Cartman's POV
"God, dude." I say to Kyle. "Wasn't that talk with PC Principal embarrassing?" I chuckle.
"Yeah, dude." Kyle starts to laugh it off. "I mean, what kind of dumbasses would actually think we were gay for each other? Yes, you said you loved me in front of the entire stadium but that was only so you could ruin my chance at having a chance with Nichole because you thought blacks belonged together!"
"Hah. Yeah." I chuckle. "Like PC Principal said, shut your fucking pie hole."
"Dude, since when did you start quoting PC Principal?" He asks, weirded out.
"I don't know, man." He says. "Lots of things have changed now."
"Yeah, you're right about that." Kyle says and then scratches at the back of his neck. "Lots of things have changed."
"And it started with Wendy." I say. "Of course it started with Wendy! This is what happens when we include minorities, Kyle. Because Wendy wanted to get to know the Asian girls, she made Tweek and Craig gay. Do you think Tweek is a bottom and Craig is a top or Tweek is a top and Craig is a bottom?"
"Why the fuck are you asking me that, Cartman?" Kyle asks.
"Because all love is magical." I say. "Stan is having a hard time getting it."
Damn. I'm pretty sure that was the only time I had agreed with Wendy on any of her speeches. While I could be racist and stupid, I am not homophobic because everyone knows it's not cool to hate on gays in these times.
"Why is he having a hard time getting it?" Kyle asks. "I thought his dad explained it to him."
"Yeah, but now the Asians are drawing us gay, Kyle. Remember what Stan said, if it could happen to Tweek and Craig, could it happen to any of us?" I ask. "And he seems perplexed still, because this yaoi thing isn't stopping."
"Maybe," Kyle says, "But I will never love you, Cartman!"
"Fuck you, Kyle! I'll never love you either!"
Then Butters walks up to us. "Uh, hey, Eric!"
"Hey, Butters." I say.
"So, is it true? Are you guys together?" He asks.
"No. They're just rumors." Kyle says angrily.
"But there's nothing wrong with being gay fellas." Butters says.
"We know, Butters, but Cartman and I aren't gay! Okay?" He asks. "What would even make people think that?"
"Well..." Butters starts fidgeting with his hands then. "I started learning about yaoi art ever since I learned about it in school assembly. I thought it was kinda neato, because I could fantasize about myself with others I could never be with. Besides, Eric, didn't you want to suck Kyle's balls at one point?"
"Yeah, so?" I ask, not sure at where he is getting at.
When we get to Kyle's house, Kyle's dad wants to have a talk with him. And his mom.
"Kyle?" His dad calls out.
"Yeah, dad?" He asks.
"I want to have a talk with you, son. Have a seat on the couch."
So we do.
"I heard that you're gay." Kyle's dad says.
"What?!" He exclaims.
"Now, you know I used to get into this meterosexual fad," he says, "but I've never been so proud of you!"
Right. I had forgotten about that. Pretty much the whole town wanted to be meterosexual at one point. The wives even loved it, too, because they were putting product in their hair and generally cleaner. But then it died down, as all fads to, and I started calling Kyle a fag again. Will the yaoi fad die down? God, I hope so, but I wasn't so sure.
"Yes, Kyle." Kyle's mom says. "We want you to know that if you are gay, we accept you."
"That's great, mom, but they're just rumors, alright?" He says, irritated.
But when Tweek and Craig were gay, I remembered that everyone around them wanted to give them money. I wasn't sure why exactly, but then that sparked an idea in my head. And they're still gay.
"Oh. Alright, Kyle, but you know we would accept you if you were gay." She says.
"I'm not gay, mom!" He insists.
"Okay, hon." She says. "You're not-you're not gay with Eric, are you? Are you afraid we'd kick him out? Because Liane died and he can stay here as long as he wants."
"No!" He says, grossed out.
"Ma'am, while there's nothing wrong with two guys liking each other, Kyle and I aren't gay." I say.
"Alright then, boys. Thanks for clarifying." She says.
I couldn't understand it at first. Wanting to kiss a dude? I still support it, and Cupid Me was the reason Tweek and Craig actually started liking each other for real. I wasn't sure why nobody could see him except for me, but that seemed to be it. I would have no idea that Cupid Me would help along Kyle, though, and give him and I a little spark of magic. Whatever that meant.
Kyle would be hit with Cupid Me's love arrow.
School tomorrow is going to be really interesting...
AN-Review, brah, or why the hell am I writing this?