A/N: If you've been following the story since its conception, you'll probably have noticed that the summary tends to change. A lot. Hopefully this one will be the last, but it probably won't. However, if you think you have a good idea for a summary, don't hesitate to send it to me. Even though it's probably going to be shit. No offense and also offense at the same time, because most you don't have any literary talent at all. That includes you, Reasonably Firm Eggs. On a side note, I think adding in humorous tangents during the serious parts may have ruined this one tone-wise. Oh well.
For the fifth time this week, Shinji knocked on her door. He was not looking forward to this. After the 'incident' with the fifteenth angel, Asuka had... been on a hair trigger to say the least, if you wished to quantify 'least' by attaseconds. Prone to explode at the slightest offense, real or imagined, it was like walking through a minefield with a density of ten landmines per meter, otherwise abbreviated as 10 lm/m, these days.
Him and Misato had been taking turns in notifying Asuka of mealtimes, usually by knocking on her door, since that was where she spent the majority of her post angel experience time.
"Asuka," Shinji timidly called, "it's dinnertime."
"Go away."
Shinji let out the breath he'd been holding. She hadn't screamed. That was good. He liked it when she didn't scream. No, that's not an allusion to rape and sexual assault. Get your mind out of the gutter.
With her unpredictable outbursts, life, if it could be personified as a person, in the apartment moved like it was treading on thin ice, arctic ice during the season of early summer that melts and cracks and drifts away, stranding unfortunate polars bears who do not manage to cross it in time to follow the migration of seals.
The winds of change had blown through the apartment, and they weren't the pleasant summer breezes of childhood.
Misato had been drinking more, coming home from work later and sleeping less. The bags under her eyes were comparable in size to those of a rich white girl's shopping bags on her sixteenth birthday. Whenever she wasn't sleeping, her usual state was of being was of drunkenness.
Shinji found himself drowning the world out with his SDAT more and more frequently. He spoke less, ate little and constantly felt tired. If Shinji had seen a shrink, he would have been diagnosed with an early onset of depression.
Asuka hated everything, constantly at odds with everyone in her life, verbally and physically attacking anyone who earned her ire, deserved or not. "I hate you!" became a common part of her vocabulary. He'd learned to duck when she started throwing things. Sure, it infuriated her more and widened the already gaping chasm dividing them, but it was better than being hit in the face with a plateful of food.
Yet there was still one thing, one unbelievable thing that went against every other behavior Asuka exhibited. Crying. Asuka was crying. Shinji could hear her, at night, crying and calling out. He tried to ignore her, replace the sound of her cries with the sound of a piano, but every time he reached for his SDAT she seemed to cry harder. Every sob tore at his heart, every tear he couldn't see, yet also somehow knew was rolling down her cheek, pulled at his stomach. She tried to be quiet, but their rooms were next to each other and with the walls separating them being paper-thin, he could hear what she cried.
Mama seemed to be a recurring theme, leading Shinji to think that they were more alike then they thought.
Saitama perhaps, was the only one who remained unchanged. He still came over every night for dinner and afterwards would shed his shirt, lay in the living room, and read a manga. It seemed fitting to Shinji. Saitama was like a bedrock boulder. Strong, dull and unchanging, steadfast and untouched by the forces of erosion.
In a way, Shinji was glad that Asuka stayed in her room. Saitama's indifference and bored attitude would only have served to antagonize her further.
So this unhealthy cycle continued, driving apart the family that once lived and laughed under the apartment roof. Day after day, week after week, bonds built over angels slain and baka's pained slowly frayed to the seams and tore apart.
After yet another subdued and quiet dinner, one missing a certain female pilot, Saitama finally decided to do something.
As Shinji took the plates to the kitchen sink for cleaning, Saitama brought up the elephant in the room, or maybe the one in her room, if you wanted to be rude and lose your testicles due to sustained impacts from the offended's foot.
"What's wrong with Asuka?"
In the kitchen, Shinji abruptly stopped washing dishes. He looked to the direction of the table and strained his ears to listen.
Misato stopped drinking her tenth bottle of beer and looked at him. Then she brought the bottle back up to her mouth and resumed drinking.
Saitama responded by cocking his head with an inquisitive look.
She finished off the bottle and placed it onto the table.
"She had a... troubled childhood."
