A/N: Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! I appreciate that on this day you took a moment to read this update. I don't think you'll be disappointed!

I am excited that I was able to get this chapter out quicker than I've been as of late. And, I already have 98% of the next chapter completed! It is official: the next chapter is the final chapter of this story. But I'll gush more in the next update XD

As always, THANK YOU to my friend and beta Pia Bartolini for going through this and making great edits and suggestions. You rock!

I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 18

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so that you can afford to live in it.

— Ellen Goodman

#

"First up on the agenda… Darien would like to propose a candidate for our continuing education program. Darien, the floor is yours."

"Thanks, Ed." I look around the ornate table, twenty familiar sets of eyes staring back at me with questions. Not that it bothers me; I was a prosecutor prior to beginning my own firm. This time, though, feels a little different. Not just because these people get to decide on if this proposal goes through, but it's because I'm fighting for someone who means something to me. Which means, I have to be as discreet as possible. Seated at the head of the table is the Chairman of the Board, Mr. Demande Wilford – Ed for short – and his glass of red wine. I always find it peculiar that during Board meetings Ed has to have a glass of wine, but then again I can't imagine him without one. When I was growing up and Ed visited my father's house, Dad would have a glass ready for him.

But I digress.

"Sir, members, I would like to propose a candidate for our continuing education program as well as a proposal for a revision to the CE grant."

"Let's start with the nomination. Who do you have in mind?"

Now or never. " Serena Kou, sir."

A few murmurs make their way around the table, but Ed is staring at me with utter confusion. "Serena Kou? Damien's old secretary?"

I do my best to let the dated term 'secretary' slide off my back and focus. "Yes, sir. Serena has been my assistant now for almost a year and, Sir, she's not meant to be in this role. She is much smarter than the position she is in."

Ed's face is still perplexed. "That's great and all, but if she's as smart as you claim, wouldn't she be in a better position? Put in for a promotion, or attend school to move up in the firm?"

Remember, remain discreet. "Yes and no. She was in school; Seattle University, in fact, for law school. She attended WSU prior to Seattle for her bachelors in Political Science with a specialization track of pre-law. She's very well educated, Sir. I've assigned her to different tasks beyond her position and she's performed exceptionally."

"I have to agree with Darien." I look over to John Dowers, who nods his head at me once we make eye contact. "Her skillset is beyond any administrative employee here. She processes our depositions better than our entry-level staff do."

"That, and she takes the initiative to help us. For example, PharmaMed; she read the deposition once and discovered that the claimant was submitting false information." I pause for dramatic effect and hold up my index finger. "Once. And, she did this of her own free will. We also assigned her temporarily to assist with the NorthShore project, which she was more focused than some of our junior attorneys I daresay."

Ed has relaxed a bit more in his chair, head tilted slightly to the side as he listens to my case. I continue to list the work Serena did for my father, the level of experience she displays, and the passion she has for working here. I can see everyone around the table nodding in agreement, and I know that I have them on my side.

"I would like to propose," I add, "we offer her a paid position for her duration in law school that matches her current salary, with a guaranteed position once she completes school, pending acceptance to University."

Ed immediately pops back up, his eyes wide. "You want to what?"

"I think the investment is well worth it. We spend more on bottles of wine at Christmas, with all due respect," I propose. "She already has her undergrad. I suggest that we should have her sign a contract accepting employment here following graduation, and we can forgo the signing bonus to apply to her tuition. Serena already knows the company, the operations, and our clients. She's going to be an asset, Sir, not a cost."

"I agree with Darien." I look down the table to see Anne nodding in agreement, which briefly stuns me. I was convinced she did not like Serena at all, given the looks she tossed her way during the NorthShore project. "She's a very talented professional and I think she is worth investing in."

"I agree, too," John states. "She deserves the opportunity."

A murmur of agreement rolls around the room, and I do my best to retain my enthusiasm. However, my heart is beating excitedly at the thought of this actually happening. I want to do this for her so badly, not only because I think Serena deserves it, but because I know she can do it. I don't even know half of the sacrifices she has made in her personal life, but I suspect it's quite a bit. It's obvious that pursuing law is something she is passionate about and had to put on hold.

