A/N: Okay, so this is the second last chapter. So love it or hate it but don't forget to read it.
Chapter 9~ The day I say Goodbye (Part 1)
It must have been hard,
I know, I was a disaster,
and, I know I've let you down.
"I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won"
I should have been feeling guilt, but it felt right.
You were the flickering light in the blackhole that was my life.
I dragged you along the darkness, holding you as a lifeline,
your heart was pure and your soul kind,
I've seen it all, watched you laugh and cry,
'shared your dreams' and witnessed your fear
kissed your face and held you near.
I'm still holding you close, though I know we're done.
"Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend,
you've been the one,
you've been the one for me…"
Harlem, New York
October 2018
He rummaged through the study, frantically opening and banging the cabinet drawers shut. Scattered letters all over the floor, pencils rolling down, his breathing laboured, movements distraught, until he found the stack of letters safely tucked inside the cabinet locker.
With bated breath he reached for the letters pulling those out of the confinement, unknowingly dragging out the small velvet box along, a memory that has been buried deep in subconscious for the past 6 years.
Unable to hold his own weight he sank down to the floor, his trembling fingers desperately gripped the papers. After a few calming breaths, he found himself untying the knot and started unfolding the letters one by one.
November 2013, (Gone 37days)
Dear Damon,
How're you? (Scratch that!) Silly question to ask when I'm well aware of the answer. Rather when I am the reason for your current state. Um, I… Okay, let me just start over.
Damon, you don't know the courage it took for me to write to you, and trust me(if you still can) when I say this, it was more for my own sanity than yours. Yes Damon, let me voice it out for you, I'm selfish, I've always been so, perhaps that's why my life is nothing but a misery. I won't be justifying myself nor am I going to apologise, 'sorry' is too small of a word to compensate for my actions. You've given me your heart and I've all but stomped on it. Even if by some miracle you find it in you to forgive me, know that I will never show myself that mercy.
If at all you're wondering, I'm doing fine, life has been cruel but I'm pulling through, and I want you to do the same. Damon, you can't shut down like a broken machine and let life pass by you. You have to move on, you have so much to offer. The time we have spent together made me realise the potential you hold. Love and kindness aren't your weakness, those are the strength, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I believe with all my heart you can achieve the world if you so desire. Give yourself that chance, believe in your strength and show yourself the kindness that you have shown to me all this time. If not for yourself then do it for me, I know you've loved me, so do this for that love and you'll find me beside you.
Promises are meant to be kept, and I intend to keep mine, I will never leave your side, doesn't matter if I'm physically there to hold you or not, know that I'll always be in your heart, watching over you. I will not ask you to trust me this time, I'll prove my word.
I wish I could start over my life like this letter, but…Okay, no more today, but you're not getting rid of me this easy.
Yours,
Elle~
PS Try not to waste anytime searching for me, because you won't, it's better this way, for both of us. Until next time.
February 2014, (gone 115 days)
Dear Damon,
Congratulations on your successful departure from that Slave house that you used to call office. It's against the law to have your employee slog for you 7days a week without a break. Hell! Even slaves get a day off, anyhow, I believe I should be wishing you Happy Independence day!
I too have been rearranging my life, trying to get a hold of everything. I know it's a new start for you, new insecurities, doubts and what not. But trust me it will all be okay in the end. It always is, even if it's not all rainbows and unicorns or horny bunnies in my case. ;)
Until next time.
Yours
Elle~
June 2014, (Gone 239 days)
Dear Damon,
Happy Birthday pretty boy! Did you turn 32 or 33? Doesn't matter, what I'm more interested in is your greying hair. Do you still hog an entire tub of ice cream like you used to. Tell me honestly am I going to get that gummy smile of yours sooner rather than later. I hope not. I mean you still have to find someone to settle down with. I pray to God to give your teeth the strength to endure the sugar torture.
Jokes apart, I hope you're enjoying this new copy writers job. Don't be surprised, I told you I'm watching over you like a hawk. I hope you don't find it creepy, well if you do that's all the more better. (Bwahahahaha xD)
See ya later Mr. Writer.
Yours
Elle~
September 2014, (Gone a year and 12days)
Dear Damon,
I miss you, I miss you so much, I miss seeing your face, I miss calling out your name, I miss your tender touches, I miss the feel of your skin on mine, I miss us. I need you so much. Why is fate so cruel, why couldn't you and I be together. I curse the day we broke apart. All I feel is hatred, the air around me makes me suffocate, this house I live in reminds me of the fact that I'm all alone, every single cell in me yarns for your presence, my very existence is a reminder of me being apart from you. Damon… please, come and find me. Please, I can not live like this anymore. Please…
Yours
Elle~
PS. Enclosing the address on the flip side, I'd be waiting.
September 2014, (Gone a year and 21days)
Dear Damon,
The previous letter was… Just tear it apart and burn the pieces, I sincerely hope that one doesn't reach you, it should just get lost in transit. I don't know what came over me, perhaps it was guilt, it was something that I've done in the heat of the moment. I tried to get it back but it was too late. If you have received that dreadful letter and had the misfortune to read it I hope you've not spend a second thinking about chasing me. It's a mirage Damon, don't waste your energy behind something that doesn't exist.
Btw, congratulation on your promotion, I heard your subordinate is a total bombshell. Do me a favour and please don't let her slide. But steer clear if she's a cold manipulating bitch like someone you know (I'm talking about me if you had any doubt).
