A/N This one has a graphic section, although it isn't marked as last chapter (If you want to skip it, it's where Brent starts talking, and then the next eight paragraphs). Many of the following chapters have difficult sections, but I won't warn you, from here on out, unless it's going to be particularly graphic. Thanks to those who sent PMs saying they are sticking around, cause they want to see what happens. Thanks to those who reviewed, even as a guest. And, to those fathers, in the US, Happy Father's day.
Chapter 48
Apt 314, NY 8:40 AM Wednesday October 31th, 2012
The sound finally penetrated, and was getting louder. Penny rolled over, and was rewarded with a flash of pain through her head. She groaned, and reached for her phone, to shut off the alarm. She opened her eyes and things were blurry, but she managed to shut off the alarm.
She slowly sat up and was wondering why she was wearing her clothes, and why her blouse was unbuttoned, when the events from earlier in the morning came crashing down on her. Tears started welling up in her eyes, and all she wanted to do was to lay back down and cry.
She forced herself to sit up, then get up out of the bed and try to drive those thoughts out of her mind, so she could concentrate on getting ready for work. She was still a bit unsteady, but was able to walk to her kitchen, where she turned on the coffee machine before making her way back to the bathroom, where she turned on shower, then began to get undressed.
Stepping into the shower, she planned to let the hot water just beat on her for five minutes. But, she started washing almost immediately, and then began scrubbing herself, trying desperately to get any trace of Brent off of her. She continued scrubbing until her arms, legs, and chest were sore.
Finally, she shut off the water and started drying herself off. As she dried herself, she discovered why she was sore, her legs, arms and chest were red, and even scratched in some places from how vigorously she had scrubbed herself.
Looking in the mirror, and seeing her face, the guilt for what had happened surfaced and weighed her down. She would start to tear up, then dry her eyes with the towel, then try to force the tears back. She dressed and went out to the kitchen to get some coffee.
She poured a cup and sat at the table, but she couldn't force the earlier events out of her mind. As she sat there sipping her coffee, she felt overwhelming guilt again, and tears started streaming down her face. She was brought back to the present by the alarm on her phone, telling her it was time to get ready to leave. She quickly wiped her eyes and face, blew her nose, then started gathering her things together.
She refilled her coffee, put her computer and script in her bag and left her apartment, locking her door. It took an extra five minutes to get to the studio today. Penny was still achy, had a headache, making her a bit unsteady, and with tears forming every so often, she had to stop to wipe her eyes. When she finally arrived at the studio, she managed to avoid talking to anyone, on the way to her dressing room.
She was struggling. Along with the headache, she was also tearing up often, she hadn't gotten much sleep and was a little groggy , still a little nauseated. She took a couple of aspirin, and downed a full bottle of water. Then, she washed her face and started applying some makeup.
She concentrated on applying the makeup, and was trying not to look at herself in the mirror, because she knew if she caught her own eye, the guilt would again overwhelm her and bring tears to her eyes. She finally felt she looked presentable enough, and wanting to get to the table before anyone else, she left her dressing room early so she could stop and get some coffee before getting down to the table.
She got her coffee, found her normal place at the table, and started highlighting her lines. By the times everyone was gathered around the table, Penny had finished highlighting her lines.
She continued looking at her script, when she felt the table move. She looked up to see Brent, looking directly at her, with a half smile, half leering look on his face. She quickly dropped her eyes, she felt nauseated, but forced it down and continued looking at her script until Jim arrived and they started the table read.
Studio 44, NY 11:40 AM Wednesday October 31th, 2012
The table read had finished about ten minutes ago, and Penny had had a lot of problems during the read. Her teary eyed vision, headache, and nausea had made it difficult to concentrate. She had missed a few lines, and had made some not so great choices in the reading of her lines.
She was hoping to get out of there without talking to anyone, so Penny was acting as if she was working on finishing the highlighting of her script, while sneaking looks around, trying to find Brent. She was trying to avoid him at all cost, and when she couldn't spot him with her quick looks, she closed her script, rose and quickly headed for her dressing room.
On the way, walking up the stairs, she saw the cast picture of Brent, and again became nauseous. She tried to force it down, but it became stronger. She hurried to her dressing room and managed to make it to the toilet and fall to her knees, before vomiting.
