"Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved." - Erich Fromm - The Art of Loving
A Mother's Heart
Winter was the strangest thing inside the ice nest. For one, none of the dragons left the nest to lay their eggs. Instead, they all clustered together in like groups for warmth and seemed to nest in the same place that it looked like they had for generations, judging from the number of old and brittle eggshells. There was no fighting for territory among the females, and the King quickly stilled the tempers of any of the more combative males. The dragons that did not have any eggs tended to stay on their ledges in very deep sleeps. The King kept up his routine of bringing fish, though in what deep ocean depths he found them only the gods could know. Maybe not even them.
Some dragons did still leave the nest through. One group in particular seemed to enjoy the cold more than any other. They were smaller dragons, roughly his own size, were a sky-blue color all over, and had spikes that looked like ice protruding from the crowns of their heads. Just like the King, they also breathed cold instead of fire. Dragonheart called them Blizzard Dancers because of how they enjoyed flying in the snowstorms.
The pair of adult Blizzard Dancers flew back into the nest with haste and dismay but also with their two yearlings right behind them. He watched one of the Blizzard Dancers get the King's attention.
That is odd. They are not missing anyone.
Regardless, Dragonheart and Cloudjumper assembled and followed the adult Blizzard Dancer back out the nest. He followed closely behind as well since he was curious what was causing all the activity. He had helped on several rescues so far in the last few months, a couple times even completely on his own. But all those rescues had been of a dragon caught in a trap.
They arrived at a pair of trapper ships on the open water. Cloudjumper flew close to the ships and hovered directly over the sails of the first one. He glanced down as well and saw that there were no dragons in the hold. The second ship, however, had a captive Nadder and a small Rumblehorn.
Spears appeared on deck at the Stormcutter's approach. Dragonheart slid down Cloudjumper's tail with evident practice and rolled to her feet on the ship's bow. She pointed her staff at the men who froze at her bizarre and alien appearance. A particularly burly man pushed his way to the front of the crew.
"Men, you've heard about it. This is our chance! Take it!" the captain shouted.
They all took one step forward and then froze when they saw the Night Fury land behind her and flare its wings threateningly. Weapons dropped to the deck.
"Night Fury!" "Get down!" "We're all going to die!" yelled the deckhands in evident dismay.
"Free the dragons!" Dragonheart commanded.
"Why? Why would we do that?"
She turned to face the defiant captain. The ship rolled and pitched as a seemingly rogue wave disturbed the vessel.
Then she pointed her staff at the other boat, drawing everyone's attention towards it.
"That is why!"
A pair of tusks emerged from the water as the King made his appearance. The King's massive head towered over the small ship. He surveyed the ship for a moment and clearly saw no dragons on it. The King bellowed in anger and raised his great tusks high as screaming echoed from the other ship.
Shadowwing felt his heart clench, knowing well what was going to happen and having no way to stop it. He also felt a surge of foreign anger at the same moment.
The tusks fell and cleaved the ship into pieces. Shards of the deck were flung through the air from the force of the strike, and the men onboard not crushed by the attack were spilled into the freezing waters.
The screaming was silenced.
Then the King turned his attention to the remaining ship and crossed the distance with one splash of his tail. He lifted his massive head out of the water, held his tusks above the ship, and growled until the ship's hull trembled.
"Free them now or die!" Dragonheart commanded.
"Ddddddd...do it," the captain whimpered.
It took a few moments of fumbling with the ropes and chains, but the crew managed to free the two captive dragons. They both went aloft immediately and turned for the nest.
Dragonheart turned back around to Shadowwing and whispered.
"Get off the ship."
Cloudjumper flew down at her signal and let her hook her staff in his tail. Then he flicked his tail and hurled her up onto his back.
Get off the ship?
The King bellowed again. His blue eyes, normally so tired and peaceful, were filled with anger and death.
No...
He acted without thinking. He jumped down from the ship's bow, dashed mid-ship among all the trappers, and looked up at the King.
"No! They did what you wanted!" he shouted.
The King growled deeply and lifted his head slightly. He flared his wings in response and closed his eyes. He could feel the King's powerful gaze trained on him as that powerful buzzing resumed.
Confusion...
Anger...
Protection...
Command?
Choice?
Pain...
Bravery...
Respect...
Mercy?
Justice?
The King snarled once, turned away from the boat, and vanished under the waves with a great splash that violently shook the boat.
