We found the others waiting as the Lodge staff put together a table for us, seating six with two heads and two on each side. I wasn't sure who was going to sit were, but the others made the decision in short order. Jess more than anyone seemed torn. She wanted to sit by me, of course, but couldn't deny that the idea of sitting next to Edward had its merits as well. But there was no way to sit beside both and not one, excluding Mike, and two, prevent us from sitting together. As it turned out, when faced with the prospect of sitting beside Edward, easily the most attractive boy we had ever seen, and me, Jess surprised me.

"How can I abandon my bestie?" she whispered covertly, sitting beside me on one side of the table. Our dates took the heads of the table, which seemed to suit them just fine. Angela and Ben took the opposite side from us, with Ben closer to Mike. Angela paid almost no attention to Edward, only having eyes for her date. To be fair, Edward took a similar approach, though I did see him glance at Mike a time or two with something like regret. Jess and I chatted, her oohing over my necklace and us just generally having a good time. We ordered food, and Edward abstained because of "dietary reasons." At length, once we were fed and watered, or Soda-ed, in the case of everyone but me and Angela, we decided to take our leave and head to the dance.

The dance was at the school Gym, because of course, where else would it be? Driving up to school at night was somehow ominous, all the familiar cast in uncomfortable obscuration, which melted away the moment I looked over at Edward, hearing the music thrumming inside the Gym.

"You do realize this is going to spell doom for me, right?" I said, stepping out of the Volvo as he opened the door for me. He looked at me, his expression torn between distress and wondering if he should be truly distressed.

"How so?" he asked.

I grimaced, only somewhat insincerely, "Nothing good has ever happened to me in a Gym."

He grinned, and I was in real danger of breaking my ankle before we even got to the dancing part. Him having my arm helped a bit. I was about to step forward when his arm pulled. He wasn't walking. I looked over at him, questioning. He was looking around, as though checking if the coast was clear.

"Edward," I asked, unsure.

"Here," he said, turning me to face him. "Do you trust me?"

My eyes went a little wide, "To a point, but mostly yes."

He grinned, "You will not come to harm with me tonight. I promise."

There was a rush, and suddenly, we weren't standing in the parking lot anymore. We were in the field to one side, out of the range of the lights. I felt the whip of the wind, as though an afterthought, as though it passed directly into my memory without me actually sensing it happen. I blinked, looking at Edward.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

A thousand questions flew through my mind. But, all I did was nod. Faith.

He pulled my up, deftly, as he had the fateful day they did blood typing in Biology. Granted, a lot more of my back and shoulders were bare this time, even with my wrap, and I felt a little more self conscious with the dress I was in, but I felt safe with Edward. I felt him bend, as though to kneel, and then we were aloft.

We shot upwards, faster than I would have thought possible, but slowing, all the same. There was a moment when I was having trouble not letting out some sort of vocal cry, a whimper or a gut-turning, blood-curdling scream; we weren't 747 high, but we were certainly skyscraper high, minus the skyscraper.

Slowly, we decelerated, slower, and slower, in such a way that it seemed as though time were slowing as well. Finally, we stopped moving upwards altogether, and we hung in the air.

For a moment, I just looked into Edwards face. Granted, there were only two other places I could look at the moment, and while looking up at the night sky might have been nice, it didn't compare to his face. The other option was not a possibility.

"You are frightened," he said.

I looked at him as though he had just suggested that the Earth was round and orbited the sun.

"I told you," he said, "you are safe with me tonight."

I swallowed. Then, I let myself look past him.

The moon was the barest hint of a waxing crescent, all but invisible. The clouds were wispy and thin, not nearly enough to blot out the wash of stars. The bowl of the sky was so vast, yet felt close enough to touch if just out of arm's reach. He shifted me so that I was vertical, so that I might look about without strain to my neck. His hands settled about my hips, and suddenly I was not so concerned with things that were as far away as the stars.

He looked into my eyes, the night shining in his. And then, he laughed. It was a quiet thing, full of such self deprecating delight. He shook his head.

"You will have to forgive me," he said. "Twice over."

"For?" I asked, so enraptured by him, I wasn't sure I could say more at that moment.

"Firstly," he said, "for my entire lack of patience."

I give him a look that clearly says, "Go on."

He smiled, dropped his eyes for a moment, then returned them to mine.

