The characters and the world they live in are obviously not mine, just borrowed, sadly.

Lily Evans tried very hard to love and appreciate her life, despite the war, the hiding and everything bad that was happening around her. She learned to look for good sides of everything. It wasn't easy, though.

Sometimes she just wanted to give up. To yell at her housemates, all four of them (which she sometimes did, and often she didn't feel half as bad as she felt she should about it, but hey, they acted like morons, a lot). To sit and cry her eyes out (which she also sometimes did, but she always hid it from the boys). To stop smiling all the time and to stop saying that Hey, it's all gonna be fine, you'll see.

When was the last time someone told her something like that?

She was tired of being brave and tough.

And now… now the dam was broken, and all the filth was spilling all around.

Now Lily Evans was sitting on the cold, tiled bathroom floor crying so much that it hurt her insides, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking frantically back and forth. She had troubles breathing, she couldn't even form any coherent thought, maybe except Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

She was alone in the house. The boys were out, doing whatever, and usually she was angry that she was stuck inside – the Order decided that it was too risky for her to go out – but today she was kind of happy about it, because at least they couldn't see her in this sorry state.

And holy shit, what the Order is going to do now? Lock her up in some shelter until the war is over?

At least now she was able to sneak out from time to time – like earlier today, when she went to the apothecary. At first she went to some muggle ones, but then she decided to risk and visit the Diagon Alley as well (the whole time she'd imagined Moody's furious face). Well, there will be no sneaking out if they lock her up.

Why was she thinking about sneaking out at this moment?

She almost laughed hysterically, but then her eyes locked on a small vial lying on the floor near her. The vial was filled with some sort of soft-pink liquid. Or maybe Lily was imagining things? Maybe the liquid was clear, like it should be, and she just was so scared, that she started to hallucinate things she was so afraid of seeing? She hadn't have the courage to look up at the two sets of tubes in weird plastic holders, both balanced on the edge of the sink.

Maybe she could pretend that it didn't happen. She could grab the little tear-shaped vial and toss it across the bathroom, watch it shatter, and then make the mess disappear with a tiny, simple movement of her wand. She could do the same with the muggle tests, just vanish it with a spell, and no one would know… well, she would know, but she could try to forget and she knew perfectly what potion she could make or buy to just…

"Hey, anyone home?"

Shit, fuck, shit!

"Red? You there?"

Sirius's voice sounded unsure, careful. And it was getting louder, so he was coming closer, so she should get her shit together, or at least lock the bathroom door and pretend she was taking a bath until she's ready to come out.

But Lily couldn't move, still crying, now even harder, because the panic rose, because how on Earth is she going to hide this from them?

"Lily?!"

This time Sirius sounded worried, and Lily could hear him opening doors on his way through house, checking every room, and suddenly he's there, tall and slim, his handsome face pale and worried.

He almost didn't see her. He already backed out from the bathroom to go check another room, when finally his steel-grey eyes landed on her.

"What the hell, Red?" Sirius asked, obviously angry, but also relieved. "The front door was unlocked. Seriously, what the hell have you been thinking? What is wrong with you?"

The last question left his mouth and second later, he realised that something indeed is wrong with her.

"What's going on?" he asked, using a softer voice, kneeling next to her, putting his hands on her shoulders to stop her rocking. "Are you hurt?"

She just shook her head vigorously.

"Is someone else hurt?" Somehow his face become even more pale. "Is James…?"

"Oh, God, no…" she managed to say. "He's fine, and the guys are fine, too, at least I hope so, haven't seen them since morning, but oh-my-god, Sirius, it's bad, it's so bad, I can't… I don't… I fucked up real bad…"

"Hey, hey… shush…" Somehow he pulled her awkwardly into his arms. "It's gonna be all right, Red. Everything's gonna be all right."

Those words make her cry even harder.

They stayed like that, in this uncomfortable, crumpled position, until Lily's crying turned into hiccups. Then Sirius stopped gently brushing her hair with his fingers and got up, to get her some water.

"Uhh… What the hell is that?" he asked, confused.

Lily looked up at him and saw him staring at the two muggle test kits she left on the sink. Before she formed an answer, Sirius looked at the floor and found the little vial.

"And this? What were you doing here, brewing potions?"