Shadowwing opened his eyes and almost collapsed on deck himself. He caught his breath and glanced back at the stunned men huddled together in fear. Even the captain was completely speechless.
"You are welcome," he hissed at the man.
Then he leaped from the ship, greatly rocking it as he did so, and joined the flight home.
"What were you thinking!" she turned on him when they got back to the ledge.
He turned on her in surprise that she did not understand his reason.
He was going to kill them
"Yes, as they deserve. That was so stupid of you," she seemed livid.
He grumbled himself at how short-sighted she seemed to be right now.
You do not understand. This helps us.
And now what will happen?
They will get home and talk
Everyone will know that a dragon protected them
"Really? You think that is what they will say. You do not understand humans then."
He snarled in frustration at that.
Oh, I do understand them. Better than you could know.
Is it better to be the monsters they fear?
To prove all their bad stories about us true
"There is no one left to carry that message though if the trappers are all dead."
He growled openly and looked away from her. Several tense moments passed in which neither of them said anything. She eventually relented with a heavy sigh.
"Shadowwing, all the dragons here are my family. They are... like my children, and I will do anything to protect them. I let the trappers go if I can, but the King does not. He has never shown them any mercy before."
She stepped closer to him and was clearly nervous about something.
"And you... you are special among all the dragons. I do not want you to get hurt or get yourself killed on some mission to save everyone."
They let the dragons go
We let them go
That is fair
She shook her head wildly at that.
"The King does not think like that. He knows them as threats to his nest. Threats must be destroyed or made not threats."
He sighed sadly as he thought about it. Surely the King had some sense of justice and of rightness. Maybe being a King, being a leader and protector, was more complicated than he had imagined.
"Please do not try that again. It is too reckless. You do not need to try to change the whole world. You might get yourself or someone you love killed one day."
That is who I am though
He paused.
I am only alive because
Another dragon believed in being fair
And in showing mercy
"Just be more careful. Please?" she whispered.
He glanced up at her and saw her pained expression. She was genuinely concerned for him, that much was obvious. Knowing that greatly helped to loosen the frustration wrapped around his heart.
I understand
"Ok. Good."
She stood back up and seemed to relax a bit.
"Well, I'm going to help that Rumblehorn we rescued. It lost a leg to a trap, and I will need to make a peg leg for it."
That was news to him. There were a couple dragons that seemed to have very basic replacement limbs, though how she was able to make them out here was quite beyond him.
You can do that?
"I have some scraps of metal around here, mostly salvaged from old traps. What I really need is a proper forge. I never had any skill with making one of those though. Cloudjumper helps a bit after I showed him that I needed some metal to get very hot, but it is not perfect."
"I really wonder how Gobber would make a forge out here. He would know what to do," she added to herself almost as an afterthought.
Then she turned and left to attend to the wounded dragon.
How would he indeed? There isn't much that he could use to make a fo...
His tail froze, his eyes went wide, and he forgot to breathe. He spun around and stared after her as she vanished from sight with Cloudjumper.
Gobber...
How do you know that name?
He closed his eyes and quickly reconsidered everything he knew about her. She came to this nest many years ago from a tribe that did not like dragons at all. She had thought that dragons were not the monsters everyone supposed, but no one else listened to her.
In all their time together and despite all the stories they had told, neither of them had yet broached those fateful accounts of where they were truly from. But now that he thought about everything that he did know anew...
He flew to his feet, breathing as heavily as if he had flown in a full sprint.
There was someone he had once heard of who had been like that. She had been different from everyone else in her tribe and had been carried off into the night by a dragon with four wings. By a Stormcutter.
The pieces of the puzzle started to perfectly fall together.
No... it cannot be... she...
She knew Gobber's name.
She was from Berk.
She has green eyes.
He turned away from the ledge and ran down the passageway, only stopping when he reached the outside of the nest. He lay down on the frozen precipice and stared out over the frigid ocean as the wind swirled around him. His mind was numb and his heart was a thoroughly tangled web of feelings born of something impossible.
A pair of words not spoken in many years rose in his thoughts.
Valka...
Mom...
He lay on his own up on a ledge and looked out over the entire nest. He did not notice the Raincutters, Rumblehorns, Blizzard Dancers, any of the carefree yearlings at play, or any other dragons either. He did not pay any attention to the King's comings and goings. He did not even have an appetite.
His mind was completely occupied with something else. Something wondrous and terrifying at once.
The strange woman who called herself the Dragonheart was his own long-lost and presumed-dead mother. Too many details were coincidental for it to be otherwise.
