be single."

"I know," Chad sniffed. "I must be very intimidating."

He was gracious enough to ignore Jay's choked snort of laughter.

"But you know, Evie," Chad continued, because he knew an opportunity to spy on people when he saw one. "If you'd be interested in-"

Between one moment and the next, Chad found himself underwater.

He was underwater because Ben had tackled him.

"What the hell, Benjamin?" Chad managed to sputter before he was being dunked, again.

He was able to shove Ben away (ignoring the fact that he'd touched bare skin, bare skin was beneath his hands and he wanted to lick it) so he could breathe again, and came up to Ben's not entirely apologetic smile.

"I wanted to give that mock-drowning thing a try," he explained cheerfully. "Jane made it seem like fun."

"It is good stress relief," Jane allowed

"This is assault," Chad whined. "Battery. You could have ruined my hair."

"I thought that helped out your cardio," Carlos chirped, seeming to bypass confusion to arrive back at amused again.

"Holding your breath does," Chad clarified. "Not the dunking. That's just- roughhousing."

"And that's it?" Jay asked, kicking off his boots. "You just dunk and splash and that's 'hanging out'?"

"I mean, it depends," Chad began, and then he sort of dropped off because Jay was… stripping. He was- that was what he was doing.

He heard Jane squeak behind him.

"Um." Ben said. "I uh- thought I told you guys to bring swimsuits."

"Yeah, we don't know what those are," Carlos said which, fair.

Chad gave Ben another disappointed look, then abandoned his pursuit to quietly chastise the prince to bemoan Auradon's future with Jane.

"Okay, so I should have clarified some things," Ben allowed, because he might be dumb but even he couldn't miss that silent judgement.

"Whatever," Jay said, keeping his undershirt on but shucking off his pants. "Water's water. Let's play."

"You make it sound so ominous," Chad muttered, and then Jay was cannonballing into the water and reaching for Chad and it all just sort of settled into pandemonium from there.

-:-:-:-:-:-

At a very young age, Chad had decided to hate Ben.

Mostly this was a survival mechanism, because they would hang out as young children and, as young children did, they would wander away from their keepers to go on 'adventures' and end up covered in mud with half the kingdom panicking, laughing up a storm and carelessly wrestling with each other because they did not possess a full understanding of the consequences of their actions.

Except even from a young age, Ben was kind. Chad could slip in the mud and instead of laughing at him Ben would get himself dirty out of solidarity. If Chad 'lost' his sweet roll (distractedly fed it to the birds, because some of his mother's love of animals had passed through) Ben would split his, and even though Dumb Chad had nothing of real interest to say, Ben would always listen attentively. He would read books to him when Chad had renounced them, would let Chad ride behind him on his horse during that short period of time where Chad was terrified of them because one of the more testy horses in his own stables had thrown him off (it was an assassination attempt that didn't quite work out, but stubborn horses were the story they were all sticking with).

In short, Ben had always been sort of perfect, so Chad had to hate him. Because if Chad didn't hate him, he would have to admit he was stupidly, totally, and unequivocally in love with this frustrating human being, and that wouldn't work. Chad was supposed to be Ben's ally, and he couldn't do that if he was Ben's consort, couldn't protect him from afar if he was right next to him.

So Chad had shoved his feelings down through necessity, had laughed and made fun of Ben even when the other prince refused to reciprocate. As soon as he was able to Chad dated any and every one, tried to walk the tightrope of constantly connected while remaining single. A ladies' man, but not one to be tied down. It worked, and he was still Ben's friend, but it was also still sort of horrible because Chad wanted more than that.

It was almost a relief when Ben started dating Audrey because it was obvious he wasn't in love with her, but they were good together, and that was what mattered. Chad didn't want to tear out her eyeballs for the simple crime of being female because she didn't actually have Ben's heart – they were both just doing their duty, like Chad did his, so everything was fine.

Everything was fine.

-:-:-:-:-:-

While Mal and Carlos were determined to stay on the sidelines, Evie was more than happy to strip down to a silky dress slip and join the others in the lake, and (after) they spent time trying to drown each other, Ben and Jane taught them how to float, Chad making himself mostly useless and stretching out beside Mal to soak up the sun and be generally obnoxious. He may or may not have caught Carlos staring at him from time to time, though whether it was in a threat assessment or to take in the view, Chad did not know. Maybe it was both.

"So, Chad," Mal began when Ben started his lesson on kicking, holding onto Jay's hands so the other teen could get into the swing of things. "How are you feeling?"

