i know i can't be free

Dale, Irma, and Beth left the zoo around dusk. They loaded back up into the RV and, with a yawn, Dale declared that they'd be spending another night in Philadelphia since he felt he was too tired to do any driving after the long day they had. Irma agreed and made them all a light dinner. Once they'd parked in a different parking lot, closer to where they'd be heading in the morning, Dale sat down at the booth with the two women to enjoy his dinner. They all ate in silence, too exhausted to talk.

Irma finished first, putting her dishes in the sink and bidding Beth goodnight before retiring behind the curtain of the bedroom. Dale scribbled a couple more answers in his puzzle book as he finished his own dinner, then followed his wife to join her in bed. Within moments, Beth was sitting all alone in the dim light of the RV, surrounded by silence.

She was full with only a few bites of food left, but she pushed the plate away. She pulled out her phone, which she'd resisted checking for the last few hours. She checked the news sources and found nothing new, once again. She breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, she decided, it was time to figure out how to solve the other problem that had been weighing on her mind for the last couple of hours. She opened Google, cross-referencing with Yelp, and started searching for nearby stores that might sell colored contact lenses. There were probably a dozen options, but many of them had closed earlier. It was only Tuesday, after all, so most stores closed around nine or ten at night. Beth glanced at the time and realized it was only nine, so she still had time to track down a store or two.

With two addresses saved in her phone and her backpack full of money, Beth snuck out of the RV while Dale and Irma slept in the back. She didn't make a sound as she slipped out of the door and shut it tight behind her, locking it. Luckily, Dale had forgotten to take back the spare RV key he'd given her, which was now tucked safely into her jeans pocket.

She walked quickly, approaching the street and searching for signs of a taxi she could wave down. A couple of yellow blurs passed by, but the city seemed to be quiet on weeknights. There wasn't a lot of traffic to fight or be wary of, and soon enough, she'd waved down a lone taxi that had spotted her on the sidewalk. She stepped inside the warmth of the cab, telling the driver her destination – which she'd memorized. He began driving her without a word, and she was sure to strap her seatbelt in.

She hadn't ridden in a cab since the last time she and her family had visited Atlanta. Their trips to the city became fewer and farther between as the family operation grew larger and more time consuming. Beth could still remember the day Maggie taught her how to hail a cab – which meant she could avoid the nightmare that was the city bus system.

The cab driver didn't say anything, which made Beth feel a little better. She was already uncomfortable sneaking out at night to find some random stores on her own, she didn't know if she could manage small talk, too. But for some reason, she felt more comfortable in this city than she knew she would in New York. She didn't want to have to navigate her way around a huge, brand-new city while also trying to find another crucial piece to her disguise. It was best to do it now and get it out of the way. Plus, she didn't want to take even the slightest of chances of garnering second glances in the Big Apple. If she were recognized, she'd have to dodge NYC, too. And she really didn't feel like picking a new city to "start over" in.

The first store she got dropped off at was a costume store. She thought it would be her best bet considering its size and wide variety of components for cosplay and Halloween. But once she found her way to the section for eyes and contacts, she realized all they had were strange colors – like red, purple, orange, and an even brighter blue than was humanly possible. There were also dozens of cameras hanging from the ceilings, and she could almost feel the eyes watching her close. She tried to keep her head down, but she didn't want to spend another second inside this heavily surveyed store. She thought about asking an employee to check the back for more colors, but she decided against it and headed for the exit instead.

Once outside, she hailed another cab and headed to the next address she'd memorized. It was another fifteen or twenty minutes away, and she was silently hoping that Dale and Irma hadn't woken up to find her missing. She walked a little quicker across the sidewalk and into the building, entering a large cosmetics store that was open later than most. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized this store only had half the amount of cameras as the first one had.

She weaved her way through the aisles of high-end hair products, styling tools, and makeup palettes. She finally found a shelf with a display of all different colored contacts, and these were actually natural colors. She didn't even glance at the price as she grabbed every case of brown contacts they had available. She was about to walk away when she spotted another display nearby and stopped – contact solution. She grabbed the biggest bottle they had, as well as a small bottle of eye drops, and headed to the counter with her armful of purchases.