I never knew her. I must have been too little to remember anything. But she always felt familiar somehow.
Everything fit together. It made a lot more sense what had happened all those years ago now that she had told some parts of her story, even if she had left out the specifics of where. She found a dragon in secret that did not seem as terrible as she had been told. Her faith in the tribe's traditions had been shaken and her eyes were opened to a new world of possibilities. A world that no one else could see or seemed to want.
But what had she thought after the Stormcutter carried her off? Why had it carried her off? Clearly not for food and not for the nest on Dragon Island like the other attackers had.
Or maybe it had not been an abduction after all. Maybe she had faked it. Had she felt relief that she was escaping an oppressive tribe? Did she have any sadness or regret at leaving behind her infant son? Why had she never come back?
She could have come back. Surely she could have if she really wanted to. Maybe she did not want me enough. I do not know though. She has been doing a lot of good here all these years.
He could not hide the truth from her now. She had to learn who he really was and what had happened to him. It was only fair when she was truly his family. But there was no way to know how she would react. Astrid, Gobber, and his own father had all reacted so differently.
How is she going to react? What should someone think when they learn that a dragon used to be human? Or who I really am.
I can see it now. Oh, and by the way, I am actually your son who you have not seen in twenty years. Your son whom you... kind of left behind. Hi mom!
How can I tell her that I am not...
That my name is not Shadowwing...
He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, almost in physical pain. Buried memories again threatened to burst through the wall that pain, grief, anger, and time had constructed.
Hiccup… that was my name. Gods that feels strange now.
It had been almost a year and a half since he had answered to that name. It hardly seemed to be him anymore. What was even left of the person who had been years ago? The awkward, hideous name that tradition had demanded he wear did not truly belong to him anymore. It did not feel like it was proper at all for a presumably adult Night Fury.
And yet, that name was part of him, part of the past that had shaped him into who he was now. That part of his life was something that could not be fully discarded as easily as old scales.
Alright, no point waiting around. It is go time...
He took a deep breath and hopped from the ledge, slowly spiraling his way down to where he could probably find her. He waited until he heard Cloudjumper's distinctive call and noticed the Stormcutter gliding in as well with his human on his back as always. They must have just noticed his approach and angled to meet him on the ground.
As had happened the first time he met her, he was transfixed by her piercing, deep green eyes as she approached. Now though he was sure of why they had seemed so strangely familiar and comforting.
"Shadowwing, what is the matter?"
He rolled his shoulders in a clear shrug and then beckoned her over to a large patch of dirt well away from the water where the other dragons would gather. They walked over to the dirt while she stayed huddled inside her scale-weave bearskin cloak complete with Cloudjumper's shed scales. It was quite an amazing creation that she said helped keep her very warm when aloft.
She patiently waited while he slowly traced his words.
I need to talk to you
"Sure, what about?"
He sat down and gestured for her to do the same.
Shadowwing is not my real name
"Really, you have another name?"
Yes, he nodded.
"Ok, what is it?" she seemed confused.
First, you were once part of a human village
Her expression fell noticeably as she frowned.
"Yes, I guess I was in a way. I was not like them though. I never felt like I was meant to be there, as I told you before."
You knew that dragons were not all bad
"Yes. The rest of the people there were stupid, and no one would listen to me. This is my only home now."
He paused and inhaled. There was no going back after this moment.
Was it Berk?
She audibly gasped when she saw what he had written. It was one of the few times he had ever seen her truly unsettled by anything. A row of angry trappers, shrieking dragons, and working with sensitive traps, none of those ever disturbed her.
But that one simple question left her short of breath and trembling.
"Yes… how do you know of that place?" she whispered.
.
"You've been there, haven't you?"
I was…
He struggled for a moment to decide which was the correct word.
…born there
"You are very lucky to be alive then. I didn't know there were any Night Furies on Berk. How did you hide from the humans there?"
This might be hard for her…
I did not
"What?"
They do not hurt dragons now
She beheld his words and slowly shook her head in evident disbelief.
"No. No. That cannot be them."
They changed
Now there are stables
People ride dragons and care for them
Several tribes have dragons
"Impossible. I tried for years to get them to change and nothing worked!" she almost yelled.
He paused and gathered himself before proceeding toward the final revelation.
I lived in Chief Stoick's house
As he had expected, the direct mention of the Chief, of her likely husband and his own father, silenced her objections. The staff that she almost always held in her hand fell to the ground with a clang. She gasped for breath before recovering herself and retrieving the staff, although with all her limbs shaking.