Saitama made no indication that he intended to reply, and Misato would have been perfectly happy to have left it at that, but the silence was awkward to the point where she felt obligated to say something to fill it. Combined with his unwavering and unchanging gaze, Misato felt like she had to keep talking or lest the silence would swallow the world whole and the guardians fall, freeing the Banished Ones to return and destroy humanity.*
"Her mother committed suicide when she was young. She doesn't like to talk about it"
Shinji gasped at the revelation. Saitama kept on staring at her. She decided grab another beer and open it. Saitama kept on staring at her. She began to take giant gulps that were more fit for swallowing a certain body fluid than actually drinking a beer, and Misato would know given her college history. Saitama kept on staring at her. Misato finished the beer and added it to the growing collection of bottles on the table. Saitama kept on staring at her. Misato fidgeted with a bottle cap before sighing.
"Look, it's not my place to say anything. If you want to know more you'd have to ask her."
"But you just said she doesn't like to talk about it."
"That's your problem, not mine."
Saitama frowned. Misato chose the moment to leave the table and retreat into her room, where most of the stronger stuff was kept, away for the thieving flippers of Pen-Pen. Saitama sat at the table for a while and kept on frowning.
"Erm... Saitama?"
"Huh what- oh sorry. I was thinking."
"So, uh..." The conversation was getting awkward. For Shinji, at least. Saitama probably wasn't even capable of feeling awkward.
"Don't mind me. I'm just leaving." And he pushed his chair back and stood up. Turning around and walking towards the door, Saitama left Shinji behind at the table.
"Wait!"
"Yes?"
"Are you going to help Asuka?"
"Yeah."
"How?"
"I dunno."
Shinji wasn't really sure how to respond to that. He didn't have to actually, because Saitama left without waiting for a response. Sighing, Shinji returned to the table and began clearing away the bottles that Misato had left behind.
Access Denied.
"Please?"
Access Denied.
"Pretty please?"
Access Denied.
Saitama shrugged to himself. Gendo must have changed the something about the Magi after he had brought up the idea of downsizing the Eva's.
When Saitama had left Misato's apartment the night before, he had been thinking of who might tell him more about Asuka's past. He'd just walked past a Section-3 sniper, pausing to wave at the man, when it hit him. Gendo probably knew what happened.
But then again, he probably wouldn't be able to actually talk to him, because one morning Ritsuko had come out of her lab and announced that the 'modifications' were done. Gendo had raced into her lab faster than a gypsy on the run.
That's a little redundant.
But since then, he had not exited the room and anyone who tried to enter would find the door locked, barred from the other side and welded shut.
Screams, cries, grunts and every other manner of loud vowel sounds had been coming from the room in an almost scheduled manner, like a school bell. If Nerv were to issue memos using the screams as a means of measuring time periods, the schedule would look a lot like this:
8:00 am, The Screaming Starts
- Arrive at work and check in.
8:05 am, The Screaming Continues
- Shift 1 begins. Proceed to assigned morning activities. Example include, patrol, security detail, lab assistance, pilot detail, etc.
10:00 am, The Screaming Stops
- Shift 1 over. Proceed to Shift 2 activities. See above for example activities.
12:00 pm, The Screaming Starts Again
- Shift 2 over. Lunch Break. Employees are not allowed to leave the GeoFront premises without express permission from a supervisor. If in need of lunch, food may be purchased at the cafeteria.
1:00 pm, The Screaming Stops
- Lunch break over. Nap time. Nerv-issue Eva plushies are available for purchase for those who want a snuggle buddy. Body pillows made in the likeliness of the pilots may be purchased at the Nerv gift shop at a higher price.** All employees are required to nap during nap time. Those who refuse will be forced to listen to Shinji whine about not wanting to pilot for two hours straight.
2:00 pm, The Screaming Starts
- Nap time over. Proceed to designated Shift 3 activities.
4:00 pm, The Screaming Stops
- Shift 3 over. Snack time. Again, if in need of snacks, food is purchasable at the cafeteria or one of the many vending machines located around the GeoFront.
4:30 pm, The Screaming Starts
- Snack time over. Proceed to designated Shift 4 activities.
6:30 pm, The Screaming Stops
- Shift 4 over. End of workday. Unless assigned overtime activities, e.g. lab assistant, data analysis, etc, employees are now allowed to return home.
Unsure of what to do next, Saitama simply stood next to the Magi terminal, waiting for a metaphorical light bulb to be lit up by the reflection of sun or other light upon his bald head. He stood there for a while, at least long enough for cleaning crews to decide to risk it and mop the floor around his feet rather than ask him to move, because they were all terrified of him for some reason. Probably because he punched an angel.
