Holy cow, I am getting my stride back! *looks nervously at amount of summer time left* ...WRITE LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!
(Brownie points if you know the movie that line is stolen/parodied from.)
We aren't quite at wedding bells in this chapter, but please enjoy the angst and bonding!
Chapter Five: Little Child, Be Not Afraid
Most days, Natasha was indifferent to mostly appreciative of technology. It let her keep in touch with people and allowed her access to information, but she had lived and could live very off the grid.
Today, however, she was almost willing to throw both laptop and phone out the window.
It started because both she and Bruce had forgotten that Christy wanted to Skype them. Naturally, they couldn't just tell Anish and Shanta to hide— the last thing they wanted to project was the idea that these kids were something shameful to be hidden.
Christy, naturally, had been over-the-moon thrilled. But Christy didn't live alone. And once Steve and Sam and Bucky all knew, it was only a matter of time before word spread down the hill to Clint's house and the Twins, and then East to the Base, and then Manhattan.
Within a week, their inbox was flooded with "helpful" emails from their dearest friends and colleagues. Natasha chose to internally refer to them as passive-aggressive hints.
Steve was the absolute worst. Tied with Clint.
And then there was the one from Laura.
Even Pepper had written one.
"Nat, Bruce, I cannot think of two people more perfect to provide a stable home for these sweeties. I also cannot think of two people more likely to belittle their abilities, perhaps only eclipsed by my husband and a certain shield-carrying Captain.
What I mean is, if you don't do this, you will always regret it.
I look forward to meeting my niece and nephew."
Bruce chuckled weakly at the last line. "That sounds like Pepper…"
Natasha sighed. "She's stubborn. It's the only way she's put up with Tony all these years and managed to get a ring out of him."
Bruce started to fidget uneasily at the word ring. Natasha caught it.
"What's wrong?"
Bruce gave a long sigh. "I was reading the other night on the State Department website, about adoption paperwork and requirements. Chandra can put us in touch with some people, which is great an' all, but…something I read was interesting."
"Interesting…how?"
"Well, ah, for starters, single guys can't adopt a female kid."
Natasha frowned. "You're not single. You're in a…committed relationship."
"Yes, absolutely. But legally, I'm not married. Neither are you."
"Can single women adopt female kids?"
"Yeah, of course, and we could do it that way if you want, but…Tasha, I want them to be mine, too. An' it'll mean a lot more paperwork later."
Natasha slowly nodded. "So…what now? We take ourselves to the…courthouse or however the hell they do it here and just…get married?"
"No!"
The cry was so anguished that all the bravado was knocked out of Natasha in an instant. "Bruce…but isn't that what you…?"
"Yes, it's what I said." Bruce cut in. "But it's not what I want! Not what you deserve. You deserve flowers and lights and a pretty dress and all your friends, not some, some…some slapdash sign-here-please crap…!"
For an entire moment, Natasha had no idea what to say. She was blushing too hard.
"I-I don't need flowers…" she managed to squeak out.
Bruce rolled his eyes. "No, but God, Tasha…you deserve 'em. You deserve everything…"
"W-well…look, we can do that later. In the States. You can spoil me as much as you want! And everyone will be able to come…"
"…so does this mean…?"
Natasha crossed her legs and leaned back in the beat-up kitchen chair. "…can I think about it and get back to you?"
"Y-yeah, of course! Just…don't take too long?"
"…by the end of this week, you'll have an answer."
Bruce swallowed. "I'll be waiting."
Waiting, however, could easily turn to 'panicking'. So Bruce found himself the next day calling the one person who knew Natasha better than anyone.
Clint Barton blinked sleepily into the camera. "Whoa, whoa, slow down, pal. It's only 6 in the morning here! I like my beauty sleep."
"Sorry…" Bruce muttered. "I just…you're the only one who really knows Tasha, aside from Coulson or Fury. And I…honestly don't know where either of them is currently. So, you're it."
"'M flattered…" Clint drawled. "So lemme get this straight. You gotta be married for you both t' adopt the kids?"
"Yeah…"
"An' you're worried that Tasha won't have you. Even though you live in the same apartment. And act like sappy lovebirds."