The girl behind the counter barely gave Beth a second glance as she rang up her items and placed them inside a plastic bag that bore the store's name on the front. She read the total aloud and Beth handed over a few of the crumpled bills from her pocket. Within minutes, she was standing outside, hailing another cab with the plastic bag held at her side.

She wished the cities were always like this: dark and quiet and most undisturbed. She didn't have the prying eyes of strangers constantly on her, or the large groups of people who could all be from God knows where. And she didn't have to wear her sunglasses, she could just turn her head away or retreat into the shadows, away from curious gazes.

The ride back to the RV felt like an eternity even though it was only about half an hour. Traffic was light and didn't provide much of an obstacle, which Beth was grateful for. She kept praying that the old couple were still sleeping soundly and hadn't noticed the lack of her presence.

The taxi dropped her off right out front of the parking area where the RV resided. She fast-walked through the darkness, heart pounding in anticipation. Just a few more feet and she'd be safe for the night, and then she'd be on her way to New York, where she'd never have blue eyes again.

She was maybe twenty feet from the RV when the sudden sounds of police sirens jolted her, making her jump and spin around to search for the source. Blue and red lights bounced off the bricks of the buildings across the street, and she froze in place. A million thoughts raced through her mind at once, all of them desperate. Was this it? Had they finally tracked her? She never should've left the safety of concealment to make a late-night run for contact lenses. They'd found her, they'd been watching.

But as the sirens got louder and closer, the lights brighter, Beth didn't move. She stood completely motionless, barely daring to breathe, still frozen in place. She could hear the engines of the cars now, could hear them racing down the street less than a block away.

And then they zoomed by. One, two, and then three. They all had their sirens wailing and lights flashing, and they were speeding down the street at least thirty mph over the speed limit. The lights and sounds slowly faded in the distance as they got farther and farther away, but Beth still hadn't moved.

She finally let her breath out, having been holding it for the last thirty seconds or so. Her hands were still shaking. For a second, she wondered how she'd live like this for the rest of her life. Would she always be constantly looking over her shoulder? Was this the price of freedom?

The RV was still dark and silent when she crept inside, shutting and locking the door as quietly as she could. She wished there were a deadbolt she could latch, too, but she knew it made no difference if it was the police coming after her. She laid out her new purchases and found space to stuff them into her bag along with all her other belongings. She would practice putting them in and wearing them tomorrow, but she couldn't let Dale and Irma see – that would be way too many questions to try to make up lies for.

After stripping down, getting a glass of water, and laying out her bed for the night, Beth settled in with her phone and tried to relax. But her muscles were on edge no matter what she did. She checked all the news sources again, as was becoming her routine, and then one more time before deciding to call it a night and make an attempt at some sleep. She thought that assuring herself there was no new updates would ease her mind and help her rest, but it didn't seem to make any difference. She felt as if she were waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was like she had a gut feeling that this case would be so much bigger than she could've ever imagined, and she was just waiting for the rest of the country to catch up.

But what if they never did? What if it faded into obscurity? Could Beth ever feel truly comfortable and safe again? And if she could, was that a good idea? Or was safety just another trap that she had to avoid? What if they found her forty years from now, living under a different name? Could they still prosecute her? Should she just turn herself in and hope to get parole before she became a senior citizen?

Just before sleep finally overtook her, she had tried to imagine what New York City would look like when she got there. She'd seen photos of Times Square at night and she knew the city was beautiful. She'd have water to gaze at all around; maybe she'd get to take a ferry for the first time ever. And in just a couple months, there'd be blankets of snow to turn the city white. But for some reason, she just couldn't picture it in her head.

The next morning was just as dreary as the previous day. It still hadn't rained, but the trio wasn't sticking around to find out if it would. Once they'd finished breakfast and cleaned up – including Beth taking a quick shower just in case she couldn't take one that night - Dale hopped in the driver's seat and joined all the morning commuters in traffic. It took them a little longer than expected to reach the city limits and finally get onto the freeway, but once they did, they found easy riding the rest of the way. Beth stared out the window at the city behind them as they left it in their wake, the skyline of Philadelphia slowly fading behind the horizon. She wondered, for just a second, if she'd ever be back again.

