A/N Not much to say. I'm struggling a bit with the current first draft chapter, but it's just moving slow. There is some research I've had to do, and that's also time I'm not writing. Fortunately, it's not preventing me from publishing this chapter. I know it's taken a while, but the wheels will start to turn, setting up the end. For example, next chapter, ends with a bit of a surprise, also ending part three.

Chapter 60

Apt 314 10:30 AM Monday Nov 26th 2012.

Penny finally heard someone knocking at her door, and also heard the doorbell. She struggled, but managed to get up, put on her robe and with some effort, made it to the door. She looked out the peephole and saw it was Jeanie. She opened the door and turned around to walk away.

"I've been knocking for ten minutes," said Jeanie closing the door. Jeanie turned around, "Is there something wrong? Are you doing all right?"

Penny stopped and turned around, giving Jeanie her first good look at Penny. She gasped and said, "Oh my God, Penny, were you drinking again last night?"

"Yeah, I was," said Penny. "Put on some coffee, I want to take some aspirin, and get a shower. I really need to tell you something."

"You mean you haven't told me enough over the last few days?"

"No, not everything, I have more," said Penny sounding downcast. "Just get the coffee, and let me get my shower." Penny walked toward her bedroom. Jeanie watched her walk away, shook her heard, and went to make the coffee."

Apt 4A 8:00 AM Monday Nov 26th 2012.

Sheldon was puzzled. He was in the middle of eating his oatmeal, and someone was knocking on the door. No one knocked on the door, at this hour, so he called for Leonard. But, Leonard didn't appear, so he put his oatmeal down on the table and walked over to the door.

He opened it and found himself staring at Howard. "What are you doing here?"

"I came over to take you and Leonard to work, but I wanted to talk to you first."

"Whatever about?"

"Sheldon, sit down." Howard walked over to the chair Leonard usually sat in, with Sheldon sitting in his spot.

"OK," started Howard, "you know Penny broke up with Leonard."

"Yes, I was here when he got the letter," said Sheldon. "You were here and Amy told me about what was actually written in the letter. I'm not sure if that was information I really wanted to know."

"Sheldon," snapped Howard, "there's something you don't know about it yet. There is a picture in an entertainment magazine. It appears that Penny is dating one of the other stars on the show. Leonard found out about it, and it's hit him pretty hard."

"Well, I told him that the other day," said Sheldon.

"Told him what?"

"I told him, since he was average, there were billion's of other men who were better than he was, so the reason Penny was acting so strange was she found another man."

Howard was amazed that someone who had absolutely no clue about relationships, could be so perceptive at the same time. "Yes, Sheldon, well, it had hit Leonard very hard, so you need to treat him a bit better, than you usually do, be supportive, don't speak to him with your usually condescension, until he gets some sense of balance back. Do you think you can do that?"

"Of course," said Sheldon, "do you think I'm incapable of treating someone with kindness or being supportive?"

"Let's just say your track record hasn't been the best, and leave it there."

"How is explaining his shortcomings, so he can correct them, not being supportive?"

"There, that," said Howard, "right there, what you just said, is what I'm talking about. All you should be saying is positive things, not telling him what you think is wrong with him. Try to help him get over this."

"I can do that," said Sheldon. "Can I get back to my oatmeal now?"

Howard sighed, and realized that was the best he was going to get out of Sheldon, and just didn't say anything else about being supportive. "Where's Leonard?"

"I would say getting a shower," said Sheldon, "since it's his bathroom time, but I don't hear the shower, so I don't know where he is."

Howard walked back to Leonard's bedroom, and opened the door. Leonard was still asleep, so Howard woke him up and told him to get ready for work. Leonard rolled over and told Howard he wasn't going to work today.

At this, Howard threw the blanket off of Leonard and said, "You are going to get up, get your shower, and get dressed. I know you're feeling bad about things right now, but that's no reason not to go to work. Now get up, and get ready like I told you, then I'm taking you to work."

"OK, OK," said Leonard, "you don't have to get so mean." Leonard got up, put his robe on and walked down to the bathroom. Howard looked amazed and said, "Wow, I wonder if that will work on Bernadette?"

Apt 314 11:30 AM Monday Nov 26th 2012.

Jeanie was sitting at Penny's table, drinking her coffee, waiting for Penny. Penny had taken some aspirin, before getting her shower, taking a long shower, letting the water beat on her for almost twenty minutes before she started washing.

She then dried and dressed and finally made it back out to where Jeanie was waiting. Penny got herself a cup of coffee before sitting down across from Jeanie.

"So, what else do you have to tell me?" asked Jeanie. "Did you remember something that happened that night? Maybe something else Brent said?"

Penny looked at Jeanie sadly, "No, it's got nothing to do with Brent…well, it does, because of what happened."

Penny was trying to figure out a way to tell her. She realized there wasn't really any other way, other than to just tell her, but she still tried to ease into it.

"It's really been unfair of me to keep this from Leonard," said Penny, "and I'm probably hurting him, by not telling him. But, if I tell him, I'll just hurt him more. I couldn't decide which would hurt him more, so I did neither of them."

