A/N: I'm sorry. I've been suffering with depression, apathy, writers block, an accident with a chip fryer and eczema so I've not been in the best state to write a chapter that didn't end in everyone dying. I hope this makes up for the break (I've had some requests for this and I wanted to do something less doom and gloom) and I will try to return to regular updates.

After nearly an hour, Tristan directed the mingling vampires into the dining room. I decided to go outside and get some air. All the attention was a little overwhelming.

I let myself into the garden, took my shoes off and walked out onto the grass, curling my toes to relish in the sensation of the dew underfoot. I felt grounded, part of nature. I closed my eyes, enjoying the peace.

A bush rustled nearby and a twig snapped. My eyes opened, immediately searching for the source of the noise. I focused on the bushes and saw two golden eyes staring back at me. I took a step closer and knelt down. I felt no fear, instead I felt something warm stir inside me. I held out my hand and a wolf emerged from the bushes. He came over and gently nuzzled my hand. I felt an instant sense of familiarity.

"Hello old friend."

The wolf whined and pawed the pendant at my throat before sitting back and giving me a reproachful look.

"I'm sorry that I stopped wearing it. I didn't have a choice. I have missed you greatly though." I sat on the grass and Ansel rested his head on my lap. I played with his fur, comforted by his presence. "I didn't know if I'd ever see you again."

He stretched out, tail wagging. I smiled to myself. It was more than just seeing an old friend. Ansel represented a little bit of home.

A realisation hit me and I pulled away from Ansel. He whined and cocked his head to the side.

"Can you wait here? I have to go and get something from inside. I promise it's important." He nodded and settled into the grass, showing that he had no intention of moving.

I went back inside and hurried up the stairs. I went to the twins room and over to where Lilah was sleeping. I stroked her hair and whispered, trying to wake her without waking Blair.

"Lilah, sweetie wake up, I want to show you something."

She grumbled sleepily and half opened her eyes. I smiled and picked her up. She wrapped her arms around me, still half asleep. Her stuffed wolf was clutched in one hand. I carried her down the stairs and through the foyer to the back door. I was glad that none of the Strix were around. Their interest in Lilah concerned me.

I went out to the garden with Lilah in my arms and over to where Ansel was waiting. I knelt down, setting her down on the ground. She held onto me, keeping her face pressed against my chest.

"Ansel, I want you to say hello to your granddaughter. Lilah, this is your grandpa." Lilah lifted her head and peeked over at the wolf. She gasped softly and released me, throwing her arms around his neck. He wagged his tail and nuzzled her gently. She pulled back and held up her wolf toy to him, comparing the two. Ansel looked at me, happiness clear on every feature of his face. "I know, she's a bit bigger since you last saw her."

Lilah plonked herself down on the grass and began to play with Ansel's fur and ears, lifting his paws and examining them. I sat down and watched. Ansel rested his head on my knee, letting Lilah do whatever she wanted. Everything felt good. This was the way it should be. Family together… even if it was only a small part of it.

Watching her play, I knew that if I wanted to get her back home, I was going to have to work with my current situation, not against it. I had been trying not to get involved in whatever Tristan wanted from me, skirting around the edges of it. I was going to have to change tact and use whatever happened to my advantage.

Lilah settled down, resting her head on Ansel's flank and cuddled his tail close. She closed her eyes, dozing off. I watched her silently for a little while before looking to Ansel.

"If this had been different… she would have been raised with your kind…" I said to him. "If I'd stayed in the bayou. Maybe that would have been better… none of this would have happened."

Ansel whined and head butted my leg lightly.

"Okay, I admit I don't regret it. No matter what's happened since, I don't regret going back to them. They're my family and I love them." I sighed. "I'm going to have to do some things that… I really don't want to do. But… it's worth it right?" He looked at me. "Please Ansel. You're the only guidance I have, the only person I know I can trust right now. Tell me… do I do… what I need to do in order to get home? No matter how… shameful?"

He was silent for a minute and then placed a paw on my knee, eyes locked with me. I took that as encouragement, willing me to be brave. I kissed his furry forehead and lifted Lilah from the ground.

"Thank you. You should get going before the strix come out." He nodded and got to his feet. "I'll see you again, I hope."

I headed back into the house and took Lilah up to her room. She stirred in my arms and looked at me sadly. She held up her wolf toy.

"I'm sorry princess, he had to go. But we'll see him again, I promise."