Dale and Irma planned on taking as many scenic routes as possible, and that included seeing as much of the ocean as they could. Dale veered away from the 95 and towards the coast, finding a beautiful drive that he and Irma marveled at for at least two hours, including seeing parts of the Wharton State Forest before getting to see the coast and the endless waves of water that went out to the east. Beth enjoyed the view, too, but after about an hour, she got tired of it and went back to her phone. It would normally only take two hours, at the most, to reach New York from Philadelphia, but she wasn't expecting to see the city in less than four hours, at the least.

She decided to utilize the time she had before reaching New York and do some research. She began looking into hotels that would be around the area where she'd be parting from Dale and Irma. She realized that Manhattan itself was on the pricier side, and pretty much everything in New York was about five times more expensive than in Georgia. This was another time when she was thankful that Maggie had thought to take all the money from the safe and send it with Beth. She'd be totally fucked if it weren't for those huge wads of cash in her bag.

She researched for a while before settling on a particular hotel, finding that it had the most reasonable rates with the best reviews for its price range. She might be on the run, but she wasn't about to hole up in some roach-infested, bed bug-filled, crack mansion. Especially with this much money at her disposal.

She was checking the news sites once again when Irma interrupted her train of thought by clapping excitedly from where she sat in the passenger's seat up front. Beth looked up to see the "Welcome To Jersey City" sign passing by outside the window.

"Jersey City?" she asked quizzically.

"Gotta pass through to get to Manhattan," Dale informed her from the driver's seat.

"Oh, oh, are we going through the Lincoln Tunnel?" Irma asked, excitement obvious in her voice.

Dale smiled at his wife and her almost child-like wonder. "I was just gonna take the Holland Tunnel, but if you'd prefer the Lincoln Tunnel – your wish is my command, my dear."

Beth felt like she could hear the smile on Irma's face right now, even though she couldn't see it.

"Well that'll take us to right to Times Square, so wouldn't it be better?" Irma added, the map crinkling in her hand as she unfolded it to check her theory.

"And that's why you're my better half," Dale said, shooting a flirty smile in his wife's direction.

Beth turned away and looked back out the window as Irma confirmed that they'd be driving through the Lincoln Tunnel on their way to Times Square. Her heart pounded in her chest as the skyline came into view, buildings and skyscrapers getting taller and taller the closer that she got. This was it. She was almost there.

Beth had planned to part ways with Dale and Irma almost immediately, but she should've known they'd get sentimental on her. She figured she could put off the contacts just for now. She'd just have to make sure not to look anyone in the face, or risk being recognized in any way. To her pleasant surprise, her black eye was fading away nicely, and the cut on her lip was all but gone. She didn't need to worry about fussing with makeup anymore.

The old couple wanted her to tour Times Square with them, but she explained that she needed to get checked into a hotel before they were all booked. Irma begged her to stay with them a little longer, but Dale eased her off, assuring her that the young woman would be fine and that she needed time to get settled before it was dark. Irma agreed that she didn't want her wandering a new city in the dark, so they decided on a restaurant to have one last lunch at together.

The restaurant was only about ten blocks away from the hotel that Beth was planning on staying at. She got a table in the corner with the old couple and they all settled in, ordering drinks and looking over their menus. As they waited to be served, Dale and Irma chatted about their plans for the day, and for the rest of their cross-country trip, while Beth listened. She was holding her father's pocket watch in her hands, rested in her lap, rubbing her finger over it repeatedly. As the minutes ticked by and she was getting closer to being alone in the city, she got more and more nervous. She could feel the seconds passing by in her palms.

"Nervous?" Dale asked, noticing her fidgeting with the pocket watch.

Beth looked at him for a second, thinking of a lie, but gave up on it quickly. Instead, she just nodded. There was no use trying to act tough in front of these two anyway. A knot formed in her throat. The old man reached across the booth and put a hand on her arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze as he leaned across the table to speak to her gently.