"Clint…it's not really worry that she won't have me…"
Clint raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, it's a little bit worry that she won't have me. But it's mostly…why won't she? Or why hasn't she? We are living in the same apartment. She even said as much, we're in a committed relationship. We've been together for almost two years and known each other longer. We love each other. So what's the hold up? Is it something I'm doing?"
"Bruce." Clint said suddenly, calm and utterly serious. "You got a mirror around there somewhere?"
"Um…I can see my face in the Skype cam. Does that count?"
"Eh, close enough. Listen to me. I want you to do something very important."
"…okay?"
"Look in the camera and repeat after me: 'I am not the problem'."
Bruce stared blankly. "What?"
"Say it!"
"Okay, okay! I, uh…I am not the problem."
"Good. Next one: 'Trying harder is not the answer'."
"Trying harder is not the answer." Bruce repeated obediently.
"Last one: 'I am worth love, even though I'm a flawed human'."
Now Bruce could see what Clint was driving at. He repeated the sentence but couldn't look 'himself' in the eye.
"Oh, no, no! Louder, Bruce! None of this namby-pamby crap. It's true!"
"Clint, why do I have to…?"
"Because you and Tasha are the worst at the 'oh woe is me, I've done terrible things, fear me and run,' crap. Maybe three-way tying with Barnes. And I get it! You think I didn't feel the same when I started seeing Laura? But Bruce…she loves you. She loves you so much, she'd run away and sacrifice her own happiness if, to her, it felt like keeping you safe. Sound familiar?"
Bruce bit his lip, thinking back to right after Ultron. "…yeah. Sounds familiar."
"And how well did that work out, exactly?"
"Terribly."
"There ya go."
"Clint…" Bruce sighed. "Am I expecting too much…?"
"Annnnd, stop yourself right there, you said the magic word!" Clint cut him off. "You said 'I'. Remember. You're not the problem. Have you guys talked about what marriage would look like, what you expect from each other, who'd do dishes and all that?"
"Yeah…we have."
"Then let Nat think and let her come to her own conclusion. She's a big girl. An adult. She knows what she's getting into."
"…I have a ring."
Clint raised his eyebrow. "And when did this happen?"
"Before we left for India."
"So you've been carrying that thing for…almost four months?"
"Yeah, basically. Just…waitin' to see when she was ready."
Clint gave a quiet smile. "Bruce, no man is ever ready. No woman, either. But it comes down to…to knowing that no matter what it takes, whatever obstacles are there, whatever terrible behavior a person can pull at their worst, that you would face any of it to be with them…then you know you've got a keeper."
"You're right…thanks, Clint."
"My pleasure." Clint said, sincerely. The sincerity was replaced by a smirk as he added, "So when am I meeting my niece and nephew?"
Bruce groaned. "We're gonna have to set up a lot of Skype calls, aren't we?"
"Is that even a question?"
Shanta could tell that something was wrong with Auntie Tasha.
Uncle Bruce was at work. Sometimes Auntie Tasha went with him, and some days, she didn't. Or some days Uncle Bruce would stay at home.
Anish was busy sounding out English words in those books again. Shanta liked books, but she liked them more when someone else was doing the reading.
She liked her toys very much, but Anish didn't like to play make-believe with her. He would try to do it to please her, anyway, but it wasn't the same.
Her favorite thing to do was watch Uncle organize his medicines. She would ask questions about what each thing did, and sometimes he would tell stories. But Auntie Tasha didn't know as much about medicine.
Right now, she was sitting at the kitchen table, looking at her phone. But she wasn't playing the bird game or typing. Just staring.
"…Auntie?"
Natasha's head shot up. "Shanta? Are you okay? Hungry?"
Shanta shook her head. "No. What wrong?"
"What's…nothing's wrong, sweetie…"
"No!" Shanta frowned. She tried to stay speaking English. "Anish say, too. 'No wrong, okay.' No okay! You…sad eyes!"
Natasha looked startled for a moment and then burst out laughing.
Really? You're used to Christy, Cooper, and Lila, and you still think kids can't be perceptive? How dumb can you be, Romanoff?
Unfortunately, Shanta interpreted the laughter as being directed towards her, and started to cry.
"No! No laugh!"
"Shanta…" Natasha said gently, setting the girl on her lap. She switched to Bengali. "I'm not laughing at you! I was laughing because I was being silly. I'm sorry I tried to pretend I was okay."
