XXIII

WILL

"Will? I thought you're going to be back on weekends."

Will heard his mother called from somewhere in their house. She probably heard the door opened and closed upon his arrival.

"What are you-?"She rounded the corner and she stopped dead in her tracks when she had seen him. He must look as horrible as he had felt at that moment.

"What happened? Is there something wrong?" Naomi rushed to his son.

Tears welled up on Will's eyes, and then he hugged his mother. He started to cry.

"It's terrible mom, I wasn't able to save this patient I operated. I thought everything was going well and then in an instant, he's dead. I did my best to save him but it wasn't enough." Will sobbed into her shoulder.

Naomi understood immediately, Will's first case of DOT or death on the table as a surgeon. She rubbed Will's back as he continued to cry.

"No son, you did your best to save him." Naomi's voice was gentle. Will had always liked to listen to her mom's voice, whether when she was singing or just plainly talking. Her voice was always soft and soothing."But you can't always save everyone. You're just a human and you have your limits. You can't always cheat death you know."

Will pulled away and looked down at his mother. He briefly wondered if she had any idea about his power. The power he had believed would always save everyone and for the very first time that day, his power had failed him.

"Son," Naomi wiped away the tears on Will's cheek. Her eyes too were always tender and caring and warm. "This isn't going to be the last time that you won't be able to save someone no matter how hard you try. It's a harsh truth, but you have to accept it and move on from it and just focus on the people you can still save."

Will's eyes snapped open and jolted upright. He was heaving as sweat trickled to his temple down to his cheek. Then he looked, disoriented from sleep. When his brain had started to work properly again, he realized that he was in his mother's bedroom and fell asleep on her bed, again.

And when the current moment, time and day had sunk in on Will, he started to tremble. He hugged his knees and started to cry, as all those ugly feelings consumed him all over again. He had tried to fight it really, the pain, the sadness, and emptiness. But tears would start to fall even before he had realized that they were falling. It was a cycle, the way he would crumble down on the same bed for days, after his mother's death, after his mother's funeral.

He was on leave from the hospital for two weeks and two weeks ever since he had last seen Nico di Angelo. There were days that Will had no idea whom he was mourning for nor whom he was crying for. There were days that he was crying for his mother that he wouldn't ever see again, and there were times that he was crying for Nico. While also wondering if he would ever come back or he was gone for good. Thinking the latter one had doubled his pain. How could Nico leave all of a sudden? How could Nico leave like that when he needed him the most? When he had stopped wondering about Nico, he would go back mourning for his mother.

When his sobs subsided, he looked at his side and surely, there was a tray of food at the bedside table and there was a note from his father to eat more. His food was on rations and it was always half-eaten. Meanwhile, his father Apollo would regularly visit him and Apollo would sleep in the spare room for a night. Somehow, Will had managed to avoid him, usually by feigning he was asleep.

Suddenly, the door burst barely looked at the door. He had stopped crying and everything was still the same. He would probably cry again later.

"That's it!" Apollo shouted as he barged into the room. "I've given you the time and space you needed but I can't watch you wither like that!"

"Just leave me alone." Will rasped.

"You cannot go one like this forever. You've got your job, you've got a life!"

"Yeah. . ."

"Will," Apollo walked towardsWill. He tried to touch his shoulder but Will shrugged it off.

"Why do you care, all of a sudden?" Will looked up at Apollo sharply. He felt like an atomic bomb ready to be detonated any second. "You were gone from our lives for a long time? Why are you here now?"

"Because Naomi asked me to look after you!" Apollo cried.

At the mention of Naomi's name, Will's tears were threatening to fall again. It was a trigger and he would explode from sadness again. He would be ripped to shreds. He would be in pieces again. Then he would glue himself together so he could tear himself apart again the next day or in the next few hours. It depends.

"And I haven't forgotten that I am still your father," Apollo's voice softened. "I know, you resented me for the mistakes I've done to you and your mother. I know I am a jerk father and husband. I know you won't accept me that easily. I know I won't be able to bring back the time that I have lost and wasted but I am willing to create new ones with you because I can't leave you like this. I am not that much of a monster to leave my son this miserable. Even if you don't want to, I am going to be here and continue to be here no matter what."

Will turned his head away. There were tears again. He had briefly wondered when his entire body would dry out of the water and wither like the hyacinth plants he used to take care of before. But upon moving to Manhattan for work, they eventually died. "Just. . . . Just go. Please."