"Everything will be okay. You're strong. You've gotten this far," he told her. His voice was somehow comforting to her, "This city isn't much different from Atlanta. You'll meet others from Georgia - and maybe from all over the world - you'll make friends, you'll learn new things. Yeah, you'll be scared for a while. Terrified, I bet. And then, one day… you won't."

He leaned back into his seat, pulling his arm back and glancing over at Irma, who was watching him with tears in her eyes. He looked back to Beth and added, with full confidence, "I promise."

Beth could only nod, trying to swallow past the giant knot. Her fingers pressed harder into the firm metal of the pocket watch. She finally found her voice, and it was as if the rest of the restaurant wasn't even there as she spoke to Dale and Irma, "I'm just scared. Really scared. I miss my family. A lot. But I need to be free. I have to be. Or else it was all for nothing. My life will be a total… waste."

Dale nodded in understanding and Irma wiped away a stray tear, saying, "You're free now, honey. No one can hurt you anymore."

She felt a twinge of guilt at the fact that the old couple was still under the impression that she was a battered woman. They were convinced she was the victim, and that the freedom she spoke about wasn't literal freedom from the long arm of the law, but freedom from an abusive ex. She wished more than anything that she could tell them the truth right now. But it wasn't a risk worth taking, and in the long run, her logical side won that argument.

Dale spotted the pocket watch in her lap and gestured towards it, "That your daddy's?"

Surprised at his correct guess, Beth nodded. He went on, "There's a story I heard a while back. Ah, I can't remember the whole thing, but I do remember the most important part: A father gives his son his pocket watch, and when he does, he tells him, 'I give you a mausoleum of all hope and desire which will fit your individual needs, no better than it did mine and my father before me. I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you may forget it. For a moment, now and then, and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it.'"

Beth didn't say anything for a moment, letting his words soak in. It sounded like something her daddy would've told her a long time ago. It comforted her, in a way, and her hands stilled around the pocket watch. It continued to tick away the seconds methodically in her hands, but now her heartbeat was steadying. She thought about how much her daddy probably would've liked Dale and Irma, if he'd ever met them.

"Thank you," was all she could think to say. Dale nodded, a knowing look in his eyes that told her that he understood.

Irma spoke up now, her eyes still brimming with tears, "Do you have a phone number? Or an email address? I know we were only together a couple days, but I'll be so worried about you. I just want to know you're gonna be okay."

Beth nodded without a second thought, "I got a phone, I'll give you the number. Are you guys ever coming back here?"

Irma fished around in her purse for a pen and some paper while Dale answered, "Oh, I'm sure we will. Can't say when, we're not really keeping ourselves to any kind of schedule for the next few months, at least. But when we stop by, you'd better make time for us."

Beth smiled at this, taking the pen and paper that Irma handed her and writing down the number to her new smartphone. She wasn't worried about leaving this little piece behind, because not only did she trust this couple, but even if someone did track her down by using them, she could always ditch this phone and its number and no one would have any idea how to find her. Besides, if things went her way, she would ideally be out of the country by the time these two ever came back around to New York.

Irma folded up the paper with Beth's number on it and tucked it into a pocket inside her purse. She wiped at her eyes once again but Beth looked away and pretended she didn't see. The whole situation was breaking her heart in a way she'd never expected it to.

Their food came minutes later and they all devoured their lunches, eating in silence. When the check came, Dale swooped it up before Beth could even reach her hand out. She gave him a playful smile and realized she'd miss this. The whole thing was nice, it was almost like having a family again. Yes, she would miss it. But once again, everything had to be detachable and disposable.

They were sitting at their table, sipping the last of their drinks with empty plates set before them, nothing but scraps remaining of what had been full meals. Irma excused herself to go to the restroom, leaving Dale and Beth alone. Beth had been planning something, although unsure of it. Now that she was alone with Dale, though, she figured if she was going to do it, she'd better do it now. For some reason, she trusted that he wouldn't freak out or become suspicious of her.

She got up from her seat and took the one next to Dale on the other side of the table, scooting in close to him. He eyed her questioningly, waiting for whatever it was she was about to say or show to him. Without a word, she reached discreetly into her bag – which she'd unzipped just a little bit and set on her lap – and blindly grabbed an enveloped that she'd stuffed inside hours earlier. She pulled it out and pressed it into Dale's open hand until his fingers closed around it, then she pulled back and zipped her bag back up. The old man stared down at the envelope in his hand, its contents bulging from inside.

