Disclaimer: I wish I owned Danny Phantom! Desiree: -turns me into Butch Hartman- AHHHHHHHHH! CHANGE ME BACK CHANGE ME BACK! -is changed bac
Summary: Daniel was right about getting a cat. So why shouldn't Vlad try internet dating?
Rating: K+
Inspiration: danphanwritingprompts
Pairings: Vlad/Harriet
Warnings: N/A
Other Notes: I am open to continuing this, but I honestly don't have a lot of ideas for how I'd stretch it into a full story (hence why it's just a oneshot rn)
"So what do you do in your spare time?"
"Well, I normally make phone calls," Vlad spoke slowly. The blue and brown haired intern nodded, and he began typing on the billionaire's computer as Vlad spoke. "And throw parties. I have to keep positive relationships." The intern frowned at him, shaking his head.
"No, sir. I mean your hobbies," the intern, blast what was his name?, clarified. It was weird to see somebody else sitting in his expensive luxury desk chair.
"Hobbies?" Vlad was drawing a blank, and he began to pace the room to try and jog his mind.
"You know! Things you do to make yourself feel alive and happy!" the intern shot a rare smile. "Like uh? Rich dudes go golfing a lot, right? You went golfing last week with that one CEO dude who came for the meeting."
"Oh I hate golfing," Vlad insisted with a frown. "And you are referring to Mr. Yoshida. The only part about golfing I enjoy are the drinks." And using his ghost powers to make that dreadful hotel owner lose. But he had to smirk internally about that.
The intern stared at the screen in front of him, looking a bit nervous. His hands were hovering over the keyboard as he kept flickering his gaze from the computer to his boss.
"Um? Do you like yachting?" he questioned. "Or going skiing in Sweden or something? I dunno what else rich people do."
"Yachting's incredibly dull, it's just an excuse to have drinks on a boat," Vlad complained. "And the only thing I can find enjoyable and skiing is the drinks at the lodge."
"I don't...I don't think alcoholism is a hobby," the intern hesitated. "I think that's more of a personal flaw. There's a section for that on here, something like what's your biggest weakness or something like that."
"Don't you dare put that down anywhere," Vlad threatened. The intern shot him a grin.
"It's alright to admit your flaws to a potential partner," he told him. "That's how relationships work. They're gonna figure it out eventually anyway. You have to be honest with people."
"A man like me can't afford to have that level of honesty immediately," Vlad informed him with a frown. The intern shrugged.
"You're still a regular guy."
Vlad felt his chest tighten a bit. No. No he really wasn't. And it wasn't the money. It was that deep laid secret that only Daniel and ghosts knew, this part of him that he kept hidden. A primary reason he trusted so few people, why he was still single at nearly forty-four.
"So, hobbies?" the intern asked again. Vlad tried to think hard. What did he like?
God, this was humiliating on some level. This entire process. Online dating hadn't even really began, they haven't even gotten Vlad's profile past the initial set up, and he already felt hopeless. So much of his time wasted on working, on achieving his fortune for a woman that had zero interest. What did he do in his spare time? He was spending his time on a goal he had begun to slowly abandon, of conquering the Ghost Zone
Another waste.
"Do you like movies?" the intern spoke up after a few moments of Vlad staring blankly into nothing.
"I love documentaries," Vlad replied. He thought on the past films he had seen. "And science fiction. Such as Star Wars, the Martian, Invasion of the Body Snatchers. You know, I used to run my high school's SciFi club. President, naturally. Always been a born leader."
"Alright! Now we're getting somewhere!" the intern grinned, and he began to type. Vlad felt such a relief at the words, and his confidence grew.
"I also enjoy thrillers, historical fiction. Comedies are alright, and so is romance," Vlad continued. "Same with TV shows. None of that reality show garbage. True crime, but none of that Law and Order nonsense, that fictional trash. They're so eyerollingly bad with their science and investigative skills. I can't shows that don't respect the laws of reality but claim to be based in it."
"You sound like the kind of dude who complains about characters who talk audibly in space movies instead of just enjoying the film," the intern commented. Vlad frowned. The intern flinched nervously. "So uh? What else do you like?"
"I love football." Now that they got past that first hurdle, Vlad found it much easier to think of things he enjoyed. Things that made him happy, that he looked forward to.
"Nice, what team?" the intern asked, keeping his eyes locked on the computer as he wrote that down.
"Packers, of course," Vlad stated, as if the information was obvious. "If I could, I'd have bought the Packers." He made a face. "But the current owners won't sell."
"Packers? Hm. We're a Bears family," the intern mused lightly. Vlad shot him an annoyed look.
"You're fired," he told him. The intern immediately tensed up, giving a nervous chuckle.
"That's uh, a joke, right?" he asked. Vlad stared at him. The intern was turning red, and he could see the boy begin to nervously sweat. Finally, Vlad shot him a small smile.
"I enjoy traveling and sight seeing," Vlad continued. The intern's face fell in sweet relief as he nodded, catching onto the joke. He continued typing. "Whenever I have to travel for business, I enjoy staying an extra few days to enjoy the city. Especially when traveling overseas. It's helped me learn four languages to invest so deeply in other cultures as so."
"Whoa, you know four languages?" the intern stared at him in awe. Vlad smirked proudly.
"Six," he bragged. "English, French, Chinese, Japanese, Spanish and Klingon."
