I don't own anything.

Warnings: contains mentions of drug abuse, death, mental illness.

I don't know much about drugs so I apologize if I get any information wrong, I have done some reasearch but it might not be completely accurate, I don't want to offend anyone.

——

"I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's inside your heart when they go.

— S.D.

———

It was the day after Emily's funeral. Everyone had the day off to grieve their loss and some were handling it better then others.

JJ, Rossi and Hotch all knew the truth that Emily wasn't actually dead so they made it their priority to look after everyone else.

Spencer has spent the past few days a JJ's house crying and trying to deal with the pain in a healthy way. He found comfort in talking to his friend but he was finding the loss very difficult to deal with.

Derek on the other hand chose to not talk about it he just wanted to push the feelings down and move on, he wasn't much for talking about his feelings he just preferred to keep to himself and grieve alone.

And then there was Penelope, she wasn't coping much at all. She hated death more then anything it was her biggest fear. She had tried to go to the funeral but she barely lasted five minutes before she left, she just couldn't take it, it brought up too many painful memories. JJ had tried to go after her to make sure that she was alright but Penelope insisted that she was fine and that JJ go back and be with the team.

Ever since her parents died she was terrified of losing the people that she loved, that's why she went underground she didn't want to get close to anybody because of the fear that they would just die and leave her.

She wasn't that person anymore and she refused to just run and leave her family behind so she had to find another way to deal with this but the problem was she didn't know how to deal with it.

She was sitting on the couch drinking some coffee and trying desperately to fight back at the exhaustion that she was feeling, she barely slept last night.

Her cellphone started ringing and she saw 'Hotstuff' on the caller id so she answered it.

"Hey handsome, what's up?" She said trying her best to sound normal.

Derek was not fooled by her he could tell that it was just a show.

"I just wanted to check in on you sweetness. You left yesterday and I wanted to make sure that you were ok." He told her.

"Oh, yeah I'm holding up, funerals just aren't really my thing I guess." She said letting her sadness come through slightly.

"Well listen, I'm gonna go out later for some drinks, do you wanna come?" He asked.

"Yeah ok." She answered.

"Good, I'll see you later goddess." He said before hanging up the phone. He was worried about his best friend, he knew how she felt about death but he also knew that she was incredibly stubborn and wouldn't tell him the truth as to how she was actually feeling.

———

Later that night Derek picked Penelope up and they headed out to the bar together. Derek took notice of the lack of colourfulness in penelopes' appearance she was wearing a grey and black dress with black heels and her makeup was done in a natural look. He decided to not mention it as he could understand her not feeling particularly colourful at the moment.

When the pair arrived at the bar they ordered drinks, Derek had a beer and Penelope had a glass of red wine. They were just sitting and talking and enjoying each other's company. A while later both were getting pretty drunk. A pretty looking girl approached their table and asked Derek if he wanted to dance. Derek looked at Penelope as if he was asking her permission.

"Go ahead, have fun." She smiled to let him know it was fine and she meant it she wanted Derek to have a good time.

However now she was sitting alone and without her friend to distract her she felt the pain coming back and no matter how much wine she drunk she couldn't get it to go away.

She was confused when a man sat down next to her at the table.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing looking all sad?" He asked.

"None of your business." She replied, she wasn't trying to be rude but she didn't feel like talking feelings with some random guy.

"I have something that will cheer you up." The man said.

"I'm not sleeping with you." She replied bluntly.

"That's not what I meant." He said as he put something on the table in front of her.

She looked and saw a pink pill with a heart shape imprinted on it.

"It'll help, after a few minutes you'll be the happiest you've even been." He explained.

It this was any other day under any other circumstances Penelope would've told the guy to get lost. But today was not just any other day and through her grief and her drunken state she wasn't thinking rationally and before she realized what she was doing she took the pill and quickly swallowing it along with the rest of her wine.

After she did that she immediately regretted it as she realized that she had just taken something from a total stranger, he could kill her for all she knew. She wanted to go find Derek but as she looked around the room he was no where to be found. She knew that he had to be here somewhere as it wasn't like him to just leave without saying goodbye. She felt as though her safest option was to stay here because there were other people around.

She got some water from the bar and tried to calm herself down. After about twenty minutes something came over her, a feeling of complete euphoria washed over her entire body, the lights were brighter the music was louder she had never felt so peaceful everything from the past few days just seemed to disappear there was no anxiety, no sadness, no grief, no pain there was just pure joy.

She couldn't sit still anymore she had to get up and do something so she grabbed the mans hand and pulled him over to the dance floor with her and she danced with no insecurities no worries. She didn't know how long they had been at it for and she didn't care time was irrelevant she just wanted to bask in this feeling forever.

Derek however did realize that it was late and so he went over to her. He couldn't help but smile watching her dance it was nice to see her happy after everything that's been going on.

"Hey, gorgeous I'm gonna head home, are you going to be ok?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm great!" She responded happily while still dancing.

"Alright, ill see you at work tomorrow." Derek said before leaving the bar and calling a cab.

———

The bar was closing for the night and the man had given Penelope his number before leaving. Penelope was still buzzing as she walked herself home, she was humming songs to herself happily as she walked down the street without a care in the world.