"Oh. So what's wrong, Auntie?"
"…I'm thinking about something important. I'm thinking about marrying Uncle Bruce."
Shanta's eyes looked like saucers. "Marry him! He's nice!"
Natasha chuckled. "He's very nice. And I'm very scared."
"Why? Are you scared he's going to hit if he's mad? Or drink too much?"
Natasha felt a slick, cold feeling like running water go through her.
"…Shanta, did your father do those things?"
Shanta was quiet.
"Shanta?"
"…only sometimes. And he cried the next morning. But only with ma. He didn't cry when he hit stepmother."
Natasha took a deep, even breath. "I see. Shanta, look at me."
Shanta looked up with her deep, fathomless eyes. "Yes, Auntie?"
"Shanta…that is not something men should do. Ever. And Uncle Bruce…" her voice broke, "…he will never hit anyone in this house. Not you, not Anish, and certainly not me."
Shanta's lower lip quivered. "Promise?"
"I promise."
"…you marry him then, Auntie. Please?"
"…I will, Shanta."
Shanta gave a happy wriggle. "Good! Auntie…can I look at Uncle Bruce's medicine?"
Natasha looked very surprised at that. "Why?"
"I-I…I-I…I like it."
"…you like the medicine."
Shanta gave a tiny squeak. "I-I like to know what it does!"
"You like to know what the medicine…" Natasha trailed off, remembering a game Lila had once roped her into playing.
"Shanta…have you ever played doctor?"
"No…what's that?"
Natasha grinned. "You pretend one of your dolls is sick and you help them get better."
Shanta's eyes were shining now. "Ohhhh! Like a real doctor!" she frowned. "Girls can be doctors?"
"Absolutely they can! In fact…I know a show on Netflix about a girl doctor! She makes sure all her stuffed animals are taken care of."
"Can we watch? Anish, too?"
"Anish, too…I'll tear him away from his books for a little bit."
When Bruce arrived home to them all watching Doc McStuffins on Netflix, he was very puzzled. But upon listening to Natasha's explanation, he lit up immediately.
"Nice to have another doctor in the family!" he crowed proudly. "Shanta, do you want to help me with my medicine kit?"
Shanta was already running towards the office storeroom.
Boom! Crash!
Lighting flashed across the sky, only to be answered by thunder seconds later.
Bruce sighed. Lovely. A freak storm to signal that Rainy Season is almost upon us.
The storm was currently keeping him up, but bad dreams had woken him first. So he did the best thing he knew to do: go to the kitchen and make chai.
As he headed through the main room to the kitchen, he caught sight of the two sleeping kids.
Shanta was curled up peacefully. Anish, however, was not. He was turning fitfully and mumbling something Bruce couldn't make out.
Quietly, he knelt beside the mattress and shook the boy.
"Anish wake up!" he hissed. "It's a dream, buddy, wake up!"
Anish let out a low, whimpering sound. Bruce shook a bit harder.
Finally, Anish woke up. His breathing was haggard, and his eyes darted around nervously.
"Mā? Tumi kōthāẏa? Mā, anugraha! Āmādēra chēṛē nā!"
"Anish, shhhh!" Bruce scooped him up and carried him into the kitchen. "Let's not wake up Shanta, huh?"
Anish was clinging to his shirt, still wildly looking around. "Mā kōthāẏa!?"
"Shhh…Anish, your mom isn't here, bud. She's…she's not. I'm sorry, buddy, I wish she was here…"
Finally, Anish calmed down enough to notice his surroundings. He immediately tried to get out of Bruce's arms.
Bruce held him tight for another second or so, to prove a point, and then let him down. "I couldn't sleep either. I was going to make chai. Do you want some?"
Anish gave a short, choppy nod. Bruce started heating water.
The rain lashed down against the windows, accompanied by howling wind and occasional thunder and lightning.
"Sure sounds scary out there, huh?" Bruce said softly.
"Thank you for not leaving us in the street that night."
Bruce tried not to sigh in frustration. "Anish, that would never have been an option."
"But why?" At last he looked up, all wide, coffee eyes in the dim light of the kitchen. "Why do you care so much? Shanta and I…we're just two kids. Nobody cared before."
"…I know what it's like, to feel like nobody cares."
