Chapter 18 – Masks
"It's not a patrol night, Marinette," Tikki said.
"Cat Noir says he has something for me." Marinette wondered what it could be. Her hand had felt warm since last night, and she couldn't shake the feeling of what it had been like to have his lips all over it. She shivered, then turned to her mirror. Outside of her bedroom, everything was quiet. Her parents had already gone to bed, and the rest of the city sounded like it was asleep. Marinette, on the other hand, couldn't have been more awake.
"So why are you brushing your hair?"
"I don't want it to look like something lives in it. Like... like a nest."
"Ooh! You want to look nice for Cat Noir, don't you?"
"NO." She yanked, pulling on a tangle painfully. "I brush my hair all the time! It's going to get messed up anyway. Because- With all the wind, and-" And he already thinks I'm beautiful. "He has nothing to do with this!"
She slammed her hairbrush down on the stack of Adrien's pictures she'd pulled off her wall a few hours before. The pile slipped and spilled onto the floor. "Sorry, sorry! Ah! I'm so sorry, Adrien." It had taken most of the afternoon to decide which pictures to take down, and there were still plenty of them up, but... she'd needed more room for all the pictures of Cat Noir. There were just too many good ones of him. She'd had a hard time choosing.
No matter what she said to Tikki, Marinette couldn't deny the obvious truth of what was happening. As she shuffled Adrien's pictures and stacked them up neatly, she had to admit that Cat Noir had been right last night. She was falling for him, with no end in sight, and she wanted to keep falling forever. Adrien's pictures were tucked quietly into a drawer.
"I'm just... still not sure if I'm ready. Dating as superheroes would be so complicated, the city's safety depends on us, and-" She motioned to the many pictures of Adrien that remained around her room. She still had feelings for him.
Tikki's antennae wiggled, the way they always did when the kwami was holding back information.
"Never mind our identities!" Marinette continued. "There's so many problems that could come from sharing those! And we'd have to share them." If they got together, she would tell him who she was. It would be horrible to only be with him for part of her life. She wanted him all the time.
"So share identities," Tikki said.
"It's not that simple!" Marinette said, turning back to the mirror. Her hair was a probably a lost cause, but she tried to tie it up nicely anyway.
"It could be that simple," Tikki said. "Either way, you need to decide soon."
Marinette agreed. It was wrong to keep giving him hope if it turned out to be false. Stop it now, or choose him. She wasn't sure which option she wanted to take. Both sounded scary.
"Say... say I did choose Cat Noir," Marinette said. "What would happen? Just out of curiosity."
Tikki flitted around Marinette's head, tucking in loose strands of hair before stopping in front of her face to look her in the eye. "Then I think you would both be very happy."
The night was unseasonably warm, and a thick fog had rolled in. Combined with the dark night, it was difficult to pick out her partner until she almost swung past him. That suited Ladybug just fine. They'd have more privacy.
As usual, Cat Noir was waiting for her when she reached their meeting point. This time, he had chosen the Pons des Arts, the Lovelock Bridge. She didn't miss the implication, and she found that she didn't mind it either. Water lapped peacefully below them, and the dampness, fog and late hour ensured they were alone. After she dropped down next to him, she realized Cat Noir had his hands behind his back.
"You look nice."
"Thanks," Ladybug said. Unsure if she should keep her distance or stand closer to him like she wanted to, she compromised by leaning against the railing and shuffling her feet. "You know what I think?"
"What?"
"I think you got me something just so you'd have an excuse to see me again."
He smiled. "Purr-haps."
"Oh, please, don't start with those."
Instead of pun-ishing her further, he looked above them, Ladybug following his gaze. The flog blocked out the sky. A dull smudge was the only evidence of the moon.
"No stars," he said. "So I think I have a promise to keep." With a sweeping bow, he knelt and brought out a small, white jewelry box from behind his back and presented it to her. Ladybug couldn't help the coy smile that spread across her face as she reached for it, and was grateful that the night hid the color that was slowly pooling in her cheeks.
Tissue paper crinkled as she lifted the lid and peeked inside, and Cat Noir said, "I told you I would get you more stars. Now you can see them all the time. Plus, it matches your eyes." Inside was necklace, a spherical pendant on a thin chain. Cat Noir reached over and pulled it out, holding it up for her so she could get a better look.
She squinted at it. In the darkness, the dangling pendant looked black, barely distinguishable from the surrounding night.
"Oh, sorry," Cat Noir said, pulling out his baton and using the screen for a flashlight. "I forgot you don't have magical eyesight. Here." The necklace swung and arced into the light and with a flash was illuminated.
The glass sphere blazed bright blue and sparkled. He hadn't just given her stars, he'd given her a whole galaxy. Tiny planets swirled, carving avenues through stellar star dust, while pinpricks of light sparkled. It was a whirlpool of life, blue, purple, black, all burning and tumbling and dancing together. It was fixed in a small marble of glass, and yet it seemed to be growing and spinning as she stared.
"Thank you," she whispered, awed. "It's beautiful." What an understatement, but she couldn't think of anything to say that would do it justice.
The glow vanished suddenly as he moved the necklace out of the light to give it to her, but she put up a hand to stop him.
"What?" he asked.
There was no way she'd be able to do up the clasp behind her neck on the first try, and she'd rather not look like an idiot just now. Not in front of him.
"Help me put it on?" And she turned around without waiting for his answer.
It was a mistake.
