Okay...I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG! MY APOLOGIES FOREVER!
If I forgot to tell you in the last chapter, I am currently studying abroad. I thought I would have lots of time to write but turns out there's a lot to see and do and I have not written very much at all. I'm sorry for making you all wait so long! Thank you for being so patient! Thank you for the favorites/follows/reviews! They reminded me what I needed to do and so I have finally finished this chapter. I'm nearly through WS (phew) and will try to focus on my favorite scenes from here on out. The big fight will be a chapter. Just so you know. Also, unless I can find a way Charlie can pop up, she won't come in for a chapter or two. Let me know what you think or if you want more of her thoughts and what not. I love love love your guys' thoughts and suggestions! Again, thank you so much for sticking with this story! You have helped me to continue writing it :D I hope this chapter pleases you! I will say that I probably won't get another chapter out for a while. Just looking at my schedule I don't think I have time. But if I do, then it will be a lovely surprise!
Anyways, thanks again and enjoy the chapter! :D you are all amazing!
Steve stared blankly at the injured man in front of him. Nick Fury was alive though a little rough around the edges. This last surprise was enough to send Steve over the edge. Something inside of him had shut down. He felt nothing, no emotion, no physical pain from his fight with Bucky. Even Bucky's name didn't elicit a feeling. Everything was numb.
"Lacerated spinal column, cracked sternum, shattered collarbone, perforated liver, one hell of a headache," Fury listed. He had curled into himself slightly but was trying to make it look relaxed. Steve was impressed with the long list of injuries that Fury had survived but still, nothing.
"Don't forget your collapsed lung," the doctor attending to Natasha said. He was pressing a compress to her shoulder and she flinched slightly. She had impressed Steve more than he could say today and his trust in her had only grown stronger.
"Oh, let's not forget that. Otherwise, I'm good," Fury sighed, obviously in pain. Slowly, Steve's mind began asking questions again instead of being silent. There was still no feeling but there was at least functionality.
"They cut you open, your heart stopped," Natasha said, her question implied. There was the smallest hint of feeling in her voice and Steve remembered how affected she was when Fury had "died." Did Fury know how much Natasha looked up to him?
"Tetrodotoxin B. Slows the pulse to one beat a minute. Banner developed it for stress. Didn't work so great for him, but we found a use for it." Oh so Dr. Banner was involved now too?
"Why all the secrecy? Why not just tell us?" Steve asked. This time, Maria Hill answered.
"Any attempt on the director's life had to look successful."
"Can't kill you if you're already dead. Besides, I wasn't sure who to trust," Fury added. Steve marveled at the man's inability to trust. What had he done to show Fury that there was a possibility he couldn't be trusted? It's paranoia. You have it too, Steve thought. That was true. Steve caught Natasha's movement out of the corner of his eye. She'd been staring at Fury and her head was still angled towards him but her eyes were downcast and they looked lost again. I thought I was going straight. Natasha's words from yesterday flashed in his mind and pieces fell into place. She had allied with SHIELD and Fury was the director of SHIELD. Looking back at how the two interacted, they were closer than just director and assassin. And Fury had just said he didn't know who to trust, which meant he hadn't trusted Natasha. But Natasha had trusted Fury. He had just cracked the connection between them.
"Sir, are you injured?" the doctor's question broke Steve from his thoughts.
"I'm fine. Check Sam for injuries," Steve directed.
"Steve, you went hand in hand with him. You're going to have injuries," Natasha retorted wearily. That was true but Steve didn't feel hurt. The numbness wasn't wearing off.
"Fine, but Sam gets checked first. And you need a blood transfusion."
"We need to-"
"We can discuss strategies later. Right now, get better," Steve commanded and turned to Sam. "Get checked and make sure you patch up any injuries." Sam nodded and followed the doctor out. Natasha didn't protest but stood and walked out. Steve turned to Fury.
"Rest up because we're going to need all the information you have to bring Pierce and HYDRA down."
"What the hell do you think I've been doing?" Fury retorted. Steve didn't respond but instead walked out. He caught up to Natasha and walked behind her. He didn't say anything but made sure she got to the make shift hospital without falling or fainting. She turned to him at the door, making eye contact.
Natasha didn't say anything, just stared.
Steve let her, somehow understanding what she needed. She needed to know that his words still rang true, that he trusted her.
