A/N Hi all, well, with this chapter, this becomes my longest story, topping "The Chew Toy Revelations" by about 1500 words, currently. This is a long chapter, so just one quick comment. Remember all, this is a prequel. Parts of this are set in stone, by the original story. There are parts that I have written, that as a fan of Lenny, I really struggled with, but they have to be there. I understand some of the concerns, as this has turned into a not so happy story, but that's what I warned everyone about at the beginning. Here ya go...

Chapter 55

Apt 314, 12:30 AM Friday Nov 16th 2012

It was 9 PM, and Penny had already finished the first bottle of wine, and had started on a second. She had been feeling depressed and started drinking as soon as she got home, hoping the wine would keep her from thinking about today.

She also was trying to get enough liquid courage to call Leonard. He had left a message, on Friday morning, sounding angry, and demanding she call him Friday night. Penny wasn't sure how she was going to talk to him, but, she knew he was angry, so she felt she better call. By 10 PM, she knew she was a bit tipsy, and was already weepy, but was trying to keep it together. She chose Leonard's number and pushed the call button, and a few seconds later, she heard it ringing.

She heard him answer and say, "Hello."

"Hi, Leonard," Penny said meekly.

"Oh, you got my message, I see," said Leonard, sarcasm in his voice. "So is this the call I was supposed to get yesterday?"

This was not going as Penny had expected, as Leonard was already being sarcastic. "I had a really bad day, yesterday, and today's wasn't much better, so how about you lighten up a bit."

"Ok," said Leonard, "Tell me about it."

"I'd rather not," said Penny, "I'd rather talk about something else."

"Like what?" asked Leonard, again with a sarcastic tone, "How about why you've been avoiding my calls, or not returning them?"

"Leonard," said Penny, "I've been having a rough time at work, I really don't want to talk about it." She was starting to choke up.

"Don't you think I deserve, to know what is going on?" asked Leonard. "I mean we agreed to talk about problems before you left, remember?"

She knew he was right, but she couldn't bring herself to even start to tell him what happened, and now that thought brought tears to her eyes. "Yes, Leonard," said Penny, "I do remember, but…but…but…"

"But, what?" he asked. "Do you want to wait until next week when you're home?"

Penny suddenly realized, she hadn't made plans to go home, and she wasn't sure she wanted to go now. Facing Leonard, in person, and trying to keep what happened from him, was something she wasn't sure she would be able to do. "I, can't say anything. I just can't, I won't" said Penny, "I'm sorry, Leonard."

His voice softened, "Penny, what is wrong? Are you having problems at work again? Please tell me, I can't help you if you won't say anything."

"I'm sorry, Leonard. No, its not work. I…I… I'm sorry. It's not fair to you." She could feel the tears in her eyes.

"Penny, please talk to me," said Leonard, desperation in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Leonard," said Penny. "For not talking, for not calling, for…for… that night I…" Penny suddenly realized what she almost said, and started sobbing.

"Why are you crying?" asked Leonard. "What night, what are you talking about? The night you forgot to call me?"

"I've got to go, Leonard," said Penny, now sobbing loudly, "Just know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Penny pulled the phone away from her ear, and disconnected. Not wanting to get a call back, she then shut her phone off, and sat there finishing the second bottle. Afterward, she plugged her phone in, turned off the lights and went to prepare for bed. She was sobbing the whole time, and when she got into bed, she again cried herself to sleep.

Leonard looked at his phone after she hung up. He called back, but the call went to voicemail. He wasn't surprised and didn't bother leaving a message, just got up and went to his room. Spending the rest of the night trying to figure out what was wrong with Penny, and how could he help, and wondering if he should go to New York.

Apt 314, 10:30 AM Saturday Nov 17th 2012

Penny slowly woke up. She could feel the dry mouth, and when she attempted to get up, the headache. Even her eyes hurt, so she laid back down for a few moments, before attempting to get up again.