Sometime before Shift 3, yet also after nap time, Kaji wandered through the halls and into him remaining vigilant at the terminal, like some lone guardsmen standing watch against the night.
"Oh, hey. What are you doing here?"
"Hmm? Oh, hi Kaji."
"Looks like you're trying to get into the Magi."
"Yeah. It worked a few weeks ago, but now it doesn't."
Kaji wracked his brain, trying to think of a time when Saitama would have actually had access to the Magi. His brain shrugged at him and told him that insofar as it knew, Saitama ad never been granted access.
"When was this?"
"When I told Gendo that he should turn the Eva's into cyborgs."
Ohhh yeah, that day. He'd hacked into the Magi that day to try and dig deeper for more about the nature of the Eva's, Second Impact and Adam. He must have forgotten to log out or something.
"Hey, Saitama," he said in a quieter tone.
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to let you in on a little secret. But you can't tell anyone, got it?"
"Okay."
"When you got into the Magi, I had been using it before you. I think I forgot to logout or something."
"Oh. That explains it."
"Why were you even trying to access the Magi in the first place?"
"I wanted to know more about Asuka's past."
Kaji inwardly cringed. Did Saitama want to kick a nuclear fallout radiated giant mutant Bullet Ant nest?
"That's a touchy subject."
"I know. Misato already said that."
"Why do you even want to know?"
"Because I'm a hero."
"That's a terrible reason."
"No it's not. I'm a hero. I help people. Asuka needs help."
Kaji sighed. "Fine, I'll humor you. Do you have a degree in psychology, therapy and counseling?"
"No."
"Do you have any firsthand experience with what she's gone through that might make you more approachable in talking about her past?"
"No."
"Then what makes you think you can help her? God knows she's had too many shrinks already."
"I'll find a way. Heroes always do."
Kaji gave up. It might as well have been like arguing with a cement wall. Useless, dumb and a drain of sanity.
"Alright, fine. What did Misato tell you?"
"She told me Asuka's mom killed herself."
"That's all?"
"Yes."
"Okay then, if I'm going to tell you the whole story, you'll need a bit of background information. You know how Shinji doesn't have a mother?"
"You mean Misato's not his mom?"
"No! Of course not! Although I do see why you might think that given her... . But anyways, Shinji lost his mother in the first activation test of Unit-3. She got into the cockpit, they started up the process and then she vanished. Absorbed into the Eva. Left nothing behind except for her clothes."
"Ah, so that's why she was in the Eva in the first place."
"What?"
Quickly remembering that the existence of the mother's souls inside the Evas was supposed to be highly classified information, Saitama tried to change the subject.
"N-nothing. I didn't say anything at all. Please continue."
Internally raising an eyebrow, Kaji set aside that careless statement and filed it in his mental drawer of things to investigate later.
"Alright then, continuing. In order to prevent the same thing from happening at the Unit-2 activation test they added additional safeguards to prevent absorption. It worked, but only partially. Asuka's mother, Kyoko wasn't absorbed, but she left the Eva... changed in a manner of speaking. She stopped recognizing Asuka as her daughter and mistook one of her dolls for her. Asuka, being four at the time, didn't understand what was happening. It didn't help that her father started cheating on her mother with one of the nurses who worked in the hospital that Kyoko was hospitalized at. It was so bad that one time they did 'it' in a place where Asuka could hear. Due to her mother ignoring her and her father busy with another woman, Asuka had no one to turn to. This probably caused some abandonment issues on her part."
As Kaji spoke, Saitama was carefully analyzing Asuka's past and what he could use to help her, that is to say, only half paying attention and spending the other half of his thoughts on what sales were currently going on in the supermarkets around Tokyo-3. He really didn't want to seem insensitive, but Kaji simply kept droning on.
"Then, a year later after Unit-2's first activation test, Asuka was accepted by Nerv as a pilot. She probably felt elated, on cloud nine if you will, and she ran to her mother's room to tell her the news, possibly hoping that it would make her acknowledge Asuka as her real daughter again. Unfortunately, it was also the day Kyoko hung herself. Asuka was the first to find her, hanging there from a ceiling light. Forensics identified that she had committed suicide several hours earlier, so her body was bloated, eyes bulging out and skin pale, like Rei's, which is a possible cause of Asuka's dislike for her. And then, just when it couldn't get any worse, Kyoko chose to hang the doll with her. Asuka never really told me anything about it, but you can see the symbolical nature of the action- even in death Kyoko spurns her."
