A/C - Hi there! I never thought I would get SO emotional about an ending. Ending's are so hard to write, and even harder to execute. I try not to see them as endings but as opportunities. This is what I've tried to give you for the FINAL chapter of Kamikaze. I truly hope you enjoy as much as I have enjoyed reading your amazing reviews (and for writing for you, all hiccups aside). I'm terrible at replying to your beautiful words but I certainly do appreciate all of them! In appreciation of all your support, reviews and tagging along with me down this road...final SHOUTOUTS!
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Chapter 24 - Kamikaze (FINAL)
TWO YEARS LATER.
I was free. And it was breathtaking.
I had never imagined the world to be as big as it was. I had never imagined my own little life becoming something worthwhile.
Surprisingly, my years were not spent in a 'after Naru' darkness like the way that they had six years ago. I had given myself the time I needed, had given myself the space to heal.
And heal I did.
Once I graduated, Masako helped me find an internship in California as a Japanese Teacher. It wasn't what I had originally planned for myself but needing the practical experience I took the opportunity. I co-taught at a kindergarten to grade nine school for, originally, six weeks.
It was then I was offered to join the California Association of Japanese Teachers and stay in California for an additional year to cover an upcoming maternity leave.
During my time in the United States, I stayed with Masako who owned a two-bedroom condo near the beach.
The two of us did what any young bachelorettes would do: we lived our best lives. The two of us went shopping, went to the beach and we even dated. It was true, I had found myself willing to enjoy the company of another physical body after I let my own mind heal. It was the perfect way to allow my heart to begin opening up again. It had reminded me, a little sadly, of Lucien and his fate.
We had a celebration of life for him - his death was pronounced an act of suicide and I had wondered if that had been true, or if Izanagi had killed him.
I tried not to linger on those topics so much. Lucien would always be in my heart for the rest of my life.
The best part about America was it gave me the perfect place to learn English. My Japanese accent hadn't completely disappeared but by the end of that year I could fluently speak and understand English.
During my time with Masako, I helped her on spirit cases that she often took as a medium. The large draw to the paranormal was huge in America, to which Masako could use her talents and make extra money.
Once the year was over, and I went back to Japan. Yasu informed me that a letter came in for me during my time away.
That was the first letter Naru had sent, not knowing I was away from Japan at the time.
It made my heart flutter so much.
The contents inside the letter had been simple. Naru talked about his life and how his career was going. He talked about upcoming research opportunities, to which I imagined him opening up another research center like SPR. The entire time I read the letter, I imagined him sitting over a an elaborate desk, in a beautiful office, and writing the letter. His writing was neat and tidy, just like I had remembered from his constant journalism work.
I wrote back immediately. I had told him about my time in America, about the things I had learned and seen. I also told him about my job and the hardships of being a foreigner in a different country. The next day, I sent it via post.
It hadn't taken me long to find a job in Japan with the experience I had gained overseas. I worked in the Kyoto area as a school teacher. It had been a little over two weeks before Naru sent another letter.
We communicated like this for a few months before texting became more practical. It still didn't stop me from keeping all of his letters. I had slipped them into clear sleeves that I kept safe in a binder. The distance and letters made me feel closer to Naru than I ever had before, which was odd and surreal. Before all of this, distance was what I became the most terrified of because I thought it meant everyone would forget and I hadn't wanted to be forgotten.
I didn't want to forget, either.
I have learned that sometimes the best way to appreciate something is to be without it for a while.
One day, in the dead of summer, Masako had called me about an upcoming conference for the Parapsychological Association in Durham. It was perfect timing, since school was on a little break and I immediately accepted to be her 'plus' one.
We met in Durham the night before the conference to catch up.
I had deeply missed being her roommate and was fond of all our memories together in California. We hang out with one another and told ridiculous stories about our lives. She told me about unusual cases; I told her about Yasu's usual antics. This would tide us over in a fit of giggles before we had more wine.
The conference was during the day and was filled with keynote speakers and panel discussions. I had never been to a conference before, this being my first one and I hadn't expected it to be so interesting (since I had heard they were mostly boring). Masako was a popular figure, renowned in her own right, and I felt like I did not contribute too much to this conference.
Masako slipped her arms through mine to reassure me and said. "At least I have some of the best looking date in this entire place."
This set us both into a laughing fit, it made me feel better.