She made her way to the bathroom, and after using the toilet, she washed her mouth out, and took two aspirins. She then made her way to the kitchen, and started the coffee. She wanted to think over the last few weeks, but with the headache, she decided to put it off until later.

After a couple of cups of coffee, she felt a bit better, but decided to take a shower and try to wash away some of the hangover. It was about an hour later, after the shower and washing her hair, that she finally got another cup of coffee and felt well enough to tackle thinking over what she should do.

As she sat at her table, she had several different things running through her mind. It seemed to her that work was the biggest, and tied into everything. She felt she had to solve that one, before she could solve anything else.

In reality, I've been thinking about it since that morning, three weeks ago. Along with every time Brent or one of his 'buddies' has made a comment to me. Maybe I should just say the hell with this job, with acting, and just go back to LA. I know Brent and his group, will continue to harass me. Do I want to have to face that possibly every day? I just don't know how to stop it, because every time they've done it, it's just them. So, it's my word against theirs, and it's not like I can go to Jim and Kelli, because Brent will just deny it.

Do I also have to worry if it gets out that I slept with him? I'm not sure I could deal with everyone in the world knowing I had sex with him. If I just go back to LA, I wouldn't have to worry about not knowing if the person I was working with knew what happened between us.

For a couple of hours, those thoughts were foremost in Penny's mind, as she also came up with other reasons. How it would get rid of all her problems with Brent, if she just left. But, as she thought about it, there were several thoughts that just wouldn't go away, and she finally brought them into consideration.

I've worked so hard to get here, not to mention everything I had to learn while I was here. Do I want to toss all that away? If I quit, no one would hire me, for anything, ever again. It would be the end of any kind of career in acting. Then there's Jim and Kelli, they took a chance on me and they are so happy about how things worked out. Do I disappoint them? I owe them a lot and it wouldn't be fair to them, if I quit. That would ruin the show, and they would have to shut down to find another actress. And, what about Dave and Jeanie…oh God, especially Jeanie? She's been so kind, and so helpful. If it wasn't for her, I don't know where I'd be and she's put a lot of effort into this show, maybe I should talk to her first.

Another couple of hours had gone by while she thought about the various reasons to either give or not give up her career, and it was now near 2 PM, and she was getting hungry. She tried to put everything out of her mind while she made a sandwich and some soup, and sat down to eat it for lunch. After she finished eating, she cleaned up, and went downstairs to check her mail. Grabbing what was in there, she took it back to her apartment, and found it all to be junk mail. She tossed it into the garbage and sat down, on her couch, to continue trying to figure out what to do.

It was tough for her, as she could counter one reason to quit, with another for her to stay. Around 7 PM, she ordered a pizza, and continued thinking. Just after the pizza arrived, she heard Leonard's ringtone, but she didn't want to talk to him. She was still thinking about what to do, and she still rebuked herself, for getting drunk and cheating on him. However, knowing Leonard had called, had made her realize that Leonard had to be a part of her decision. If she decided to quit, she would go back, but would he want her back after what she had done?

She was now thinking about how Leonard fit into her decision. Thinking about what happened, she started crying.

Should I even go back to him? I know not talking to him is hurting him, but if I tell him what happened it will hurt him even more. I hurt him in the bowling alley, I hurt him when I spent the night with Raj. And now, I'm hurting him again. I'm supposed to go back Tuesday night, but I can't. I'm avoiding him because I can't bear to talk to him on the phone, and it would be worse, if I was there with him. I can't go home this week, but how do I manage that?

Should I even go back, because I really don't deserve him? I've hurt him so many times, and now I've slept with Brent. With my record, who's to say it won't happen again, like it has before, if I drink too much. Awwwww, shit Penny, what a fucking mess you've made. Face it, you don't care who fucks you or who it hurts.

She felt very tired, and she hadn't even taken a drink today. Trying to solve this must have taken more out of me than I thought, and I don't even have a solution.

