Alright, so the usual warnings and notices for the start of a journey.

This is my first fic, like, in any shape or form probably. Unless you count a short backstory of an tabletop RPG character. Anyway, I have little experience with writing and storytelling, so don't expect anything grand. Especially considering this is my first one and I've decided to do this with as relaxed attitude as possible, just to not stress over it too much while getting used to the whole writing part. So yeah, won't be making any promises on regular updates.

Fair warning: english is not my first language. And while I have some confidence in speaking it, I have no doubts there will be some mispronunciations, typos and bad grammar that I failed to fix before posting. So sorry in advance for those.

Also, remember to review! Constructive criticism is welcome, as long as you are not being an ass about it. As I said, I have little experience with writing, so seeing a problem that can be fixed or improved upon is of great help.

Nevertheless, onto the story!

-EDITED 16-02-2020: Small errors

-EDITED 08-03-2020: Speech/thought explanation

" Speaking "
" Spells "
' thoughts '
' telepathy '

Chapter 1: And our tonight's guest issss….

It was-, err, actually still is, a warm sunny day in the Surrey county of Queen's England. Sun is shining brightly on almost perfectly clear sky, with only couple clouds drifting along. Carrying along those clouds are the light winds that bring nice cool air to people walking around in the summer heat.

Well, it's not actually that hot, just nice 17⁰C. Quite perfect for a casual summer day for nice warmth to enjoy being outside in loose and thin clothing, but not overly hot for people to faint in.

People were going about their day as any other day of the year. Adults of varying ages running to and from work, old men playing chess in the parks, teens hovering around their usual hangouts, people walking their dogs and so on and so forth. Typical summer activities. One of those typical summer activities is also taking your children out to play, to the beach, an amusement park or the zoo.

Even on that typical summer day, the local zoo was packed with people. Parents taking their kids to see cute and cool animals, teachers guiding their classes on a field trip for research for a report, lovers just out on a date, etc.

"Mom! I wanna go there next! I wanna see cool tigers!", yelled the little boy, running with so much energy you'd think he was on a sugar high.

"*sigh* Alright, alright we will go look at fluffy tigers", the mother responded good naturedly. Kid, you should calm down so the mother doesn't get tired too quickly and cut the trip short. He's just digging his own hole considering how much he likes it here.

"They are NOT fluffy! They are cool and strong and big and-and dangerous!", kid insists. Granted tigers are pretty cool, but they are also quite fluffy. Anyway, kid, you're gonna have to calm down before we have a repeat of the May 23rd's incident. No one want a repeat of the quite literal "shitshow" you caused with the monkeys.

"Oh, if they really are that dangerous, as a good mother I probably shouldn't let you go near them…" she commented wryly. You are so correct, just skip the tigers and end your tour in usual manner so we can all have a pleasant end for the day.

Of course, it couldn't be that easy as the kid just stops, does a 180 turn running straight to his mom, grabs and holds onto her arm with very slight pull. "N-n-no, no, they aren't THAT dangerous and I'm not afraid! So we can just go see them no worries. C'mon mom please please please pleeeeease!". Oh he's trying so hard to salvage the situation from his own comment. What say you ma'am?.

"Hmmmm, well you are sure about not being scared. Okay then, show mommy the way since you are so brave to see the dangerous tigers", comes the mom's sly suggestion.

She's really good at that, it baffles me every time I see and hear her come up with such ways to control her kid. In one swoop she both eased up the child a bit by making them momentarily anxious, thus spending energy. And then making it all good, ending up making the kid feel confident about himself, but also paying more attention to his mom while walking around. Already I can hear the boy replace his previous yelling and running around with excited explanations to his mom while holding her along by hand, the mom following at sedate pace offering comments here and there.

Please just remember to follow your usual route lady!

*clong clong clong*

'Oh, it seems I have to cease my people watching for now'. Turning around I see some kids stand by the tank, one of them knocking on the glass pane, wanting to get the snake inside moving.

"Hey! Move you dumb snake! Do something!", the obnoxious kid shouts. You do know it's extremely rude to do that, right? Not only to the animal, but to the zoo also. Should I go over and tell him off?

"Brat, you better stop that before I throw you out of the zoo!". Ooooh, it's Martin the janitor! The kids see him, get scared of his natural charisma (hairy face and angry look) and took off. Yeah, you better keep running! Good thing I didn't have to do anything myself. "Damn kids. Here let me wipe those grease stains for you William", Martin says taking out a cloth and starts wiping the pane of the kid's handprints. You're a great guy Martin, but William is still the wrong name.

"You looking at the ladies again Willie? I swear you have more sense to these things than most of the staff that looks after you. Don't think I don't see you holding a bit too firmly onto Alice", he says in a suggestive tone, wearing his usual perverted grin.