Kaji paused to let his speech sink in.
"So, what do you plan to do Saitama?"
Internally Saitama was sweating bullets. Crap, he thought. I wasn't listening at all! What am I supposed to say now?
Struggling, he managed to get out only a single sentence.
"Summarize what you just said. 20 words or less."
Kaji frowned at him, clearly annoyed, but he spoke regardless.
"Asuka's mother went insane. She mistook one of her dolls for Asuka. Then she killed herself. And Asuka found her. 20 words, you got it?"
"Yes."
Internally, Saitama let out a sigh of relief. Whew. Almost messed up there.
"Well?"
"I'll think about it."
"Hmph. Figures."
Kaji walked off, leaving Saitama to plan his next move.
Thought paths are a funny thing. They can go from thinking about what next to eat to wondering who your favorite fanfiction writer is. (Hint: It should be me.)
Saitama's thought path, for added visual effect went a little like this:
Asuka= Problems= Lack of parents= Genos= Tell Asuka about Genos= Wait how am I supposed to relate Genos to Asuka?= Think about it after the sale
By the time Saitama finished purchasing goods and services at the supermarket sale, the sundial was displaying a longer shadow and the sun was touching the horizon. Hurrying home, Saitama's brain chose that moment to remember that he still needed to somehow help Asuka. Instead of breaking into a cold sweat, in a feat of remarkable foresight and planning, Saitama chose to ignore the problem and deal with it tomorrow.
He reached the apartment complex, climbed the stairs and knocked on the door to Misato's apartment. Shinji opened it and let him in, returning to the kitchen just as quickly as he came.
Saitama set some of the bags he brought with him on the living room floor and moved to the TV stand to get the remote. Turning on the telly, he sat upon the couch and began to browse the channels.
"Hi! Billy Mays here-"
click
"Well Rob, I think the geopolitical structure of South Sudan following the Second Impact is-"
click
"Why did you say that name?!"
click
"Omae wa mou shindeiru"
nani?
"Tonight, on Masterchef Kitchen-"
click
"Hey there-"
click
"And tonight-"
click
"Do you or someone you know suffer from clinical depression, parental abandonment issue, anger issues, or traumatic mental events?"
Yes.
"Are you struggling to find help and comfort for yourself or your loved ones?"
Yes.
"Well, all your concerns and problems can now be solved by watching these following cases on: Doctor Phil."
Well that's helpful.
And thus Saitama spent the rest of the evening before dinner watching Doctor Phil.
By the time dinner rolled around, Saitama was a veritable expert in the exploiting and humiliating the mentally ill and the actually in need of professional help through dramatized and often unhelpful ways to boost ratings and money.
When Shinji called "Dinner!" Saitama turned off the TV, confident that with a few more episodes of Doctor Phil, he would be able to effectively treat Asuka through therapeutic and psychological means.
Walking into the kitchen, Saitama pulled back a chair sat down, ready to devour whatever delicious food Shinji had made to today. As usual, Asuka did not seem to be in the mood of gracing the lowly kitchen and humble Chef Ikari with her presence.
Misato slunk into the room, beer cans in hand, evidently prepared to drink her way through the night.
Shinji carefully stepped over to the table, arms laden with plates and bowls of food. Setting them down, Shinji took off his apron and sat down. The odd family of unrelated people connected by a single circumstance, minus one member, dug into the food, because even if times were rough the food remained good, and in times of trying people needed to find comfort where they could.
They sat in quietness, broken only by the clinking of utensils and the chewing of food.
It could have been another night in the Katsuragi household in recent memory, one of silence and absence, an empty void where a vibrant fire of a person used to occupy.
It wasn't
It could have been the night where Asuka finally left her room and declared to the world: "I am Asuka Motherfucking Langley Sorhyu and I can do goddamn anything!" And everything would have been made alright again.
It wasn't.
It could have been the night where Misato drunkenly recreated the Great College Orgy of '02 that involved a several highschool freshmen and a washed up Costa Rican fisherman and would have most certainly led her arrest for pedophilia if the responding officers hadn't been dragged into the orgy.
It wasn't.
Instead, it was the night of change. A night of bandages ripped aside, of healing finally beginning, of a family coming together.
And it all started with Shinji.
Halfway through, Shinji mustered up the courage to speak.
"Saitama-san?"
Saitama stopped eating in order to swallow and respond.
"Yeah?"
"Are you ready to help Asuka?"