She wrapped up the left-over pizza, and put everything in the dishwasher, then started it. Looking at her phone, she saw that besides the call, Leonard had left a voicemail, sent her several texts, and a couple of emails. She felt horrible about not answering, but she didn't feel she could keep from letting it slip as to what happened, if she talked to him. And, if she answered the text or the email, he would start asking questions, questions she felt she couldn't answer.

Now, with the guilt over Leonard added to her thoughts, and all the other questions she still had, she decided that she wasn't going to solve her problems tonight, so she might as well get to bed. She did her usual preparations, and then climbed into bed. It was only 9:30 PM, early for her, but she felt exhausted and was hoping to fall asleep, and start where she left off tomorrow morning. It was a vain hope, and her mind kept going over everything, even though she was trying to ignore everything swirling around in it. It was almost three AM, before she finally fell asleep.

Apt 314, 11:15 AM Sunday Nov 18th 2012

Penny had planned to get up much earlier, but not falling asleep until late had her waking up around 10:30. So it wasn't until now that she had finished her morning rituals and was sitting at the table with her coffee.

The overwhelming thing that she was thinking about this morning was Leonard. She had been avoiding contact with him, since that morning and she really needed to figure things out. But, with the things happening at work bothering her also, she had pushed Leonard to the back of her mind, but now, it was at the forefront of her thoughts, and she couldn't avoid it. She had decided she couldn't go back next week, even though it would be Thanksgiving. She knew it would be obvious something was bothering her, something she couldn't yet bring herself to tell Leonard, something, she felt, would come out, if she went home. So, not going home was the only solution she could see. But, there had to be a reason why she couldn't go home, and she didn't yet have one.

The other thing, something that had been bothering her since that morning; the feeling she had destroyed the relationship. He already suspected something was wrong, he just didn't know what, and she knew she wouldn't be able to tell him about it, because she was afraid of how much it would hurt him.

Hurting him, she thought. I'm so good at that, first at the bowling alley, then with Raj, who knows when else? Now, I've actually slept with someone else. Tears started forming in her eyes. I've been so terrible to him, and he still loves me. "WHY AM I SO CRAPPY TO HIM? WHAT CAN I DO?" She yelled out.

Penny spent the rest of the day, thinking about what, when and how, or even if, she should tell Leonard. But, she was struggling as nothing was coming to her. She was also thinking about whether to quit or continue with her career, but again, she couldn't find a clear path either way. Throughout the day, as it became too much for her, or she grew frustrated, she would start crying. Finally, at 10:30 PM, she decided it was best to go to bed, so she got ready. Unlike last night, she fell asleep quickly, but her mind was still trying to figure out what was coming next.

Apt 314, 9:30 PM Monday Nov 19th 2012

Penny was getting ready to call Leonard, and although she had been preparing all day, she was still worried. She had spent all day, when not on set, in her dressing room, still thinking about everything she had spent the weekend thinking about. A stray comment at the craft services table, as she was getting a cup of coffee, gave her an idea for not going back this week.

Jeanie had notice there was something off, but as Jeanie was busy with a lot of scenes, and Penny only had a few, she really didn't get a chance to talk to her about it.

Now, was the time. Leonard had left some more voicemails, along with texts and emails, and since she didn't call him the previous night, she had to call now. She prepared for this call, just like she prepared before filming a scene. Doing all she could to make sure she didn't slip and tell him, or end up feeling more like the worthless piece of shit she already felt like, because she knew she would have to lie to Leonard.

She pulled up his number, pushed the screen and waited. There was a brief pause, then she heard his phone ring, and after the second, she heard his voice, "Penny?"

"Hi Leonard."

"Are you all right?" He asked. "I've been worried, I hadn't heard back from you. I left messages, and texted, and…"

"Yes, I'm fine," said Penny, "just been busy over the weekend, with different things."

"But, you could have called," said Leonard. "Even a short call, just to let me know. Or a text, or answer one of the emails, it wouldn't have taken long. It hurts me, when you're not answering any of my messages, like you were avoiding me."