It was several spasms before she finally finished, and then got to her feet and moved over to her sink and began washing out her mouth. When she finished, she packed everything in her bag, shut off her light and left her dressing room, trying to get out of there as fast as possible. A few of the crew said "bye" to her as she left, but no one stopped her. She made it out of the studio, and walked quickly home.
Apt 314, NY 10:30 PM Wednesday October 31th, 2012
Penny was laying on her couch, the TV on, but she wasn't watching it. After getting home from the table read, she had desultorily gone over her script, not really concentrating. Most of her hangover symptoms were gone, but she gave up working on her script, because she still had a headache.
She took two more aspirin, then tried taking a nap, but what had happened early this morning kept coming back to her. She finally gave up on the nap and went back to working on her script, but the shame and guilt didn't lessen, and finally, at six, she decided to make dinner.
Penny tried to concentrate on making dinner, a salad, a pork chop and some broiled cheese toast. But, cooking was as useless as everything else was, in trying to get her mind off of what had happened this morning. She debated having some wine, but remembering this morning, decided against it.
She was picking at her food, she was still upset and not really hungry, but she forced herself to eat. After finishing, she did the dishes and tried to watch some TV, but again, all she could think about was what had happened this morning.
At nine, she decided to get a relaxing bath, and then start getting ready for bed. She had been in the tub for 45 minutes before getting out. She dried herself off, put on a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She had just checked all the locks on her door, and went back to the couch, to watch some more TV.
While the TV was on, she wasn't really watching, when she heard Leonard's ringtone, on her computer. She froze, looking at her computer, I can't talk to him, I can't. Not now, not yet, I'll start crying, I know it. Then he'll ask me what's wrong and I'll break down. I just can't face him.
She tried to ignore the tone until it thankfully stopped, after only two more rings. After a few seconds, she heard the tone on the phone start again, and ignoring it was more difficult this time.
When it stopped, she picked up her phone, turned the volume down, so she couldn't hear anymore calls. She turned off the last light and walked to her bedroom. As she was setting her alarm, the phone indicated she had a message from Leonard.
She hesitated, not really wanting to hear his voice tonight. But, remembering the second call, almost immediately after the first call, she was worried that it might be an emergency, so she brought up the message and started playing it.
She heard Leonard's voice, "Hi Penny, just thinking about you tonight. Is everything OK with you? Just wondering, because you didn't answer. I thought I'd call, because this is Halloween. I was remembering our first kiss. You came over from your party, upset because Kurt was there. I told you I thought you were perfect, and you kissed me. And I want you to know, I still believe you're perfect. I hope everything is OK. Talk to you later, I love you."
Guilt and shame again overwhelmed her and tears started filling her eyes. I've got to face it, I'm not perfect, I'm a skank. Amy called it the skank reflex. I don't deserve someone as good as him. As she set the phone down, she saw Leonard's picture, and she started loudly sobbing. She ended the day, as she had begun it, in her bed, crying herself to sleep.
Apt 4A, Pasadena, 7:30 PM Wednesday October 31th, 2012
Leonard was looking at his phone. I wonder why she didn't answer, and hasn't called back? It's not like Penny to not answer on a Wednesday night. Maybe she's at Jeanie's and left her phone at home. Maybe she'll call me later, when she gets the message.
Leonard put down his phone, shrugged and turned back to the whiteboard. He went back to working on the equations, but wasn't making any progress because he kept thinking about Penny. After about a half an hour, he gave up, and turned on the TV.
Studio 44, NY 9:50 AM Thursday Nov 1st 2012
Penny was walking down from her dressing room, to get a cup of coffee before they started blocking. She was still yawning as, again, she hadn't gotten much sleep. She running over the shame and guilt in her mind, over what had happened, kept her awake for most of the night.
She got her coffee and walked to her directors chair, sitting down and looking at her lines. Jim, Kelli and Tina came out and went over the plan for the day, blocking, rehearsal and a run through. Jeanie was still in Boston, with her mother, and would be back on Friday. Meanwhile, Tina was writing Jeanie's blocking and reading her lines in rehearsal.
Penny walked over to the guy's apartment with dread. She had four scenes with Brent, in the guys apartment, and they were going to block and rehearse those first. As she approached the set, she could see Brent and again he had a half smile, half leer on his face.