It was hard for Lily to find the words and it was even harder to speak with the hiccups, but she managed, somehow.

"T-those are… Sirius, those are pregnancy tests."

They're both quiet for a moment.

"Holy shit," he breathed out, crouched down and took the vial in his hand. "It's pink. What does pink mean?"

She didn't answer, and apparently it told Sirius everything he needed to know. Lily watched how his face changed – from confused, to understanding, to scared, and finally, he smiled like a maniac. Next thing she knew, he was pulling her on her legs, hugging her hard and spinning with her in his arms, laughing loudly.

"Sweet Merlin, this is so awesome!" he screamed.

"Not exactly the word I'd use to describe it…" murmured Lily, absolutely stunned.

"Why were you crying? Is it… I mean, it's James', isn't it?"

"Of course it's his!" Lily slapped Sirius on the arm, for a minute forgetting about all the worry and fear. "How could you even ask me that?"

"I dunno… You were looking like the whole world had gone to shit when I found you, so…"

"Because it had!" she screamed, throwing her hands up in the air. "I'm twenty! I can't have a baby right now, I'm practically a child myself! And, Christ, there's a war going on, remember? How could I bring a kid to a world like this? It's… it's just cruel…"

And just like that, the tears were back.

"Oh, c'mon… don't cry, Red…" Sirius softly wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. "It's going to be hard, I know, but… but we'll get through. Just think about little Jameses and Lilies running around! Okay, okay… let's get you sorted out first. Wash your face. I'll make you some tea. Are you hungry? Yeah, you probably are. I'll make you a sandwich, too."

And just like that, he left her. Lily still was kind of stunned after seeing Sirius's reaction to the news, so she just did what he told her to do – she put the muggle pregnancy tests away, washed her face with cold water. She still had puffed eyes and nasty red spots all over her cheeks, forehead and neck, but she felt a little better, even though she had a massive headache from crying.

Then she went to the bedroom she was sharing with James, and Sirius joined her there soon, levitating in front of him two mugs of tea and a plate with two sandwiches.

"So…" he started, after they got comfortable on the bed. He took a big bite out of his sandwich, getting crumbs everywhere. "We should talk about those unlocked doors, Red."

"I must've forgotten, I don't know…" she mumbled, toying with her sandwich.

"You can't forget about shit like that!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but I was in a bit of a hurry to pee in a vial to find out if there's a little human growing inside me!"

"Riiight…" Sirius said slowly. "So, uh, that peeing in the vial part was kind of disgusting, but nevermind. You're not eating. You should eat. Especially if there's a little human in your belly."

He was looking at her abdomen, as he said that, and Lily, kind of instinctively, put one of her hands there.

"Isn't it just… weird?" she asked.

"Yeah, it kind of is," he admitted. "Can you… uh… feel it?"

"No, not really. I mean, now I'm thinking about it and I'm kind of aware that he or she is there, but no, I can't feel anything."

"Hm…" he mused, still looking intensely at Lily's belly.

She ate a little bit of her sandwich. It was really tasty – Sirius was pretty good at making sandwiches, not that she was going to tell him that – but Lily had a little bit of trouble swallowing it down. Her stomach was twisting and turning like crazy.

"I'm so scared, Sirius," she said so quietly, almost whispered.

"Well, yes, I kind of figured it out already, I'm smart like that."

Lily rolled her eyes, but deep inside she appreciated his tries to make her laugh.

"James is going to lose it…"

"Nah, he's not."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know the bloke, he's my best friend."

"And what, you were having deep conversations about having children in the near future?"

"Nope," he made the word pop a little. "But he's serious about you. About starting a family with you. I mean, he already proposed to you, right? It was just a matter of time before he'd get you pregnant."

"I was hoping to wait a little with that." She gently stroked her belly and ate another bite of the sandwich. Sirius had already finished his. "We're so young."

"It's good. You've got a lot of time ahead of you to have more babies!"

"Yeah, let's just focus on this one for now, okay?"

"But for real, Lily, it's going to be good." He gently put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. "This kid is going to have amazing parents and the best uncles in the world. I'm so gonna spoil this little pup, I'm telling you this."

And somehow, she believed him. They are going to make it. It is gonna be all right.