A/N This was a bit tricky to write, I have to thank my reader, TBBT78 and my copy editor, bfm10 for their story suggestions. BTW, if you aren't reading both of their latest stories, you should be. Incorporating their suggestions, and getting the second drafts of several chapters to bfm10, for copy editing (not to mention the hurricane and some traveling this week) took some time. As a result, I didn't get any first draft material written for the last few chapters (three left, plus the epilogue). I'll get to that this week.

Chapter 59

Apt 4A 6:00 PM Saturday Nov 24th 2012.

Sheldon and Amy had gotten Leonard to lay on the couch, Sheldon objecting mildly because he was in his spot.

Amy looked at Sheldon and, wanting to keep him quiet, said sternly, "Sheldon, your friend is hurting, what do you do to help?"

"Fix a hot beverage," said Sheldon in an embarrassed fashion.

"What kind of hot beverage?"

"Tea."

"Then get over there and start it," said Amy. Sheldon shuffled over to the stove, while Amy turned back to Leonard.

He had been repeating "She dumped me," over and over. Amy had gathered the papers, and put them on his desk, but had not looked at them. She called Bernadette, and gave her a shortened version of what had happened, and Bernadette said her and Howard would be there in thirty minutes.

Amy had been able to get Leonard to sit upright, just as Sheldon brought the tea. There were still tears on Leonard's cheeks, as he took a sip of the tea. Sheldon sat in his spot, while Amy asked Leonard some questions. Leonard did not answer, but Amy stayed sitting with him until Bernadette and Howard arrived.

Howard took Amy's place and tried to cheer him up, but Leonard wasn't reacting. Amy pulled Bernadette off to the kitchen and gave her the longer version, in a whisper, including what Leonard had been repeating.

Bernadette, considered her conversation with Penny earlier. A thought occurred to her, and she asked Amy about the letter. Amy said she had put it over on his desk, without looking at it. Bernadette looked at Amy like she was crazy, and walked over to the desk, got the letter and brought it back to the island. Her and Amy both read:

Dear Leonard,

This is probably the hardest letter I've ever had to write. You have given me great joy, for the last five years, joy I realize now, I don't deserve.

I am not worthy to be your partner, not in the least. Most of the emotional pain you have felt over the last five years, has been my doing. Whether I teased you, knowing how you felt about me and your hobbies, or I was flirting with others when we were going out, I know it caused you pain, and it was my fault.

I would get mad at you, for stupid reasons, trying to blame you for problems, or trying to find things to get mad at you, trying to sabotage the relationship. It has brought you pain, and it was me who caused you the pain, it's all my fault, not yours.

This doesn't even count how badly I treated you when I broke up with you in the bowling alley, or when I used you for sex after we broke up, or the worst, when you saw me coming out down the hallway, with Raj. I saw the look on your face, I know I hurt you.

Although I blamed you, because I couldn't date the type of guys I used to date, it wasn't your fault. Maybe those are the type of guys I should date. I understand them, I feel comfortable around them, probably because I'm as fucking stupid as they are.

I mean, I have to get a dictionary to understand when you talk about your work, and that doesn't even include the scientific words. Let's face it, I never understood the science, even a lot of basic stuff, and I would zone out when you talk about your work. I now understand, it's because I'm so stupid, and it's not what I need to know, to work at the Cheesecake Factory, or as an actress.

It's really fucking obvious, that it's best for you if we don't see each other anymore. I am not the right person for you. You should find someone with intelligence, who likes your hobbies, who is a good and wonderful person, who would never hurt you, someone like yourself, not like me. You need to find someone like that, you deserve to find someone like that, maybe that girl you met in the comic book store. Not some dumb, blond skank, who fucking hurts you all the time.

You don't deserve someone like me, who does stupid stuff, and isn't worthy, and shouldn't be with someone as wonderful as you. Thinking about it the last few days have made me realize that I have been unfair to you, at best, and I was a flat out bitch to you, more times than I can count. Maybe, one day, I'll find someone, who treats me as bad as I treated you, so I can feel the pain that I've caused you. It's what I deserve.