She must have seen that because she sighed, nodded, and sat down for a blood transfusion. Steve left her to it and walked around the compound. His head was beginning to pound and he needed time. Time to think, time to grieve, time to something. But he didn't have time.
Steve rubbed his face and forced himself to confront the issues. One, Fury was not dead but alive and running a secret operation. Could this also be a ruse and Fury was with HYDRA? No, they wouldn't have tried to kill him. Fury was SHIELD and this compound and the people in it were the loyal agents that had gotten out. Okay, Steve could work with that.
Two, Bucky was alive. The force of that thought made Steve stop walking. Bucky was alive. He was alive and working for the enemy. What did they do to you? Steve thought painfully. His entire left arm was made of metal and mechanics. Had he lost it in the fall? Did he have more hidden prosthetics or mechanics? Bucky was now as strong as Steve. Had HYDRA finally perfected the super-soldier serum or was this something worse? Bucky was known as the Winter Soldier. Natasha had met him on a mission and he'd shot through her to get to his target. He'd been nearly effective at killing Fury. But how? What had they done to him to make him an assassin?
Because Steve couldn't believe that Bucky was a cold-blooded killer. He couldn't believe that Bucky would willingly become an assassin. Not the Bucky he knew. The Bucky Steve knew was a protector not a killer. And that was another thing, why didn't Bucky remember Steve? Steve's heart squeezed painfully at the confused, hostile look Bucky had thrown his way. Who the hell is Bucky? Did he even know who he was? No, HYDRA had done something to Bucky to make him forget. Forget Steve, who he was, what his name was. What have they done to you, Bucky?
"Sir, may I check your injuries?" the same doctor tore Steve from his thoughts once again. Steve sighed but nodded, following after the man. He pushed his thoughts away for the moment, welcoming the numbness. He just needed to tough it out for a little longer, get through this nightmare. That's as far as Steve could see for the moment.
Steve lost track of time as he was checked and given ice for bruises and cracked ribs. All in all, he'd faired pretty well against Bucky but the crash from the highway and an equal fight left him with more injuries than a usual mission. Nothing was life threatening or would hinder him from fighting at his best, but it was still disconcerting. Steve kept thinking the same thought over and over again. What have they done to you, Bucky? Soon, everyone was called into a different room for their next game plan. Fury looked better but he was still hunched over from his injuries. Maria Hill sat at the same table, as did Natasha, still weak from blood loss. Steve opted to stand and Sam followed suit. Steve would have to thank Sam later. They wouldn't be here without him. Files of possible HYDRA leaders were laid on the table as well as a large black box. Fury picked up a photo of Pierce, eyes narrowing.
"This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said, 'Peace wasn't an achievement, it was a responsibility.' See, it's stuff like this that gives me trust issues," Fury said, letting the picture drop from his hands. He glanced quickly at Natasha and Steve. Neither of them reacted.
"We have to stop the launch," Natasha stated in a deadpan voice. Fury's eye twitched slightly. He knows something's changed between them, Steve thought idly.
"I don't think the Council's accepting my calls anymore." Fury opened the large black box to reveal three small blue squares. They looked like a computer chips or something to Steve, but that was his best guess. No one said anything so Sam spoke what they were all thinking.
"What's that?"
"Once the Helicarriers reach three thousand feet, they'll triangulate with Insight satellites becoming fully weaponized," Hill explained, bypassing the question. She spun a computer around to show what she meant. Steve followed the diagram better than her words. Basically, the Helicarriers had lots of weapons and were linked together when they reached a certain height.
"We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own," Fury said. A picture of a Helicarrier came on screen, zooming into a center structure and showing the targeting blades.
"One or two won't cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work, because if even one of those ships remains operational a whole lot of people are gonna die." Why did you design the ships this way? Steve thought, his anger rekindling. It was a disaster waiting to happen. What had they been thinking?
"We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We need to get pass them, insert the server blades, and maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what's left-"
"We're not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick, we're taking down SHIELD," Steve interrupted. Now he was angry. And he couldn't believe Fury still wanted to save what was left of SHIELD.
"SHIELD had nothing to do with it," Fury retorted defensively.
"You gave me this mission, this is how it ends. SHIELD's been compromised, you've said so yourself. HYDRA was right under your nose and nobody noticed," Steve accused. They were done playing this spy game. There was no way to tell how many people were truly loyal to SHIELD and who were HYDRA's agents. Saving SHIELD now would mean their destruction later because they couldn't trust anyone. Building an organization from broken trust was unthinkable. They had to start over.
"Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed."
"And how many paid the price before you did?" Steve knew it was a low blow but he needed Fury to understand what he meant. Fury was too attached to the idea of what SHIELD used to be. Fury looked to the sides, looked at Hill.
"Look, I didn't know about Barnes." Should've expected a low blow in return, Steve thought. He didn't miss a beat though.
"Even if you had, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? SHIELD, HYDRA, it all goes," Steve commanded. Fury looked like he was about to argue, his eyes defiant when Hill stepped in.
"He's right," she said softly. Steve hadn't expected her to defend his position. His respect for her raised a little. It took guts to tell the man you worked for he was wrong. Fury looked at her and then at Natasha. Natasha leaned back in her chair, eyes unwavering. She chose Steve over Fury. He looked to Sam next.
"Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower," Sam said, shrugging his shoulders. Steve was amazed at how loyal Sam was even though they'd only known each other for days. Steve looked back at Fury, whose eyes were darting between each of them. He watched as Fury sighed and leaned back in his chair. He looked up with resignation.
"Well…Looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain." Steve suddenly felt everyone's eyes on him. This wasn't exactly what he wanted. He hadn't wanted to take Fury's leadership from him, just wanted him to see that he was wrong. Steve took a deep breath and accepted the responsibility. Luckily, his brain worked with him and the pieces of a plan started pulling together. His emotions were still shut down but for now, that would have to do.
"Alright, so…" For the next few hours, they planned. They strategized and discussed who would do what, when they would do it, and how they were going to get out alive.
Steve walked solemnly back to his apartment. It wasn't until he spoke that Steve realized Bucky was walking with him. How long had he been walking with him? Probably the entire way, knowing Bucky.
"We looked for you after. My folks wanted to give you a ride from the cemetery," Bucky said gently. They started up the stairs to Steve's apartment. No one's home anymore, Steve thought bitterly, his heart beating painfully. He felt like he was on the edge of crying, which is why…
"I know, I'm sorry. I just…kind of wanted to be alone," Steve trailed off. He didn't want to cry in front of Buck. He'd cried enough already.
"How was it?"
"It was okay. She's next to Dad." There was a few seconds of silence and Steve realized that wasn't what Bucky was asking. He knew where his mother had been buried, had been there to see it. He was asking how Steve was coping. Now he really felt like crying.
"I was gonna ask…"
"I know what you're gonna say, Buck, I just…" Steve left the sentence to hang as he searched for his key. He was sure he'd grabbed it when he left.
"We can put the couch cushion on the floor like when we were kids. It'll be fun. All you gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash," Bucky teased lightly. He kicked a brick and handed Steve the key.
"Come on," Bucky implored. Steve took the key, looking at it with bitterness. He was the only one who needed this key now.
"Thank you, Buck, but I can get by on my own," Steve said. It was more to convince himself. He could live on his own. He just wasn't sure he wanted to.
"The thing is, you don't have to." Bucky gripped his shoulder until Steve looked up. "I'm with you till the end of the line, pal."
"He's gonna be there, you know?" Sam asked, breaking Steve out of the flashback. He hadn't even realized what he was doing, where he had walked. After the meeting, they all went their separate ways to prepare. Steve had just started walking and let his thoughts get ahead of him.
"I know," he answered simply. Bucky's words echoed in his head. End of the line. Where was the end of line? Was there any hope that Bucky could remember who he was?
"Look, whoever he used to be, the guy he is now, I don't think he's the kind you save. He's the kind you stop." Steve looked up at Sam. Sympathy was all over Sam's stance. He knew what it was like to make a hard choice, especially when it came to friends.
"I don't know if I could do that." Steve ran through the fight in his mind. Was there anything that indicated that Bucky could be saved? Was that even important? This was Bucky. Steve wouldn't give up on him.
"Well, he might not give you a choice. He doesn't know you."
"He will," Steve said resolutely. Because Bucky, the Winter Soldier, had hesitated after seeing Steve. After hearing his name. That was all Steve needed.
"Gear up, it's time." Steve turned and started walking away from the compound.
"You gonna wear that?" Sam called after him.
"No. If you're gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform." And Steve remembered seeing one in the museum…