DOCTOR WHO
IF HEARTS WERE UNBREAKABLE
WRITTEN BY ZARIUS
Author's Note: I thought there needed to be a lot more to say about that scene towards the end of "Can You Hear Me?", so I gave the scene another stab with the help of a transcript. It also came about after I binged a couple of songs, which included "Don't Say You Love Me" from Fifth Harmony, "Crush" by David Archuleta, and, most tellingly, "Invisible" by Clay Aiken (you can spot some of the allusions in the lyrics in the story, one of which is in the title )
Graham O'Brien took a sharp intake of breath as he approached the woman hard at work at the TARDIS console room.
He called her by her name, or was it more a title? He couldn't quite decide. She'd never told any of them her name, him, Yasmin, Ryan, they only knew her by a title.
Still he addressed her, she didn't make a sound, nor did she hear one.
Graham had sworn he'd been of reasonable volume, he looked over at Ryan and Yaz, wondering if they had heard him, they seemed lost in their own little world also, locked away in their own thoughts.
In time, he would pick at his grandson's brain and discover what his day had been like, but for now he needed The Doctor to pick his, diagnose what was troubling him, and give him the cleanest bill of psychological health, and with it, the clearest conscience.
He didn't want to burden Ryan with his apprehensions. Ryan was fresh off coping with his friend Tibo's own struggles, and the knowledge that he was leaving him behind to take another trip across time, space, or anywhere in between, not knowing if the next day his friend could potentially decide never to bother waking up again
Graham called her name louder, more assertively, her ears picked up, and she reared her head.
"You got a minute Doc?" said Graham.
"Sure, beats a minute's silence anyday. I love me a day where a war is won" The Doctor said, referring to their most recent battles with the playful and reality-twisting Eternals.
She stood before Graham, her arms folded, her eyes staring into him. Graham leaned slightly on the console rather than face her upright. His legs were like jelly.
Graham thought back to his nightmare from earlier, when he had seen Grace, his most recent beloved, the first thing he had said in reaction to her was that she wasn't his Doctor.
Now, as he prepared to bear his soul to the alien physician he hoped would heal its wounds, he finally understood what those words had truly meant.
He now hoped the next few breaths he took would be the one that would carry him over into her life.
"The thing is, Doc, I worry about getting sick again. You know, about the... about the cancer coming back. And I didn't know who to say it to, so I thought I'd say it to you. You know, seeing as you're a doctor"
The Doctor tensed up, she gripped her folded arms tighter, Graham noticed she was apparently trying to get a reading on what lay between the lines, as if she had a hunch he was concealing a motive altogether different.
Graham wished he could be little more than a fly on her wall at that moment, something that would distract her for but an instant, and be dismissed just as quickly.
Maybe he already was to her.
"You know, 'cos once... once you have it, it's with you the whole time. Not quite a shadow, but... Hey, don't get me wrong. I mean, my check-ups, they're all fine, but it... it made me think, you know and, er, I thought I should talk about it, 'cos those nightmares, I mean... Well, they made me realise that the fear is... is... is still there, you know"
There was a short pause; Graham could tell The Doctor was scanning him quite intensely, searching for a hidden meaning.
He had her hypnotised, mesmerised even.
And he just had to know.
She caught a breath as she looked at him, and finally cast aside her bewilderment long enough to speak her mind.
"I should say a reassuring thing now, shouldn't I?"
"Yeah, probably" Graham said, as if he needed to spell it out for her, he found himself amazed that she believed she needed his approval.
Maybe she was already writing him off, that she thought the same as others do when confronted with the word 'cancer'.
That they just give themselves in to the harshest fear, assuming the other half of the conversation was doing the same.
No, no The Doc would never think like that thought Graham.
If so, what would it take to convince her he was alive?
Finally, The Doctor spoke. It had only taken a matter of seconds between Graham's response and her next one, but time in the TARDIS had a tendency of slowing to a crawl.
"I'm still quite socially awkward, so I'm just going to subtly walk towards the console and look at something" she said, keeping her eyes trained on Graham.
Then came the promise.
"And then, in a minute, I'll think of something that I should've said... that might've been helpful"
Graham let out a chuckle which served as both a relief and a blessing.
He could laugh again, both in the face of fear, and the admission of said fear, for her curiosity, her unkempt attempts at 'subtle' instruction, and her delayed answer were all enough to convey something altogether stronger still to come.
He hadn't been this excited since he first met Grace.
"Ha! Okay. Well, I'm glad we had this chat, eh?" he said, choking up as he realised just how much life was worth living again.
"Yeah" The Doctor said in agreement as the minute began to tick slowly away.
Both waited for the minute to pass in almost total silence, interrupted only by the chatter of Ryan and Yaz as they discussed just where it was life aboard this magnificent vessel would take them next.
Graham, just as elated and as an over the moon as anyone after a kiss from their crush would be, struggled to contain yet another burst of satisfactory merriment.
Where indeed? He thought.
Where could this go next for the both of them?
He raised his eyebrow and cheekily played a little with his facial expressions, letting life know just how lucky he currently had it.
The Doctor pretended not to notice, and, deep down, she was relieved to find he was taking her instructions at face value and giving her space.
He was such a good boy.
If the body was willing, he'd wait forever.
This is why she was perfectly comfortable with delaying her answer.
The cancer scare did more to unnerve her than Graham, she desired a distraction, and she desired exploration, a little risk, and adrenaline to clear her head.
She had a time machine, the minute could wait.
Could Graham's mortality?
If her hearts were unbreakable, she would just tell him where he stood.
She wouldn't need a minute to tell him three simple words.
She was a lord of time, she would hold those words, that minute, close to those hearts, and she would not yet let go of them just.
Was she being cruel, making him wait, or was she being cowardly?
The answer wasn't simple.
Nothing ever was.