Please do not call or try to contact me. Breaking up with you is difficult enough, without seeing your name come up on my phone or computer. I will be tempted to answer, and you don't deserve that. We were able to work through things, and stay friends the last time I broke up with you. What I have done, this time, has made staying friends with you impossible in my mind, because it would cause you even more pain, pain you don't deserve.

I am so sorry, for it to come to this. But, I know it hurts you when I don't answer or return your calls or texts. But, I am too scared to tell you the reasons, and cause you even more pain. I am truly thinking of what's good for you. While this letter might hurt you, it's better to hurt you now, once, than to keep hurting you over and over again.

I hope you can forgive me at some point, but I understand if you can never forgive me. I know I am doing what's best for you, so you won't have to suffer being with me, and my causing you pain any more. I'm sorry.

Penny.

Bernadette was nodding her head. Between this letter, the image online, and Penny's reaction, it was all starting to make sense.

Amy saw Bernadette nodding, "Oh my God, do you know something about this?"

Bernadette kept nodding.

"Well," said Amy, "if you know something, tell me. What the hell happened with Penny?"

Bernadette pulled out her phone and brought up the EHNews site and showed it to Amy. It only took a few seconds until Amy said, "What the hell, Penny?!"

"I know," said Bernadette. "I talked to Penny earlier today, she didn't deny it. But, she didn't confirm it, so I didn't know if she is dating him. Now, with this letter, it looks like she is."

"Poor Leonard," said Amy. "Between the letter and this article, no wonder he's so crushed."

"That's just it," said Bernadette, "I don't think Leonard knows about the picture and article."

"What?"

"Yeah, if he did know about the picture and article," said Bernadette, "I don't think he would have reacted the way he did to the letter. It would have given him some kind of warning."

"So what can we do for him now?"

Bernadette shook her head, "I don't know. I'm going to try and call Penny again tomorrow, and try to find out what's going on. Meanwhile, we have to watch Leonard. You talk to Sheldon about keeping an eye on him, Howard will come over tomorrow and bring him to the house, and we'll watch him."

"Right now, I'll send Howie out for some food, and after we eat, we can all head home, you could stay here until Sheldon goes to bed. Now, go get Sheldon and tell him our plans, but don't let him object. OK?"

Amy nodded, and while Bernadette watched her walk to Sheldon, she was thinking that whatever happened to Leonard after this, she hoped life would be kinder to him.

Wolowitz Apartment 1:30 PM Sunday Nov 25th 2012

Bernadette was trying to keep Leonard's mind off of Penny, and not succeeding. Howard had picked up Leonard at 9 AM. He had talked to Sheldon and found that after they got him to bed, he had spent the whole night in his bedroom, as far as Sheldon knew.

Howard entered Leonard's room, and found him awake, staring at the ceiling. Howard got him up, gotten him ready, and brought him over to Howard and Bernadette's apartment.

Bernadette had tried talking to Leonard about his work, while Howard tried to talk to him about games, comic books, science fiction, anything. Leonard didn't react to either of them very much, only an occasional answer to their questions. He spent most of his time just staring at the wall, every now and then breaking into sobs, or simply saying, "Why?".

Finally, Bernadette tried to call Penny. When she didn't get an answer, she said rather desperately, "Penny, please, I need to talk to you about Leonard, he's really bad." With that she disconnected and waited, hoping Penny would soon call.

Apt 314 5:00 PM Sunday Nov 25th 2012

Penny was laying on her couch, while the symptoms of her hangover had finally ceased, she still felt depressed, guilty, and embarrassed. A hangover is bad enough, but depression and guilt, at the same time, is a real bitch, she thought.

She had drunk rather heavily after Bernadette's call, and she knew Leonard would get the letter sometime during the weekend. This just added to her feeling that she needed to drink to forget about her troubles. Unfortunately, drinking doesn't work the next morning, thought Penny.