I would have loved to stay in this world but without Naru I didn't know how to start up a business doing it on my own. I wasn't confident enough because it wasn't my expertise. So I watched from the sidelines and often dabbled in my own self-ghost hunting regime with Bou-san, Ayako, John and Yasu back in Japan.
After a full day of panels, we left to get dressed for the nightly events: a gala.
Masako wore a gorgeous burgundy dress that had lace down the front panels of the bodice and laced sleeves. She didn't have to wear much jewelry or makeup to look positively radiant and she stuck with pearl earrings and a matching necklace. She swiped black kohl on her eyelashes to deepen her smoldering look.
I wore a simple halter style dress. The bodice fit my waist snugly before flaring at my hips into panels of short draping fabric that moved with me elegantly. I also wore my hair down with sparkling berets to keep it from falling on my face. I kept my jewelry to a minimum with a pair of diamond studs (that Masako bought me the same time I got my ears pierced for her) and a teardrop shaped fake-diamond necklace. The only makeup I opted for was lip-gloss, eye-shadow, some blush on my cheeks and eyeliner to darken my upper lash line.
Masko and I took some selfies, listened to some music to pump us up and then we made our way to the Gala.
On our way down from the hotel room, Masako said. "I heard there might be a Davis at the Gala. They didn't elaborate on which Davis."
It wasn't a warning, like it would have been if Masako didn't know Naru and I were talking.
It was an opportunity. I felt a smile creep onto my face as I wiggled my eyebrow at her. Inside, I tried not to be too excited at the opportunity of seeing Naru, or his parents. My phone wasn't on (in terms of data) since I didn't have an overseas plan now. I guess I was going to have to just keep my eyes open.
Most of the evening went by in a blur. I hadn't recognized anyone, all these faces were foreign to me. Masako had always done better in crowds than I did, so I found myself roaming around the gala, looking at the various vendors the conference had to offer.
It was there a dark haired man caught my eye. He was wearing an all-black ensemble that made him look even more dashing than his usual black button up shirt had. My heels clicked as I made my way over to him.
"I heard there was going to be a Davis in the crowd," I said in as perfect English as I could manage. I couldn't stop smiling at him. "I wasn't expecting it to be you."
Naru was watching me and when he heard my English, there was a pull at the corner of his lips. "I recall you telling me in your letters that you've undertaken English."
"Is that smile an indication that it's bad?" I raised an eyebrow at him.
There was a glint in his eye at my gentle flirting, which I had become better at throughout these last couple years.
"Better than I expected." He said, then switched to Japanese. "I'm surprised to see you here."
There was no animosity in his words, and I knew he meant it. The moment took me back two years ago when Naru would tell me private thoughts and feelings he wouldn't normally voice. It had felt shockingly intimate.
In the back of my mind, I had hoped he would be here. Even though we had been going back and forth writing to one another, had been miles and miles apart, it didn't feel strange and awkward between us. Time had worked everything out the way it was supposed to the first time.
And being in his presence again… oh Naru had some kind of effect on me. He permanently left me speechless and caught in headlights.
"I'm happy you're here," I said, shyly and meant it. "I've thought about you a lot, and how much I've missed you. It's nice to finally get the chance to tell you that in person."
Naru was hesitant with himself, as he usually was.
He allowed me to reach out and twine my fingers through his. The moment I felt Naru squeeze my hand back I knew that I was ready to be with this man. After all these years of learning to love myself again I was ready to fully love him. I wanted to selfishly be with him for the rest of my life.
Naru said, "I've missed you too."
Hearing those words from Naru's lips, I knew that Naru was ready to be with me and to give this a second chance. Here was a man who had always accepted my flaws, who made me stronger and who followed me to death and back (literally).
Naru's scent drew me closer, his arm slowly wrapping around my waist. It reminded me of long ago when I dreamt about Gene and I standing in a windy field together in each other's arms.
I felt Gene then - from a deep pull within me. I hadn't told anyone that I was still able to access those strange dark lands. I had become so good at controlling my powers now that the world instantly shifted when I felt him. I saw Gene standing on that dark plane, his smile was like an arrow straight to my heart. I smiled back and knew Gene would be a part of this journey ahead, no matter where it brought us.
The world reverted back as Naru's scent filled up my lungs and when I looked up at those deep violet-blue eyes, I knew my heart was exposed.
All that was left to do was watch this love explode like a whirlwind streaming all around us - like a kamikaze.
END.