"What other option was there?"

"I wrote and sent him a letter," said Penny. She paused, she tried to continue, but it was difficult. Jeanie noticed tears rolling down her cheeks. Finally, Penny said, "I told him I wasn't good enough for him. That I didn't deserve anyone as good as him, that he deserved better than me. Because of that, I told him it was best, for him, if I just broke it off with him."

Jeanie was shocked, "You broke up with him by sending him a letter? Penny."

"I know, I know," said Penny. "But, I couldn't face him or talk to him. Just remember, it's best for him."

"But why, he didn't do anything."

Tears were now streaming down Penny's face, "No, I did something wrong. I meant it, I'm not good enough for him. I keep on hurting him, and he doesn't deserve it. To protect him, it's best, for him, if I just let him go find someone he deserves."

"Penny, you messed up once," said Jeanie, "If you just explain to him, how it was a mistake, tell him it won't happen again. and…"

"No, dammit," said Penny forcefully, "I can't tell him that, he knows that is a lie."

"How can it be a lie, if…"

"Jeanie, I've done this before," said Penny. "In high school, I'd get drunk and have sex with a guy I wouldn't normally have had sex with."

"That was high school, we're talking about now…"

"It doesn't matter," said Penny, "I've hurt Leonard twice before, while drinking…"

"Wait," said Jeanie, sounding puzzled, "you've done this to Leonard before?"

Penny, looking uncomfortable, said, "We weren't together at the time, but, yes, a couple of times I've hurt him after getting drunk."

"But you got passed that," said Jeanie, "you got back together."

"Jeanie, the point is, I've done it before," said Penny, "I make a promise to myself not to do it again, but here we are. So, it's very possible, if I stay in the business, it'll happen again. I can't let that happen to Leonard. The best thing for both of us is to do what I've done, break it off."

Jeanie was looking at her, and finally said, "I still think it would be better for you to call and talk to him, or if you're still worried about talking to him, write him a letter and tell him why, ask him to forgive you. Maybe wait for a month or so and go back to LA and talk to him. Like over Christmas, we're off for a few weeks, go back and actually talk to him."

Penny looked at Jeanie, she doesn't understand, she doesn't know how much I hurt Leonard before, how much I just hurt him…I don't want to hurt him anymore.

Penny shook her head, "I don't know, I just don't want to hurt him anymore. I'll think about it, but I really don't deserve him anymore. And, I'm thinking about just quitting and going back to Nebraska, I can't go back to California."

Jeanie was shocked, but didn't say anything, something else was bothering her, and she had to ask, "Penny, have you seen a doctor yet?"

Caltech Cafeteria 10:30 AM Monday Nov 26th 2012.

Leonard had come down to the cafeteria. He hadn't slept very well, and Howard woke him up early, so he needed to get some of the stronger coffee, in the cafeteria. He also really wasn't in the mood to work.

The whole week had been depressing. Penny had been talking to him only rarely, then he found out she wasn't coming home, then found out she was lying to him, and then the letter. He didn't think it would get worse, but coming to work, was worse.

First, every time he came out of his apartment, he saw the door to Penny's apartment, and the punch in the gut feeling came back. This morning, he had to listen to Sheldon complain about being late, because Leonard got up late. Howard finally telling Sheldon to shut up.

On the way to the university, they passed The Cheesecake Factory, and then when he got to his office, there was a picture of Penny. All of this just made hm feel worse, he thought about putting the picture of Penny in a drawer, but he kept it out.

He knew he would see the Cheesecake Factory every time he went to and from work, and 4B every time he left the apartment. He thought he could just change his route, but then realized he would think about why he was changing his route, and he would still see 4B, so he just looked down at the table.

Suddenly he heard, "Are you OK, Dr… er… Leonard?"

Leonard looked up to see Alex standing in front of him.

"I suppose Sheldon told you what happened?"

"Yes," said Alex, "he did. I'm sorry Leonard. But, more importantly, how are you?"

"It hurts," said Leonard, "I'm really feeling depressed about it. Don't want to leave the house, don't want to work, don't want to eat, just don't care."

"If you need to talk," said Alex, "or if there's anything I can do, let me know."

"Thanks," said Leonard, "but, really there isn't. This is something I'm going to have to deal with." He paused, looking at her, "and I'm not sure taking to you is a good idea for me, right now."

"Just to be clear," said Alex, "I'm not hitting on you, I'm just concerned for you. Talking to someone about it may be helpful, so if you need to talk, you can talk to me. I promise listening is all I'll do."

Leonard shrugged, "Thanks, Alex, I do appreciate it, but I think I'll work on it, on my own. Maybe, talk to one of my other friends, not Sheldon."

Alex nodded, "OK, I'll see you around Leonard." She turned and walked off. Leonard went back to looking at the table.

CalTech Laser Lab 1:00 PM Monday Nov 26th 2012.

Leonard was sitting in his office, staring at the wall. He was despondent over what had happened over the last week, and was deep in his thoughts. Suddenly, his phone rang, but it took several rings, before the sound penetrated and he picked it up.