"What's this?" He asked her quietly, carefully turning it in his hand and opening the flap to peek inside. He kept it in the shadows between his lap and the table, peering down ever so cautiously.

Beth watched his face and recognized the moment that he realized it was a rather thick stack of hundred-dollar bills in his hand. His eyes widened in an almost comical expression and he slapped his other hand over the envelope, concealing its contents from anyone who may be nearby. He looked at Beth, completely flustered, eyes wild.

"Where did you get this?" he hissed.

Beth shook her head and leaned in to answer, having thought up a lie to tell him, "I got an inheritance. Just… trust me. I have plenty of funds to help me start my new life, I didn't leave Georgia with no money to my name. I wanted to repay you guys – you deserve it. You saved my ass. Just take it and don't tell Irma until you're far away from here, okay? She'll try to return it but I don't want it back."

Dale's mouth had fallen open and his eyes were still wide as saucers as he stared at Beth, a million questions on the tip of his tongue. All he could say was, "Inheritance… Okay. Well… thank you."

Beth looked over her shoulder to see that Irma was on her way back from the bathroom. She turned back to Dale and added casually, "Your spare key is in there, too. I forgot to return it the other day."

She hopped up from the seat and went back to her own on the other side of the table. Dale had just finished stuffing the envelope into his pocket when Irma arrived at the table, taking her seat once again. She hadn't noticed the exchange at all, but her face was full of dread. Beth felt a stab of guilt. A part of her wished she could just travel the country with these two forever, but she wasn't going to put them in danger of being caught with her.

"Well, I suppose we'd better… head out," she said, sighing sadly.

"I'll walk you guys to the end of the block," Beth said, trying to make Irma feel better. But she knew that nothing she could say would make her feel any better. Beth would probably feel guilty for days.

They all walked together out of the restaurant and down the sidewalk, Dale trying to make small talk about the city to a disinterested Irma. The old woman finally grabbed Beth's hand in hers and squeezed it, walking the rest of the way down the block like that. Beth didn't resist or try to pull away. She thought she might've needed this almost as much as Irma did.

When they got to the corner, they stepped aside so as not to block any of the crowds of people trying to walk along the sidewalk and cross the street. Irma pulled Beth in for a tight hug, holding onto her for at least a solid minute.

"Please be careful. Do you have mace or a knife or anything?" She began asking, face full of worry.

"Yes, I have – mace. And a knife. Don't worry, I can take care of myself," Beth assured her, almost slipping up and telling her that she had a gun. But she was afraid that saying that would cause her to worry even more.

"Okay, good. You have enough money? We can give you some, it'd be no problem. You can't be skipping meals, or sleeping in dangerous places," the old woman continued.

Beth shook her head and refused, "No, I'm fine. I promise I have plenty to get me by, I don't need any help. Thank you, though. I won't be missing any meals or sleepin' in alleys."

Irma's eyes were full of tears but she smiled anyway. "Okay. I'll text you tonight to make sure you're safe and sheltered. You'll tell me if you're not? We'll be in the city all night, we can always come back and get you."

Her worry was making Beth worry, which she didn't need right now. But it was also reminding her of the kind of love that a mother would have for her. This woman was worrying about her as if she were her own daughter, and they'd only known each other for three days. It made Beth want to cry and break down. But she didn't.

"Okay, I'll be waiting for your text. And then you can call me, too, if you'd like," she assured Irma.

Dale sighed as his wife wiped away more tears, trying not to break down and cry. Beth had a feeling that he was getting pretty bummed out by the farewell.

"She'll be fine, Irma," he told her. "She's a smart girl, she knows better. She'll make friends, and she'll find people who will care about her and look out for her like we did. Let the poor girl go, she's got a busy day ahead."

Irma nodded, knowing her husband was right, and pulled Beth in for another tight hug. She cried into Beth's shoulder a little bit, but finally pulled herself away and nodded, giving Beth a final pat on the arms before stepping back. She sniffled, "You be good, Rosie. Promise me."