Saitama paused and prepared himself to let the young man down, giving some excuse like he required more time or whatnot, but fate intervened, and as Saitama began to shake his head, his eyes met Shinji's. It was basic knowledge that Shinji had 'stupid puppy dog' eyes, and if you were unaware, than Asuka loudly complaining about it her daily gripes would have informed you to it.
Until that moment, Saitama had never understood what she meant, but looking into Shinji's chocolate brown eyes, Saitama developed the strong impression of a hopeful yet sad puppy looking up at him, to which his heart could not bear to say no to. How on earth could Asuka ever be so cruel to someone who looked so much like a homeless puppy, shivering in dark alleyways on cold, raining winter nights.
"... Yes."
Shinji smiled, and it was like the whole world smiled with him. The dark night outside seemed to abate, and the lights in the room shined brighter than ever. If he was a Disney princess surely sparkles and glitter would rain down around him. Saitama was seriously disturbed by his ability to look so happy with just a single smile.
"That's great! Thank you, Saitama-san!"
"Yeah. Sure"
But Shinji was too happy to notice Saitama's peculiar voice.
Misato, on the other end of the table, watched the exchange with interest. Could Saitama succeed where so many others had failed in the task of comforting and helping Asuka move on?
Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z.
Psyche!
The chapter ain't over yet.
At the end of dinner Saitama got up from the table and prepared to disappoint Shinji.
Shinji, on the other hand, looked to Saitama with hope and reverence. Here was a hero, one who made it so that Shinji would never have to pilot the Eva again, one who somehow changed his father to a friendlier and more approachable man, and one who soon, would enter Asuka's room and heal her of all pains and troubles.
Misato mentally wished him luck as she watched him leave.
Saitama stepped away from the table and toward Asuka's room, each step like a ringing gong, signifying the hour of his demise to Saitama.
Coming up to the door of Asuka's room, Saitama braced himself. Then he knocked.
Asuka didn't respond.
"Asuka?"
Still not response.
"Hey, are you awake?"
Panic suddenly seized him when he remembered that Asuka's mother committed suicide. He pushed aside the door and burst into the room.
Asuka lay on her bed staring up into the ceiling. She sat up to look at him.
"What." Her voice sounded was dead and uncaring.
"Why didn't you answer?"
"Because I was hoping that you would go away if I didn't say anything."
There was an odd edge to her voice, and upon closer inspection, Saitama noticed that her eyes were red and the area around them were slightly crusted.
"Were you crying?"
"Shut the fuck up! I'm Asuka Langley Sorhyu and I don't fucking cry!"
Saitama held up his hands in a placating gesture.
"Sorry, sorry."
"Don't fucking apologize!"
Unsure of what to say, Saitama resorted to his default response.
"Okay."
Saitama sighed. The trainwreck was starting.
"What do you want."
"To talk to you."
"Aren't you doing that now."
Unfazed by her hostility, Saitama sat down next to her on her bed.
"You're supposed to ask first."
"Sor- Okay."
Asuka let out a toneless laugh. "Hah. At least you learn. Baka Shinji never does. Now what do you want?"
"To help you."
"How are you going to do that?"
"By talking to you."
"Well, there's nothing wrong with me so you can go away now."
"Yes there is."
"No there isn't."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Kaji told me about your mother."
"No. Wait what?"
"Kaji told me what happened to your mother."
Her tone shifted slightly. "You mean how she was a crazy bitch and killed herself?"
"That's not a nice way to talk about your mother."
"Yes it is. It's true and she deserved it. She deserved everything she got. She was stupid and blind and dumb and crazy and she deserved to die because of it. She was nothing. She was worthless. The only thing she was was a failed pilot that sat in the cockpit and she screwed it all up by going insane. She was a nutcase. That stupid doll was proof. And-and I don't need her. I never needed her. I stopped needing her when... when she stopped being my mother."
Somewhere inside Asuka there was a lone mirror enveloped in darkness. Before it was Asuka, who stood there unmoving, watching her own reflection. Over the years many things had come and chipped at the mirror, the sides were dented and the glass was scratched, but the mirror held and Asuka could continue to see the strong and fierce girl in the reflection that she didn't feel she was, and months ago the angel left its own mark on the mirror, an ugly crack zigzagging and running diagonally through the side of the mirror. The crack weakened the mirror, soon shards were falling out and the internal Asuka's reflection became ugly and distorted, a way reflective of how she saw herself in the physical world. Now Saitama had come along and punched the mirror, a fist straight in the center that created more cracks that rapidly spread outward until the mirror itself shattered and Asuka was left with nothing but the darkness.
