Mikasa's eyes jolted open for no reason. She was in a cold sweat, following a dreamless sleep. Her heart was beating a tinge faster than it should be, yet she felt no rush. Only dazed. The full moon was now illuminating the dorm enough for it to be a nuisance.
'I just want to go back to sleep. The harder I try, the more I regain lucidity.'
She let out a long but resigned sigh.
'Everyone else is asleep. Or pretending to be.'
She stared out the window, watching the trees blow in the cold wind. The moon appeared to be faintly lowering; maybe her boredom was only seeing what it wanted to see. Surely it was close to morning routines, however, as there was a faint hue of orange in the sky. The sun was rising.
'That can't be right, though. We should've been woken up as soon as the sun became visible from the watchtowers. We're far below that altitude, and the sun is just now visible. What?'
Normally, she would pass this off as a mistake made by her superiors, but her anxiety was worse for some reason. Her heartbeat was now awfully audible.
'Since when would the superiors be this incompetent? Could something have happened while I was asleep? While everyone was asleep?'
A hushed whisper, making her tense up, "Mikasa, aren't we all supposed to be up?" It was Krista, on the bed across from her. She didn't realize she was awake too.
Mikasa noticed a small bit of confusion in Krista's face, which almost made her deflect it with a glance of worry. She was giving into confirmation bias now. Something isn't adding up. "No. Nobody has come to wake us up yet. Just wait."
"Oh. I can't sleep." Despite being spoken in a whisper, somehow what she said carried a level of monotony in it. It was almost uncharacteristic of her. Maybe she felt distressed too.
Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Annie in the bunk above Krista making uncomfortable movements. Her eyes were half open.
'It's like everyone's internal clocks are waking them up. They're used to being up at this time. We definitely should've been awoken by now.'
Without saying a word, Annie silently climbed down from the bunk. She was in nothing but training shorts and her hoodie, and her bare feet made unnoticeable noise. Mikasa and Krista were eyeing her intently, to see what she was doing. Slowly, she made her way to the door and was inches away from putting her hand on the knob.
"Annie, wait!" pleaded Krista in a whisper, a little louder than she intended. The wind escaped her teeth in a way that pierced the silence. Annie put her hand on the knob anyway, but turned her attention to Krista. Krista took the hint and quickly continued, "Don't go out. Just because they haven't woken us up yet doesn't mean we can leave without permission. Don't get yourself and everyone else in trouble."
Annie ignored her and promptly twisted the handle. Krista's eyes widened with a little worry but she said nothing. It was pointless. Annie cracked the door wide enough for her to peak her head out, and saw that the sun was already above the horizon. It was fully visible, if just barely. The light entered the crack and was hitting Mikasa directly.
'Shit, it's bright. The sun is definitely up. This is no mistake. The watchtower would've noticed it rising over 30 minutes ago.'
Annie's legs were beginning to shake, and she shut the door back carefully. After doing so, she turned around and noticed Mikasa returning her gaze. A look of disconcert.
'Were her legs shivering from the cold? Or was it fear? Did she see something else?'
Annie said at a normal volume, "We should've been called a while ago. Something is going on." She didn't seem to care if anybody else woke up or not from her speaking. Although spoken in an objective manner, it was directed to Mikasa.
Instead of responding, Mikasa directed her attention to the door before getting out of bed and opening the large drawer beneath the mattress.
'To hell with waiting, I have to go out there myself and see what's going on. I'm the best fit. Maybe Annie will follow suit, but I'm not requesting. She would go off by herself anyway.'
She carefully removed and replaced every piece of winter training gear onto the bed, including her personal scarf, rather than the standard issue one. Her eyes widened, and she trembled a little while holding it. It reminded her…
'Eren. If something is amiss, I have to get to him before he gets to me. There's no telling what could be going on. I have to hurry. Anything could happen.'
Suddenly, she was going much faster, though with no lack of precision. She wasted no time equipping her gear.
'I have little time for this now.'
Krista sat up straight on her bed, watching Mikasa quickly put on her gear, getting ready to leave. Instead of protesting like she did with Annie, she kept her mouth shut. She didn't know what exactly to think, but the atmosphere in the room was tense and it put her on edge.
Annie said nothing to either Mikasa or Krista, she just climbed back into her bunk and sat there, looking around as if in thought.
After Mikasa got her entire uniform on, she quickly turned around and walked over to the door intently. Silence be damned, her boots made a loud thud with every step she took. She opened, exited, and shut the door as fast as possible to keep the room warm for the others. She made no effort to be obscure, though she was not overtly noisy either.
She stood on the porch for only a second as she took in the fact that everything was coated in snow. Far more snow than she was prepared for. It hadn't snowed this much in the south all season. It hasn't snowed this much here in years, even.
'The snow almost comes up to the porch… It must be over 1 feet deep. Damn, this is going to be rough. It's only this bad during intense training exercises up north.'
Stepping into the snow, she had taken notice of how barren it is. Typically, superiors would be up at this time, either to keep watch or just because they can. But they aren't.
'Just what the hell is going on? Nothing adds up. If everybody took shelter somewhere warmer due to the snow, certainly they would have notified us.'
Her pace quickened as her mind was racing, trying to make sense of it. What was so off, she couldn't understand. She felt alone.