Beth smiled. "I'll be great. I promise." She paused and pushed back the tears that were threatening to brew up, "Thank you guys. For everything. I can never explain to you how much it means to me."

They finally said their last goodbyes and waved to each other, Dale and Irma crossing the street and heading toward Times Square while Beth went in the opposite direction, back toward the restaurant they'd just come from. She could still hear Irma sobbing. She continued walking, heading for the hotel that she intended on sleeping in.

The guilt hung heavy inside her chest, and she couldn't get the image of Irma's crying face out of her head. But she knew they'd be okay. Eventually, they'd forget about her, and maybe they'd think of her from time to time and wonder where she was and what she was doing. But she wouldn't ever hurt them. And that was the most important part.

She was glad she could give Dale the money she'd wanted them to have without too many questions, thinking of how happy the two of them would be with an envelope full of tens of thousands of dollars on their road trip of America. She almost wished she could be there to see the looks on their faces when they found the other twenty grand she'd hidden inside the silverware drawer.

New York City was not friendly. Not that Beth had expected it to be, but she was realizing why people said the things they did about this city. She was catcalled at least twice on her ten-block walk, and at least four other people nearly bumped into her or made her trip. She was glad to see that she was mostly invisible here, but she definitely didn't want to stay out on the streets any longer than necessary.

The hotel was a moderate-level chain business, a bright Vacancy sign lit up below their large sign that read The Americana Inn. The building looked like nearly every other building that lined the street – tall, thin, made of brick, and wedged between a hundred other businesses. A few people walked in and out, but for the most part, it seemed undisturbed. Beth took a deep breath and readied herself as she approached the doors, taking the sunglasses off her face to rest them atop her head. She straightened her shirt and gripped the straps of her backpack.

Walking in, the hotel had the scent of potpourri in the air. The lobby was fairly small and there were stairs on either side, as well as an elevator in the distance. Beth approached the counter and the woman who stood behind it, a tall, middle-aged woman with long, dirty blonde hair and bright green eyes. Her nametag read: Allison.

Beth made a point not to look around at the ceiling for the cameras, hoping to avoid any full-face shots. Instead, she looked straight ahead at the hotel clerk, who raised her head from what she'd been doing and greeted Beth with a smile.

"What can I do for you today?"

"I need a room for one, please," Beth said, forcing out her softest and most innocent voice.

The woman looked her up and down for just a split-second, then said, "Okay, can I just get your ID?"

Shit, Beth thought. Shit shit shit. No fuckin' way.

"Oh, uh, I – I lost my purse the other day, I don't have my ID," she explained, quickly adding, "But I have cash."

The hotel clerk's face dropped a little, her eyes losing interest. "Oh, no, I need some form of photo identification to book you a room. Do you have a passport, maybe? Are you a student, maybe you have a student ID?"

Beth's stomach dropped. "No, I-I told you, I lost my purse, I lost everything, I don't have any ID." Her innocent voice was gone as the frustration shown through, "I don't care how much it is, I have cash, can't I just get a room? Just for tonight?"

Allison leaned back just the slightest bit, but enough for Beth to notice. She began putting up her own defenses, and her tone grew sharper. "No, I'm sorry, miss, that's the policy. I can't just book a room under some anonymous name. We need to have your information on file for the system to even work."

Beth knew she was getting too worked up and that she shouldn't have snapped, but it was frustrating. She'd come so far just to hit a wall. She had been so sure – so naïve – that large amounts of money would get her anywhere she needed to go.

"Can't I just give you my name and address?" She attempted.

Allison shook her head, the annoyance on her face getting more evident. "No, you could just give me anybody's name and address and I'd have no proof. I'm sorry, that's just the policy."

Beth sighed and shook her head, defeated. She backed away from the counter and mumbled, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, it's just – been a long day."

The hotel clerk nodded, but she was watching Beth skeptically.

She must see crazies like me every day. She probably thinks I'm just another New York City bum or something, Beth thought.

"Sorry. Thanks anyway," she muttered, turning and walking back toward the front doors.

