The team was back on the jet flying back home. Derek couldn't help but notice Penelope's change in mood, even since she got back from her brothers she was barely talking to anyone and she just looked really upset.

Reid seemed to notice too and so he decided to see if Derek knew what was up.

"What happened?" He asked glancing over to Penelope who was staring out of the window lost in her own world.

"I'm not sure, she went to visit her brothers yesterday and I'm assuming it didn't go well but she's not talking to me." Derek said.

"She'll be ok, it's probably just been a lot for her seeing her brothers after so long and being back in Cali, she's probably just overwhelmed." Reid said.

"You're probably right, pretty boy." Derek said but he still can shake the feeling that something more was wrong, he knew that he was just overprotective of her but he could help it he loved this woman and hated seeing her like this.

"Hey do you guys wanna go out after maybe get some drinks?" JJ asked she could tell that everyone needed something to unwind.

Everyone agreed, and the rest of the plane ride was filled with friendly conversations and games of cards, even though Reid would almost always win it was still fun to play together.

——

"Bye Princess, I'll see you at work tomorrow." Derek said happily as he dropped Penelope off at her house after they had all left the bar. She seemed to be feeling better now after they had gotten home so Derek wasn't too worried anymore.

"See you later my stud muffin. Drive safe." She said as she watched him drive away, she waited until he was gone before going inside.

She felt so drained and exhausted. She laid down on her bed and just stared at the ceiling. She couldn't stop her mind from racing, the words that her brothers so coldly said to her felt like knives in her chest as they replayed though her head over and over again. She couldn't blame them for hating her and she couldn't blame them for saying those things after all she knew that she shouldn't have gone there she knew that it wasn't going to end well but she still went anyway.

Why did I do that? She asked herself, probably just another way to self sabotage like her therapist told her.

She had been doing a lot of thinking about her last therapy session and why she put herself into these situation and she came to the conclusion that she wasn't necessarily trying to die but it was more so that she didn't care if she did. She didn't see herself as anything important she saw herself as some nerdy girl that no one will ever love, she didn't think that anyone would really truly miss her if she just disappeared. She did know however that the team would, she knew that it would really hurt them if she died she did know that but sometimes she just found it hard to believe.

She eventually was able to drift off to sleep although it wasn't very peaceful, she dreamed of the night her parents died but it was different she actually saw them being hit by the car in gruesome detail, she could hear the sound of her own screams and she could hear the voices of her brothers yelling at her screaming that it was all her fault.

She awoke with a start as her alarm clock went off. she quickly got up and went to the washroom. She had a bit of a headache so she went into the medicine cabinet to get some Advil, but as she dug around looking for the bottle she discovered something else, the baggie with the ecstasy she had completely forgot that she still had this, half of her was screaming to throw it away but the other half desperately wanted to take some. She slipped the small bag into her purse and finished getting ready for work.

——

"Hey what's wrong?" Derek asked as Penelope walked past him without saying her usual morning greeting. "And don't you dare tell me it's nothing because I know you."

"You were right, I shouldn't have gone to see my brothers it was stupid." She replied not making eye contact as she spoke.

"What did they say?" Derek causally pushed a bit further.

"Nothing that's worth repeating." Penelope said and walked over to her office before Derek could continue his questions.

Derek was about to go after her but JJ called him over to discuss some case details so he decided that he would give her a few minutes and he would check on her later.

He was worried that her going to see her brothers brought up a lot of painful memories back for her, he didn't know what had happened but he just hoped that she wasn't upset enough to do anything stupid.

Unfortunately she was upset enough to do something stupid. She was sitting in her office and she reached into her purse for the baggie. She had made her decision and tried to shake out one pill but she accidentally got all five to fall into her hand.

"Fuck it." She muttered to herself and then she swallowed them all. she just didn't care anymore she was already such a screw up why should it matter. It's not that she was trying to die but she just didn't care much either way she was too upset to be thinking straight.

After that she just continued on like nothing happened she continued to work and now her and everyone else were were at the round table discussing a new case. It had been about a half hour since she had taken the pills and she had felt fine up until now, suddenly it just hit her like a ton of bricks. Everything got really blurry and she felt really hot, she had grabbed a bottle of water but it wasn't helping it was just getting worse.

"Are you ok Garcia?" Reid asked as he looked over at her.

She just nodded in response she had tried to speak but her jaw was tightly clenched shut. She tried to stand up but quickly had to grab onto the table for support as she was hit with a wave of dizziness and her head felt like it was going to explode.

"Wow hey what's wrong?" Derek asked concerned as he ran over to her side.

It became harder for her to breath properly and her heart felt like it going to burst out of her chest. She skin began to turn bright red and she was quickly overheating. It took her a minute to comprehend what was going on but she finally realized what she had done she was overdosing, she was dying. Panic ran through her body, sure she had taken the pills but now that it was actually happening she realized that she was wrong she didn't want to die at all she wanted to live.

Her legs gave out but d managed to catch her and lay her down carefully.

"I'll call an ambulance." Hotch said.

"What the hell is happening?!" Derek asked.

"Penelope, hey look at me." Reid said to her.

She tried but she didn't quite know where he was right now everything looked so distorted and she was hallucinating.

"I need you to try and listen to me, did you take more pills?" He asked.

She nodded her head yes.

"She's overdosing and She's over heating, it's a side effect of the drugs." Reid explained.

"I don't wanna die!" Penelope managed to say through her clenched jaw. She had tears streaming down her face and she was shaking.

"Hey nobodies dying. Do you understand me? You are going to be fine." Derek said he was trying to be strong for her but in reality he had never been more terrified he could tell that this was bad he'd never seen someone look so ill."

Penelope eyes started to close.

"No no, keep your eyes open goddess come on. I need you I love you please just stay with me please. You've been fighting so well don't stop now please don't stop now." Derek said as he held her hand. He could see her fading and he couldn't help the tears that were now escaping from his eyes.

Penelope's eyes shut despite her best efforts this might just be a fight that she can't win.

Soon the ambulance arrived and she was rushed to the hospital.

Reid knew how bad this was he could tell by looking at her that her chances of surviving this probably wasn't good.

"She cant die." He said mostly to himself. "She cant, we cant lose anyone else." If Penelope died too he didn't know what he would do, she was practically his sister. He almost broke completely after Emily died, if Penelope were to die too he just wouldn't be able to handle it. None of them would.