In the physical world there was reflecting effect.
A solitary tear leaked from her eye and traced its way down her cheek, like a pencil on paper. When it reached her chin it coagulated for a second before dropping off. It hit the bed and left a dark spot on the sheet, almost like an artillery shells leaves a hole in the target. The dark spot was soon joined by another. And another. And another. Now the tears came rolling down, like rain, each fat drop sliding and falling, becoming a stain on the blanket. Her breathes came erratically and her body shook with sobs.
"Hey, hey. Don't cry."
Saitama awkwardly put his arms around the crying girl and did his best to comfort her.
"Everything's going to be alright. You don't need to cry."
Like an occurrence of reverse psychology, Asuka did the complete opposite and cried even harder.
"Nothing's alright. Everything's terrible. I'm worthless. I can't pilot. Everyone hates me and no one cares about me!"
Now Saitama was panicking. Shinji would guaranteed hear her for sure, and then his credibility as a hero to him would be gone for sure. Suddenly, he was struck by inspiration.
"Hey, let's go to the balcony. The fresh air would do you some good."
Pulling up an unresistant Asuka, Saitama led the girl out of her room and onto the balcony.
He opened the balcony door and led her into the warm summer night.
He leaned onto the balcony railing and Asuka followed suit.
"Okay. What do you think is the problem?"
"I'm worthless, that's the problem. I can't pilot anymore and without the Eva, I have nothing. I put my whole life into piloting. That was the only reason anyone put up with me. The only reason anyone cared about me."
She choked out a sob.
"And now it's gone."
Saitama looked out into the night and sighed.
"Have I ever told you about Genos?"
"Who's that?"
"My cyborg apprentice."
Asuka was so confused by the information that she temporarily forgot that she was sad.
"What?"
"Never mind. What I wanted to do was tell you about him."
"How is he supposed to relate to me?"
"Well, when I first met Genos, he had nothing, did nothing but kill monsters. Like you. Genos was determined to become stronger, to be better than everyone so he could defeat the cyborg that slaughtered his village."
"What cyborg?"
"The one that slaughtered his village."
"You already said that."
"So why did you ask me to repeat it?"
"Never mind, continue."
"When I met him, he was more machine than man, and he was only nineteen. You are younger than Genos, you may have suffered, but not as much as Genos. Genos, after he became my disciple, realized there was more to life than his original purpose. When he started fighting monsters, he focused his abilities and body solely on destruction and offense. Under my tutelage he realized that there were some limits to his strength that he could not reach by upgrades alone. He needed to pursue other methods to gain strength. Just like he realized there was more to strength than just training or upgrading your body, you too must realize that there is more to life than Eva and that there are people in life who care about you."
Saitama really didn't know what he was saying at this point and it really didn't have a clear or concise point, but Asuka seemed to buy it, because she was silent for a while.
The two stood there on the balcony as life passed by on a hot summer's night, as a cool breeze flew in and blew Asuka's hair to one side, giving her a look of deep thought, as crickets chirped in the night.
"Are there really people who care about me?"
"Sure."
"Who?"
"Me."
"You?"
"Sure. I wouldn't be here talking to you if I didn't, would I?"
"You're just one person."
"There's Misato and Kaji."
"Misato only cares because I'm a pilot she can use in her quest to kill all the angels. Kaji doesn't notice me."
Saitama remained silent for a moment, deciding whether he should or should not say the next name. In the end he decided that it would probably be more beneficial if he said it.
"Shinji cares."
"Shinji..." Asuka said, her voice lost in thought. "Why would Shinji care about me? All I've done to him is yell and hurt him."
"But he still cares about you. He makes you food every day."
"He makes everyone food every day."
"Sometimes he does it specifically for you. Like that morning when he made pancakes."
"Why? Why would he? I've been nothing but a bitch to him."
"Because he likes you."
"He does?" She said, her voice containing a trace of longing and hopefulness, which she quashed with her next words. "No. He doesn't. He only does it because he feels sorry for me."
"Maybe he feels both."
"... No. It's only pity."
"Why?"
"I kissed him once."
An inquisitive look appeared on Saitama's face.
"When?"
"A little while after the Eleventh Angel."
Saitama said nothing, and Asuka took it as a cue to continue.
"I kissed him. I kissed him and he didn't even respond. He didn't hold me. He didn't even close his eyes. He just stood there, like he didn't care and was just humoring me with the kiss. And he ended it first."
