Happy Holiday season, everyone! I hope everyone is excited for the magic and fun that this time of year brings... I know I am!

I'd ramble on more, but I'll just let you guys get to the next chapter here xD Thank you as always to Pia Bartolini for your fabulous edits!

Let me know how you like it! Some shizzy is going doooooooooooooooooooooooooown :X

I am extremely aware of the clicking sound my heels make with each step as I ascend the walkway, sharp clacks bringing me one step closer to the man on the front porch. His arms are folded. His stare is questioning. I do my best to not make eye contact with him and instead focus on the front door. But it's easy, even in this neutral look I'm attempting to pull off, to see that Seiya is about to bombard me with questions.

"Awfully fancy car for an Uber."

And it begins.

"I was able to get a ride home from a coworker," I shrug. "Uber was 20 minutes away from the office, so all things considered, I made it home earlier thanks to them."

"Uh huh." Seiya folds his arms as his eyes narrow. It's obvious what he is thinking. And I need to squash it. Now.

"Given the circumstances, I'd say 15 minutes late is pretty good," I continue. "If it wasn't for my coworker I wouldn't be here for another hour." I set my bag and jacket down on the bench by the stairwell alongside the kids backpacks, like I do every evening. "Anything of pertinent detail in these?" I ask, my transformation into Mom mode starting.

"No," he hedges awkwardly. "Coworker, you said?"

"Yup." Hoping to focus the conversation on the vehicle and not myself, I shift gears. "The car is being towed in the morning. Hopefully the repairs aren't too expensive, but it might be the final nail."

"I don't recall Lita driving that fancy of a car," Seiya points out.

Damn. "It wasn't Lita; she was gone by the time I went to leave."

"Ah."

"So I'm thinking of maybe just saying ef-it and look for something on the cheaper side," I try one more time to steer the conversation off of me again. After all, Seiya usually would get frustrated at the thought of me spending money. Surely, me dropping thousands would set him off, right?

Only, for once in the entire time we've been married, it didn't.

"Why'd you stay in the car for ten minutes?"

Shit.

"I did not stay in the car for ten minutes." No way it was ten minutes. Was it?

"I got here five minutes before you did. Only reason I knew you pulled up was because I was helping Alex get his stuff to finish his project. Except, you didn't get out of the car." I continue to face him with a questioning stare, hoping that my puzzled look makes him realize how ridiculous he sounds.

"So, at first I'm thinking, 'maybe it's a coworker giving her some shit to do tomorrow.' And I moved on. But then I had to get something else for Alex and you still were in the car." His expression morphs from questioning to accusatory. "So tell me, Sere; what were you doing in the car for so long?"

Shit shit shit.

I raise my eyebrows and allow my jaw to slack, hopeful that am able to pull off a look of surprise. "You do realize how ridiculous you sound right now, right?"

"Hah," Seiya snorts.

"I got a ride from my boss. He gave me instructions for tomorrow, and then offered to give me a ride tomorrow morning as well. That's all." Except for the feel of his hand on mine. The memory sends a shock through my palm as I recall the feel of his fingertips against the top of my hand, how those long fingers threaded mine. How they were soft –so soft.

However, now is not the time nor the place to reflect on the magic of one silly touch. After all, that's all it was – a brief, guiltless touch. No kissing. No roaming hands. So, I have nothing to feel remorseful about. Nor do I have anything I need to disclose.

And then I realize that I just told him who I was with.

Fuck.

Seiya isn't buying it. "Bullshit."

I snap my eyebrows together, and I can feel a twinge of anger begin to burn my cheeks. I need to get him off of my back, but how? "What I do and who I do it with is none of your concern," I challenge him with a sharp tongue. After all, who is he to question what I am doing? "That ended the day you walked out of here."

"The hell it is," Seiya scoffed, the fine line in his forehead creasing with anger. "If you're not going to be here when I drop the kids off, it damn well is my concern."

My jaw slackens once more. "What is it that you think I was doing?"

Seiya runs his hands through his bangs and raises a challenging eyebrow at me. "You tell me."

"The car broke down. My boss gave me a ride home. That's all," I state. And it's true… well, for the most part.

"That's all," he repeats. "Except that you were out there for well over ten minutes, sitting in his car, doing… whatever the fuck you two were doing in there."

"That sounds like an accusation."