Yours,
Elle~
April 2015, (Gone one and a half year)
Dear Mr. and Mrs Salvatore,
I wish you a very happy married life.
Love
Elle~
September 2015, (Gone a little over 2 years)
Dear Mr. Salvatore,
How's married life treating you? Why haven't you gone for honeymoon yet? Ugh Damon, you're so annoying, I don't know how your wife tolerates you. She's way too sweet, I would have kicked your ass if you… Err, I mean I want to kick your ass for leaving that gorgeous wife at home while you slog yourself at work. You're again falling into that routine, come on Damon, go and have some fun.
Yours
Elle~
PS. I want to hear about a honeymoon trip ASAP, no negotiation.
November 2015, (Gone 2 years 2months)
Dear Damon,
I don't know what to write, I just pray God gives you both the grace to pull through this loss. I can not even fathom to comprehend the loss of a child, and what she might be going through is beyond my capabilities, to have a human grow inside you, to nurture and nourish, to feel everything from the very beginning only to lose it mid way.
Just be with her Damon, don't leave her side, you're the only person who can hold her. I'll keep you both in my prayers.
Yours
Elle~
May 2016, (Gone two and a half years)
Dear Damon,
I'm glad to hear you're doing so well. I have read your novella, it's amazing, a little sappy for my taste but amazing none the less. Never knew you'd become the next Nicolas Spark, where have you been hiding all these years. I'm truly happy for you, and I wish you all the success.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I'll be going on a short break, as in these letters of mine will be in a state of hiatus for a while. But I'll be back soon.
Till then be a good boy, take care of your lovely wife and be happy.
Yours,
Elle~
Dropping his hand on his lap he reached for the velvet box, adorning the silver band that still glistened under light. He unfolded the small crumpled note, tracing his fingers over the meticulous writing, 'I can't marry you Damon, we were never meant to be. I have to go, please don't try to find me.'
The familiar anguish rose in his chest, albeit his valiant efforts Damon couldn't hold back the traitorous tear that slide down his cheek. After all this time, he was certain that it's going to hurt a little less, his anxious heart would have learnt the lesson, all in vain.
He sat motionless on the ground, clutching the ring in his palm, unaware of the approaching figure. He felt a soft hand cradle his head, succumbing to the tender caress Damon let her manoeuvre him, pulling him closer to resting his on her shoulder.
"It's alright honey, it will be fine. Do you, do you want to talk about it?" She whispered.
"I, I'm not sure what to say." Gazing up to her chocolate irises, he started in shaky voice, "Why now, what more does she want? Why she had to do it? What have I done to her…"
Her heart ached to see him this vulnerable, she desperately held her own tears at bay, focusing to comfort the man in her embrace. "Damon, it's not your fault. Do you hear me, you're not the one to blame," she placed a soft kiss on his lips, wanting to take away the pain, "and neither is she."
As tears continued to stream down his face, his eyes grew dark with rage, "How can you say that? You of all people should not be letting her off the hook this easy. After what… what happened last time. No, I refuse to let her ruin it. If only I hadn't left you alone in the house that night…"
"Damon, what happened to little bloom was my fault, I was clumsy, I didn't pay attention and I tripped and fell and she…" her lip quivered for a moment, "You couldn't have prevented it. No-one could have."
He shook his head violently, before he could protest she pressed on, "Ssshhh!" Shifting her gaze to the now discarded letter, she reached for the one at the bottom. "Um, will you mind if I…" she motioned to letter and proceeded after receiving a nod from her husband.
As she was down to the last paragraph, unable to contain her emotions any further she let the tears fall freely. She folded the letter neatly and placed it on his palm. "You need to go Damon, she might not have much time left,"
"I'm not leaving you, especially not in this state. You're my wife Nina, my family, my duty is to you, I, I love you. Beside this can be a hoax, with her I can never be certain. I'm not going hand over the rein to her this time. You need me now, I'm not leaving you side, not now, not ever." He let out defiantly.
"I'm not asking you to leave me, I know we're family, believe me, not a day goes by that I don't feel the gratitude to have you as my husband. I couldn't have asked for anything more, you took me in when my own father dejected me. Without a second thought you agreed to give baby bloom your name, even though she wasn't yours. You've treated me with dignity knowing well I brought nothing but disgrace to you." She choked on her words.
It was Damon's turn to comfort her, "Hey, I don't want to hear all this again okay. I would do it all in a heart beat. It wasn't your fault that jerk never took responsibility for his actions." He smiled at her, "We were a team ever since the day you started working as my secretary. You are my best friend, my partner and…"
"Yes Damon, I'm your partner, your best friend, but she will forever be your first love. I know you love me with all your heart, but you can not deny the feelings you have for her. You owe it to yourself, you need to confront her. And if you want have to leave me behind, if you so wish I would gladly accompany you."
"Absolutely not. God has given another chance, gracing us with a child, I'm not going to risk you or the baby for anything Nina."
"Damon, I'm only 10weeks along, me and the baby are in perfect health, I promise you." She offered a sweet smile, attempting to reassure the weary man. "So I'll make arrangement for the both of us. You tie up your work schedule and we'll start post lunch."
Albeit reluctantly he agreed to her proposal, he's mind and heart in a whirlwind for what to come next.
And... Review?