"Originally," he said, "I wanted this moment to be at the end of our night, in the chief place as the most important part. But I have waited for this confession for so long now, I couldn't wait any longer. And second…"

He brought up one of his hands to stroke my face. I found that both of mine came up to meet his, one on his wrist and the other his forearm. I needed the gratification of the closeness, not the security such a grasp would afford me at that moment. My eyes closed that I might focus more completely on his touch to my face. His hand settled and he waited for me to have my fill and return to him before he went on.

"Second," he reiterated, "for my impertinence. I have rehearsed countless monologues within my thoughts, trying to perfect the words I would speak, here and now. Alas, I completely missed that the perfection of this moment was not in my ardent pronouncements or my quippy diction, but was in you. In me, in… us. Every moment we are together is a gift, and I seem to have forgotten that."

"You are forgiven," I said thoughtlessly.

He grinned, "It always began the same way; commenting that the last time we were up here, the night that I confessed that which I am, was not the most comfortable memory."

"I tried to throw myself out of a car," I said, sounding amazed, both by my boldness and my stupidity.

He laughed, "Before you tried to allow yourself to fall."

I felt my feet, drifting upon nothing, my dress bumping about my legs. I felt like we were drifting almost, like we were floating in air thick as water, but without the freezing to death and all, since it was Washington.

"The day we met," he said, "I almost made this moment impossible."

"You wanted to kill me," I said carelessly.

He smiled again, but it was a brittle thing, a sad smile, "That day and every day since. On that day, Alice interceded on my behalf. I wouldn't have lasted the day. When I say that I want to kill you, I have not fully conveyed that to you, out of fear. I…"

I felt him shutter, as though speaking the words was too close to the act for him to bare.

"I want your blood more than anyone I have ever encountered, more than any vampire I have encountered has ever wanted blood. You are a beacon to me, a flame to my moth, the most dastardly drug I never knew I was addicted to, before I met you."

He inhaled, a look coming across his face that I could not fully discern.

"Your scent is the most enticing fragrance ever," he admitted. "Had someone conveyed onto me your existence and its effect upon me before our meeting, I would have thought the jest in the poorest of tastes."

He grinned, and I considered, "Why are you telling me this?"

He nodded, "Because I want nothing but fearless honesty between us."

I nodded too, allowing him to continue uninterrupted.

"I had to leave," he said, and the thought of his absence still twisted in me. "Or else I would have sought out your death that night. I, who had prided myself for nearly a hundred years on only taking the lives of murderers and would-be murderers, was willing to seriously entertain the notion of killing every single person in that Biology classroom if it would mean having you. Once it was night, even without my ability to read your mind or compel you, would have had no problem being invited into your home and-"

"Hey," I said, reading his face. There was a tension there, a sort of edge to his voice.

He blinked, "I'm sorry?"

I looked into his face, "You are… I'm not sure. Losing yourself… in the details somehow. I can see it on you. You are… distressing yourself, needlessly."

He drew back. Not away from me, but from himself, his thoughts.

"And you brought me back," he said simply, awed.

I smiled, "I want to hear what you have to say, but not if it will do you undue harm."

He nodded, "As always, you are better at this than I am."

I laughed. God, I wanted to kiss him!

"I traveled out of state," he continued, "to other vampires we know and who share a passion for abstaining from blood. It seemed the best place to be for me, save for…"

He glanced at me, "Tanya."

Never had a name so immediately and completely captured my attention.

He laughed. It was so disarming, I felt myself blush at my previous reaction.

"I have never once, even before I met you," he explained, "showed even the slightest interest in her. Though never have we ever been in the same room before without her showing hers in me."

He winced, "Her thoughts are very loud and distracting, and for once, I needed distraction."

"From?" I asked, ironically, because I was by her as well.

"From you," he teased.

Oh, right.

"In my time there, I wasn't truly away from you," he went on. "I was nothing short of obsessed. Who were you, this seemingly common girl who stepped out of mundanity, immune to my chiefest gift in maintaining my family's anonymity, yet smelt so sweetly that I would accept innocent death in magnitudes for the opportunity to taste it? Hey."

The last word caught me unawares, its tone gentle. My head had been filled with "common girl" and "mundanity". He had brought me back.

"Right," I said, feeling him resettle his hand upon my face. It grounded me better than if he would have let go. Rimshot.

"I'm back," I said smiling. He didn't ask.