I've been wracking my brain for days, trying to think of something I could that would cheer her up. Only, my mind was blank. Flowers and candy didn't seem big enough. No; it needed to be something that was impactful. Something I know she wants more than any truffle or daisy could offer.

This is something I can do for her.

I look over to Ed, who is swirling his glass of wine once again, his eyebrows snapped together in thought. He looks out at the table, his stare shifting around the room as he looks at the members around the room.

"Okay," he eventually states.

I feel my mouth begin to stretch into a smile, but I clear my throat to retain my excitement. "Thank you, Sir. May I present the opportunity to her?"

When he gives a final head nod, I finally allow myself to relax into my seat. The conversation moves on to the next topic on the agenda – billable hours – and I turn my head towards the projector screen to review the cost and gross margins for the past quarter. Inside, though, I haven't been this excited in a long time. To give someone as deserving as her an opportunity like this?

I can't wait to see her reaction tomorrow.

#

"Serena, can you come in here, please?"

I cease reviewing the document in front of me and lift my head up and in the direction of Darien's office. Mechanically, I reach for my notebook and pen, ready to jot down whatever request he has, but I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach. And I hate it, so, so much, because I'm still avoiding this beautiful man despite every single fiber of my body not wanting to.

I think he knows. He must, right? That I'm avoiding him?

Why does his voice make my heart pound?

"Coming!" I call out in the direction of Darien's office the moment I realize I haven't moved out of my chair. I do my best to squash the self-inflicted unease I feel each time I go into his office, because staying away from him is starting to physically hurt. Being so close to him, yet not being able to touch him? I… I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

Which is crazy, because just a few weeks ago, my head was a jumbled mess. Between the discovery of Seiya's reason for leaving and the kids turning on him, my world turned upside down. But now that the dust has settled a bit, I find myself yearning more for him. And not just physically. I mean, I want him physically more than ever, but… I want to see him look at me. Smile at me. Anything. Anything at all!

And it's me who is not letting him! Because I keep avoiding the guy!

AUGH.

I plant my heels into the ground and lift out of my seat, my heart thumping with each step I take toward his office. My nose is tickled by the woody scent of his workspace, which does nothing to dispel my nerves.

"Can you close the door?"

And now my nerves really are on fire.

I nod slowly and gently close the door behind me, my mind now spinning. Why close the door? Is there a problem? Shit, he really must have realized I'm avoiding him. And assistants don't avoid their bosses. It's kind of their freakin ' job to be there! Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

The moment the door latches, I turn back at him with a wary expression. "Is everything okay?" I hesitantly ask. His expression is hard to read; I can't tell if he is calm or serious right now. All I can see is those damn majestic blue eyes looking at me, and I want to drown in them more than anything. Ugh, why won't I let myself fall into those pools of rich, inky goodness?!

"Sit, please," he offers with a simple hand gesture, and I am now shifting into worry. Sit?

I'm not being fired, am I?

"I'm not being fired, am I?"

When Darien's eyes widen in obvious surprise, I feel myself relax for the first time. "No, not at all," he is quick to reassure with an added head shake, and I let out a breath of relief.

"Okay then," I laugh nervously before taking a seat in front of his desk. I place my notebook on his desk and flip open to the next blank page, ready for instruction.

"I want to talk to you," he states, and I pick up on the change in his tone of voice. There's concern laced throughout his velvety voice, but I am not sure if it's employer-level concern or friend-quasi-lover-level.

"About what?" I straighten my back and shoulders a bit in an effort to show him there's nothing wrong with me, but the look he gives me is knowing. Too knowing for someone who doesn't know me that well.

His shoulders relax. "Are you okay?"

"Yep." I wince; you replied way too quickly. When he tilts his head in the opposite direction, I know he's calling me on my BS. "Honestly, everything's fine."

Darien's expression remains, but I hold my tongue. He doesn't need to be burdened with my bullshit. He must realize I won't divulge, because he finally shifts his glare away from me and to a folder instead. His beautiful hands clasp on to the file and places it in between us, and my curiosity is now awakened. When he flips it open, I try to decipher the paperwork.

And it's official paperwork from the firm.

"Are you sure I'm not being fired?" I ask again in a higher octave; why else would I be receiving some sort of letterhead paperwork from Darien of all people?

He smiles one of those delicate, soul-soothing smiles that reminds me of honey drizzling onto a biscuit, and I let the fear of termination evaporate completely.