Like a damn idiot. "Pretty good," he lied. "Since we won the game. Jay was awesome, by the way. Terrifying, but awesome."

"That is his goal," Carlos muttered, then went back to working on what seemed to be a Frankenstein creation of an assortment of electronics Jay had stolen for him.

"You don't feel… sick, from all that running?" she probed, making a show of studying her nails. "You know, a little weak at the knees?"

"The only time I feel weak at the knees is when Jay tackles me," Chad replied honestly. "Since he's, you know, vicious."

"No, Chad, I mean-" Mal cut off with a growl of frustration. "Does your heart feel fluttery from all that… exertion?"

She wanted to know if the love potion had actually kicked into effect. Granted, she was interrogating him in the clumsiest way possible, but at least Chad understood her motives.

"No more so than usual." Chad shrugged. "Thanks for asking. That's really nice of you."

Carlos managed to transition a snort into a cough. "Yeah, that's Mal for you. Just trying to… make new friends."

"Well, you're lucky enough to consider this guy a friend," Chad said, giving Mal an especially broad wink.

He could see her struggle not to roll her eyes. It was a beautiful thing.

"Thanks, Chad." Her smile was tight and lovely and everything his vindictive little heart needed. "So, how do you feel about Ben?"

"I mean, he's fine." Chad shrugged, watching the prince guide Evie through her basic kicks, Jay floating off to the side with Jane, their hair curling around them like a sort of halo. "Not as cool as me, but who is?"

Carlos had to bury his face in his hands.

"No one, I'm sure," Mal muttered, seeming to finally give up on his line of enquiry. "I think he's trying to wave you over."

"Is he?" Chad didn't bother to look up; despite the fact that he knew what she had said was true. "I don't think he needs my help."

"Think he disagrees," Carlos muttered.

"Chad!" Oh great, he was yelling now. "Chad! Hey, come race me!"

"Ugh," Chad groaned. "The things I do for that guy."

"I know the feeling," Mal muttered, and they shared a brief moment of solidarity before Ben splashed his way over and made a nuisance of himself.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Ben won the race because he was a tall lanky string bean who also cheated by letting Jay and Evie splash Chad during the homestretch. Jane and Evie then faced off in their own modest race, though Jane slowed down near the makeshift finish line so they could finish more or less at the same time. Jay demanded a match against Chad and then proceeded to introduce as much contact into a no-contact sport as possible, ultimately leading to Chad throwing the match because man, did he not care.

Eventually, they ended up spread out on the stone dais while Ben – the Boy Scout that he was, handed out towels, Jane braiding Evie's hair and everyone more or less behaving.

"This was fun," Ben declared, smiling at their collective. "We should do this every time we win. It can be like, a tradition."

"It's not bad," Mal mused, and Chad wasn't sure if that was a compliment or complaint because the VKs seemed to consider positive things in a negative light. "Could use food though."

Ben smacked his head. "I knew I forgot something."

"Of the many things he's forgotten," Chad muttered to Jane, exchanging a stealth high five with her because seriously, this guy.

This was how they all ended up in the mostly abandoned kitchen of the girl's dormitory, Ben walking everyone through the art of creating the perfect sundaes while Carlos did his damnedest to eat all the toppings. Chad made a production of helping the VKs to disguise the fact that he hadn't gotten his own bowl, choosing to eat a few bites out of Jane's because otherwise his grandfather would find out somehow (the man was a secret wizard, or something) and Chad would have hell to pay for it.

"This can be part of the tradition too," Mal decided with a twirl of her spoon, sucking caramel sauce off her thumb.

"Done," Ben declared, and just like that, Chad knew he was done too, because this was going to become a thing that would slowly kill him.

And Ben still hadn't put his shirt back on.

The tool.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Chad!" Audrey stormed into his life in a swirl of pink and a haughty scowl, both of which immediately put Chad on edge because oh, hell no. "Do you know what my boyfriend was doing with the VKs?"

It was always 'her boyfriend' and not 'Ben' because Audrey was vicious and had sniffed out Chad's crush on Ben years ago, though he continued to deny it.

"Bonding, I guess?" Dumb Chad settled on, earning a narrowed glare from the drama queen herself.

"Chad," she said, a subtle warning as she approached him in an ominous march. "What was Ben doing with them at the Enchanted Lake? And why were you and Jane there?"

"Jane and I are bros, I don't know why people don't get that," Chad grumbled, choosing to 'dumbly' focus on the second half of her question.

"Chad!" she snapped.