The walk felt endless, and she couldn't get out of that hotel fast enough. She could feel the hotel clerk's eyes on her back the whole time.

Please don't remember me, please don't tell anyone about me, please just forget me, Beth prayed inside her head, repeating it over and over until she had gotten two blocks away from the hotel.

Her heart was racing and her stomach was turning. She thought she might be sick. She kept walking, unsure of where she was heading. She needed to find somewhere that didn't require ID for her to check in. Then she needed to find someone who could get her a fake ID. She needed some sort of identification if she was going to do anything in this city, and she was kicking herself for not realizing that sooner.

Not that she'd ever actually use it because, well, obvious reasons, but she was picturing her real driver's license and birth certificate and social security card, all tucked into their own safe, little pockets in her real wallet back home, on the farm. She'd been so proud when she finally passed her driving test and got her driver's license, and even more proud when she turned eighteen. And in her own personal experience, she'd never actually lost a purse or wallet, and she'd always had some form of identification for herself. But all those things were probably in an evidence room in Atlanta.

They had all the proof that Beth Greene exists, they just didn't have Beth Greene.

And they never fucking will, she told herself, spotting a Starbucks on a corner across the street and heading for it.

She ordered an iced coffee and sat down at one of the small tables outside. Another woman was sitting at a nearby table, smoking a cigarette and sipping a coffee, but she wasn't even looking in Beth's direction because all of her attention was focused on the phone sitting in her lap. Beth sipped her coffee and tried to calm herself, pulling out her phone and looking up nearby motels. At this point, she'd take bed bugs over nothing.

Having a semblance of a plan, as well as the coffee, seemed to steady her nerves for the moment. She scrolled through the options of motels, clicking on each one and investigating it. Some of them listed their criteria for checking in – must have valid photo ID, no pets, no Discover, no Groupon accepted. Her eyes searched up and down, heart jumping a little each time she found a possibility. But there were only a few that didn't clearly state that they required photo ID, and she decided to call them to check before spending precious daylight walking there or taking a cab.

The first one had an Asian man with a thick accent answer the phone, and when she asked if they needed photo ID to get a room, he said, very loudly, "Yes! Valid photo ID required!"

Beth thanked him for his time and hung up, sighing in defeat. She repeated the process for the next motel that hadn't stated it in their criteria. But once again, it was a very firm no. The next three proved the same results, and Beth quickly realized that she was out of options.

Fuck, she thought, typing in her very last resort on the smartphone: craigslist dot org.

The site popped up and she chose New York City, then narrowed the results to the neighborhoods around Manhattan. If she couldn't find anything trustworthy, she'd move on to other areas. But for now, she put in a search for a room for rent for one person, hopefully with only one roommate that she'd have to keep her real identity from. She didn't bother narrowing the price results, knowing that the money she had would get her whatever she needed. At least until she could figure something else out. Now she just had to cross her fingers that whoever she found wouldn't want to see some form of identification to prove she was who she said.

The results were limited, but promising. The first on the list was a young couple looking for a roommate to help cover the rising rent. They had a dog and a baby on the way, but an entire spare bedroom that needed to be filled. Beth bookmarked their ad for later, but went back to the results.

The next ad was an old woman looking for someone to help with a third of the rent and also do all the housework that she wasn't able to do anymore. She had three cats and who knows how many litter boxes, but it sounded like she could keel over dead any day and then Beth would have more police to answer to. She went back to the results and clicked the next option.

This one was an old man who had his two teenage grandkids living with him. He needed help covering the rent – apparently gentrification was hitting this area hard – and couldn't balance a full-time job as well as two teenagers and housework. The whole situation sounded like a giant mess and Beth clicked back to the results page.

The next result she clicked was two women in their early twenties looking for a roommate. Once again, they couldn't quite cover the rent on their own. They were "420 friendly" and allergic to dogs, but Beth thought that sounded like a heap of trouble. Two women around her age? They'd be poking and prodding into every personal detail she had until she snapped. Plus, who knows how many friends they had coming in and out of the apartment every day. No way.

