At school, Kyle and I end up in a fight.
"Cartman!" He comes up to me, enraged.
"Oh, hey, Kyle." I say coolly.
"Why did you go around school telling everyone we had sex?!" He asks. "What's your problem, you sick fuck?"
He shoves me. I was not expecting that. I start looking around to see if anybody is noticing. I don't want unwanted attention, after all.
"I knew I shouldn't have felt bad for you, you baby!" He spits out.
The fight is starting to get attention in the school. God, I can't let Kyle kick my ass in front of everyone. I'll seem weak.
"I don't have a problem, Kyle! And fuck you, dude, I'm not a baby! Don't push me again or I'll push you back!" I threaten and begin to act like a gangbanger.
He pushes me anyway. Kids around us are cheering.
"Alright, go ahead." Kyle says. "You're not tough."
Did he-did Kyle just say I'm not tough?
"Oh, that's it, Kyle!" I say, provoked. "We'll throwdown if that's what you want so bad!"
"Fuck him up, Eric!" Butters shouts at me, cheering some more. "There's nothing wrong with two guys having sex! It doesn't make Eric a sick fuck, Kyle! Seems like you're just homophobic!"
"Yeah!" Everyone else calls out.
Kyle stops then. He's still enraged. His fists are boiling and he stops pushing me to defend himself against Butters.
"Butters, I'm not homophobic!" He says after being angrily accused as so. "I know there's nothing wrong with two guys having sex, I'm just saying-"
"Yeah, I know what you're saying, Kyle." Butters says, disappointed, even though he doesn't know what Kyle is saying.
Because yes, I made it up. Kyle and I didn't actually have sex. I only said that because I remembered the last time when Tweek and Craig started goin' out that everyone became stoked on them for being gay and started giving them cash. PC Principal calls us in again after stopping the fight. I had gotten out of the fight with Kyle without seeming like I was going to try and get out of the fight. I am stoked, because all I managed to do was poses around him, and I remember the last time I got in a fight with Wendy just for making fun of breast cancer. I know it's not funny now, because what if my mom got cancer in her boobs? Well, maybe she did and that's why she died. What if I got called a pussy again for losing? I'm much better at manipulation than fights.
"I've called your mom, Kyle." PC Principal says.
"Oh god, my mom, why?" He asks, nervous.
"Because you guys were in an altercation at school. You got in a fight. Now, sometimes boyfriends do get in fights-"
Kyle cuts him off. "Cartman is not my boyfriend!"
"Well, we want to be supportive, so we're just gonna send you guys home with some money and we told your parents, Kyle." PC Principal says.
He's not listening to Kyle which is good for my sake. Then he hands us some money.
"Money?" Kyle says, confused.
Then he looks at me. Then I'm thinking, just go with it...Just go with it...
"Yeah, sure. Thanks for the money, PC Principal. Kyle and I are totally gay." I say.
Then I take the money. I put my hand around his shoulder. Kyle looks ticked off.
Gay and swimming in cash.
AN- This is based off the episode, Tweek x Craig which actually happened, as you guys might've assumed by now after reading the other chapters.