Chapter 5 Masamune
We're on the train and everything's fine. Because it is. I'm only meeting my biological father for the first time. That's it. Nothing big or earth shattering.
Shit. I need to concentrate on something interesting. Like Eri-san's legs. She's wearing fishnets, a nicely fitted leather skirt, and a camisole top paired with a leather jacket. Oh and 4 inch heels. So I'll focus on that.
Ah fuck. What if this ends up being a complete disaster?
OkayI can handle this. I'm an adult. I handle assholes all the time so I can handle this. Like Isaka-san at the last pointless meeting where we failed to get approval on the anime adaptation for Ichinose-sensei's latest manga series. Great. So now I'm thinking of that bastard. Not an improvement!
Eri's got her face glued to her laptop. She's trying to do as much work now. Makes sense. When we get there we can have fun. At least tonight will be good. I discreetly check my phone and am greeted by the smiling picture of Harada Kohei on his law firm's webpage. Harada Kohei. In a different world - a better, more functional one - maybe we'd have a relationship, and maybe I'd actually have parents who gave a fuck about me. But in this world, it's always been me alone. And I can't imagine that really changing now.
The scenery. I'll look at the scenery.
What would be worse? His smile becomes sad but firm. I appreciate you stopping by. Please give me your address and I'll have my doctor mail you a copy of my medical records. Have a nice life. Like nice, but fuck off. Or how about You really thought I didn't know about you? I knew. And I'm not interested. The door is that way.
Somehow I can't imagine that smiling face angrily yelling in any of my nightmare scenarios I've conjured up. In the few pictures I've seen of him, he seems like an easy going happy kind of guy. But an easy going happy kind of guy who has no room for a son, that could easily happen.
And why would I even want to get to know him anyway? I've lived almost 30 years without him. Why the hell am I doing this?
Shit. Breathe. Breathe. I need a drink. And a cigarette.
"You okay?" Oh great. Eri has looked up and is now worried about me now that she's had a moment to take her eyes off her laptop.
"I've been better."
"I'm sorry. I pushed you into doing this."
"Nah. It's fine. I want to do this. I'm just… terrified that something is going to go really wrong." Shit, my hands are shaking. And yet, just saying that is calming me down. Well making me feel less nauseous.
"I'm with you. And tonight we're going to eat great food and for dessert-"
'I get you?"
"Well, I was going to suggest cake but that works better. I definitely didn't put this on for nothing. And I had to put up with Sensei's asinine comments too."
"Ah? What now?"
"'Aikawa-san, it's too bad that I don't write for straight people. Otherwise I'd write a Junai Sadism about you and Takano-san.'"
"What the hell? I don't want to know what makes that man tick."
"You definitely don't." Although Eri in full dominatrix garb has a certain appeal.
"Hmm. Who's the S and who's the M? Don't even answer that one. I'm obviously the M."
"But you're so cute. Now lick my boots! Okay, don't really. Gross."
"Yes, mistress. I'll be good this time."
Dinner passed in a blur. She's smart. She knows I'm too nervous to really enjoy anything fancy. Not that I'm much of a fancy guy to begin with. She found a ramen place and then we went back to the hotel.
And I should be busy slowly undressing her now, and maybe I had too many beers, but I'm a mess. And my hands are shaky again.
"Shit."
"Masamune. It's fine."
"It's not fine. This isn't me." Not this mess. This isn't confident Takano Masamune, the chief editor of a top selling manga magazine. Maybe it's the ghost of Saga Masamune. I don't know. I've staggered to the couch and I'm finally doing what I haven't done since Onodera broke up with me. No, I don't even think I did that then. I'm bawling. Like a complete idiot. All over Eri's leather jacket.
And all I seem to be able to say are swear words.
"Fuck. It's not fine. I'm not fine."
"You are fine. And it's okay to cry. Men were created with tear ducts for a reason."
"I don't even know why I'm crying.."
"It doesn't matter. I don't mind. You can cry all over me."
"If this is a disaster-"
"You'll have closure."
"For what? For not having parents who gave a crap about me?"
"Maybe."
"I just don't want to get hurt again and that's probably what's going to happen here.."
And this is how you go out of town to a fancy hotel and wake up having cried for hours instead of having sex for hours: with a hangover. And I have no clue what the fuck I did but my neck is killing me.
At least we've got time for a quick breakfast before we're meeting with Harada Kohei-san.
Coffee. And Toast. Perfect fluffy toast with eggs. And coffee. And glasses which have transitional lenses. For once I'm happy I have those because the sun is smashing into my head.
After a quick perusal into the mirror I'm ready to meet Harada-san.
I don't even look that bad.
And I look like him. He must have had hangovers at some point, so he'll just look at me and be glad it's not him.
We're in front of his law firm and the trick to situations like this when you're scared shitless is to act like you own the place. I figure I look enough like the guy who does own the place anyway.
I've got my best professional smile as we step up to the front desk.
"Hi. We have a 10 o'clock appointment with Harada-san."
She's got to be wondering why I look like her boss. If she is she doesn't act like it. She just points to some chairs in the waiting room and says we'll be called soon. Which is either not soon enough or way the hell too soon.
Eri's got her hands clasped through mine. She could really go into life coaching. I'm also realizing that Harada-san does family law so isn't that divorce and custody issues? Before I have a chance to contemplate what kind of couple we're supposed to be, we're called in and shit shit shit shit shit. This is happening.
I don't know who's more surprised, me or Harada-san. Because, even though I had seen his picture before, it's nothing like being in the same room with the guy, who looks like an older version of that asshole I see in the mirror every morning. Nevermind. He's definitely more surprised. So we're just staring at each other and he snaps out of it first. Well, this is his office.