Verification that he got the letter came through Saturday night. Although she asked him not to contact her, there were eight different calls from him through the night, and one voicemail. It pained her to listen to it:

"Penny, please, please tell me what I did wrong, there has to be more to it than what you wrote. Please let me know. I love you."

She heard Bernadette's ringtone on her phone, and just let it ring. After the way the call with Bernadette ended last night, she wasn't ready to talk to her today. After a few minutes, she heard the tone telling her she had a voicemail, I'll get it later, she thought.

She did get up, going to the kitchen, looking for something to eat. She wasn't really hungry, she hadn't been hungry all weekend. Her stomach had been upset, and she tried to convince herself it was because she had some sort of bug. But, she knew it was how bad she felt, emotionally, that caused her stomach to feel the way it did.

Still, she knew she had to eat, so she dug around and found some ham, cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes and made herself a salad, which she took into her living room ate while she was watching TV.

After finishing, she washed her dishes, put them in the drainer to dry, then went back out to watch some more TV. She was feeling a bit guilty about Bernadette. First, not answering, and then not listening to the voicemail, even though she knew it was there. She walked over to her counter, picked up her phone, to listen to the message.

Wolowitz Apartment 4:00 PM Sunday Nov 25th 2012

Howard and Bernadette were getting a bit more response from Leonard. He had apologized for being so unresponsive, and both of them had told him it was understandable, considering the circumstances.

Leonard had raised the possibility of going to New York, to at least see Penny, and maybe even talk to her. Howard seemed supportive, but before Bernadette could say anything, her phone rang, and when she looked at the screen, she excused herself, and took it into the bedroom.

She answered, with "Hello, Penny."

"Is Leonard all right?" Asked Penny, sounding worried. "You said it was bad, was there an accident…is he hurt?"

"His heart's broken," said Bernadette, "Penny, how could you write that letter? He was crying most of last night, now he's here, sobbing, and he hasn't been answering us, it's like he's catatonic. All because of that letter. Why?"

"Have you seen the letter?" Asked Penny.

"Yes, I have."

"Then you know why," said Penny.

"No, I don't know why," said Bernadette. "I saw excuses, I saw you hating on yourself, but not the actual reasons. I don't think that's the whole story. I think the way you're acting has something to do with that picture, am I right?"

"It doesn't have anything to do with the picture," said Penny, "Something did happen, but not with the picture, so it's not what you think."

"You didn't deny it before," said Bernadette, with an accusatory tone, "so I'll ask again, are you going out with him?"

Penny knew she couldn't tell her the whole story, and she was pissed about tone in Bernadette's voice, so she said flippantly, "So what if I am?" At least that's not a lie, I'm just asking her.

Bernadette gasped, then said, "Penny how could you, without breaking up with Leonard first?"

Penny was getting angry "Look, I'm not explaining myself to you, if you don't want to believe me when I say it doesn't have anything to do with the picture, then fine. I only have to explain myself to Leonard, and I've done that."

"Actually, no you didn't, just some bullshit excuses," said Bernadette. "Why are you so defensive, Penny? What the hell has gotten into you? I'm trying to help you."

"Who asked you to help?" Said Penny, made more angry by Bernadette figuring out she was being defensive.

"Penny, I care about you, and you seem upset by whatever is going on," said Bernadette. "Is there something about your anger, the picture, how you are treated Leonard, that you're not telling me?"

"What the hell is it to you?"

"Because, I also care about Leonard, and he's upset by your letter," said Bernadette. "He's thinking of flying to New York to talk to you."

"He can't come here," said Penny, sounding panicked.

"Why not Penny?"

"Because nothing is going to change my mind," said Penny. "I simply can't see him. You tell him that. I can't see him. Is there anything else?"

"Penny, I've got a friend that's angry, and one that is hurting terribly. I'm trying to help both of them."

"Well, just leave me out of it," said Penny.

"Penny…"

"If I want your help, I'll ask," said Penny. "But, don't wait for me to ask."

Bernadette heard the phone go dead, and simply hung up.