Anish looked skeptical. "You do?"
"Yes. I was a scientist…I still am. One of my projects…it went bad. And I got hurt because of it. After that, a lot of people acted like I was a danger…like I could hurt people. And I did hurt people..."
"What…what hurt you?"
Bruce gave a tight-lipped smile. "I…I forget what I'm doing, when I'm very, very angry. So I hurt people sometimes."
"Oh…so nobody tried to help?"
"Well…some people did. And Auntie Tasha was one of them."
"…do you still do that now?"
"Only if someone makes me so mad I can't control myself. And I've gotten really good at controlling myself."
Anish still looked troubled. Bruce knelt in front of him and cupped his chin.
"Anish. Nothing you could ever say or do would make me that mad. I promise. I will not hurt you. I won't hurt Shanta. I will protect both of you. From…anything."
"…promise?"
"I promise. And I don't break promises."
A loud crack of thunder accompanied that statement, sending Anish unconsciously shying against Bruce's chest. Bruce chose that moment to attempt to hold him.
This time, Anish didn't pull away.
Bruce slowly picked him up and sat down once more in a chair. The chai was forgotten.
"…why is the rain so loud?" Anish finally whispered. "It sounds like a battle…"
"Well…way up in the sky, it's very cold. The cold freezes all the raindrops and makes them ice. When the ice pieces hit each other, it makes electricity. That's what makes lightning. And the lightning moves so fast, it makes thunder."
"…oh. That's it?" Anish glanced out the window at the flooding street. "That doesn't sound scary."
"Science has a way of making things less scary."
"…I liked science in school. I miss school."
Bruce smiled sadly. "We'll get you back in school as soon as we can. Would you like some more books?"
"I-If they don't cost too much…"
"Anish. Nothing you ask for will be too much. If it is, I'll tell you. Understand?"
"…understand."
The rain pattered on and on against the windows, creating a soothing rhythm.
"Little child, be not afraid…"
Bruce frowned. The phrase was stuck in his brain, but where was it from?
Christy sat against the glass window wall in Avengers' Tower. Suddenly a huge clap of thunder made her jump and run to where Steve was on the couch.
"It's alright, baby…"
"Daddy…can you sing the rain lullaby? I'm scared?"
Steve sighed and looked around. Bruce caught his eye and smiled. "Go ahead. Not gonna bother me."
"Alright, Christy…"
Bruce quickly googled something on his phone, smiling as he found what he was looking for.
"Anish, listen to this." he whispered, starting the song.
"Little child, be not afraid
The rain pounds harsh against the glass,
Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight…
Little child, be not afraid
The thunder explodes and lightning flash
Illuminates your tearstained face
I am here tonight.
And someday you'll know,
That nature is so
The same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
On forests and sand
And makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning…"
Bruce could see that Anish was slowly falling asleep. So he let the song play on to the end. It was his favorite stanza anyway.
"For you know…once even I was a
Little child
And I was afraid
But a gentle someone always came
To dry all my tears
Trade sweet sleep for fears
And to give a kiss goodnight
Well now I am grown
And these years have shown
Rain's a part of how life goes
But it's dark out, it's late,
So I'll hold you and wait
Till your frightened eyes do close
And I hope that you know
That nature is so
The same rain that draws you near me
Falls on rivers and land
On forests and sand
And makes the beautiful world that you see
In the morning…"
Bruce couldn't help but whisper the final lyrics as he turned off the lights and lay Anish back in bed.
"Everything's fine in the morning…the rain'll be gone in the morning…but I'll still be here in the morning…"
He smiled.
"I promise, kid. I'll be here in the morning. So…be not afraid."
No, no, what do you mean I picked a chapter title with a double meaning? ;) I love that song (Lullaby for a Stormy Night by Vienna Tang), and I love that line "Little child, be not afraid". And it isn't just Anish that line is for in this chapter...
Translation of Anish's Bengali freakout:
"Mā? Tumi kōthāẏa? Mā, anugraha! Āmādēra chēṛē nā!": "Mom? Where are you? Mom, please! Don't leave us!"
"Mā kōthāẏa!?": "Where's Mom!?"
Hope you enjoyed. Reviews are Shanta in a mini lab coat or Bruce cuddling Anish. Your pick. ;)