"I'm so sorry, I'm just a little bit surprised to see somebody with my face walk into my office… well, a much younger version of it. How can I help you?"
"Uh… Ah... " Shit, I hadn't planned for this part!
"This is Takano Masamune and I think he wants to say-" Nice attempt, but this should be my job.
"I don't really know how to say this but I have reason to believe that you're my father." This should be more dramatic than it is. It's my Star Wars moment. Except I hated those movies.
"I see. Yeah, well, that could explain your face. I'm a bit confused. I never knew anyone named Takano-san."
"Ah. My mother's name used to be Saga Sumire."
"Oh. I see." Somehow that look of recognition cements this thing. It's him isn't it.
"You remember her?"
"Yes. Yes, I remember her. Now, I understand. I see what happened." Yeah, I think we all know what happened. I'm trying not to think too deeply about this part for obvious reasons. He's quiet now, obviously thinking about this new situation. Or maybe he's reminiscing about the past? He's sighing. Great. Well, it's a shock. 'Guess what Harada-san, you've got a son! And he's lived for almost three decades!'
"Sorry. This is just a lot to process. I don't have a son. I mean, I don't have any other children. I'll need to tell my wife about this."
"It's fine. I'm not expecting anything from you. I just thought it would be good to know who my father was. I'd asked my mother but she never told me until now."
"It's fine. I hadn't even thought about that. So you're 29?"
"Yes. My birthday is December 24th."
"Ah. The timing makes sense. Your mother and I had been friendly. We'd worked on many cases together and We would drink together after work often. She was in a bad marriage and I was getting a divorce. Then a friend of mine from law school here in Nagoya - I grew up here - told me he wanted to start a law firm with me and I didn't have any reason to stay in Tokyo so I decided to take up his offer."
"The firm threw a goodbye party for me. Saga-san and I were drinking, which helps to explain how we ended up at a hotel. That was the last time I saw her." I'm trying to read him which is difficult. Because he's me but about as unlike me as possible. He looks mature, although he looks young for his age. It was starting to make me feel good until I realized he's a triathlete and probably doesn't smoke. Maybe my mother makes him feel sad. I always end up more angry and frustrated when I think of her, but hey. The guy had to have feelings for her for him to want to - oh gross, don't go there.
"Harada-san, I hope it's okay for us to show up. I know it's a shock. I just wanted Masa-Takano-san to meet his real father. My name is Aikawa Eri. I'm his girlfriend."
"You seem very caring. It's just a lot to think about." Yeah. Okay. So he's nice, but wants us out of his office now. So he is the nice guy who would have preferred he'd never heard about my existence. "I just need to speak to my wife. How long are you staying?" I'm tempted to tell him we're headed back to Tokyo now.
"We're going back Sunday afternoon." Oh great. Thanks, Eri.
"Wonderful. Can I have your phone number? I'll call you back later. Have you gone to the Atsuta Shrine yet?"
"We just got in last night. We were thinking of going there today and maybe Nagoya castle." Of course. She has a whole itinerary of things to do while we're here.
"It's so nice meeting you Harada-san. Right, Masa-kun?" What the hell? Since when does she call me Masa-kun? She's nudging me. Subtle.
"Yeah, I'm glad we finally met." Sort of.
"Yes. I will be in touch later this afternoon." And after a quick bow we're out of his office. My father's office. That sounds… not as awkward as I thought it would, but still extremely surreal. All this time, he's been here in Nagoya. All this time, without knowing about me. And now… well it's too late to turn back.
"So that's Harada seems nice"
"He seems completely shocked. Like I not only ruined his day, I ruined his decade."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know. He just looked completely out of it. Of course, who knows? Maybe that's how he usually is. I doubt it, though."
"Be nice. He just found out he's been a father for almost three decades."
"Yeah."
"The fact that he asked us how long we're staying is a good sign. He just needs to talk to his wife. He sounds like a sensitive husband. And his name is Kohei."
"And?"
"That's only the name of my favorite character from my favorite jdorama ever."
"Ah?"
"You watched it with me." And I probably did but she likes to watch josei dramas which is basically shojo with more adult themes and sex most of the time and I get enough of that at work.
"Which one was this?"
"You really don't remember? It's got that famous South Korean actress and the main character is named Kohei."
"Oh. Is that the one with the security guard who's really an astronomer who always has bad hair?"
"His hair's cute."
"Oh yeah. Because you have a thing for the actor."
'I don't have a thing for the actor. I just happen to appreciate tall dark handsome men. Is that so bad?"
"No, but I'm better looking.." And taller Not that I checked his height online or anything.
"Anyway so at one point he's sleeping and she does this cheer. 'Huray! Hurray! Kohei!"
"Oh, please don't remind me. That was ridiculous."
"And of course he's really awake but pretending to be asleep."
"Yeah, because the idiot woman was yelling in his ear, 'Hurray Hurray Kohei!' Anyone would wake up."
"You're so not romantic. How do you even survive as editor in chief at Emerald."
"I'm not so sure, actually."
"Anyway, Hurray! Hurray! Masamune! Hmm. It doesn't quite rhyme the same."
"Great. Can we pretend we never saw that show?"
"No. It's one of my all-time favorites. Just think, right now your father's wife could be saying to him, 'Hurray! Hurray! Kohei.'"
"Maybe she also has a thing for actors with bad hair."
"He doesn't have bad hair! It's called curly hair and he's cute!"
"I see. Your secret is safe with me." If I can handle her fujoshi tendencies I can handle this.
Shit. I just met my biological father. Why does my life seem to be turning into shojo manga? Or worse? Jdorama. Insert soundtrack here.
The Jdrama referred to here is Boku to Star no 99 Nichi.