"Dr Hofstadter," he said, sounding distressed.

"Leonard, this is Bernadette."

"Yes?"

"Howard told me you weren't doing so well, this morning," said Bernadette kindly. "I just wanted to check in on you and see if there's anything I can do to help."

"No, nothing," said Leonard, "It's really got me down, and I just really don't care about anything."

Bernadette was becoming more concerned, "If you need to talk, just let me know."

"Everyone is offering to talk to me," said Leonard bitterly. "What's to talk about? She broke up with me, looks like she's dating her costar, so what is there to talk about?"

"Leonard," said Bernadette softly, "were just trying to help you through this. I know you're going to have to work through all these things. But, I'd rather have you talk to me, or anyone, rather than do something stupid."

"Bernadette, this has me really down, but I'm not thinking of suicide. I'm still a couple of steps above that."

That worried Bernadette, but she continued, "I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about running to New York, or something similar."

Leonard ignored her comment, continuing on with his thoughts, "It was tough coming to work and seeing her apartment and the Cheesecake Factory. That's what's really killing me, knowing I have to see those, and think of her everyday."

"Well, that's what I mean," said Bernadette. "If it gets to be too much, talk to me or someone else, before you do something stupid."

"Maybe you're right," said Leonard absently. "I guess I'm talking stupidly." He sighed, "Ignore me Bernadette, I'm just rambling. And, thanks for the offer, I'll let you know."

"OK," said Bernadette, "just remember it, all right?"

"I better get back to work," said Leonard. "Take care Bernadette, I'll talk to you later, goodbye."

"Goodbye, Leonard," said Bernadette, "you take care yourself."

They both disconnected, and Leonard went back to staring at the wall.

Apt 314 4:30 PM Monday Nov 26th 2012.

Just after talking to Penny, Jeanie had made her promise to talk to her, if she decided to quit and leave, Jeanie left. She had an extended lunch scheduled with several of her management team. She had offered to bring Penny, but Penny demurred, saying she had a call to make.

After Jeanie left, Penny called to make an appointment with a doctor, there was an opening in a couple of days. She then spent time thinking about what Jeanie had said about going back, or talking to Leonard. She finally decided that she might try to write a letter, telling him to ignore what she had said in her first letter, and then she would explain what had happened and why she didn't call or answer him.

She was now looking over what she had written…

Dear Leonard,

You have to know how hard it was for me to send you the last letter. I have decided to try to explain things to you now. I won't sugarcoat it, what I did was terrible, and when I tell you it will hurt you very badly.

I had been struggling when I did scenes with Brent. You know how creepy I felt with him, and I didn't feel right, when I did a scene with him. He had been getting less creepy, even encouraging me a little bit, in the weeks prior to a taping, several weeks ago.

Jim and Kelli, and even several other people, suggested I work with him so I felt more comfortable, when we did the scenes. After a taping about a month ago, we had seen in the script, that next week had quite a few scenes with Brent and I. He asked me to his apartment, after the taping, to work on those scenes. Since he had been getting better and less creepy, I agreed.

I had too much to drink, without intending to, and I ended up drunk and in bed with Brent. Unlike with Raj, we did have sex. When I woke up the next morning I ran from his apartment, and spent a lot of time over the next two days crying and upset with myself. I felt exactly like I did after waking up with Raj, nothing more than a skank.

I couldn't talk to you, as I knew I would give myself away, without being able to explain it clearly or correctly. I am so unworthy of you, and you don't deserve this. I didn't think I could tell you because I knew this would hurt you so terribly.

I couldn't decide which would hurt you worse, telling you what happened, or just not talking to you. So I did nothing, until I figured out both of them would hurt you, and the best thing I could do, would be to write that letter, breaking up with you. Hurting you once, instead of continuing to hurt you, was the better option and would allow you to find someone who would treat you better than I do.

Now, however, Jeanie has been insistent that it might be better to tell you, and ask for your forgiveness, if you even can forgive me. This letter is my way of telling you what happened.

So now you know, I slept with Brent. It only happened once, and I will never repeat it. Can you ever forgive me for breaking your trust? Please, please say you will forgive me. I am willing to do anything to get your forgiveness, and for you to allow me to try to earn your trust again…

Penny had stopped. She didn't like it. It was going to hurt Leonard even more, and she didn't even know if it would help. It sounds so trite, I did wrong again, and if you just forgive me, I'll never do it again, even though I've done the same damn thing over and over. What was it Dr Phil said? Past behavior predicts future behavior.

This is something I've done my whole life, why would I change now? Face it, Penny, you don't deserve someone like Leonard. You've screwed your life up before, with the cheating jerks you dated. Now, you screwed it up, because you're just a cheating jerk like they were. Remember how it felt, when they cheated on you? And now you're doing it to Leonard, you stupid bitch. You know you're going to do it again, so why wait to hurt him again. Just let him go find someone else.

Penny started sobbing looking at the screen, knowing it was better for both of them to just let him go now. She highlighted the whole letter, and then hit delete. She shut off her computer, ran to her room and laid on her bed sobbing.