Saitama raised an eyebrow.
"... I might have been pinching his nose."
"I think he needed to breath when he broke off."
"Oh. That would make sense."
"And he didn't hold you because of how surprised he was."
"Why would he be surprised? I told him I was going to kiss him. I pinched his nose, brought my face up to his, and he was surprised?"
"How many people have you kissed since arriving in Japan?"
"One."
Saitama cocked his head and made a facial expression whose meaning soon became apparent to Asuka.
"Oh."
"Have you done any pranks to him involving kissing or other similar things."
"... Yes."
"So?"
"I should kiss him again?"
"Maybe. If you want to. It's what Asuka Langley Sorhyu, the amazing Second Child, Pilot of Unit-2 who can do anything she wants because she's Asuka Langley Sorhyu would do, right?" God, that sounded corny as hell, but Asuka seemed to suck it up.
"Yeah. Yeah, it is what I would do, because I'm the great Asuka Langley Sorhyu, and a single measly angel isn't going to defeat me so easily!"
"There you go," said Saitama, trying to rein in the fire now that it was burning again, "now let's go back inside."
But the fire had started, and Asuka was on a roll.
"You think you can traumatize me?!" She screamed into the night. "I'm the Second Child! I eat angels for breakfast! Knock me down and I'll get up even stronger than ever! In fact, I'm going to go inside right now and show you what I think of your pathetic attempt to hurt me!"
Throwing aside the balcony door, Asuka marched inside.
...
Shinji had long ago finished washing the dishes. He'd heard Saitama followed by a crying Asuka leave her room and go out onto the balcony. After that he went into the living room to pretend to watch TV so he could listen in on the conversation, but upon sitting down he realized that he didn't have the heart to eavesdrop on Asuka while she was baring her heart to Saitama.
He was sitting there, mindlessly flicking through the channels, waiting for the two to stop talking so he could see what the Strongest Hero had done to comfort Asuka and her troubled past.
He was not expecting Asuka to come barreling in and forcefully pull him up from the couch by the arm.
"Agh! Asuka, what are you doing?"
"Shut up and follow me."
She dragged him into the hallway and into her room and slammed the door closed. Shinji's muffled voice could be heard from inside.
"Asuka, what-"
"Shut up, hold me, and kiss me, baka."
"Wha- mmph"
For a second the sound of teenagers kissing could be heard.
"I said hold me, baka!"
"S-sorry."
"Shut up and hold me!"
"Y-yes ma'am."
"There. Was that so hard?"
"Asuka, I'm so confus-"
"Shh. Don't ruin the mood baka."
"Sorry- mmph"
Saitama returned to the insides of the apartment just in time to hear two teenagers making out, with Misato standing outside their door.
"Congratulations. I really didn't think you could do it."
"Thanks? Wait, why are you standing right next to the door? Do you get off on this or something?"
"What?! No! I'm just making sure they don't take it too far!"
And them a moan came from inside the room.
"Okay, that's it. I'm going in!"
Sighing, Saitama turned around and walked towards the door. Life had returned to normal in the Katsuragi household.
"OH HELL NO, YOU TWO WILL NOT BE ENGAGING IN ANY SORT OF HANKY-PANKY UNDER MY WATCH!"
"OH, LOOK AT THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK!"
"Can you two please stop fighting?"
"NO!"
"NO!"
"OH, AND USE PROTECTION WHEN YOU ACTUALLY DO IT. In fact, I'll go to my room right now and get some."
"Misato..."
"OH YEAH?! WELL WE'RE GOING TO USE IT TONIGHT!"
"NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!"
Well, at least as normal as life can get for the household.
Omake That's Pure Fluff. Also Because I Haven't Done One in a While:
Later that night, when all the excitement and hubbub had died down, Shinji lay in his bed contemplating the events that had happened just hours before. Asuka was... normal again. That fire she once possessed had been reignited, for which Shinji was immensely grateful to Saitama for. But there was something on his mind, something so profound and unbelievable that Shinji would not have thought possible had he not experienced it first hand.
Asuka had dragged him into her room and kissed him. First she demanded to be held in his arms, but she kissed him.
She kissed him, spineless Shinji Ikari the baka. She kissed him! A lot! And then she said she wanted to do it with him! Although that was probably just her saying it to provoke Misato, so he'd focus on the first part.
She kissed him. The first time she did it she called his performance terrible and rushed off to the bathroom to rinse out her mouth, an act that split his heart in two that day.
