Subtextual social interactions are present in almost every culture around the world.
From cutthroat political scenes to children's playgrounds, allusions and ambiguity have always been with us since we humans first took our first breath. Our relationships and way we make connections are shaped around speaking with subtexts, which is especially apparent in teenage years due to enough comprehension of interpersonal relationships, and the indecisiveness of acting on them. In a way, we have culturally indoctrinated ourselves into thinking that concepts such as "social landmines" and "insensitivity" have mental weight, and that it is necessary for everyone to wake up every day, and play this game of maneuvering in the way we talk. And people wonder why they find children so refreshing in their bluntness…
Everyone, at least on some level, are aware of this. But that's just all they know, in the end. They've played this game for too long, and they just… play along, simultaneously aware of the artificiality of it and are also unwilling to change it due to personal 'perceived' risks, forever in superficial relationships with everyone they met. As adults, everyone has simply played this game with such a mastery, that most would deem those that are 'socially inept' simply just because they cannot read the social dynamics between people in an instant. Everyone knows who those guys are; some would appear as that young and eager Fucking New Guy in your workplace that constantly asserts their social selves (annoyingly outgoing) outward, that everyone know is just a façade that they put up, but go along with it anyway, with that FNG going with it, oblivious to how others view him until either he had an epiphany, someone getting tired of it and say it to him, or simply being fired by human resources due to "mismanagement of orderly conduct" and undergo an epiphany along with it.
It's sad, really. One look at government politics really shows just how inefficient, needlessly complex and emotionally draining this culture of subtext really is. One can even say that the 'political landscape' of high school is even worse, due to how personal it is, and how 'socially inept' most teenagers are. Case in point, Soba high school. Despite being a (relatively) prestigious school, the only changes you would see from a normal high school would be the sheer "superiority" presence that leaders of most cliques exude. Which is why family relationships are objectively best: where our "friends" and "acquaintances" participate in this silly game of social maneuvering; our family is direct and blunt. It might have been because of the fact that everyone knew each other so intimately, that the line of being embarrassed or "keeping face" as it is known in Japan, is nonexistent when between family members. Or in my case, Komachi and I. She is the only reason why I am not going insane from living in this world, providing me with genuine conversations and real emotions. An anchor of reality in this hazy, complex world that I have unfortunately been born in.
In short, I really missed Komachi, having not seen her for over two months.
"Komachi, I'm back!", I uncharacteristically slammed the door inward, shuffling quickly inside with a guitar on my back and two duffle bags on each hand.
Rapid footsteps can be heard, quickly approaching from inside the house. "Onii-san!", a Komachi-shaped missile slammed into me. Instinctively, I dropped the bags and use that momentum to swing her around, relishing the warm feeling in my cold, beating heart.
My imouto-chan was right, as always; a hug always makes me act warmer than usual. Must've shown that in the other times we hugged.
Komachi buries her face onto my shoulder, squeezing me with an impossible strength considering her size. "Bro, it's been so long, I missed you so much!"
Chuckling earnestly, I squeezed back with similar strength. "I missed you too, Komachi. It's been a while, huh?", two months is way to long. I've never been away from her for any time over a week since… she ran away. No, bad thoughts, now's not the time for gloomy thinking; I'm home, and Komachi's here. She's safe and sound. Not anywhere that could be of danger to her. I promised, after all. Fuck, now I feel bad for leaving Komachi all alone over the summer… she has some friends, sure, and people to chat with, but I of all people should know how lonely it was, coming home to an empty house. The crushing emptiness of lack of familiar presence of eachother that permeated the atmosphere on that day.
It makes me sick.
"Uh, bro? Your eyes are looking way more rotten than your typical gaze right now." Damn, I'm way to introspective lately, gotta fix it somehow. Problems for later. I looked at her in the eye. I was returned with a questioning glance.
I can feel the (most likely accurate) assumptions within her mind. She's probably seeing straight through the guilty face I'm making right now. Ugh, now's not the time for heavy stuff like this. We can talk about this some other time.
I relaxed my face, outwardly displaying a tired expression.
"Well, your big bro's just pretty tired from the trip right now. Let me organize my stuff for a bit and I'll help you out with dinner, yeah?" I released her from my grasp and ruffle her hair a bit with a small smile, before picking my stuff back up and head to my room. No need to worsen the mood for all of us. At the corners of my eyes, I can see a flash of understanding from Komachi's expression, before the door closed behind me.
