Disclaimer: I do not own Skip Beat! Just, apparently, a strong sadistic streak. ;)
Ren left before she and the President were finished talking, and from the way he avoided her eyes throughout, Kyoko could tell, he would not be trying to speak to her later. She tried to remain calm and pragmatic, but all she could manage was listen to what Lori was telling her, and nodding along - yes, she understood the new time pressures would make it hard for their schedules to match; yes, she was aware that the Black Jack shoots would get even more tense and that Ren would have to devote himself to it completely; yes, she absolutely agreed, he did very well without her and thus he could proceed without a 'translator'.
Yet, her heart was too soft, and too unused to being in the open. It trembled with every new emotion. She felt paper-thin, ready to bleed at any point.
It was at once familiar, and not. The same dread she felt with Sho, the same desire to please, but amplified a million times because - Kami help her - she guarded herself for so long.
"Kyoko-san?"
She blinked, met Lori's eyes. "I— I apologize, President. I… I didn't understand your question."
"Long day?" he asked. The sympathy in his eyes could have undone her, and she felt an irrational pang of anger. Not because she appeared so soft, but because he wasn't who she wanted to comfort her.
Get a hold of yourself, she thought. Be a professional.
"Yes, sir. That is exactly what it has been."
Lori frowned - the same frown he gave her whenever she was surly, or mean, or plain non-Love-Me-like. But instead of lecturing her on how important it was for her to be pleasing to others, he said, "I understand that you and Ren have had a conversation."
So he did know. Kyoko swallowed past the panic in her throat and nodded. "We did."
"And he has made you aware that his feelings towards you are… more than just a senpai's affection for a kouhai?"
In another set of circumstances, Kyoko would have laughed. Such a roundabout way to say something so simple. And yet, now, it felt like more and more doublespeak, and not enough clarity. "He told me he loved me. And I told him… I told him I love him back."
It felt like stepping off a cliff, but it still felt natural. Even with the cold shoulder he'd given her, it still felt like something she could say.
At least Lori didn't seem surprised. "I apologize if this change of plans makes things more confusing for you, Kyoko-san. I hope you understand, your part as Setsuka bears no reproach and I would have been happy to let you carry on."
She nodded, thanking him for the compliment. But she couldn't help thinking of a few times when her acting hadn't been completely up to scratch. Quite a few times indeed.
Had Ren mentioned them to Lori, when he had also informed him of the changed status of their relationship? Or had the President really not known? Unconsciously, she glanced at the small curtained area in the office, where Jelly and Ren had disappeared. Would he face her after this or would he run away?
"Kyoko-san," the President spoke, and she turned to give him her full attention. "I know that Ren isn't very good at expressing himself in certain regards. Believe me, if there was enough time for this, I would put him in Love Me! myself, so that he could at least remember his manners." Kyoko smiled at that, imagining her very tell, very broad senpai in one of those ridiculous jumpsuits. As if reading her mind, Lori smiled too. "I've known him for a long time, though. I have confidence in your relationship."
"Thank you," she said, feeling awkward. It seemed a strange thing to say…
Then again, she realized with a start, he wasn't calling her Mogami-san anymore. Something had definitely changed, at least as far as the President was concerned.
A thought occurred to her, and since it was the day to be bold, she asked him if this new situation had influenced his decision at all.
"After all the fuss I've made about your attitude, putting obstacles in the place of love would make me the worst sort of hypocrite, wouldn't it?" Lori said, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "As far as LME is concerned, if you are old enough to get marrier, you are old enough to make your own decisions. In life as well as in love."
There was a distinct gap in that statement. "And as far as the rest?" she asked.
"As far as the rest of the world, you mean? Well…" Lori picked up his teacup, frowned, set it down again. "As far as the rest of the world, putting two red-blooded young people who love each other in hotel rooms for extended periods of time might be considered… a little too unorthodox. Even for me."
Kyoko pursed her lips. That hadn't stopped him before. In fact, she was pretty sure the President had been putting them in all sorts of situations together that might have been considered unorthodox by the rest of the world. But then, she had been rather vocal about her dislike of love in general. Other actresses would have been put under more scrutiny, but she was Mogami Kyoko - founding member of the Love Me! Department, impervious to the charm of rock stars, actors, and beagles alike. She was the one who could be counted on to remain strictly professional.
Until now.
"I guess there will be a lot of questions being asked," she said. "Regardless of what happens."
"Not necessarily. What you do in your own free time is none of the company's business," Lori said. "But… I would be remiss if I didn't advise caution for a while."
"Of course."
"And I wouldn't want you to do anything you didn't want to do."
She bristled a little at that. She had handled herself with him, hadn't she? More often than Lori would know, she'd been in compromising situations and Ren hadn't pushed her further than was appropriate.
Some of her resentment must have shown, because Lori said, "I'm sure this sounds silly to you, especially in light of everything that's happened. But Ren is going to try and finish a movie shooting in half the time he was expected to. It is going to be a rough time — and there are some things that he should deal with in his own good time."
"Is this about his family?" she asked. When Lori raised an eyebrow, she added, "He told me a little bit. He said his mother is ill."
"His mother is about to go through a trial, that is true," he said. "But Ren has some related issues that he will need to deal with. And I've got a feeling both of you will need to be careful of your distance in this time."
Kyoko nodded, numbly.
"Of course," the President added. "What you do in your own time is none of our business."