Shinji hated thinking about that day. It depressed him, but also brought up a frightening point. Were her actions today all just an act? Would he wake up the next to find her cold and disdainful to him? Or would she call him a pervert and hit him some more?
Such thoughts kept him feeling cold as ice and unable to leave the land of the conscious and slip peacefully into the land of the lucid.
He lay on his bed, the minutes until the great clock tower would strike twelve slowly creeping by, when out of the blue, his door slid open. Shinji turned his head to look at the entrant to his room.
It was Asuka.
"I finally managed to get past the old hag outside my room. Ha! She thought she could stay up all night and keep me from coming to you, but those beers she had for dinner ended up being her own demise!"
Shinji stared at her in terror. Was this it? Was this finally the time when Asuka would revenge herself upon him for being so 'perverted' and kissing her, when it was her that initiated it, a hypocrisy that served only to do him further harm when pointed out? Shinji hoped she wouldn't leave any lasting damage.
As she approached, Shinji lay still, eyes closed, to await the inevitable. To his surprise, no blow was forthcoming. He opened one eye in apprehensive fear, half expecting to see a fist flying at him. That which he saw shocked him more than any of the angels and their unnatural abilities.
Asuka was climbing into bed! His bed! She was going to sleep with him! Or maybe she wanted a better angle to strangle him from.
Pulling the covers over herself, Asuka snuggled right up to Shinji and put her arms around him.
Oh yes, she was definitely going to strangle him.
Shinji recoiled in fear, an action that Asuka undoubtedly noticed due to being right next to him.
This was it. Goodbye, cruel world. May he rest in peace at least, unburdened with all the woes and wrongs life had bestowed upon him.
Once again, he was surprised by Asuka's next action. She sighed, let go of him, and turned away from him.
"Sorry Shinji," She said in a sad tone, "I've hurt you, haven't I?"
Shinji's heart reached its melting point at the sound of her mournful tone. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and comfort her, to assure her that everything would be alright and that he would protect her all the harms and ills in the world.
"I know I've done things like this before that all led to you being hurt, and I'm sorry. This time it's genuine, and if you don't believe me, that's fine. I understand. I came here tonight because I wanted you to comfort me, but I guess that was selfish of me, considering how much I've hurt you. Goodnight Shinji. I'll see you tomorrow, and from then on, I promise that I won't hurt you anymore. I'll make up for everything I've ever done and love you with all my heart, so maybe, just maybe, you can love me back."
She lay there for a second, just wanting to lay there for another second, and then some more, and then until forever came, because it was warm under the covers with Shinji. It made her feel safe there, comforted, and loved, which she knew she didn't deserve.
But before she could get up and leave the little slice of heaven, a pair of arms slid around her and wrapped her close to the body they were attached to.
A tear fell from her eye, and she gave a small little smile.
"Baka."
...
There is a fortress city on an island nation, ravaged by disaster and attack from monsters, but the city, like its people, are stubborn and unwilling to fall. It is night now, and the city sleeps serenely.
Somewhere in this city, in an apartment room on the fifth floor of a building part of an apartment complex with few residents, sleeps two children. They did not have an easy beginning, and had even harder trials to endure to get to where they were now, but here, now in the current moment, they are happy. They sleep, peacefully, wrapped in each other, uncaring of the rest of the world, for tonight, the small room in which they sleep is the world. They are both flawed in an infinitude of ways, but their love for another fills those flaws and makes them whole.
The Earth turns on, and their newly ignited love burns on, and it shall for a very, very, long time, almost reaching to eternity.
fin.
*Which in hindsight probably would not have happened, seeing as Saitama was currently residing on said world.
**Originally vigorously against this idea, Asuka soon changed her mind when finding out that the Rei body pillows had sold more than those made in her likeliness. From then on, it was always a competition between the pilots to see whose body could sell the most pillows. Surprisingly, this was one of the few competitions between her and Asuka that Rei actually acknowledged and actively participated in. Shinji body pillows sold the least.
A/N: I hope I got all the dialogue right. Also, ho-lee shit, longest chapter to date. The words just kept coming and coming as the chapter grew larger. Also, this chapter is longer than all the preceding chapters combined! Also, are you proud of me now mom? Also, the is more than 7000 words long, so you'll have to excuse me for any mispellings and grammatical errors. If you could point them out, that would also be helpful. Also, I use the word 'also' a lot. Also, I'll see you in the next chapter. Also, Ciao.