Apt 314 7:30 PM Sunday Nov 25th 2012

Penny was sobbing. Her anger hadn't lasted all that long, and now she knew Leonard was taking it very hard, which upset her. Damn it, I sould have known he woud take it hard. She was also upset with herself, for getting mad at Bernadette. She doesn't know the whole story, and is just trying to protect Leonard.

Protect Leonard thought Penny, something I should be doing but, instead I've hurt him horribly again. Penny you are just a stupid, stupid slut, who's scared to face him. And with that thought, her eyes filled with tears, and she started crying again. Why do I do that to him? I love him and he loves me. He wants to take care of me, and all I do is hurt him over and over.

Maybe in a few years, I can learn to treat him better, then I…oh who am I kidding, someone will find out what a great guy he is, treat him right, give him the love he deserves and he'll stay with them. Just another reason for him to find someone else. He doesn't deserve to wait for love, and I don't deserve someone as good as him.

Penny got up and went to her kitchen, opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine. It was going to be a rough night for her, and she needed something to forget her pain, and the feeling of guilt. She was on hiatus, and didn't have to go into work, so another night of drinking was her plan. She wold remember all her problems in the morning, but tonight, all alone, it will be better to drink, and try to forget.

Wolowitz Apartment 4:30 PM Sunday Nov 25th 2012

"Howie, could you come here for a minute?" Said Bernadette, sticking her head out of the bedroom.

"Sure," said Howard, turning to Leonard he said, "hold the thought buddy, I'll be right back." Howard walked into the room, and said to Bernadette, "What's up?"

Bernadette looked at him sadly, "I just talked to Penny. We got a bit angry at each other, but when I specifically asked her about dating the guy in the picture, her response was 'So what if I am?' It's like she admitted it right there."

"Hold on," said Howard, "she didn't say she was, just what if she was, right?"

"Howie," said Bernadette, "I gave her a chance to flat out deny it, and she didn't. Instead, she practically admitted it, however she chose to say it."

Howard thought about it for a minute. While her choice of words wasn't an admission, if she wasn't seeing that other guy, she would have come right out and said it, and she didn't. He nodded and said, "So what do we do now?"

"Is he still talking about going there and trying to talk to her?"

"Yeah," said Howard, "he's talking of just dropping in and surprising her."

"That could be very bad, for him." said Bernadette, "Something is going on that she isn't telling anyone. She said he can't come and she won't see him, what if she's with that other guy?"

"Do you think we should tell him?"

Bernadette sighed, "I think we have to. We can't let him run off and make a fool of himself. And even if the other guy isn't there, Penny told him not to contact her. Yeah, we have to."

"No," said Howard, "He's been my friend for a while, I'll tell him."

"We should both tell him."

Howard shook his head, "Let me."

Bernadette gave him her phone, "Here, I have the site up."

Howard took the phone and indicated Bernadette should wait there. Leonard was sitting on the sofa, and Howard sat in the chair.

Leonard looked at him, and said, "What's up? I know I'm having a bad day, but you look like you're having a worse one."

"Listen, buddy," started Howard. "You were talking about going to see Penny, but I don't think it's such a good idea."

"Why not?" Said Leonard. "You were telling me earlier I should."

"Well, we know about something else, now, that I think will make a difference," said Howard. "Bernadette found it and she's talked to Penny, it looks like it could be the cause of the letter."

Leonard looked puzzled, "What's going on?"

Howard knew this was going to hurt Leonard badly, but he gave him the phone. "Bernadette found this yesterday morning. She talked to Penny, and she's not denying it. Look at the picture and read the article." Howard put his hand on Leonard's shoulder, "I'm sorry Leonard."

Leonard took the phone and looked at the picture, and read the headline, and it felt like a kick to the stomach. As he read the article, his stomach became upset, and his eyes filled with tears. When he finished, he handed the phone back to Howard, buried his face in his hands, and let his head drop to his knees. All Howard heard, between Leonard's sobs, was his repeating, "No, no, no, no, no."

Howard saw Bernadette come out of the bedroom. He looked at her and mouthed, "What can we do?"

Bernadette shrugged, shook her head and mouthed back, "I don't know".