Later, I told to myself.
Finishing up the last folded clothes in the closet, and dirty laundries in the washing machines, I walked out to the kitchen and started bringing out the ingredients for… what should we have for dinner today anyway? Hm…
"Yo, Komachi, are you feeling up for some Western cuisines?" I asked Komachi, who is handling a cutting board with knives at the side.
"As long as it's not so greasy like KFC, sure!" If that's the case…
"How about some Salisbury steak with oven-grilled veggies and gravy? Oh, and I just saw some leftover chicken stock in the fridge, so maybe some chicken noodle soup as a side?"
"Suh-lis-bur-ree steak? What's that?"
"Think of a meatier western burger patty, but a lot less greasy and designed to be eaten on its own. Wanna try it?"
"Uh huh, that sounds fine. So what do we need?"
"Alright, you'll go and defrost some ground beef, while I will get the seasoning for that…"
In a flurry of mixing, grilling, searing, simmering, and – "itadakimatsu" - eating, dinner was over in a breeze.
As I put down the chopsticks, I almost burped, before realizing that I am now in Japan, and it is a mortal sin to even think of doing so. Being alone out in the woods often means relaxing your manners… not like there's anyone out there to judge you for what you want to do. Looking to distract myself from the gas I just swallowed, I begin putting stacking the dishes together and prepare them for washing. Komachi stood up from her chair and leap to the sofa, crashing into the cushion with a muffled sound, and soon the idle chatters from the TV filled the silence of the house.
I sat down next to her after finishing the dishes.
Some say that we have a sixth sense when it comes to sensing other people's thoughts. That there are some sort of 'mirror neurons' that give us premonitions of social situations. They're probably pseudo-science of the Americans infecting the internet, but right now, I am very inclined to believing in that.
It wasn't an awkward atmosphere by any means, but it was a little bit tense, nonetheless.
"Hey bro, you OK? You're a little tense, over there…" Komachi asked with a concerned look on her. Never mind, that shit is pseudoscience.
"Yeah, it's just… sorry for leaving you alone the entire summer. You know how it is." I apologized.
Komachi looked surprised for half a second, before her expression changed to warmth and understanding.
"Hey, it's okay onii-san. I'm fine."
"Yeah, but still, I left you alone even though I could have done something else…"
The subtext is so heavy I can practically taste it.
"Nuh uh, don't think like that! It's not like you could just drag me off with you. That summer was for you alone! You deserved it!" She said hotly. I didn't look that bad before the summer, now did I?
She continues. "Besides, I can take care of myself, you know? You're such a sis-con! Oh, that must have earned me a lot of points!" She finishes with a gesture of her hand. Heh. Maybe I am a bit of a worrywart.
"Heh, that's probably true. But that's why I am such a good brother, ya know? I can cook, do our laundries, and almost every housework so that you don't have to! Oh, that's worth a lotta points in my book, huh?" I laughed, before simmering down with a smile.
I stood up and yawned while stretching. It's been a long day today. Sleeping on the airplane is an experience I would not ever want to go through ever again. Ugh, I can feel a ghost of a nausea flash through my head. I started to say goodnight, before stopping. I looked at the grinning Komachi, before sitting back down.
"Oh, and before I go."
"…Eh?!"
I hugged her. "Love you, Komachi. You're the best imouto-chan that a brother could ever ask for."
"…Heh, I knew there's a soft side to you somewhere inside. I love you too, bro!" She squeezed the air out of me for a few brief seconds, before softening the hold. We parted, and I begin to move to my room to call it in for tonight.
"I think I'm going to sleep early today… sleeping on the plane is not the best experience. 'Night Komachi."
"I can imagine, goodnight!"
I closed the door.
I went to the bathroom, and begin my nightly ritual in the familiar room. Wow, it's weird how quickly I changed from brushing my teeth from the kitchen sink in the middle of the forest to a normal bathroom in the span of 24 hours. It's a bit jarring, to say the least.
Standing next to my bed afterwards, I let gravity take over, and fell on the bed.
That night, I dreamt of a forest with a lonely watchtower, as tall as the sky, omnipresent of everything around it.
A/N: Anything to improve? Opinions and such, also. Just leave a review.