He held up his hands in surrender. "They were swimming, okay? Platonic swimming – no shenanigans there. Geez, why do you even care? Didn't you have a cheerleader thing?" That Jane hadn't been invited to because she was just the mascot and therefore beneath the cheerleader elite.

"Chad." This was how most of their conversations went. Chad would say witty things and she would repeat his name enough times for it to become an insult. "I don't want any funny business going down. You know how trusting Ben is." She gave him a meaningful look because Ben trusted Chad, and Chad wanted to jump his bones on a regular basis and this was obviously a distasteful thing. "It could be bad if he fell in with the wrong crowd."

"You try stopping him," Chad shot back, settling into a look of victory because not even Audrey could control Ben when he was being a stubborn asshole.

"Chad." And they had gotten to the collar grabbing portion of the conversation, where Audrey dragged Chad down to her level so she could assert her authority. "I don't care how much you want to get it on with Ben, he will never be yours, and catering to this weird phase isn't going to change that."

Thanks for repeating shit Chad already knew.

"Feeling defensive, Audrey?" Chad asked with his best ditzy smile.

Audrey scowled. "Never have and never will," she promised, and then she left him with a flip of her hair, her skirt swaying menacingly behind her.

-:-:-:-:-:-

"Chad," a voice clawed through the thick fogs of sleep, tugging gently at his awareness in a gentle caress. "Chad, it's Ben."

"…mmf- Ben?" Chad's lips felt clumsy, as though weighted down by an invisible force.

"Yes." Something was grazing his hair, thin fingers combing through the curls in an aimless sort of patter. "I'm here, Chad."

"W-why?" Chad struggled towards awareness, distantly conscious of the body curled against his back. Ben's body? It didn't make sense. Why would Ben be in his bed?

"Because I… love you, Chad." That was- that was not a thing Ben said. "I love you and I need to know if you love me."

And that definitely wasn't a thing Ben said.

There was a Ben-imposter in his bed. Spurred by that knowledge, Chad struggled towards coherence, eventually discerning the dim outline of his room. He paused, forcing his mind to play catch up, and frowned. "Jay?"

The hand in his hair stilled. "…no?"

"Jay," Chad hissed. "Why are you in my bed?"

"You um- shouldn't be awake right now." Jay seemed confused by this. "Mal?"

"Shh," a shadowy form near Chad's desk hissed, and belatedly he realized that the daughter of Maleficent was watching over the scene with narrowed eyes. "It's a fluke, just keep going."

"He sounds really awake, though."

"That's because I am awake," Chad griped, fumbling to turn onto his back and grumbling when it felt like he was moving through molasses, everything seeming less responsive than usual. "Did you drug me?"

"Um…" Jay tensed. "No?"

"You drugged me." Aziz and Lonnie were never going to let him hear the end of this.

"Not effectively," Mal grumbled.

"Of course it wasn't effective, I'm immune to most poisons, you fucks." Chad's tongue felt a bit looser than usual, and maybe that was just another side effect of the drugs they had slipped him. "Why isn't this waking up Doug? Did you- Did you drug Doug?"

Jay did not seem to want to answer that question, which meant they had totally drugged Chad's roommate.

Mal scoffed. "It was a minor drugging, at best."

"You can't- you can't give Doug drugs, he's on the honor roll," Chad said, realizing this likely made no sense but he was possessed with a sudden need to defend Doug's honor, despite the fact that he was very much unconscious across the room. "He's like, the least deserving of being drugged. He wouldn't even appreciate it. He won't even miss class when he's obviously sick." And Chad couldn't make him stay in bed even though the hacking and wheezy bleary-eyed Doug made Chad want to throw him over his shoulder and abscond with him to another place to cuddle him into submission. "You can't drug Doug."

"Collateral damage," Mal drawled, annoyance cutting into her tone.

"For what?" Chad asked, though he had a good idea. "Trying to play a prank? It wasn't even a good one."

"We will… keep that in mind," Mal recovered valiantly, as though taking advice from half-drugged princes was her intention all along.

"Look, I know this might be an Isle thing but don't like- drug people without their consent," Chad continued.

"At least not without checking to see how they'll react to it," Mal muttered.

"I heard that."

"Sorry, chad-i-poo." Ugh, that was a horrible nickname. "Only consensual druggings from now on."

"Great," Chad muttered. "Now get out of our room."

Jay tensed. "About that…"

"Might have triggered one of your silent alarms, oops," Mal said, slinking over towards the bed. "So we've got to lay low until they're done sweeping the halls." She kicked her shoes off and slid onto the bed, pushing into Chad's space until she could rest her head on his chest. "Guess you're stuck with us for the night."