"Well, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck…"

"Wait, wait. Let me get this straight. The car breaks down. I call you first to tell you 'hey, might be stranded for a while.' My boss gives me a ride home. And you're accusing me of….what?" My voice starts to raise. "Oh, wait… I know. I know exactly what you're accusing me of. Of… of fucking around, in front of the house – while waiting for my children to come home – with my boss. Right?"

Seiya's lips remain thin-pressed, but I notice his bicep flinch from how hard he is crossing his arms. Yup, that's exactly what he's thinking… and he does not like it.

"You're out of your fucking mind," I voice with a slight shake of my head. "Do you really think so little of me that I'd mess around with another man while waiting for you to come here with our kids?"

"You were in his fucking car. For well over ten minutes. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell know it doesn't take that long to get out of someone's damn car!"

I throw my hands up. "Unbelievable! You're unbelievable!"

"Call me whatever you want, but you're not exactly denying anything, are you?" he contests, and I immediately pick up on the low octave in his voice.

And I don't like it. This line of questioning, these accusations. Partially because he has no right to question me.

But… also because I don't know if I'll be able to deny it with a straight face.

"Don't you fucking take that tone with me," I advise him with a grumble. I am trembling with an odd blend of emotion: anger first and foremost, but also the need to keep my secret from spilling over. He's seconds away from saying it; his hypothesis… and the truth.

"You're fucking him, aren't you?"

I clench my jaw as he speaks, desperate for a mechanism to allow me to lie to him with a straight face. Despite him being partially correct, he does not deserve one ounce of knowledge of my current events. And then it hits me. Technically, I put the brakes on any sort of relationship with Darien, meaning, when I say 'no,' I'm technically not. Just because it happened a month ago doesn't necessarily mean its a current event.

Yet, I seem unable to speak the damn word. I'm not built for lying…

… but I am built for twisting things in my favor.

"It's none of your concern who I am or who I am not sleeping with," I remind him once more, deflecting the question. Only it makes him angrier, evidenced by him advancing on me.

"There you go again, answering with another one of your riddles. I know you. I know you better than anyone does."

"Not anymore." I retort.

"Bullshit. When the going gets tough, you answer questions with another question. Rather than being honest, you spin shit your way."

Damn it. "Oh, whatever." Shit.

"You're fucking him." It's not even a question anymore; he's challenging me with a statement.

Remember, not currently! So when you say no, you're not really lying! My mouth starts to open, ready to deny it. The delay must have been too long, though, because Seiya makes a hasty about-face. I wince as the coffee table is suddenly upheaved, magazines and paperwork flying throughout the living room.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" I cry, quickly assessing the mess. That poor coffee table. First me, then him. He remains unmoving, an intense silence taking over. He's breathing hard, his squared shoulders rising and falling hastily. I watch as his fist clenches, his arms twitching, his head hanging low. Muscle memory is attempting to pull me toward him, to comfort him and to tell him the things I know he wants to hear, that there is no need to be suspicious. But my feet remain cemented, because I know I am a damned liar.

The silence doesn't last. "No."

I blink. No? No… what? "Excuse me?"

He turns around, his eyes wide with anger and hurt. The same look I saw in his eyes when the doctor told us about our loss of baby Hope. My stomach lurches slightly from the recollection, and for a moment I feel bad. We've been through so much together.

Yet, here we are.

Because he left. Not you. You actually wanted to fix things, remember?

I follow his hand as his fingers wipe down his face, pulling at his skin, until they rest on the cup of his chin. He takes in a shuddering breath and releases his chin, his index finger now pointing at me. "No," he hisses, as if I am a teenager trying to sneak out, or a kid who is being reprimanded.

I purse my lips to retort that he has no say anymore, but he cuts me off. "You're my wife," he says between clenched teeth, "and you're not going to be," a pause, as if he can't say the words, "fucking someone else."

Did he, did he just call me… his…

Wife?

I don't know if I scoff or laugh, but something ignites in me. Shock? Anger?

"You…" I feel the tears pricking at the inner corners of my eyes, but I do my best to will them back. "You not only have the audacity to claim I'm sleeping with my boss, but the balls to call me your wife?" I rake my hands through my hair, my head shaking in disbelief. When the hell was the last time he called me that? "Your wife." I let out a hollow laugh from the absolute insanity of this. I haven't been his wife since… since…

"That ended the day you walked out of here, you fucking asshole." I snap back, reminding him that he's the one who ended this relationship, not me. That he walked out, got his own place, and began this whole new life.