"Klingon?" the intern repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Wow, you're a geek." Vlad scowled at him.
"I sign your paychecks, boy."
The intern flinched, and he continued to write. After a while, he put his hand on the mouse and scrolling, looking and humming lightly.
"Alright, so mainly only thing that's really left is just what you're looking for," the intern said, glancing up at him. Vlad's face fell. What was he looking for?
He knew what he wanted. He wanted Maddie. The woman who had stolen his heart, her brilliance. Her strong will, how much she cared. Her laugh. Her voice of reason, her need for knowledge and the lengths she'd go to just understand something. That look in her eyes whenever she gave lectures on her inventions.
"Um, do you know a possible age range?" the intern asked, interrupting his train of thought. Age range. Age range, that was easy.
"I'm not interested in anybody under thirty-five," Vlad replied. "And that's my absolute lowest. Nobody over fifty-five either." The intern nodded, clicking on the screen.
"Do you care where she lives? Like do you want somebody in the city, or anywhere?"
"Anywhere. I have the money to move her to me down the line," Vlad replied immediately. The intern nodded.
"Uh, I think you're good for now," the intern said slowly, clicking a few more times before gesturing for Vlad to come see. The billionaire walked over, and the intern slipped out of his chair. Vlad took over, staring at the screen. The intern pointed to the screen. "So you just click here to view potential matches, and click there to see your messages. Uhh, hover over that lady. Yeah, see that button? You can click that to show that you like her, and that button next to that one to send her a message."
"I think I get it," Vlad spoke slowly. The intern nodded.
"Alright, dude. Good luck, invite me to your wedding," he lightly joked. Vlad smiled at him before giving him a very serious look.
"Tell nobody about what you did here today," he said, lowering his voice. The intern flinched, but nodded. "What's your name again, boy?"
"Um, it's Mark. Mark Jameson."
"I'll make sure you get a bonus next paycheck," Vlad promised. "In exchange for keeping your lips zipped."
"Yes sir!" Mark said quickly, and he gave a nod. He awkwardly waved before walking out of Vlad's office, shutting the door behind him.
He flipped through the profiles of the women available to him. Too old, too young. She clearly was a smoker, no thanks. Every photo this woman had involved alcohol, that was a recipe for disaster. Did not want children, ever? That was quite the dealbreaker, even though he was getting older, Vlad absolutely wanted children. Oh, she seemed interesting, a professor at the local college. Hm, nevermind, she wasn't actually single but in an open relationship with a husband. Vlad wasn't fond of sharing. And then there was...
...Harriet Chin?
Vlad knew that she had been married, and that they had divorced about five years ago now? He was invited to the wedding, but was too ill to attend at the time, and he knew about the divorce from Maddie during a rare, friendly gossip session. The ex-husband he only knew in passing, knew so little that Vlad couldn't even recall his name. Some fellow journalist that lived in Florida. They divorced over personality conflicts.
It would be great to match with an old friend. She was Maddie's roommate, and part of their friend circle. Even though he wasn't sure he'd call her a friend. She was so incredibly nosey, even then. Always snooping in his and Jack's room for anything. Every discussion was a debate. Her opinions were infuriatingly opposite of his.
He couldn't match with her. Sure, her profile was nice. Very nice, actually. Not a smoker, social drinker only, wanted children. A career woman, and all of her photos were of her covering international stories. And Harriet herself was attractive. Long dark hair, pretty eyes, clear skin, and she clearly took care of herself.
But he knew Harriet. He knew that she was the most stubborn and skeptical person. She constantly made fun of them when they made that prototype portal. Always nagging at them that ghosts didn't exist, mocking them and yet constantly prying for information about their portal from them. Nosey, nosey, nosey.
Even back then though, he would admit that she was very pretty and had a charm to her. And while she was nosey, she would use that information for good sometimes. She never forgot a birthday. Even years later, she'd send Jack, Maddie, Vlad, they'd all get birthday cards.
She did send him flowers when in the hospital, and she invited him to her wedding. Listened to him ramble twice about his feelings for Maddie. For a brief while, they studied together as they suffered through the world's worst Pre-calculus professor. She helped him understand, she was smart. Annoying smart. And never afraid or above flaunting it to him. She always scored better than him, and she would brag about it. Even if it was one point, and that one point was due to Vlad simply miswriting a decimal point.
…
He clicked like, and a cheesy animation played. Harriet had liked him back
It's a match! Would you like to send a message?
Vlad stared at the screen for a moment. Already? It was already a match? She had already seen him and liked him too?
...Should he send a message? Right away? Right now? Wasn't that too forward? Vlad already had her number. Maybe he should just call her and ask her out. Or was that too forward? Shouldn't they talk first?
A message notification popped up, and Vlad clicked on it.
Hey, dork! It's been a while. Had I known you were looking to date, I would have asked you out last time we spoke. Are you free tonight? We should get some dinner and drinks! Xoxo Harriet
Vlad felt his heart go a bit crazy. It was a good crazy. She wanted to go out with him. She asked him to eat. She wanted him to spend time with her.
He wasted no time replying.
I'd love to get some dinner and drinks. I can pick you up at 7.
Soon as the reply was sent, he picked up his office phone. He had to reschedule his prior dinner plans, a business dinner with an uninteresting CEO of a company he partnered with and the man's even duller wife. There was somebody much more interesting he wanted to be with that evening.