"I soon found myself wanting to come back," he said, "not to kill you, but to root out the mystery that was you. I was sure that some part of me… no, I was sure that I was lying to myself about how much of my intent was to put me in the same town, the same place, the same room with you, but I didn't dwell upon it. So, I returned, under the watchful eye of my family and taking every precaution I could not to be tempted."

It was my turn to not ask.

"The next part of this story you know," he said. "I came back and met you properly. What you didn't know was that my obsession was still in full swing. I stalked you through the mental spaces of everyone who saw you. I absorbed the thoughts of every person who thought of you. I knew more about you than any one person could."

I should have been slightly creeped out by this, but again, I was flattered. Then something came back to me.

"Which is why you knew I preferred Bella," I said.

He chuckled, "One of my many blunders. And, naturally, you caught it immediately. Which only made you more interesting to me. I was looking forward to finally, finally getting answers to all my questions, to being able to speak to you myself, so, naturally, the very next day-"

"I was nearly crushed to death," I conclude.

He smiles, "That day… I almost lost it, lost you. What were you thinking?"

The moment was branded into my brain.

I snorted, "Probably the same thing you were."

He looked shocked, "Which was?"

I smiled, "That the most tragical part of the whole getting crushed to death wasn't the whole dying thing; it was not getting to be in Biology."

He continued to look shocked, then burst out a laugh I was sure they heard on the ground.

"You aren't entirely incorrect," he chortled. "In truth, I didn't really consider anything. I mean to say, I acted without any regard to repercussions. I used abilities that no human ever could, my only thought being your safety and wellbeing, even to the exclusion of my own."

He shook his head, his expression almost grim, "And then, when you wanted only truth, all I saw was that I expected to see; a typical girl, looking for drama and sensationalism and way to buoy herself out of the commonplace by any means necessary. By all that is holy, I knew you so poorly. When I rebuffed you, not only did you not cast petulance against me, you demanded I better myself and forced me to confront my fear and foolishness. Again and again, you were not as I thought you would be."

I nodded, "And then you went to ignoring me completely."

Something in his face changed. It was there and then it was gone.

"What?" I asked, perplexed.

"First," he said, "there was the blowout with my family."

I winced. I hadn't thought about that.

"I bet that was fun," I noted.

"Oh, they were prepared," he said. "We are always prepared to leave at a moment's notice. Given you, we had plans in place should that I fail from the moment I decided to return. The only concern was when and if we should leave. There was much fruitless debating, but in the end, we decided to stay."

"Why?" I asked, baffled.

"Alice," he sighed.

I smirked, "She saw you all stay."

He gave me his favorite lopsided grin, "She said that if we stayed, one day I would fall in love with you."

He couldn't have shocked me more than if he had dropped me.

I tried, I really did, but at best, I made some sort of twittery vowel sounds.

"I… you…" I stammered.

He just grinned.

"I was against it," I said, "determined to believe that it wasn't possible or, at the very least, you were undeserving of my monstrous affections. But my parents were supportive, and I was left to determinedly fight fate."

"Why?" I asked again.

He looked deep into my eyes, "Have you truly never thought about the future?"

I looked at him, "Edward, when I look into the future, there is only one thing I want; you. Everything else is a detail I can work out when it happens."

He looked at me, something hard about his expression, but giving way to something soft.

After a very long pause, so long that I was about to ask, he finally spoke again.

"Please understand," he said, "that I have been very determined not to bring this up unnecessarily, for reasons I will explain directly. But first, may I ask, how would you feel if I were to commit suicide?"

I felt like I have been suckerpunched.

"What?" I half stammered, half shrieked. "Why?"

"Would any reason change your reaction?" he asked.

It took me a moment to get my thoughts back into order.

"I… no," I finally said. "I would do whatever I could to prevent it."

He nodded, "And I have done the same, by omission."

"How so?" I asked, trying not to sound suspicious.

He took a deep breath, "From the moment I saved your life, I Alice foresaw only two outcomes for you. Death."

I frowned, "That is only one."

He waited. I considered his word. One, he kills me, that much was obvious. How else could I die? Why bring up suicide? How or why could I die by choice-

I got it then. I thought about it. I wondered for a moment why I hadn't thought about it before. Maybe I really didn't want to consider it because if I did, like the very idea of being with Edward had been in the beginning, it would be that much worse if I never got to have it. Now, I thought about becoming a vampire.