My vision flutters back to the coffee table, upside down, legs sticking in the air, when it hits me. Weeks after he left, when he picked up the kids. How he walked in here, looking good, smelling good, and that fucking mark on his neck? I swallow hard, doing my best to will away the clenched feeling of my throat from trying not to cry from the hypocrisy of it all.

"You really think I don't know?"

"Know what?" he sneers.

Of course. Of course he's going to deny it. "You really think I didn't notice that a week after you left you had a fucking hickey on your neck?"

"Oh bullshi—"

"Don't you dare," I cut off. "Don't you dare try and tell me I'm wrong." His mouth opens and closes briefly, but he doesn't deny it. "Do you have any idea what that felt like? You left me. Damn it, I knew we were having problems, but you didn't even want to try to fix it! And then you walk in here and I have to see that? And you're the one calling me out?! For something that you made up in your head over a damn RIDE HOME," I cry out, tears streaming down my face.

And then the realization hits me. So quick he was to accuse me, to finger point. Is it because… because…

"For you to have one of those, you… you had to have been cheating on me," I laugh bitterly at my epiphany.

"Seren—"

"Right?"

I watch intently as he shifts his posture, his once squared shoulders now dropping. It's hard to miss the anger that once covered his face quickly be replaced by alarm.

And I don't need to hear any more.

"Get out."

"Sere-"

"I said get the fuck out of here. Now." My throat is clenching, my stomach twisting into a knot. I press my lips together, my teeth trembling as I fight against the whirlwind emotions of that ultimate betrayal. I point my finger at the front door. "Go!" I finally muster, anger and hurt and disbelief that he, Seiya Kou, the father of my children, fucking cheated on me during our marriage. It all makes sense. It all makes perfect fucking sense now.

The distance.

The arguments.

The lack of communication.

The forced intimacy.

Because… because… he was cheating on me.

I am only able to tell he has left because I hear the door slam shut. When I finally blink, my angry tears become sobs. I am distantly aware of pain in my palms with how hard I am clenching them, but the tightening in my chest overshadows it immediately.

"Shit!" I finally choke out to the empty room, my hand muffling any further noise. How long? How long was this going on? Months? Years? Was it one woman, two? More? Is that why he was so quick to just end it, rather than try and fix it? Is he still with her now? Is he… is he… going to her now?

I let the tears continue to slip down my face, my mind a jumbled mess. All I can focus on is the last few months of our marriage, and how it all makes sense now. With each flash of a memory the pain intensifies, the dots connecting more and more. How he didn't even look at me when we were at my Christmas party. When he yelled at me when I got my hair done. The clothing and television left on during our reserved days for sex. The fact we had to keep a reserved day… period.

The urge to fall to the floor is overwhelming, but I will myself to drop my head in my hands and wipe at my eyes instead. The irony is not lost on me; the whole argument began with him accusing me.

I mean, sure; I had my fantasies. And that almost-encounter at Christmas when I was practically dumped by him at my party. But I never, ever, once strayed from him during our marriage. I never cheated on him. I didn't even begin anything with Darien until after our separation pages were legally filed.

Separation papers. I inwardly scoff at the idea of separation papers. I'm sure he only requested that so he could make sure the grass really was greener. I bite at my thumbnail and consider that paperwork, only to stun myself with another theory. He probably wanted to make sure the door was kept open so he could come back if it didn't work out!

I wipe my hands down my face and groan. That had to be it! Well, if he thought there was ever, ever a chance he could come back, that door is closed now, buddy! Not now, not ever.

I take in a deep breath to calm the churning of my stomach. It hurts. It fucking hurts. Darien, my career, the direction I'm going in… it doesn't seem to matter. Not right at this moment, anyway. Because not only did I fail in my marriage, but I failed to keep my husband faithful. I failed as a wife in more ways than one.

And that… that is the only thing I can focus on.

A fresh set of tears brim my eyes, but I blink them away once more. I know the kids are going to come downstairs at some point; it's only 8:00 after all. Once I'm in bed, I'll let it all out. I'll let it all out and move on. Because, I am better than this. Knock me down, I get back up again. I am… I am… stronger than this. I won't let my husband cheating get to me. I am in control of my emotions. I… am…

My face scrunches up as a sob escapes. Shit! Tears drip down my face, and the will to stop them suddenly ends.

What did I do so wrong? Why did I fail? Why?

#

I don't think I've ever been so thankful for my kids' electronics up until today.