"Man, you guys suck at pranking," Chad grumbled, but didn't otherwise put up a fight. Mostly because he couldn't, but also, it was sort of nice not sleeping alone. "Try not to wake me up again."

"Wasn't trying to the first time," Jay sighed, and that was that.

If they tried to play more mind tricks on him for the rest of the night, Chad slept through them, so he supposed that counted as a win.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The next time he woke up it was to gentle sunlight streaming through the windows and also Doug's confused face.

"Um…" He looked like he really wanted to ask but also didn't want to ask and Chad knew which of those two would win out. "Why are Mal and Jay in your bed?"

Fortunately, Chad had a response prepared for this. "You might not know this, but I'm actually very attractive, Doug."

"You'd be more attractive if you shut up," Mal grumbled, and then buried herself deeper into his arms.

Which was one way to keep track of your suspicious persons of interest.

"That is not what you said yesterday," Jay murmured, sounding mostly out of it, and Mal didn't even bother to look up to smack him in the side of the face.

"Silence, fool," she hissed.

"I'll um- just let you guys rest, then," Doug decided, beating a hasty retreat.

"Probably for the best," Chad agreed, and then was treated to his own smack because Mal didn't mess around with her sleeping-in privileges.

Which, honestly, he could respect.

-:-:-:-:-:-

In order to have some kind of chance at being able to think clearly, Chad attempted to avoid Ben as much as humanly possible, even going so far as to rearrange his schedule so that they no longer shared classes and asking coach to put him on shooter for Tourney practice so he could take out his frustration by firing nerf pellets at the object of his (unfortunate) affection.

Of course, Ben being Ben and therefore a stubborn shit, managed to track Chad down anyway, like, a day after his classes magically went back to their original formatting.

"Chad!" Ben had a hand on Chad's elbow that seemed determined to mock him in its entirety, that somehow this would be enough to hold Chad through several lonely nights but also wasn't nearly enough. "How are you? I haven't seen you around."

"I'm great." He was awful. He wanted to swim in Ben's dipshit dreamy eyes and shove his nose into his neck and breathe until Chad could drown in his scent. "I've been busy." Avoiding Ben.

"Well, prepare to get busier," Ben said, bulldozing through the not-excuse cheerily because he was an oblivious fool. "We're taking Mal and the others swimsuit shopping!"

"Ben," Chad made a production of groaning because otherwise he'd fixate on why it was Mal and the others and not like, Carlos. "Just get them a catalogue, or something."

"Nope," Ben pressed, somehow managing to crowd into Chad's space without looking like he was crowding into Chad's space but there was a definite violation of his personal bubble going on there. "They need the full experience."

"Did you talk to them about this experience?"

"Yep." Of course he did. "Evie seemed excited. Carlos did not. Jay seems…" His brows furrowed. "Excited for maybe the wrong reasons, but Mal promised she'd keep him in line."

Yeah, like that had nothing to do with the rash of personal belonging that had gone 'missing' since Jay's arrival to Auradon Prep. Chad had already stolen back a fair bit of them but he'd left the laptop – after allowing Jane make a few 'adjustments' for spy purposes. He'd gotten Taylor a new one anyway, since Chad was such a charming guy.

Chad sighed, using it as an excuse to slump away from Ben's stupid grin.

"Come on." Ben stepped forward to compensate, as though his argument would improve with immediate proximity. "You know they could use your fashion knowledge. You're an expert."

"Fine," Chad groaned, cursing everything in existence but mostly magic cookies that made him want to wrap around Ben's lanky body and never let go. "But if it goes badly, I reserve the right to mock you."

"Wouldn't dream of anything else."

And damn it, he wasn't even lying.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Here was the thing about the Isle kids.

They walked a good walk and talked a good talk, but ultimately they were children who had been raised by the underbelly of society on what was essentially a prison island that was in no way, shape, or form, regulated. So of course swimsuit shopping revealed several things. The most noticeable being that one, all of them were underweight. Carlos and Evie were especially underweight, but all of them showed forms of malnourishment that weren't entirely obvious under the multitude of layers they preferred to wear. While Carlos refused to go shirtless, stripped down to a thin cotton shirt it was obvious to see that before Auradon, he hadn't gotten regular meals.

Another thing (which Chad had actually been expecting) was scars. All of them had them in some form or other, though Evie and Mal had the least. Chad suspected it was because of who their mothers were, whereas he had heard that Jay was put to work for his father's shop, and Carlos served his own mother with a devotion none of the others seemed to mimic, though it seemed mostly unwilling on his own part.