I tucked her into her bed and kissed her forehead. I really wanted to curl up in my own bed and sleep but I knew I needed to go back downstairs and make an effort.

I took a deep breath, brushed off a few grass stains and headed downstairs. I went into the dining hall. Everyone was seated and eating, laughing and talking loudly so no one noticed my entrance. I went over to the one empty chair, on Tristan's left opposite Aya. He smiled slightly when he saw me.

"I was beginning to worry one of my guests had eaten you Elena."

"No… it just got a little overwhelming. I needed some time to breathe."

"I understand, we can be a somewhat intimidating group."

"So… how does one go about joining your little vampire treehouse?"

"Does this mean you're interested?"

"No, it means I'm curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat," said Aya from across the table, smiling slightly.

"But satisfaction brought it back. People always forget that part. It's the like the blood and water thing."

Tristan raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not quite sure what you mean Elena."

"Well, everyone always says blood is thicker than water. Like your family is what's stronger than anything else. But that's not the actual saying and it basically reverses the original meaning. Just like curiosity and the cat."

Tristan chuckled softly.

"Well Elena, in answer to your question, all our initiates go through a trial. Ordinarily we'd take their daylight ring and they'd have to find it."

"What if they don't have a daylight ring?"

"Then we'll find something that's just as important to them."

"And what do they get if they pass the test? Apart from access to your parties?"

"We make sure all our members are well looked after."

"You ask a lot of questions for someone who's just curious," said Aya softly.

"Well I'm very thorough." Both Aya and Tristan raised their eyebrows. "Okay maybe I'm a little interested. But only at a superficial level. After all, you wouldn't want me. I'm just a human."

"You're doing yourself a disservice Elena. There's no 'just' about you," said Aya. "You're a doppelganger, you're a queen. You're a human who bore the children of our sire."

"I had sex with Elijah. I'm sure there are others at this table who've done the same. Tristan is definitely his type," I teased. Tristan chuckled softly and even Aya cracked a smile. "Besides, I wouldn't be a very useful member. Yeah I can push out a kid but I also age and get sick and lose in fights where I don't have pencils to shove into my enemy's throat. Being a doppelganger and a queen doesn't negate the human part."

"Humanity is fleeting," said Tristan. "Yes you're human now, but that won't be the case forever."

"Lucien will never turn me. I'm only useful to him as a human." In my head it occurred to me that maybe Lucien would turn me… once he'd gotten what he wanted and I was completely broken. Then he could send me back to the Mikaelsons as a living reminder of their failure to stop him… but no, he wouldn't be that sadistic. Besides, even if he was it wouldn't give him any advantage… the siblings would hunt him down and murder him…

"Lucien's far from being the only vampire."

I fell silent. I knew that I'd told myself I'd use every opportunity I had and do whatever it took to get home but turning… that scared me. If I was a vampire, I was harder to kill but it was also harder to die. I could wind up trapped at the mercy of a sadistic vampire for eternity with no way out.

I kept quiet for the rest of the evening, only speaking when directly spoken to. My mind was a blur of conflicting thoughts. I knew, as a vampire, I'd have a better chance to get away from Lucien and Tristan had all but said he'd turn me… but even with Stefan I'd never wanted that life. Maybe at some point but I'd never felt ready for that. I needed to think about this. It wasn't something I wanted but it might be the best option…

Dinner wrapped up and Tristan said goodbye to his guests. I gave polite smiles but really I was lost in my own head. Aya stayed behind while Tristan showed them out and she watched me silently for a few minutes before speaking.

"I don't see what the conflict is here, Elena." I frowned.

"I'm not conflicted…"

"It certainly seems like you are."

"Well… I've got a lot going on…"

"Elena, Tristan asked me to teach you. To make you strong. And I take that role seriously. So I am going to give you some advice. You have an offer on the table. Maybe he hasn't said it but you both know that it is there. And yet… you've not taken it."

"I…"

"Lucien is a coward. He would own you and keep you as a slave. Tristan wants to make you into the queen you're meant to be. I know which I would choose."

"It's not about Tristan or Lucien. I have a family. I have kids. There are people I love. I want to choose the path that gives them the best life and lets me share it with them."

"You're not the first to love Elijah. To love any of them. Aurora loved Klaus. I loved Elijah. But they will always move on. And when they do, they will leave you behind. And I hate to say it Elena, but in your position, they will most likely leave you as a corpse. You need to stop worrying about them and think about your own survival. Yours and your daughters."

She got up and left the room, leaving me sitting there alone.