I understood it, why so many people might want it. The eternal life, the eternal beauty. The freedom from societal constraints. I was pretty sure having the power and strength, the speed and resiliency that Edward had demonstrated on multiple occasions would be enough to have many people lining up. There was a cost, surely, but many would pay more than the occasional death to have access to that kind of unlife. I was sure that there were more than a few who would have thought it wasn't a price at all. But I couldn't help but see it in one way and one way only.

I could stay with Edward. We would be the same, and together, forever. And, that was it; that was my deepest darkest secret, the one that I could have exchanged for the knowledge of what Edward was, all those days ago in the Library. I was willing to die, to become a potential murderer, to have and keep Edward forever. I wanted it so badly, I could not even acknowledge the desire for fear of not getting it.

"Neither option was something I could endure," he said.

And just like that, the pain of losing that path ripped through me.

"Bella," he all but cried, pulling me to him. I didn't even know I was crying until the tears were running and only until I was fully in his arms did the first sniffle work its way out.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"What is it?" he asked, caressing my back. God, he smelled amazing!

At length, I finally pulled back and he wiped my tears away. I thought about how to explain.

"What price would you pay to become human?" I asked.

He looks slightly startled.

"I am not sure," he said, the situation dawning on him, "I guess I never thought about it."

I nodded, "But the price was not something I could endure."

I saw the expression cross his face, a flash of frustration and exasperation and denial and pain.

"I see your point," he said, "moot as it is. Vampires cannot become human."

He looked down and shook his head, "And I could never do something as selfish as risk your soul just so that I could keep you forever."

When he put it like that, I guess I couldn't hold it against him too much.

And then, it clicked.

"That is why you ignored me?" I asked. "You were determined not to do anything that might risk either option?"

Again, he laughed, "I think I am finally understanding you. You are the truest person I have ever known."

He shook his head, "For thirty four days, I did all in my power to deny. I denied you, the future, myself, everything. I never once looked upon you with my own eyes, not even when you would never know. I made no restraint upon looking through anyone else's, so, as my only reprieve from the penance of causing either death, I learned you as best I could."

He looked deep into my eyes.

"I learned that you were kind, truly. I learned of your unconscious compassion and fair mindedness. I learned that you never once went back on your word to keep my secret, even when I made it all the more clear every day that I would never again be in your favor. I learned that you are intuitive and thoughtful and observant beyond words. You ask for nothing from your friends save equality and freedom of choice, and above all things, you are good and entirely yourself in a way that I never knew existed before I met you.

"I was content with my lot. Watching and waiting and not doing anything. I felt as though I would fly apart if I did nothing but also if I moved an inch in any direction. It was the epitome of an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object, but I had everything under control for my part, until the dance was announced."

He sighed, smiling, "And the line formed."

I shook my head, wanting to shake off the idea.

"I was in a constant state of agitation. As you so aptly pointed out, I had been jealous of Mike for weeks, for he was doing all that I longed for. He spoke to you, took utterly for granted that he could ask you questions and have them answered. He only cared that he might have you, an empty possession without a thought for your feelings or thoughts or personhood. And yet, I had nothing to fear. You turned him down. And you seemed happy to do it. Was it simply for the sake of your friend? Were you happier alone? For all my desire for you to reject him, it made things worse, not better. Without a care for all the work I had done, I spoke to you. I folded in just over a month."

He grinned one of the broadest smiles I had ever seen on him, "And you didn't give me an inch."

I grinned at the memory, saying affectionately, "Stupid dazzling boy."

"Then you- dazzling?" he cut himself off.

I felt my cheeks pink.

"Um… yeah," I said.

He just stared at me, obviously not going on without an explanation.

"What?" I said defensively, my pink creeping towards vermilion. "You are a very attractive person. You know this. I know this. As though you haven't noticed the effect you have on everyone who includes male in their orientation."

He smiled lightly, "But my appearance has never mattered to you."

I take a deep breath, shuddering a bit with brisk air.

"Just because I never let what I think about your appearance dictate my decisions does not mean I do not think about your appearance," I say, wondering if that makes any sense.

He considers that.

"Okay," he said smiling.

"What!?" I belted out, beyond flustered. "So, yeah, sometimes it is hard for me to form coherent thoughts around you and there was a time there that I had to not look at you in order to actually speak. But that was before. I have gotten used to it. Mostly. I am sure that if I was apart from you for any length of time, I would have to get used to it all over again."