So with these things in mind Ben was, of course, shocked and immediately sad and though he hid it well, Mal seemed to have a third sense for when pity was aimed her way which made her hackles immediately raised. This forced Chad to intercede, sending Ben off on errands to grab other swimsuit options and swim accessories while Chad stayed with them through the actual try-on process.

In typical Chad fashion, he ignored the too-thin bodies and multitude of scars and focused on complimentary colors and drawing the VKs into arguing styles, until the tension in their shoulders settled down into a regular sort of annoyance towards Chad himself rather than the defensive bite they had earlier.

"You're overthinking this," Chad said, projecting as much exasperation as possible. "You can't mess with classics, Jay. Red is your color. You don't need to bother with patterns when you can go sleek and sheik."

"Jay wouldn't know sheik if it bit him in the face," Mal muttered, spinning back and forth to catalogue the sway of her purple sundress, trying hard to suppress the smile that tugged at her lips.

"Ignoring that," Jay said, flexing at his reflection in the mirror. Undernourished though he may be, guy had muscles. "You know, I think you're right. Why distract from myself?"

"That's the spirit," Chad chirped, making a quick inspection of the old wounds he could see to determine if any would require some kind of physical therapy. Jay seemed fine, but it never hurt to double check. "Carlos, how are you doing?"

"This is dumb," the young De Ville said from his dressing room, having to this point refused to exit it. "They're just weird, meshy, insubstantial shorts."

"That dry quickly," Chad reminded him. "Unlike your regular shorts, which will not."

"But they offer more protection."

"You're not wrong on that point, but the Enchanted Lake is protected by natural barriers. If anyone wants to get us there, we'll see them coming from a mile away."

"…they're still weird."

"Shut up and pick a pair, Carlos," Mal ordered with a roll of her eyes. "They're all going to be that weird material."

"I don't know how he could complain about this," Evie said, skipping out of her changing room in an elegant navy one piece. There were ruffles involved, so Chad approved. "This is so cute. And weird. What do you think, Chad?" She struck a pose, and Chad had to give it to her, she really rocked that outfit.

"Outstanding as always, my dear," he said with a wink. "I think that one's a winner, unless you'd like to get a few more."

Jay, of all people, perked up. "We can get more than one?"

"Sure." Chad shrugged. "Ben's buying so really, I encourage you to do just that."

At last Mal let the smile tugging at her lips reign free. "Well, when you put it like that…"

They didn't ransack the store, but they did exit with more suits than were likely warranted, along with shoes and hats and sunglasses and a cute tote Chad bought for Evie because it was blue and red and how could he possibly pass that up?

He waylaid them to a gaggle of food trucks and proceeded to buy whatever they wanted, sending a note to Jane to have the kitchen staff at the school supply the VKs with more nourishing meals aimed at fixing malnutrition. When Carlos stared at his meatpie/calzone fusion with a dubious expression, Chad went ahead and stole a bite with a laugh (indicating that it was not poisoned) and bought the small teen an ice cream sandwich in recompense. And then bought everyone else ice cream, because he couldn't show favoritism and also Ben was giving him a look.

It all ended with no one trying to put anyone else under an enchantment, so Chad guessed it was a successful outing, even if he still wanted to punch Ben in the face.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Endnotes:

Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated! Please let me know if you think I missed a few tags. I try to ere on the side of caution, but I've been staring at this thing for so long I'm bound to have missed a few things :)

EDIT - Check it, Kybee1497 on Archive of Our Own made an awesome picture collage for this story! It is now the thumbnail for this fic. If you want to check out more of their stuff, look them up on tumblr!

Regarding the story:

Not to besmirch the VKs' planning skills, but base on their museum infiltration, they seem to lean more towards 'on the fly' planning, so impulse drugging Chad to interrogate him while he was half asleep would probably seem like a good move on their part, even if it ultimately wasn't.

While it was mostly cut from the movie, there is a behind the scenes featurette of the choreography for 'Did I Mention' that shows Jane in the mascot knight suit.

So I refuse to call Chad's kingdom 'Cinderellasburg'. In my own personal cannon, I renamed it Sardinia. I chose that name because Cinderella was said to take place in France, near Germany, so I reviewed a list of countries that now no-longer exist. Sardinia was one of them, though I did not realize until later that it is also like, an area in Italy. Woops.

Avalor is a kingdom from the Disney show 'Sophia the First'/'Elena of Avalor', but it's basically Disney's fictional version of Spain.

Until next time :)