Do you know the feeling of falling in your sleep? You close your eyes not even realizing that you are close to falling asleep and suddenly, out of the nowhere, a black hole his swallowing you. Your eyes snap open and you are left panting until you calm down again being left with the feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach.
This feeling was the closest way for TK do describe how he felt right now. He was sitting in the bathroom he and his father were sharing trying to breath properly. GRANISETRON. The only thing he had wanted to do was find a gum in his fathers office but now he would do undo everything. Looking at his watch he whipped away a tear that had escaped his eyes. It was almost seven pm so his father would he home soon. He got up from the toilet seat and moved in front of the mirror seeing how many emotions were running trough his eyes.
TK shook his head and splashed cold water into his face taking in a deep breath. Looking up again his face was a mask without emotions. TK tried a small smile but it looked fake even to him. Moving to the living room he carefully sat on the sofa starring straight at his shoes. No matter what the last thing he wanted was to let his thoughts take their own way. Suddenly he heard the keys turning in the lock and then his father entered the room. Of course he would know that something wasn't right with TK. Owen had always known when his son was lost in thoughts. "Hey son, why aren't you sleeping?" TK let out a humorless laugh. "Wasn't tired." Owen sighed. "What's wrong son?" TK's eyes were glassy from the tears he refused to let slip. "I just wanted to find a gum in your office but instead I found a bottle of pills called Granisetron or how ever you pronounce that shit. I looked it up. It's against nausea of cancer treatments. But you know that right?"
Owen knew that it was bad. "Son, I wanted to tell you, really!" "How long did you know about the cancer?" Owen couldn't look his son in the eye. He knew that alll he would find would be anger and hurt. "Before we left New York."
TK furiously stood up. "Wow. You must think that I'm am damn weak if you are not telling me such an important thing!" Owen rubbed his suddenly tired eyes. "No Taylor. I didn't think that you were weak. I was just trying to keep you safe." TK took a step away from his father who was coming towards him. "No Dad. You don't need to lie. You think that I am weak because of what happened in New York but you had no right keeping that from me. I have a right to know what is going on in your life especially if you are slowly dying in front of my eyes, don't you think?"
Owen tried to grab his sons arm but TK pulled away. Suddenly Owen felt overwelmed and exhausted. "You know what TK? Maybe I was scared that it would happen again. Maybe I can't help but relive the moment I opened the door and all I could see was my son lying on the floor dead. Not breathing and in cardiac arrest because of his stupid addiction. I don't wanna see that ever again so maybe yes, maybe I think that you could relapse." He stopped his rant when he finally realised what he had said only seconds ago. "Tk, I'm sorry. Please, I didn't mean it. I'm just tired and worked up." He tried to apologize but it was vainly. The damage was done and Owen could see his son detaching himself from his emotions.
"Please Taylor. I didn't mean it. Come here, TK."
TK slipped away from his fathers touch and moved towards the door. "I'm gonna take a walk. Don't worry, I'm not gonna get high or whatever you might fear." With that he closed the door behind himself and almost ran to the street. It was almost dark outside and the the streets were empty as if the whole world knew that TK Strand wanted to be alone right know. He wandered around aimlessly not knowung what to do with himself he began to wander towards the firestation 126.
When he stood outside the huge building he kind of lost it. His world was crumbling around him and the last thing he had had was his Dad. Now he had even screwed that up with his overdose. He leaned in the wall and slid down slowly. He was falling and there was no end. The floor had been ripped away from under him and it felt like the strange dreams everyone sometimes gets. But this time there was no sudden end where you open your eyes and everything is normal again. His head was spinning around no matter how often he shook his head or blinked. TK's mind and his body was scream for a dose of pills but he just couldn't find the strength to get up and find a dealer.
Maybe it was for the best but all he could think about was his father dying and him not doing anything because what could you do for a man with cancer except of standing at his bedside and swearing him again and again that you are not leaving him?
Tk could feel his thoughts spiraling out of control but he could do nothing about it. He was weak just like his Dad had admitted to him earlier this evening. He had hurt his Dad deeply by overdosing bacjk in New York and now his own father couldn't trust him not to kill himself with drugs when he gets bad news. "I'm a fucking weak junkie." His words were only a whisper but he flinched hard when suddenly someone stepped out of the dark and actually answered him. "Sure, you are an idiot but a weak junkie? I don't know." When the person stepped into the light TK could see that it was actually Judd who answered him.
"Shit. What are you doin' here? Are you a stalker?" Judd had to laugh. "Nah, I have better things to do than searching for the coaches son just to bring him home." TK buried his head in his arms which were crossed on his legs, drawn to his chest. For a moment Judd was actually sorry for the kid. No one deserved to hear that their father had cancer and that he would probably die especially when you were only 24 years old. "Listen TK. I'm sorry for your father having cancer but you are the one thing keeping him alive. If you just vanish or try something stupid I swear he is not gonna survive that." TK looked up at the tall man looking down at him like he was a little kid.
"How do you know about the cancer?" Judd was annoyed. "For real kid? I come here to find your sorry ass and all you have to ask is how I know about your father having cancer?" TK rose up from the ground. "Yeah. That's my fucking right. I know it since I don't know, one hour? And you come here waltzing into my life, into my personal space and say something like -sorry your father's dying-?"
Judd rubbed his already tired eyes and tried to find the right words in order not to aggrivate TK even more. "I knew it, okay?" TK began to walk up and down. "OKAY? NO, it's not okay. I had the right to know. I am his damn son. And he tells it some stranger." Judd grabbed his shoulder but TK shook it away. "TK you have to calm down. You are starting to hyperventilate. He told me because I needed to hear that I'm not the only one struggling in life."