"Stoick… you knew my husband… but that means… my son! What about my baby! His name was Hiccup! Do you know him?"
His own heart clenched as the last remaining shred of doubt was torn away. He lowered his head to be level with hers and stared deeply into her sharp green and now very familiar eyes. Very slowly and without blinking, he nodded once.
"Tell me… please. Tell me... everything," she gasped.
He wrote very slowly, laboring over every word.
He was like you
He made a friend of a dragon
The tribe would not listen
He and his dragon saved everyone
They killed a big dragon
It was causing all the raids
The raids stopped when it died
"He sounds like a real hero. But… what else?"
There was something sparkling in the corner of her eyes.
When he hesitated, she stepped forward and put her shaking hands on his chin.
"I need to know, whatever it is. Tell me. Even if he is dead... I must know."
Something happened to both him and his dragon
You will not believe it
"Oh, really? I have seen some things that no one would believe."
They both died and lived
"What?" her expression showed her complete confusion.
They were changed
Hiccup became a dragon
She stared at his last words for a long time.
"What? My son died and became a dragon?"
Then she dropped her hands to her knees and laughed uncontrollably. He nervously waited as she struggled to control herself.
"Even… even if I believed that… I don't... That is so crazy… Alright, I'll... I'll bite at that. What dragon, may I ask?"
A Night Fury
Her manic laughter instantly vanished, and she quickly stood up with the staff held in front of her like a ward. Her green eyes, so like his own, were cold and fearful at the same time. He knew that she understood fully what was unwritten.
"No... No... Not possible. How could you say..." she almost screamed.
My name was Hiccup
I had a scar on my chin
Dad said I got it in a dragon attack
Her free hand almost absentmindedly wandered up to her own chin.
I was also afraid of a stuffed dragon
"The little Zipple..." she nervously and weakly chuckled.
You were afraid I was too small as a baby
And that...
"... you wouldn't make it..."
Valka
"Valka..." she whispered back.
Mom
She silently stared down at the words, her face obscured by her loose hair. Tears were freely flowing down her cheeks when she finally looked up. She turned away without looking at him and ran down a passage toward the outside of the nest, sobbing and shaking the whole way.
He slowly followed after her after several minutes, thoroughly unsure what to expect, say, or do. He was not even sure what he felt yet beyond confusion, fear, and wonder.
The passageway led outside the nest and down to the rocky beach which was now partly covered in snow. Her footprints were all too easy to follow through the blowing wind. He found her standing alone on the ledge midway down the beach. Her red cape made from bearskin and Cloudjumper's shed scales was wrapped around her to protect her from the biting wind. He slowly padded up alongside her and hummed at her, not knowing what exactly to say.
She shook in the wind and could not bring herself to face him. Then he extended a wing behind her to block the worst of the wind.
"You... you are really my son," she gasped.
"Yes," he hummed.
"How is that possible?"
There was enough snow on the ground to allow him to properly answer.
My dragon friend, Toothless, saved us
He made us start life new together
As Night Fury hatchlings
"But how?"
Something like magic
Know anything about it?
She was silent for a moment, clearly deep in thought.
"No, there is... no, I had no idea dragons could do anything like that. It does sound like magic."
He had to do it to save our lives
Apparently only Night Furies can do that
Do not cry, mom
"Ha, you try meeting a child you haven't seen in twenty years. What am I supposed to do in this situation? I... I know what you must be thinking. How could I have stayed away all these years? Why didn't I come back?"
He slowly answered.
I did wonder that
She closed her eyes and remained looking out to sea away from him, still not having met his eyes since the fateful declaration.
"I have no good answer. A part of me was happy to be gone, to be away from a people where I had no place. I tried so hard for years to get them to change and find a better way. I did want to come back at first, but it took a while to learn to trust and fly with Cloudjumper. And by then I had... learned about the good I could do for the hundreds of dragons here. I guess I had to make a choice and I did."
She turned to face him directly and met his even gaze.
"All excuses though. The truth is that I was afraid. I was afraid of having to raise a baby to be what I thought of as a monster. If my Hiccup was going to become a true Nord and dragon killer, he would not become that because of me. I was weak and afraid."
He shook his head at her words.
"Yes, I was. I thought that I could lose myself, forget myself, in my work here and that I could do good to make up for my being a coward. But I have been cold for a long time here. I have not really been alive all these years. I have been running from my past and now it caught me."