"No," Kyoko said. "Of course not."
A part of her wanted to stay behind and wait for Ren and Jelly to be done - to force some kind of sconversation, even if it was a strained one. Instead, she went to speak to Sawara-san and let him know of the reading test outcome (good, although Kijima-san's prognosis hadn't been favourable). She went to the Love Me! room, to talk to her fellows (only to find the place empty and cold). Some paperwork had arrived for her, courtesy of Kato-san, but she didn't want to get emotional in the LME building, where anybody could walk in and see her.
So, with one glance up towards Lori's office, she packed up her things and left for Daruma-ya.
"Kyoko-chan!" Okami-san, at least, was glad to see her. Even Taisho cracked a rare smile. She didn't realize, until she went through the door, how happy she was to be back, how much she missed them.
She wanted to tell them everything. It had been too long.
It was also the dinner rush hour and though Kyoko wanted rest, she wanted a distraction more. The restaurant was familiar. The restaurant had rules. No messy feelings or men who gave mixed signals and who - upon reflection - were not very nice to leave her hanging without so much as a glance or a word of acknowledgment, especially considering the morning they had had. (Kyoko really didn't want to think about that morning, it was only making her more cross.) Give her difficult customers and screaming toddlers any time - at least those were straightforward enough.
That's not very fair, the fairies suggested. Unfortunately, Kyoko was siding with her darker side - she was not in a mood to be fair. Especially after what Kijima had said to her.
Good, hard work was where it was all at. Good, hard work, and the simple reassurance that, if all else failed, she could be a waitress and live comfortably for the rest of her life.
Daruma-ya kept relatively normal hours - they didn't stay open until too late on weekdays, although there were always things to take care of after the last customers had left. She was more than happy to take over from Okami-san, putting away chairs, wiping down tabletops, scrubbing the floor until she could see her reflection in it. Taisho was almost finished in the kitchen when she came in to offer her help. "No need for help," he said. "You should sit down, Kyoko."
But she didn't want to sit down. Sitting down meant thinking, and she didn't want to think (or overthink) this day more than she already had. Looking around for any chores she might have missed, Kyoko noticed a car parked in the street right next to the kitchen. A very familiar, very distinctive car.
"How about the trash?" she asked. "It's garbage day tomorrow, isn't it? I'll just wheel them out for you."
"Alright, but…" but then he just shrugged - recognizing a lost cause when he saw one.
"Were you going to stay there all night?" she asked, stepping outside.
It would have been poetic - if a little embarrassing - if only the neighborhood cats heard her. But Ren was there in a flash - helping her pull the restaurant's rubbish bins to their proper place in the alley.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want to interrupt you at work and I wasn't sure if I could just waltz in through the front door after hours."
"I'm not sure skulking in the back is any better," Kyoko said, dusting her hands off. "But you were probably right about not coming in while there were customers." The kind of furore he would cause just by being there… she felt her stomach drop at the idea, and, not for the first time, wondered what she'd gotten herself into. The President was right - she wasn't a recognized actress, but Ren was, and anything he did would attract attention.
Not that right now, she could remember why they even bothered. He looked as lost as she felt.
"Would you like to come in now?" she asked, finally. "I can make you some tea, or…"
"No, I… I think it's best if I didn't." He gave a wan smile.
"Why?" she felt herself grow angry. Had he really reconsidered? Decided she wasn't worth it after all? So what? Who needs him? Cried the grudges.
I do, the heart responded. I do.
She felt a treacherous pinprick of tears and forced herself to face him. "Look, if you'd rather go home and prepare, you should do that before you exhaust yourself. My day was fine. That guy you were worried about kept his hands to himself."
"But are you alright?" he asked. Something about his tone made her look up. The Emperor of the Night was staring back.
It took all of his willpower to keep his hands to himself; to maintain a polite distance, and plausible deniability for the sake of anybody who might look in.
Mind you, Ren thought, how much plausible deniability can be maintained in a back alley is a very subjective question. Her comfort matters more.
And she didn't look like she wanted him anywhere near her.
And much of it was his own fault.
Unacceptable. He'd promised himself he was done being so juvenile - he would make things right, even if it meant double-guessing everything and looking uncool while that happened. He'd actually been giving himself a pep talk in his car, working up the courage to call her, when Kyoko had opened the back door of the restaurant and stepped out.
She met his eyes now. He'd turned up the intensity, but damn it, he needed to see her. He needed to apologize properly.
"Are you alright?" he asked again.
"I'm fine," she said. "I told you—"
"You said your reading test went well, and that Kijima kept his hands to himself. You didn't say if you were alright."
"What difference is there? I should be asking you—" she stopped, gathered herself "Don't worry about me. I'm not broken up about Setsu or anything like that. It doesn't matter."
"It matters to me," he said, more vehemently than he intended. She started, face growing pale.
You idiot, he thought. Stop scaring her.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout, I didn't…"
Her hands uncrossed - she had them wrapped around her middle the whole time - and she took a step towards him. Her mask slipped, and he saw the hurt there - and the next thing he knew, he'd closed the space between them, gathering her in his arms. He didn't check his strength as he pressed her to him, but she held him tight, too - and for the first time since he stepped into Lori's office tonight, he felt relief.
Like maybe, just maybe, they would be able to hold themselves together through this.
A/N - Trying to revive an old fic without conflict or drama is like trying to bake a cake without sugar. Anybody else feel this way?