She knew it as soon as he pulled her hair away from her neck, his claws grazing over her bare skin. She shivered as she felt her self fall in love just a little bit deeper, just a little bit closer to the precipice of choosing him.
Standing there quietly as he adjusted the necklace and fiddled with the clasp, she weighed her options. She should leave now. Before she got them both into trouble.
Before she changed her mind.
Before she chose to stay.
"Done," he said.
Ladybug took her time turning around, staring at the pendant resting just below her collarbone instead of looking at him and betraying how much his simple touch had affected her. But when he cleared his throat, she instinctively looked up.
Try though she had to hide her feelings, he saw them. His eyes softened, and she could see the tiniest bit of a blush around the edges of his mask. Was she staring at him? Was that weird? Had they been looking at each other too long? Maybe. And she didn't care.
Taking a step closer, Cat Noir reached forward and cupped her face even more tenderly than he had put on the necklace. Like she was fragile, precious, forbidden.
For the first time that night, Ladybug stopped thinking. Her hand floated up to his cheek in echo of his movement, and her fingers caressed the edge of his mask, then slipped underneath. He wanted her to know.
As he leaned in, her finger lifted the mask further. Two sets of eyes closed. His lips ghosted over hers, as gently as a breath, soft and timid and sweet.
Is this what choosing him feels like?
Ladybug's brain re-engaged, her fears stuttering back to life, and her lips skimmed over his skin, away from his dangerous mouth and landed her kiss on his cheek. "S-sorry," she whispered into his hair.
He wilted against her before quickly pulling his disappointment and his head away from her. The edge of his mask fell back into place as her fingers slipped down, clenched at her sides, and she felt her own pangs of disappointment. Ladybug couldn't bring herself to step away, but he made no move to either, so they stayed there, chest to chest, Ladybug staring at a point on shoulder, both waiting for the other to move.
She was stuck. Undecided.
Who was he? She had almost kissed him.
She couldn't unmask him. She wanted to kiss him.
She wanted to stay and kiss away all his sadness, all the memories of being ignored, everyone one his problems. But she couldn't.
She still liked someone else. She hadn't decided. She couldn't unmask him. They had responsibilities. The city had to come before either of them.
All these arguments seemed little in comparison to the pounding of her heart, or the way he held her. He kept one hand in her hair, the other around her waist, and she could feel it trembling slightly, like he was trying to pull her closer and make himself let her go at the same time. Last night in the leaves she had wanted it kiss him, but it had been nothing compared to this. If she just leaned back into him, she could make her decision right now. It would be so easy.
She wanted to stay, but if she didn't leave him know, she wasn't sure she ever would.
Fighting the urge to kiss his cheek a second time, Ladybug pulled away. The gap between them felt suddenly isolating, though it was only a few inches. "Sorry," she whispered to the ground, and then she ran away.
Was she hoping to hear him chasing her? Did she want him to call out her name and hold her again? Or did she really want to be alone right now? Ladybug wasn't sure. One thing she was certain of, she wasn't going to keep doing this to him. With each pounding footstep she hammered out a promise. She would take the time to decide before she spent any more time with him. No matter what, she wouldn't hurt him further.
She didn't take out her yoyo the whole way home, preferring the rhythmic beat and exertion of running and leaping. The necklace bounced against her chest, reminding her of the mistake she had just made and how much it could cost her, or more importantly, cost her partner.
Out of breath, she landed on her roof, dropped through her skylight, and released her transformation. Everything was as still and dark as she had left it, which caught her off guard. Marinette tensed, looking around for something out of place, before realizing it was her. She was what felt different, felt like everything around her should be changed, too.
"Marinette," Tikki finally said.
"I know. I know!" Marinette flopped onto her back and blinked in the darkness. The necklace hadn't disappeared with her suit. The pendant's weight was heavy on her throat. "I shouldn't have almost kissed him like that. It was wrong."
"That wasn't what I was going to say," Tikki said. She floated toward the edge of the bed and out of sight.
"Then what?" Marinette called after her.
"You wanted to stay," Tikki said. "I think it was wrong of you to leave."
Marinette sat up and took the necklace off. So what? she wanted to ask. You think I should choose him? Or do you think I already have? But she wasn't sure she was brave enough to hear the answers, so she kept those questions to herself. The pendant swung by the chain in her hand, and it pulled her attention back to problems that were less scary, ones she knew she could fix. What to do with the necklace? She occasionally ran into Cat Noir when she wasn't masked, so wearing it as a civilian was out of the question. But it was too pretty to hide away.
In a burst of inspiration, Marinette turned on the lamp next to her bed. The halo of light it cast on her wall was the perfect place, and she tacked the necklace up. The pendant glowed, casting a streak of gold-flecked blue instead of a shadow across the picture Cat Noir had sent to her of their night at the park so long ago.
Even though it was late, Marinette was too wired to sleep. Knowing she had to at least try or she'd be a zombie in the morning, she curled up beneath her blankets and stared at the decorations on her wall. Her hand wandered up to her cheek where he had held her. His touch had been so soft, almost hesitant. She hadn't expected that. Nor had she expected to find herself wishing she hadn't run away, so she would know if his kisses were as gentle as his hands.
Their next patrol was Wednesday night. With luck, there wouldn't be any akumas before then, and she'd have 48 hours to think things through.
She was not lucky.
A/N: FOR REAL, LADYBUG. JUST KISS HIM ALREADY. (Thank you for waiting for this chapter! (Like you had a choice.) Next up is Cat Noir's POV! OOooOOh!)