"I want to present an opportunity to you," he states as he lifts the paperwork out of the folder. His arm extends over his desk and towards me, and sure enough, my name is in the address block of this official letter.

"An opportunity?"

"Yes. You were nominated and unanimously selected for our continuing education program."

I freeze. "I've… been… what?"

Darien extends the document over his desk and into my awaiting hands. "The firm is offering to pay for you to pursue your JD," he repeats.

My hands are shaking as I grasp the document, the offer spelled out in black and white. W&S is offering me – me – to return to school? How? Why? Why me?

"Why me?" I whisper as I study the document, completely baffled.

"Because you have proven yourself time after time, Serena," Darien replies immediately. "Between the depositions you write, the research your pour yourself into, the quality of work and obvious level of knowledge you possess, it would be foolish for us to hold you back any longer."

Darien begins to elaborate the details of offer, but all I can hear is a ringing in my ear. It's growing louder and louder, and with the ringing comes a burning sensation in my chest. It's threatening to consume me, ready to burst any second. This offer, this dream offer…

and I can't accept it.

"Thank you, but I must decline."

Darien immediately stops speaking, and the look on his face is pure shock. Which does not help the pain in my chest lessen at all.

"Decline?" he repeats back to me, and I woefully nod.

"I… I can't. But, thank you, for the offer. I'm happy with my current position." I swallow down the lump in the back of my throat, because I know that I am a fucking liar right now. I have to tear my eyes away from Darien, because his expression is about to break me. He knows I am lying. He knows I am completely full of shit right now. But I can't leave this position. I can't go to school. I can't balance school, work, children, pay the bills, get them to soccer and if I work and go to school. I can't. It's just me now. I can't.

"Why not?" he eventually asks, and I feel myself die a little bit inside when I muster together a painfully plausible excuse.

"I need the set hours for my children. School… and work… I can't balance that." I mean, it's an honest excuse, despite how harrowing it is. But it's my reality, unfortunately. My new reality. Hell, it's not even a new reality… even when Seiya was around, this was and is my reality. I am subservient to the routine of everyone around me, which is probably why I am so damn good at being an assistant. I am a master at catering to everyone's needs.

Everyone except my own.

Darien becomes quiet. He steeples his index fingers together and presses them against the smooth point of his chin, before pointing them at me. "I don't believe you."

I purse my lips, slightly taken aback. "Excuse me?"

Darien's eyes catch mine. "I don't believe you."

"It's true. I have kids."

"I know. But, I also know that you want this."

More than anything. I break eye contact and shake my head. "No, I don't." Because I can't. I just can't. I can't go through this again.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want this opportunity," Darien challenges me. "Because from the times that we have spent together, you have mentioned law school time and time again. And I can see it; I see it in the way you perform here and in the way you take initiative. You were meant to do this, Serena. Let me help you."

I force my eyes to remain cast downward, because I know the second I look up at him, it's all over. My credibility. My integrity. My pride… because if I deny this opportunity one more time, I'm going to lose it.

"Serena… we spend the majority of our lives working in order to live. Don't you want to do something that makes you happy?"

I snap my head back towards Darien and open my mouth to protest, but words fail me. Are the ghosts of my past cloaking me this badly?

My chest tightens as tears begin to form at the inner corners of my eyes. My stomach clenches as I think of this generous offer, an offer of a lifetime that I know I will never see again. And this man, this wonderful, generous man who has made it possible for me…

How can I keep lying to him?

"You're right," I whisper. "For the first time in a long time, I would like to actually feel what it is like to live. Not just exist." My voice cracks slightly at my admission. Years of diapers, carpools, soccer balls and ballet shoes glide past me. Just as I see his smile soften, the knife twists in my stomach. "But I can't. I can't. Not now. I don't know if I ever can."

The smile drops, but it's not disappointment that crosses his face. No, it's… concern. Obvious concern.

Darien suddenly stands and makes his way around the desk. I am slightly surprised, and a bit unnerved, as he sits beside me and pins me with a look that makes my barrier shake.

His voice is gentle. "What's going on, Serena?" I wince, hands gripping one another in my lap, wringing out my emotions in a pathetic attempt to quell my turmoil. It isn't until he places his hand on top of mine that the tears finally slip down my face, falling on us in embarrassingly large plops.