'Excuse me, but if you were a 3,8 meter long python with no other way of holding onto anything, I bet you would be holding on pretty tight too when being hoisted into air. The fact Alice just so happens to have nice round D-cups and meaty thighs is irrelevant'. Yes, completely irrelevant. Of course, he hears none of my argument. Shame.

"Well, I have go. Closing time is only few hours away and I have to get started. You just hang in there William", he says, a bit too happy at his lame joke. Though I've gotten used to them by now.

So yeah. I am a snake. More accurately, I am a beautiful reticulated python with just a touch shinier scales, greater intellect and soul of dead man!

What happened to me was unbelievable freak accident of falling from a Ferris wheel and being reborn as a python! Honestly I'm not that sure what exactly happened. One moment I'm in a Ferris wheel with some buddies of mine and the next I'm falling onto the ground…..okay, so we might have possibly been a wee bit drunk. Maybe. Anyway, when I opened up my eyes the next time, I was in a white space completely void of anything except myself.

FLASHBACK FLASHBACK FLASHBAck flashback flashback…..

"Uuuunnggh… shiiiit, my head hurts. Why the hell is it so bright in middle of a night?". Finally managing to pry my eyes open, I take gander of my surroundings. "Where heck am I? What happened to the funfair? Hell, what happened to all the people?", seeing no-one and nothing for miles, I might have started to panic a little. I was shaken out the nightmare scenarios forming in my head, by a scratchy voice behind me.

"Hello and welcome. Please step up to the line and grab a number".

Turning around, suddenly there is kind hall with plastic chairs with metal legs lining both sides of the hall. Right next to me was a ticket machine, you know the kind of "take your number in the line" dispensing ticket machine standing on one leg. At the end of the hall I could see a booth where and old lady was talking.

At first I just kind of stood there, processing what I was seeing and debating is what I was experiencing was real or just another odd trip. After couple pinches and few more stares, I decided to just ride out whatever was happening, hoping to either make sense of the situation or hopefully wake up from the supposed acid trip in my buddy's apartment.

Grabbing a ticket, number 58, I slowly walked to the seats closer to the lady in the booth. After sitting down I started to take stock of the people around me. There was a middle-aged almost bald guy in a suit, teenage girl with glasses and long hair, some generic Japanese dude in his 30-ies, and brown haired little girl holding onto her teddy bear. The old lady in the booth had grey hair tied in a small ponytail, bored expression on her face while she kept on talking into the mic on her headphones.

My sights were drawn to the two doors on both sides of the booth when from one of them came out a guy in dark leather derby shoes, dark blue jeans, navy colored shirt with his sleeves rolled up, and black vest. His hair was short and black, the front slicked back, sideburns and small chin puff. He seemed to be in his early 30-ties, but his blue eyes had very mature look.

"Entry number 54, if you'd please", he spoke in fairly deep voice, but with very gentle tone. At this, the glasses girl got up and walked over to him with a somber face. The man closed the door after himself when she had entered.

…okay I'm starting to get a bit uncomfortable. The only sound in the otherwise quiet hall is the non-stop babbling of the old lady. What is going on? I reeaaally don't want to entertain the idea slowly creeping up on me.

Then the other door opened on a dude with semi-long blond hair came out. He had a loose-fitting red fleece jacket, brown khaki pants and stylish dark brown sneakers. Unlike the other guy, this one had a bright and cheery look in his green eyes. "Could number 55 come with me? Who's 55?".

After a small silence, the little girl lifted her small shaky hand, with only a small whisper of "Um, m-m-me, sir".

Blondie slowly walked over to the girl, crouched onto her eye-level and and talked to her in a gentle tone, "Well hey there. I'm Miguel. What's your name?"

"H-H-Hel-Helga"

"Nice to meet you Helga. It's your turn now. Can you come with me, so we can talk in private? If you want, we can also have some tea while we talk".

"...c-can.. can Teddy have some too?", she asks holding up her stuffed animal.

"Of course he can! We'll have a nice tea party the three of us", the guy replied, all smiles. Truly a nice guy. The girl answered with a small smile of her own, hopped of the seat, took the hand Miguel had offered and they walked into the room.

Now it was silent again. Well, not completely. The lady had not shut up during the whole thing and kept on gossiping with whoever was on other end of the line.

"Ahm, hey, does...does either one of you know what is happening here?"

Our silence was broken by the Japanese guy. He was looking between me and the bald guy, who I was sitting almost next to, with only two seats between of us.

"This is hell."

Chills went up my spine when the bald guy said that. We turned to look at him and I asked "What makes you say that?"

He looks at me and just goes, "I don't know what happened to you guys, but I jumped off a bridge. When I came to, I was here, told to get a number and take seat."

No. Dear God, no.