Beth was starting to think that she'd have to set up a meeting with the young soon-to-be parents as she absent-mindedly clicked on the next result, not expecting to find anything hopeful. But as she read the ad, her heart leapt, and she searched for the link to contact the author.

Clean, quiet, responsible roommate wanted
2 bedroom/1 bath apartment on the 3rd floor, E 32nd St in the East Village, $1500/month
32-year-old male looking for a CLEAN and QUIET roommate who is RESPONSIBLE and can pay rent on time, clean up after themselves, and respect my house rules. I am a single dad taking care of my 3-year-old son, I work full-time and we have a very strict schedule. No drugs, no parties, no pets (kid is allergic). If you don't like living with kids, don't respond. I am not home most of the day but my babysitter is in and out all day with the kid.
All of this is non-negotiable. First & last month's rent plus deposit is needed, but we may be able to work out a payment plan if necessary. Depends on how I feel about you.
SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY

Beth realized she needed an email address in order to reply, so she quickly created one and sent an email to the address that the ad gave her. She wrote:

I am a 21-year-old female who just moved to the city and I need somewhere to live for the next 6 months or so (maybe less). I don't do drugs, I don't party, and I clean really well. I can also cook. I honestly don't even really leave the house. I'm really good with kids, I used to babysit when I was younger. I can pay you in cash, if that's okay. Please respond and let me know. I can meet you today, if you'd like, so you can decide how you feel about me. –Rosie

She read and reread what she'd just typed out on her phone's small screen, hoping she didn't sound weird or suspicious. She pressed Send with a tentative finger and held her breath as the email went out into the world and headed for the man who wrote the ad.

She liked that he sounded straight-forward and almost business-like. She didn't want a friend or a new family, she just needed somewhere to stay until she could get some form of identification and make her next move. And this guy almost sounded as paranoid as she was. Maybe that would be a good thing, and if she left him alone, he'd leave her alone. Maybe she could actually lay low in New York City and be safe for a while.

She had tried her best to sound as normal and innocent as possible. She didn't want to mention where she was from, just in case he got any ideas about doing some sort of background check or Google search. Yes, she changed her age – she thought, Hell, if I'm gonna be an age that isn't my own, it might as well be a good one. And yeah, she had fibbed a little about babysitting when she was younger – she'd only really done it for a few months when she was thirteen, until her daddy decided it wasn't safe having strangers visiting the farm so often. But she had always had a natural instinct with babies. They loved her and she loved them. And this guy seemed like he had a strict set of rules in place, which she was more than happy to abide by. At this point, she'd become his own personal nanny if it meant she'd get a safe place to sleep and stay out of the public eye. And unless he saw her in the Georgia news somehow, he'd never figure out that she wasn't actually twenty-one.

She was draining the last drops of her iced coffee, staring thoughtfully at the surrounding buildings, when a notification popped up on her phone. It startled her for a moment, having never received any kind of notification on this phone before. But when she realized it was an email from the guy with the apartment, she hurriedly clicked it and read the message:

Rosie,
Sounds good. We can negotiate the cash thing. Not sure you'd have quite enough to cover all the rent and deposit. We can meet when I get off work. There's a McDonald's on the corner of E 96th and 2nd Ave, it's next to a Dunkin' Donuts and a Subway. 6 o'clock. Don't be late. –D

D? Just D. She wondered what D could stand for. Darren? Donald? Dwight? Maybe another Dale? It didn't matter either way. She had to meet this guy and pray that he'd give her a place to sleep tonight, or else she might be sleeping in this Starbucks. She had about two hours to get to E 96th and 2nd Ave.

to be continued…

A/N: Thanks to arrowsandangels for pointing out that you actually can't get colored contacts without a prescription - so that's a small inconsistency in the story that I just want everyone to be aware of when reading this (very) fictional piece of work :)

A/N: Yes, Daryl will be here next chapter! :) We finally made it to the actual Bethyl, y'all lmao sorry it took so many chapters but I hope you're enjoying the ride. As always, let me know what you think and tell me if you think there's something important I'm forgetting.
Chapter edited on 12/29/17: I'm still doing my research on NYC because I'm a dumbass and wrote a fic based in a city that I've never been to ;)