He laughed quietly.

"I know exactly what you mean," he said.

My head came up sharply, "Huh?"

He caressed my face again, "I have always been enraptured by you. From the beginning. It wasn't your uncomplicated beauty that drew me to you at first, regardless, but from the day I met you, my life has been oriented to you."

He sighed, and a nearly stricken expression crossed his face. Before I could decide how best to comfort him or take that look from him, he went on.

"Which is why it was so painful to me to see the boys line up," he said. "At that time, I was too selfish in my coveting of you. I saw each as a potential rival, and ones who would never care about you, not as I might, not as someone who truly saw you as I did."

He caressed my face. I felt warm and rather shivery.

"I followed you that day in person as I had in the minds of everyone around you in the month before, in part to allow each who had the courage to ask their chance and in part because I wanted to bare witness myself."

I had to interrupt, "'Had the courage to ask'?"

He grinned broadly, "I swear, you will never see yourself clearly. Many boys didn't."

I frowned, "How is that any different from the heaps and heaps of girls and likely a few guys who want to ask you out?"

He shook his head, "Your deflections are admirable but unfounded. Is there anything I could say or do to convince you that you are desirable on mass?"

For a moment, I thought through what he said seriously.

"Should it matter?" I asked.

Almost frowned in consideration.

"I would like you to clearly see the effect you have on those around you," he rephrased.

"Why?" I asked.

He thought some more, his face finally returning to earnestness, "Because it is important that your own predisposed notions not color the truth. You are an honest person. Can you not be honest about things that might do you good as well?"

That was something to wrap my head around. It was hard for me to believe that I was desirable, mostly because I hadn't ever experienced it before. Before I came here, boys never really showed interest in me, and even when they did, Edwards assertion was right; they didn't really care about me.

"It doesn't matter," I said. He looked to be about to protest when I went on.

"If they cared about me, really cared," I said, "it would actually affect me. They would support me and be a friend to me, and that would be important. I care about their deeds and their behavior. It doesn't matter to me at all if their affections come to nothing. If you spend your whole life caring about something and do nothing about it, it comes to nothing."

He stilled and slowly nodded, "I will never not be amazed by you, Isabella Swan."

And thus, I had found the only person who could say my name without me minding.

"And that was my problem," he said.

I came back to his story, unsure, "Hm?"

He gave me that crooked smile, "Jealous as I was, how would it be if one came forward who did care about you? I had made it my lot in life to be what you had so aptly pointed out was pointless. I was to live in your shadow, doing nothing for I could not stand what outcomes that were possible. But that would mean that some day, someone might ask who would actually deserve your returned affections. Someone would come to you, basking in your glory as I have and do, ask for your favor, and you would give it to them. In my selfishness, all I could see was what I would lose, and not what you would gain. The very thought of watching one give you all that I wanted to and could not was intolerable. Bearing witness to it, I believed, would destroy me."

He looked deep into my eyes, his filled with a remembered sadness, one that twisted my heart but seemed to cause him little pain.

"So," he seemed to conclude, "I decided to leave. I decided that I could never give you any of what you deserved. I was, after all, a loathsome creature, a monstrous fiend of hell and the night. How could I ever matter to someone as honest and true as you? I wanted to say goodbye, but I knew that if I stayed to do it, I might lose my nerve, that I might cause you more grief after being so rude and unfair to you. Not wanting to drag it out, I sought you out in the night. One last look would be all I needed, then I could go.

"I found you sleeping. I hung at your window, distasteful as it was, watching you as you slept. I was about to leave when I heard you speak."

He couldn't keep the smile off his face, nor I off mine.

"I was too captivated, unable to not remain. So I did, enraptured even before you spoke my name."

He looked awed, "You said my name, and it was evident from your tone and breathing and heart rate, you were not having a nightmare, the sort of dream I would have attributed myself to. And at that moment, I knew."

His eyes shone with reflected starlight, vast and full and open and clear. It floored me, so much so that I had trouble getting the words out.

"Knew what?" I all but whispered.

He tucked a crooked finger under my chin, tilting my head more surely towards his.

"I knew that I loved you."

He leaned in, slowly, allowing me time to rebuff him if I wished. I didn't. And there, hanging in the sky, somewhere between heaven and earth, Edward Cullen kissed me.