There it was, so soon, I hurt him again. It hurt her to know she was hurting him, "I was asked to do something, and I was simply was running around, checking on some things."

"What were you asked to do?"

Using the comment she heard at the craft services table, she said, "They want me to stay, and do an interview during the Macy's parade."

"Well, then, why didn't you tell me?" asked Leonard. "I could come to New York and spend Thanksgiving with you."

"No, no, you don't have to do that," said Penny. "I'll be busy running around."

"Well, then," said Leonard, "I don't understand why you didn't tell me. I mean, they must have asked you last week, right?"

"I…I…well, uh," Penny started, not knowing what to say. "ah, yeah, on Friday, I think."

"You think?" said Leonard, sounding puzzled. "If you don't know what day, what did you have to check on? If they asked you, I would think they would have everything set up for you, right?"

Penny hadn't planned for being questioned and didn't know what to say, so she stayed silent.

When he continued, Penny could hear his voice cracking, "Penny, please, talk to me. There is something obviously wrong, yet you won't tell me. And when you don't answer my calls or messages, it looks like you are avoiding me."

Penny's heart was breaking at the sound of Leonard's voice, and she couldn't bring herself to say anything, but her eyes filled with tears.

"Penny, please," she could hear the distress in his voice, "how would you feel, if I was avoiding you, and not talking to you?"

"I…I…I don't know." She did know how she would feel and she just felt worse and worse about making Leonard feel that way. But, if she told him, it would hurt him even more.

"Well, it hurts, that's how I feel. So, please, talk to me."

"I can't," she croaked, "I'm sorry, I can't. Not right now."

There was a silence on the other end for a few seconds, then finally Leonard sighed, then said, with sorrow in his voice, "Ok, fine, don't tell me right now. I'll let you go now. I know there is still a problem, at least you called back. Do me a favor though at least call me back, OK? You better call to cancel your flight."

"I don't have to," said Penny letting her guard down, "I didn't make a reservation…"

"What?"

Penny fell silent, realizing she'd been caught, but Leonard continued, "What do you mean you didn't make a reservation? You always make one the week before. Are you saying you weren't coming home all along, and are just now getting around to telling me and then lied about staying for the parade?" Leonard's voice had been getting louder, and angrier as he continued.

"It's not like that, Leonard."

"Then tell me, what was it like," shouted Leonard. "Were you even planning on coming home at all?

"I…I…I…"

"So your weren't planning on coming home and were just lying to me. Just fucking wonderful Penny." yelled an angry sounding Leonard.

Penny was upset, and frustrated about being caught out in a lie, and not knowing what to do, she became defensive and yelled back, "Do you think things here are easy? Huh? Working, coming home to an empty apartment, getting harassed at…er, no one here, you think it's easy?"

"Well, I'm here alone," shouted Leonard back at her, "and I'm able to at least call, and I don't lie to you."

"Oh, alone," said Penny sarcastically, "with Sheldon, and the rest of the gang. Poor Leonard, all by himself. Tell me all about it. No, you know what, don't tell me about it, I don't want to hear it."

"And I don't want to hear you lie about your problems," said Leonard. "They're probably not even problems, just lies you've been telling me." His voice got low, and Penny could tell he was on the verge of crying, "You're really hurting me here Penny, you won't talk to me, you're lying to me, and I just don't know what is going on. It's really not fair of you." He paused, and felt he had to ask the question that was in his mind, "Are you seeing someone else? Is that what all this is?"

"No, no, that's not it, I'm sorry Leonard," said Penny, now sobbing. "I'm not seeing someone else, but, you're right, it's not fair to you and I just don't know what to do or say. I've got to go, I can't…goodbye."

Penny hung up and buried her face in the arm of the couch, crying. It wasn't fair to Leonard to tell him what happened, it wasn't fair to Leonard to avoid him, it wasn't fair to Leonard to not tell him what she was struggling with. Since it wasn't fair to him that she couldn't tell him what the problem was, or couldn't talk to him, or now, go home, it had become painfully obvious to her, what she had to do.