The male barracks were not too terribly far away, but the snow made the trip over to them a lot more painstaking. It was absurdly cold outside, far colder than normal. The gear did a dependable job of keeping her warm, but if she spent too long out here it would not be pleasant. She was extremely fit, almost superhumanly so, but enough time spent in the cold will tear anybody down. She had seen it happen.
'Please be alright, Eren. I'm nervous. Far more than I should be. Anything can happen. Anything. It's scary.'
Thick clouds were appearing over the horizon, and they were beginning to block out the sun, little by little.
'Shit. That could be another snowstorm.'
The torches illuminating the barracks became visible, and she broke into a slight jog. Then a run. Then a sprint. Nearly tripping in the thick snow several times, she was doing all she could not to fall. She had to get there. Fast.
As the porch became perfectly vivid, the sun had become completely concealed by the clouds. It was now dark, and it was going to get colder. The torches were doing a better job of lighting up the area now, and half of them had already fizzled.
She began slowing her pace as she approached the porch, before coming to a complete halt in front of the door. She tried turning the door knob, but it was locked.
'Of course.'
Entirely skipping knocking, she kicked the door down and everyone immediately woke up.
In a hopeless effort, Mikasa yelled, "Does anybody know what the hell is happening? And where is Eren?!"
"Wha-" Connie began to say as he was cut off by Reiner, already standing up.
"Mikasa! What is it? Is it urgent?!" Reiner almost yelled, hoping to get some sort of answer.
"You should've all been woken up over 40 minutes ago! There aren't any superiors around, and it's deathly cold outside. The snow has to be nearly 2 feet deep. I don't know what's going on! WHERE is Eren?!"
'If I don't find him, so help m-'
Before her train of thought could finish, Jean interrupted, "Eren isn't here! I saw him get up and leave in the middle of the night! Who knows what the suicidal bastard is up to."
She began to panic. "I- in that weather? What? No. No! Why?!" She buried her face in her hands and was clenching them as hard as she could without hurting herself.
"You were just out in that weather too, Mikasa! Whatever Eren is doing, he can handle himself I'm sure!" Marco tried to reassure her, though he knew Eren was not half as well suited as Mikasa could be.
Armin joined in and he claimed "Mikasa, you need to calm down. You're distressed! We can figure this out!" though his words seemingly went in one ear and out the other.
'Just shut up, everyone. Just shut the fuck up…'
Her head still in her hands, she was clawing at her scalp through the thickness of her gloves and it provided her an uncomfortable sensation. She hated it.
'Why do I do this to myself? I resent myself.'
"Mnnnnnngggh…" she groaned, lengthily.
'My head hurts. I'm getting another migraine.'
Everyone watched, some afraid to say anything. Some were shocked. Some showed concern. Only Armin spoke up. "Mikasa, please, you're only hurting yourself…" he said, somewhat resigned, almost in fear of what Mikasa was doing.
For a moment, Mikasa felt herself warming up intensely, and her vision was getting dark and fuzzy. She removed her face from her hands and looked up. Her gaze was distant, unable to focus on anything or anybody. Her knees were locking in place. The nape of her neck felt like it was on fire. She wanted to puke. She… Ached. Mentally and physically.
'Am I blacking out? What..?'
In a moment of regained sensibility, she entirely forgot about Eren. She only felt a deep, dull, sadness. But she felt sane, too.
'I want this episode to end. I am sinking too low. I need to detach myself. That's the best thing I can do. I want to feel warmth again, but I only have one vessel to provide that. Why can I not get out?"
As soon as it came, it left. Her mind became too clouded again to recognize her despair. Self-Awareness was ever present, and it only furthered her into her depths.
'I'm stuck without his warmth. It's killing me.'
She slowly lowered herself to the ground and got on her knees, taking one glance at the room before completely kneeling. Everybody was staring at her like she had lost her mind. She had no idea what to think anymore.
'I want Eren here…'
Drip. Another drip. Drip, drip, drip…
"Mikasa, you're bleeding!" Armin said as he rushed over to her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and lifted her up to his eye level on his knees. "Your nose is pouring blood! You're so pale and sweaty! Mikasa, do you even know what I'm saying?!" He was extremely panicked now. "Your breathing is completely erratic…" Her eyes stared straight through him, and her mouth hung ever so slightly agape. The blood from her nose was dropping to her lips, and falling inside her mouth. "Crap!" Armin exclaimed, as he tilted her head forward a little, keeping the blood from pouring in. He grabbed the sheet off of Thomas's bed and did his best to keep the blood in. "She needs to see a medical professional! She isn't well at all!" Armin was basically begging and pleading, tearing up while staring Mikasa straight in her dead eyes. Everything felt like complete dissonance. This was all wrong.
'My mind feels flooded, and my body withered. Yet I feel so hollow.'
"Shit, right, okay! I'll take her to the clinic ASAP!" Reiner declared, as he yanked open the drawer under his bed.
Jean suddenly broke out of his shock and he yelled, "I'll go too!"
Armin was the last to advocate for her. "Marco, watch over her as I get my winter gear on, please!" he requested urgently.
"Y-yes!" Marco did as he was told and got down in front of her, keeping the sheet up to her nose with one arm and holding her steady with the other. He noticed how, through her vacant appearance, she almost looked peaceful…
...then her eyes started rolling back. The muscle tension in her tongue was released, and now it was hanging limp. Her breathing was no longer erratic, but slow and deep, with a faint wheeze.
She felt the gentle touch of somebody's hand on her face.
"No, get up." a distant, but familiar voice said.
Then, her consciousness drifted.