I untangle my hands and start wiping at my eyes. "I'm sorry; I'm so, so sorry," I repeat, but the tears won't stop. This giant wave of sorrow engulfs me, and I feel my defenses slipping fast. But Darien remains beside me; a gentle, coaxing gaze on his face, waiting for me to spill everything.

And I am undone.

I lift my hands and let my face fall into my palms as a sob overpowers my system, and I let it all fall out. In the midst of my tears I feel his hand rubbing my back, but I can't stop. The weight of the burden I've been carrying for years is releasing.

Dropping out of school.

Putting my career on hold.

Falling out of love.

Raising two children.

Working as an assistant.

Carpooling.

Paying bills.

And it's never going to change.

"It's never going to change," I finally manage to say. "It's never… going to change."

"What's never going to change?"

"My life," I admit tearfully. "It's… it's not going to ever happen for me."

His voice remains gentle. "Why?"

"Because; because I have to be there for them. I can't… I can't not be there for them."

"Your kids?"

I nod my head vigorously, followed by a sniffle. "With the divorce and the kids not speaking to Seiya, they… they need someone who's going to be there for them. I can't… I can't abandon them. Not now."

And it's out: the divorce. The kids. The lack of balance in my life.

"I'm sorry," I quickly say as I shake my head. "You don't need to be hearing this." I pick my head up and look at him, doing my best to ignore the sympathetic look that is embedded in his eyes. "Here you are, offering me this opportunity of a lifetime, and I'm falling apart. God, this is so embarrassing!" I cry out. I drop my head back into my hands, mortified at how quickly this took a turn.

"Why… why didn't you tell me sooner?" I can his hesitancy over asking this type of question. And just like that, the unknown resurfaces of what exactly we've been doing these past few months.

"I…" I wipe at my tears again, taking a couple of extra swipes in case my mascara isn't truly waterproof. "I didn't think you wanted to know…"

A puzzled look crosses his face. "Why would you think I wouldn't want to know?"

"Well, we… I don't know, never talked? About this kind of stuff? I didn't know… if I was crossing some sort of line if I discussed any of this. Because we haven't really discussed much of anything…"

The puzzled look drops. "You're not wrong," Darien confirms as he runs his fingers through his hair. "We never did establish… anything… did we?" When I don't answer him, he continues. "I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't come to me. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. You could've absolutely come to me. I would have understood completely."

I sniff again. "Yeah?"

He nods. "Absolutely. I've gone through this too, remember?"

I blink a few times in recollection. "I kind of forgot about that," I wince.

"Well, it is something I don't like to bring up. And with whatever we had going on between us, I most certainly wasn't going to discuss it." He pauses. "Is that's what has been going on? I can tell that you're not acting like yourself. Is it the proceedings?"

I nod in confirmation. "Yes… and no. It's not the actual process of divorcing him, because I'm not in love with him. Not anymore." I see the faintest sign of relief cross his face at this admission. "It's… it's how it happened."

Darien remains silent, allowing me to either continue or conclude. Part of me is horrified that all of this is coming out at the absolutely wrong time, but another part of me feels… relief. Relief in the release of all these tense, heartbreaking emotions.

"I found out he was cheating on me. For months, actually, before we split. And when I confronted him about it, my kids overheard the whole thing. And… and they're hurt. Really, really hurt. Elsie, she's questioning if it is her fault because she somehow figured it out that her Dad and I got married because I was pregnant. And Alex? He's acting like he has to be the man of the house and is taking on way too many chores that I can't even intervene with, because he's doing them before I even get home. He's… he's supposed to be playing soccer and doing homework, not starting dinner every night. That's my responsibility." I close my eyes and shake my head, the offer coming back into light.

"Which is why… I can't accept this offer. If I go to school, I will be around less. And my kids… they need me more than anything right now."

My rejection hangs in the space between us. Darien cups his chin in thought while I let my eyes fall back to my clenched hands laying in my lap. It fucking hurts, rejecting this offer. It hurts more than finding out Seiya was sleeping with someone else. It hurts more than freakin' childbirth.

But it doesn't hurt more than the pain my kids are going through. Because if I can take it off of them and put it on me, it's worth it. Completely.

"Can I… may I ask you something?