"So this really is afterlife….it certainly felt like the right answer, but it looks so much like the reception in the company I worked at, that I wasn't sure. Although, having to spend an eternity at that place would be a special kind of Hell", Japanese guy admitted with a small mirthless huff.

"So...I'm actually, really dead?", I asked almost robotically.

They both look to me and bald guy asked, "You're not sure?"

"I, uh….I was a bit drunk before waking up here."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"...falling of a Ferris wheel."

"Yeah I don't think that leaves it really up to debate", Japanese guy interjected.

I turned to him, little annoyed, "And you're so sure about your death?"

He looked contemplative, "I wasn't really before, but this confirms it. I was working over hours at the company again and only remember looking at my computer screen before passing out. Then I was here." So wait, he died of overworking? Now that I look at him, he does look really skinny and has unhealthy complexion.

It was at this point, that I started to feel really depressed and the guy with blue shirt came out again. "Number 56, please". Wait, what happened to the girl? The bald man sat up and sauntered over, lifting his hand in a lazy wave to us, before disappearing into the room with the guy.

We just kind of sat there, waiting our turn, thoughts no doubt swirling in both of our heads. After what felt like about 20 minutes, blue shirt guy appeared again asking for number 57, the Japanese dude. He looked at me, shrugged and after a wave walked over to the guy.

Now alone with my thoughts, I started to think about whatever was going on in the living world after my death. Were my buddies with my corpse? Was my family mourning? Was my little brother crying?

The red fleece dude came out and called, "Number 58?"

Flashback over over over over….

What I found out, you couple options in afterlife depending on your karma, like absolute sentence to some afterlife, choice of whatever afterlife you're can go into, choice of being reborn, etc.

SPOILERS! Unlike in all those fictions, we don't really get to decide what we come out as, if we choose to be reborn. If you've done well enough and fulfilled some conditions, you get some bonuses or extra leg room, but ultimately what and how your new life is, almost completely depends on Lady Luck. Yeah.

So what ended up happening, was that I got to be reborn as a python. I vaguely remember coming to consciousness in warm darkness, being shaken a lot, like really shaking and being weightless for a moment. Struggling to move I broke my free of my egg and breathed in the precious air with great pleasure. I was born in a zoo, in Surrey county, England. After 3 years of growing up, I'm now a perfect specimen of a healthy and big male python.

Gotta be happy that I was born in captivity, since I don't have to struggle in the brutality that is Law of Jungle. Sure I'll never be free, but here in the zoo, I get full service. People look after me, I get to relax all day long without any kind of danger and the food it brought to me. Life couldn't be better for a snake. Especially thanks to retaining my memories. Because of that, I can deal with people easily and the staff thought of me as one of the easiest animals to handle in the zoo. With just that I became the favorite of Reptile House handlers. Also, with bit of fan service by doing 'interesting things' and interacting with customers even behind the glass pane, I also became quite popular in the zoo.

I'm the star attraction of Chessington World of Adventures' Reptile House, the great python, David!

Now, the traffic is slowing down in the zoo, that mother-son pair should be coming through here any moment. Getting to see that beauty every now and then heals me from the stress that I'm being subjected to as the most popular snake of the town.

Finally rising my head and looking around, I see a small girl standing in front of my tank. She is leaning so close the the pane that the glass is getting slightly foggy from her breath. Cute little munchkin. Her bushy hair is especially fan, almost covering her whole head. That curious, inquisitive look on her brown eyes is fascinating, not many girls of her age are that interested in me, unless they are reptile-enthusiasts. Now that I've slithered closer to her, she seems very familiar, like those slightly larger front teeth…

"Hermione! We have to leave soon honey!"

The girl spins her her around fast to call back to her mom, "Really?! is it already the time?". She seems to be in a dilemma. She keeps glancing at me while trying to keep her look on her mother. She really wants to stay, but also doesn't want to oppose her mother.

Her mom seems to come to the same realization and gives an amused smile, "We can stay for a bit longer, but don't go running anywhere else anymore, okay?"

"Okay mom, thank you", she answers back, trying to keep the real amount of happiness from her voice. Her mother isn't fooled for a second. "You really are quite long for a reticulated python. People at the zoo say you are smart. I wonder just how smart."

If my little quest here truly is who I think her to be, then I might have to prepare for chaotic birthday visit in the near future. But for now, I'd like to play around a little and test just how smart a 10 year old Hermione Granger is.

And that's a wrap. Phew.

Gotta say, I had little different idea of the contents of this chapter concerning the death & rebirth process, but then the ideas about the scene kept coming and I had to cut it short, for now.

Like I said, I won't make any promises about updates. For all we know, the next one might not happen for a month, or couple months, or half a year. Who knows.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed. Remember to R&R, feedback can help in the writing somewhat.

Good day to you all, and stay awesome.