Dejected, Apollo turned and headed out of the room. He quietly closed the door behind. Will lied on the bed and fell asleep, cheeks stained with tears.

The next day, Will woke up from a shout.

"WILLIAM SOLACE! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THERE!"

Will sat up groggily. Despite his clouded brain, he knew that voice very well. Afterward, the door burst open once again. His poor door had been treated that way recently. It was only a matter of time before it would unhinge entirely from the door frame.

Will groaned. "People have forgotten privacy and how to knock recently."

Kayla stood at the foot of the bed, hands on her hips.

"Goodness gracious William, what are you doing to yourself?" Kayla said aghast "Since when was the last time you've eaten? Nor get out of this bat cave? You look like a ghost!"

"Thanks," Will muttered rubbing his eyes.

"Stupid of me to leave you alone. Stupid of me to believe you that you needed time to be alone." Kayla slapped her forehead. "Thankfully I came here. Apollo said that he was about to call me because he's worried about you."

Will did not comment. He was staring down and drawing circles on the duvet. Kayla sat at the edge of the bed and took Will's hands.

"Will, I get it that you're sad but I think it's too much that you are not taking care of yourself anymore. Naomi wouldn't want this."

"I don't know." Will pulled his hands away. He crawled to the edge of his bed to get up. Though, there was nowhere to go. He had just to get up. He had removed himself from social contact for quite a while, so it felt foreign now. He needed space to breathe, especially when they were talking about a subject that still pierced straight to his chest like an arrow. "How could I know. She's not here anymore."

"So?" Kayla snapped back. "Just because Naomi isn't here doesn't mean you are going to throw away your life. This isn't you Will!"

Will was standing and his back was facing Kayla. "When I had my first case of death on the table, I went straight to mom because I felt so terrible at that time. I had to see her just to make myself feel better because seeing her always makes me feel like I could do anything again. Mom had said that it wasn't going to be the last time that I wouldn't be able to save someone, and I should just move on from it and focus on the people I can still save. But then, of all people I couldn't save, why I wasn't able to save my mother nor prolong her life a little bit more? Is the world mocking me? Had I been a good doctor enough?-"

"Face me." Kayla interrupted.

Will slowly turned and faced Kayla. She was standing in front of Will.

Then she punched Will in the face that made him stumble back. Will stared at Kayla wide-eyed as he cradled his jaw where Kayla had punched him.

"Are you awake now?" Kayla asked. "Are you doubting yourself now as a doctor? Do you want to go back on being a resident just so you can boost your confidence again? Or do you want me to discuss with you about Naomi's cause of death? We can do that all day. But for goodness' sake! You know too well that self-doubt has no place in our job!"

Will continued to stare at her. He had been punched in the jaw but why it felt like he had been punched in the gut too.

"I just don't know what else to do." Will finally spoke. His voice cracked. He hunched over hugging himself. "I miss my mom. I don't want to move because it hurts, every part of me hurts. I just don't know how to stop this pain so I can move already."

Kayla only walked towards Will and wrapped her arms around him.

"I told you, it's alright to be sad, but please don't destroy yourself," Kayla whispered. "You can move even though it hurts. And when you do, it wouldn't hurt as much. We are always here to remind you to move until your entire being doesn't hurt anymore."

"Thank you," Will whispered back hoarsely. "Thank you for being here and for punching me."

Kayla laughed softly and pulled away from Will. She held his hands and squeezed it. "Now, I'm reminding you to move. I'm not asking. I'm telling you to."

Will bit his lips. He was still doubting if he could get out of the bed and not be overwhelmed by sadness again.

Another squeeze.

He finally gazed at Kayla. "I'll try."

"Atta boy!" Kayla beamed at him.

His friend's smile was contagious. He couldn't help but let a small smile slipped from his face. Even smiling was foreign to him when it felt like it had been so long since he had done that.

Kayla nodded encouragingly. She looked around. "By the way, where is Nico? Is he here?"

Will stiffened.

"I-I don't know. The last time I saw him was two weeks ago." He avoided her eyes, trying and failing to mask the pain of losing another person he loved and cared about.

She frowned and cursed. "Did you fight? Why would you guys fight on a time like this?!"

"Ask him." He mumbled.

"Looks like there's a bastard whom I'm going to punch too," Kayla muttered, pissed off.