I turn toward Darien, whose expression is once again sincere. When I give a short nod, he presses his lips together, as if he is deliberating if he should ask or not. I tip my head to the side in wonder, confirming that it's okay to ask.

"What," he pauses and scrunches up the corner of his lip in the most adorable way I have ever seen, before he starts speaking again. "What happens when your kids make amends with their Dad?"

My mouth parts slightly, but I don't have an answer.

"I don't mean to overstep here, but, they will, right? I… You don't seem like the kind of person who would allow their kids stay away from their father forever, right?" My jaw slackens a bit more, but I still have no words. "They're angry now. And rightfully so. But… do you think they'll stay angry indefinitely?"

"I…" I stammer, a little thwarted by the question. I blink two, three times as I try to process. Obviously, I don't want the kids to stay away from him forever, because he's their father. But I guess I'm a little unsure if they'll forgive him. And maybe that's because I don't know if I can forgive him. "I…"

Darien gives me a knowing smile, followed my a small nod. "Serena, if your kids are half as resilient as you, everything will turn out just fine. I mean that. It will take time, but… everything's going to be okay." I allow my eyes to catch his, and deep, deep down, I feel this small flicker of hope that it really can happen. Just looking into his brilliant blue eyes, I feel hopeful. I feel calmer; steadied, even. When I take in a deep breath and allow myself to picture life in two... three months, even, I suddenly see it. I see the kids doing okay in their new routine. I can picture them forgiving their father, running out the front door without any hesitation. They're… they're going to be okay.

"But," Darien's tone shifts gently, snapping out of my vision. "Serena, nothing will ever change if things don't change. And that needs to start with you. Can you tell me, honestly… are you happy?"

"No," I immediately whisper as I tear my eyes away. I don't even need to think about it. I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. I'm downright miserable with everything. All the uncertainty. All the anger. All the hurt. All the questions and the wondering and the hesitancy. "I'm not."

I feel Darien's hand on my shoulder, and at first, I can't find the strength to look back at him. I just told the man that I have slept with that I am not happy. Way to be ridiculously honest, Serena.

I slowly will myself to look at him, and am surprised to see empathy instead of disappointment. "I know how you feel. More than you can know," Darien begins. "One monotonous day follows another. The same things happen again, and again, and again. The same moments, same experiences, same expectations. And before I knew it, a month would pass, and then another, and another. Tomorrow no longer felt tomorrow. Each day on the calendar felt like another day of expectations. That was, until I met you."

My heart starts pounding wildly as my eyes widen. He's... he's talking to me. About himself. Please... please... keep talking to me like this.

He removes his hand from my shoulder and delicately places it back on the top of my own. "The first time I saw you, I was mesmerized by your beautiful blue eyes. Your gorgeous smile. Your ridiculously impressive knowledge of motor sport vehicles." I let out a small laugh, a flash of a smile forming on my face as he continues. "How you have this confidence in you, and not at work. It's in your smile, the way you interact with people, and how you know how to take command of what you need. What your family needs. I'm in awe of you, Serena, and I'm not going to let another day go by that makes you think otherwise."

"Darien…" I whisper, but it comes out in a sharp breath.

"You are so much more than you let yourself believe. You are intelligent, you are beautiful, and I just know you can handle any obstacle thrown your way." He pauses just as he clasps my hand. I am awestruck as I feel my hand rise up towards those lips I have been longing for. "I didn't know my life was lacking so much until you came into it."

When Darien presses his lips against my knuckles and I revel in the sensation of his breath tickling my skin, I feel… empowered. That I am capable of getting through anything. That I am stronger than I let myself believe. A wave of tingles flutter through my veins, from my fingertips to my toes, as my inner monologue shifts from you can't to you will. And I will. I am strong. I am courageous.

I will not become subservient to the expectations of this… routine I've built for myself.

I… am going to break free.

And in my first moment of taking what I know I need, I lean over to kiss him, temporarily forgetting where I am and why I'm here for just a split second. And in these stolen moments, I pour every ounce of belief, passion, hunger, and gratitude into it… and allow myself to feel.

Feel him.

Feel this.

Feel myself rise above the surface and into the sunlight once more.

Because I will rise above my self-doubt. I will show myself, my children, the world that I am stronger.

I am ready to become Serena Tsukino, law student, once more.