The pressure on TK's chest was making it harder and harder for him to breath properly. "I'm struggling too! I needed to hear that too. I'm not that weak. I wouldn't have-" Suddenly his vision went black and his legs gave away underneath him. Judd's reaction was the only reason that TK's body wasn't meeting the pavement with full force. But Judd was struggling to hold the dead weight of TK up.
Carefully he laid him down and dialed Michelles number on his cellphone. "Michelle? I need you at the fire station. TK collapsed on me and I'm worried…. Yeah, thanks. And Michelle? Please don't tell Owen. He has enough on his mind already!"
Firing up the lights around station 126 Judd could see how pale TK actually was. He felt for the pulse and all he could tell was that it was very fast and maybe arrhythmic. "Damn it TK. What mess did you get yourself into?" running for a first aid kit he tried to think of all possibilities. Looking into Tk's eyes he couldn't see something strange. They were isocore and not delayed. "Come on boy. I'm not telling your Dad that you fainted on me or else he will really think that you're weak." Judd began to open up the buttons on TK's dark Shirt. "Shit. What the hell his that?"
He could see a huge dark bruise running from Taylors right rips to his hip. It had already turned purple and Judd could tell that it was a few days old but it had to be painful non the less. Suddenly a cruiser came up the street making an awful noise as it braked. Michelle jumped out of the jeep taking her medical bag with her. "What happened Judd?"
"I've no idea. We spoke and he began to breath faster and faster so I told him to calm down and suddenly he collapsed on me. I managed to catch him so he didn't fall on his head but I found this bruise on his torso." Michelle pulled away the fabric cutting it lose. "Damn. That look painful. I think he passed out because of the pain. And no one of you knew that?" Judd shook his head. "Nah, but I have the feeling that I know where it's from."
Michelle pulled up one eyebrow. "And where from would that be?" She took out her stethoscope listening to TK's chest. Judd was still looking at the boy laying motionless on the ground. "Yesterday we were on a call in a local silo. TK went under when he tried to help Marjan. His head went in first and it took as a bit to cut the silo so that they fell out." Michelle nodded. "Okay, but Marjan doesn't have these bruises has she?" Judd shrugged. "I don't think so but I also didn't think that TK had bruises." "I understand. Can you give me the oxygen mask?" Judd reached over giving her the face mask. They both sat in silence for a few minutes before TK's eyes began to flutter. Michelle tapped him on the cheeks a few times. "Come on pretty boy. Wake up." TK groaned and flinched at the pain when Michelle touched his rib cage. "That was for not telling anyone that you bruised your ribs. That is dangerous TK!" TK tried to sit up but he needed the help of Judd. "I'm a trained paramedic myself so please. I knew that it was nothing serious."
Michelle looked at Judd surprised but Judd was surprised himself. "You are a paramedic?" TK nodded. "Yeah imagine. The gay boy has more qualities than just following his father around." Judd felt bad for the comment he had made yesterday. "Come on. I didn't mean it. I was just shocked when I saw you going under and I got..." "Triggered. I understand that and I'm not mad at you but now you know. I am a paramedic and a firefighter and still I'm doing bullshit. Who would have thought?"
She could feel the tension and decided to let the two boys alone so they would have time and space to talk. "Are you sure you are okay?" TK nodded so she began to pack her bag. "I am gonna let the oxygen and the mask here. Your breath is a bit too shallow so you should take in more oxygen. Just put it into the station when you go." TK nodded and grabbed her wrist before she could go. "I was an ass Michelle. Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me to know that someone cares." Michelle smiled and nodded at him. "Sure. No problem. Take these for the pain and please take it ease for a while." Taylor nodded and stuffed the pills into his pocket instead of taking them.
Judd looked at Michelles car leaving before he turned back to TK. "Come on." TK was confused. "Where?"
Judd rolled his eyes. "To me. I'm sure that you don't want to go home right now so I'm taking you with me because you have no shirt and you are in no condition to walk the streets of Austin. So don't make a fuss and come with me, alright?" Struggling to get up he still refused to let Judd help him. The ride to Judds home was quiet but when he pulled up to his house he could hear TK's breath speed up again. "Hey dude, I'm tryna talk with you okay? You need someone to understand you and if someone understands that you just got bad news than it's me. You are afraid to lose your Dad and I understand but I did already lose my brothers so I know what grief is."
TK couldn't decide if he should say something or if he would regret it later. He choose to not comment on Judds words but instead he stared at the beautiful big house in front of him. "Won't your wife be angry that you brought someone home that late?" Judd laughed. "Nah boy. She is a dispatcher and she understands us fire fighters more than anyone I've ever met." "Thanks. You know. For talking and taking me with you and all that shit. I'm sorry I scared you earlier and yesterday. It wasn't my intention to disobey you but I had to follow my instinct." Judd opened his door. "It's okay. I understand and I think I would have done the same thing."
Leading the way towards the door both men fell into silence ones again. After closing the door quietly Judd laid his keys onto the table in the kitchen and went to grab two bottles of water.
He heard a gasp and when he turned around he could see Grace looking at TK's exposed and bruised chest. "Oh honey, what happened to you?" TK starred at his feet not knowing what to answer so Judd decided to intervene. "Hey babe. Didn't want to wake you but TK had a rough time so I told him that he could come with me. The bruise is from a case we had yesterday and I called a paramedic. She says it's not that bad."
Grace nodded. "Ah, the hero who tried to safe his co-worker not hesitating to put his own life in danger. Alright. I'm gonna prepare the guest room." Tk wanted to say her that it wouldn't be necessary but she was faster. "Don't even think that you'll sleep on the couch. You need to heal and a sofa is no place to do so." "Thank you Grace. I don't know what to say." She smiled at him. "You don't have to say anything to me but you should talk to my man. He understands you more than you'd think."