She tried to ignore him, and concentrate on her script to keep from being reminded of Tuesday night, by being so near Brent. Steve, the director, and several other production crew arrived and Steve started giving the actors their blocking. They got through the first two scenes, and there was a call for Steve to come to Kelli and Jim's office. So he called a ten minute break and left.
Penny was working on her script, erasing and writing her blocking in neatly, as Jeanie had taught her, when she heard "Penelope?"
She turned to see Brent, just behind her, and he said, "Hey, where did you run off to the other morning?"
Although she had evaded Brent the previous morning, she was stuck with him now, and decided to ask him what had happened. "What the hell, Brent?" Said Penny angrily. "How could you take advantage of me, like that?"
"Why the hell are you mad at me?" said Brent, sounding surprised. "Take advantage of you? You kept asking for another drink, almost every time we finished a scene. After we finished running over all the scenes, you were the one that was all over me."
"I couldn't have done that," said Penny in disbelief. "Dammit, Brent, you know I have a boyfriend, how could you?"
"According to you," said Brent, "he's too short and you said you couldn't wait to finally get laid by someone who was tall and had muscles."
Penny was shocked, she couldn't believe it, "Bullshit."
"No, it's not," said Brent derisively. "You're the one that practically ripped my pants off, in the living room. You said you wanted to suck me off first, because the guy could go longer the second time."
Penny paused, it did sound like something she did when she was younger and was with someone new. She had some dim memory of sitting on a couch, working on a belt and pulling a zipper down. But, she couldn't remember if it was that night or some other time in her past Her eyes were filling with tears, the shame and guilt, from the other morning returning in full.
All in all, she was furious, at both Brent and herself, but didn't want to either cause a scene or give Brent any satisfaction. She turned quickly and walked to her chair in the center of the set, with a lot of people around.
It appeared she was looking down at her script, but she wasn't really doing anything, except blinking back the tears and thinking. Thinking now, that it had all been her fault. It sounded like it was Raj all over again. She got drunk, she had come on to Brent, she was the one to blame.
She hadn't noticed that Steve had walked in front of her, back to the guy's set. He looked around and yelled, "Penelope, where are you, we're ready."
Penny looked up and walked over to the set, her frustration boiling over and said to Steve, angrily, "Why didn't you let me know when you came back? I was sitting in my chair, I would think you would have noticed."
Steve was taken aback by her tone and her eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't see you. Are you OK, Penelope? You look like you are upset."
Penny tried to control her voice, "I'm sorry Steve, just a bit tired, I didn't mean to snap at you." She turned and wiped her eyes.
"That's all right," said Steve, "just forget about it." He called Penny and Brent over to him and he went back to laying out the blocking for the two scenes they hadn't finished. Then he had them run through each scene several times.
Penny, remembering what Jeanie had told her about keeping her actions professional, did her best to think of nothing but her blocking and lines to try to keep all her emotions in check, while working near Brent. She remembered to lean in more, even though being so near him, made her ill.
She managed to get through the blocking of the last two scenes and running through all four scenes, without breaking down or snapping at anyone, and actually got some nice comments from Steve.
After the scenes were finished, Steve told everyone good work, and said they were moving to the Jeanie and Dave scenes, with Tina filling in, then they would break for lunch. Penny acknowledged Steve's comments, then looked at her script, after she watched everyone else walk off.
As she started walking away, she heard Brent behind her say, "Hey, Penelope, you seem to be tense, how about you come over tonight for another round of stress relief? We had fun the other night."
Penny spun around, to find herself looking at Brent, who had a smirk on his face. She had forgotten he was behind her, and looking around, she realized the two of them were alone on the set of the guy's apartment.
With her anger rising, but not wanting to bring attention to the two of them, she hissed at Brent, "You just stay the fuck away from me. It was a mistake on my part, and I don't want to be taken advantage of again. So, unless we're working on a scene, or have to be together for this show, just don't fucking get any where near me."
"Is that any way to talk to a fuck buddy?" said Brent, with a laugh.
Penny could feel tears starting, but she held them back and continued, "You have never been my buddy, least of all, that kind. The other night was a mistake, on my part. And, you were an asshole for taking advantage of me. I repeat, just stay the fuck away from me."
Without waiting for an answer, Penny turned and walked away, heading for her dressing room. Brent just stared after her, with a large grin on his face.