"I... I had a duty to you, and I failed you. I should not have stayed away and left you to be raised alone. I... I see that now."
She shivered.
"So go on. Growl, scream, shout, do something!"
He gathered her to his side with the extended wing and then he wrote.
You are as beautiful as I dreamed you would be
She stared at the words, slowly embraced his warm neck, and again wept openly with abandon. He gently put an arm around her back and hummed softly to her.
"Can you... forgive me for not being there, Hiccup?" she eventually gasped.
There is nothing to forgive
She sobbed again and leaned into his warmth for several happy moments before she was reminded of something.
"Gods, it is cold. What was I thinking coming out here?" she shivered again.
We should go
He glanced back up the beach and considered the long walk through the penetrating cold. Even he was starting to feel the chill. There was a much faster way to get back than by walking.
Get on
"What?" she exclaimed as he crouched down.
Please
"No, absolutely not. You are my son."
Please
"But..."
She shivered again. Defeated by the elements and his stubbornness, she stepped over to his side and climbed flat on his back. He waited until she had her arms securely around his neck, all her usual confidence on dragonback apparently missing, and slowly spread his wings as he stood on the ledge. He had never carried anyone like this before, although he had a fairly good idea how it was from the other side.
I can do this...
"Oh my..." she gasped.
He hopped into the wind off the steep ledge. The flight was as slow and gentle as he could make it as they gradually spiraled over the frozen beach and up to the level where the passageway opened into her alcove. She kept herself very low to his back to remain out of the wind as much as possible. Once inside, he softly landed and crouched down to let her dismount. She remained at his side with her hand on his warm neck as they walked down the rest of the passageway together.
Finally back at her hut, she rushed up to the ledge and gave a piercing whistle. Cloudjumper responded immediately and broke off his apparent search for her on the ground. The Stormcutter landed on their ledge and seemed to scold her for vanishing before, being satisfied that she was safe again, he curled up to rest.
Valka came back and lit a fire outside her hut to warm both of them. They both lay there in each other's presence, lost in their own thoughts.
"What happened back on Berk?"
What?
"You lived there with your father in a changed and good tribe, but now you have been away from home for a long time, years even. Why?"
He closed his eyes and moaned softly. Then he got up and shifted himself to have access to the box of soil they used for writing.
Dad gave Toothless to a sorcerer
A sacrifice to make me a human again
She gasped and a distant, haunted expression came over her.
"So, he would sacrifice your friend to change his son back into a human. Stoick, what savage seas, what waves of life, did you face to become that?" she whispered.
A moment passed in which neither of them spoke.
"He was always a proud leader and always meant well. He tried to do the best he could with the people he was given to lead, but this... this treachery... Why would he do that? What was he thinking?"
She did not sound angry at it. Instead, she sounded only weary, weak, and more than slightly pained by it.
He could only answer with a shrug of his own shoulders and a sad moan.
"I take it that something else happened though seeing as you are not human now."
The sorcerer was a fake
Only a merchant who tricked him
She nodded in weary comprehension.
"Ah, a living Night Fury would fetch a very high price indeed."
He escaped somehow, and I have been looking for him
"You left behind your home and everyone you knew to find your friend?"
Yes, he is my brother
"That is amazing of you. I had dreamed that my boy might grow up to be a hero who would do great things, though not what the tribe would have wanted. Not much is greater than to leave home to save your own family."
Then she seemed puzzled by something.
"Why do you call him your brother?"
Because he is, and I love him
We hatched from one egg together
He taught me everything I know
About being a Night Fury at least
He taught me how to talk to him
We fought, played, flew, and had adventures
Basically had childhood together in a way
"Well, I am happy that you had something of a real family after all," she whispered.
He hummed at her words and draped a wing over her back again. She propped her head up with a pillow and stared at him.
"Tell me about Berk. Tell me everything. The good, the bad, the happy, and the sad. All of it."
He closed his eyes and considered where to begin.
At the beginning of what matters, I suppose.
I was very small as a kid
"You were as a baby too."
I could not lift a hammer
Or swing an axe
Or do anything that was useful to them
"That sounds like you are talking about me," she chuckled.
So I built a device to throw a snare for me
There was a perfect target one night during a raid...
Author's Note - I recommend that you check out chapter 2 of 'To Fly The Winds Of Life' at this point. There is a bit more winter Shadowwing-Valka bonding time following this revelation.