Once I wallowed for twenty, thirty minutes, I went upstairs to check out what was going on. Alex was in his room, those damn airpods in his ears, dabbing orange and yellow paint onto a giant Styrofoam ball. Elsie was on her bed, laying on her stomach, earphones plugged into her laptop while clearly watching something. Meaning, they didn't hear the fight, nor the tears that followed.

Thank. Goodness.

I bring the comforter closer to my chin as I struggle to settle the emotions. Emotions I didn't think I'd be so throttled by. I mean, I felt like I was moving on. Feel like I'm moving on. So why am I so thwarted right now? Why does this hurt so much worse than I ever could have imagined?

I mean, Seiya's gone. He's been gone, moved out. Has a whole different life separate from me.

And me. What about me? I've started something new with someone else. Developed feelings for someone; feelings I haven't quite figured out yet. But now I can't help but wonder, do my feelings for Darien mean less than I thought if I'm so overcome by Seiya's revelation? Is it just attraction? Something more?

All of this thinking is mentally draining, yet I can't seem to fall asleep. I am tossing and turning both figuratively and literally, unable to settle my body or mind. I want answers. I want to know when. With who. The why. But I also don't want to know. I want to stay naïve. Maybe it'll hurt more if I learn more about it. Or maybe it'll hurt less? I don't know.

But to think… that he left me for someone else…

I can't even finish the thought without a lone tear escaping. It was already bad enough he is the one who brought up separating originally, but to cite more than 'irreconcilable differences' makes my stomach lurch. And that's what I can't get past. To know that he would lay here, in this bed, next to me after laying with someone else. That he would still have sex with me, albeit lacking any sort of passion, after being with another woman. That time he should have been spending with me, or the kids, or us as a family, was spent in the arms of another woman.

What drove him to do this? Was she a student? A colleague?

The fucking babysitter?

I groan as I roll face-first into my pillow, followed by a thrashing of my fists into the mattress beneath. Worst-case is on overdrive right now, thinking about the babysitter being the new woman in his life. She's not even nineteen! And to bring her into the house under the pretense of 'watching our kids' would be beyond trashy! And disgusting! And downright disrespectful!

I turn onto my side and bring my knees in towards my stomach. I can't imagine Kakyuu being that cold. But… if she's in love with him, maybe she would? A desperate attempt to be near him as often as possible? Even under the pretense of a babysitter?

Only, it was me who would usually relieve her, not Seiya. It wasn't until recently with him being gone and out of the house that he had contact with her and our kids. So, perhaps it isn't her. Logistically, it doesn't make sense.

Unless, she's trying to befriend my children so when Seiya starts bringing her around they're comfortable with her and happy with her?

I take my other pillow and throw it over my head in attempt to muffle my frustrations out more. All these questions are making my head spin. All these theories, these crazy scenarios in my head.

How am I supposed to sleep?

I am about to throw the pillow into the wall when I feel the weight shift in my bed. Quickly tossing it off to the side, I turn my head to see who is crawling into bed with me, and I am stunned to see that it is Alex slipping underneath the covers. He scoots towards the middle of the mattress until his forehead touches my bicep, then closes his eyes, as if he does this regularly.

Except that I can't remember the last time he crawled in my bed. Three years ago? Four?

"Everything okay, bud?" I whisper, only to hear silence in return. Deciding not to waste a rare moment alone with my son, I close my eyes. Maybe being forced to calm myself down for the sake of my son's sleep will help me. But it doesn't last; once again, I feel the weight of my bed shift again. Elsie slips her petite frame into my bed, and I watch as she makes her way close to Alex. She, too, closes her eyes, and soon the sound of gentle, rhythmic breathing fills my room.

A strange calm washes over me.

Questions, sure. Did they hear what happened, or see me upset? Surely, one, or both they must have heard. Which also means that they distracted themselves during the whole ordeal as well.

And I could, at this time, choose to panic. To think about the wrongdoings. To think about the sadness, or the hurt, or the pain that they might be experiencing as well. Instead, though, as I take in the melody of their breathing, drink in the setting of my children being here with me. Next to me. Supporting me emotionally more than I ever thought I would have needed. That their presence – their unprompted, unrequested presence – is exactly what I need at this moment.

No more questions. No more scenarios.

Because even though Seiya is gone, doing whatever he's doing, being with whoever he's with…

I get the best part of him every single day.

And that, I will never, ever regret.