Anagapesis: def. no longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved

Chapter 18: I'm Going To Hell With A Smile.

Ladies and gents this is the moment you've waited for.

It had been two days since the stalker incident, the night of the full moon, and I was pumped. No one was kidnapped this time around, instead I got a breakfast with Anna and gave her the rundown of what exactly would happen, and where she should be when it does. This kinda felt like a save point in a really difficult video game, or maybe more like a boss battle. It had been insanely stressful trying to keep everything from going to shit, and a small part of me was worried how long I could stand trying to stop these idiots from getting us all killed.

Rubbing the knot on my back that was proof of my stress, I look back down at Emily's grimoire.

Grams wasn't involved, me and Bons had all the power we needed thanks to Emily's talisman, the grimoire was present, Damon was here, hell, even Anna was around (albeit in the woods, hidden like I suggested), and we were ready to go. In all essence, I have done a fantastic job.

Nobody useful is dead, no one was kidnapped, everything had been going smoothly as me and Bons set up in th cool, damp cavern. At least, that was the case until Stefan and Elena showed up..

With Grams.

Blinking once, then twice, as if maybe if I do it hard enough she won't actually be here, I'm a bit frozen. Bonnie is the first one to react.

"What the hell is my grandma doing here, Elena?!"

Grams flinches a bit at how Bonnie doesn't call her 'Grams', but I can't help being extremely angry that Stefan brought her here.

Elena stutters out, "W-we thought it'd be a good idea to bring extra witch power."

Fucking lying bitch. They brought her so she could either convince us to trap Damon, or do it herself.

Bonnie is livid, face red and hands clenched, she looks like she's gonna maul the doppelgänger, "And you thought bringing my elderly, alcoholic grandmother was a good idea?!!"

Doppelena looks like she's about to cry, but my glare is fixed hard and heavy on Stefan Salvatore. He doesn't look away, accepting my anger, and in a weird way, it makes me that much more pissed off. I suddenly feel a large, cold hand on my shoulder, and I turn to see a face on Damon that I've never seen before.

It's a face that's pleading with me to let him in. Let him go inside and break his own heart. Jesus Christ, this is a mess. Everything's gonna be okay, stay focused. I realize that I had been breathing heavily, and Damon's blue eyes pierce mine. Turning back to the unwelcome three, I roll my eyes, blowing out a large sigh and pinching my nose in annoyance.

"You," I say harshly, pointing at my Grams and making her wince at my cold tone, "are going to wait right up against that fucking wall until we're done. We don't need your help, and you're not a stupid witch, so you know that you're not healthy enough to do this spell with us. If you really want to help next time, quit fucking drinking."

The cavern is silent momentarily, before Grams steps forward, her eyes showing she's going to be as stubborn as I am at the moment. "You are both too young to attempt this. You are trifling with powers you don't understand!"

"I am well aware of the powers I use!" I snap back, not in the mood to be talked down to by someone who knew nothing. "You will either stay on that wall or out of this cave. If I have to use force, I will."

Grams' dark eyes widen in shock, stunned that I'd threaten her over this, but I meant what I said. If me and her went toe-to-toe right now, I'd win, no questions asked. She was out of practice, old, and unhealthy. Her connection to nature was feeble at best, and she would not beat me. Suddenly, I feel a warm, small hand clasp mine tightly.

I turn to see Bons, who glances at me momentarily before turning her steely gaze back to Grams.

"I will, too."

We three Bennett women all stood in tense silence, realizing just how serious this had become. How unfixable things could turn out if Grams didn't stand down. This was a mess.

"You.. You would threaten me? The one who's raised you? Done nothing but loved you and taught you?" The stubborn old woman's gaze softens in it's bullheadedness, but it's turned bitter and cold.

"I have done everything for you both. I loved you. I took care of you when your parents walked out, gave you a home and food to eat. Now, because I've taught you what I know, you use that knowledge against me? Fine then. If you children wish to defy me, you can go and kill yourselves. Be on your own. But, do not expect me to save you."

Well, that was a little bit too positive of a critique on her parenting. She's an alcoholic. She was rarely there when we needed her. Better gone than dead.

And with that, me and Bonnie's last family member left. I watched as she slowly ascended up the staircase, not even looking back at us. First mom, then dad, and now her. Grinding my teeth, I can't look away from the stairwell Grams ascended, so instead I squeeze Bonnie's hand tight, and will back the tears threatening the corners of my eyes. The personal issues were swelling like a tsunami, and the faster we got this stupid fucking ritual done, the sooner I could be there for Bonnie, who's hand was trembling in my own.

It'll always be Bonnie and I. Always has been, always will be.

Glancing around the room, I see an odd trio of reactions to what has occurred. Elena has her hand clasped over her mouth in shock, Stefan looks increasingly pained, as if I was jiffy-popping his brain, and Damon looks like he has seen something that spooked him. Gotta love when family business turns into everyone's business. Squeezing Bons' hand twice, I then let go, turning back to Damon and the ritual.

"Let's get this over with."

Grabbing the butane lighter, I look to start lighting the torches, but realize that they are already burning bright. Stupid witch emotions. I roll my eyes before tossing the lighter over my shoulder, instead turning to Bonnie, who looks like she's trying her best to hold it together as she reads back over Emily's grimoire.

I wonder if I look the same.

Deciding to just ignore my emotions for the next thirty minutes, I go into 'logical' mode, instead staring to prep the rest of Nature's Altar.

This particular altar is used to give a bit of permanence to a witch's spell in certain situations. It consisted of basically a little pile of rocks and crystals, toss some water onto it, and four lit torches facing north, south, east, and west. Air, Water, Fire, and Earth. A witch's basics. Pulling out the jug of water I had out of my backpack, I toss it over the rock pile.

"Wait, isn't that your water bottle? Isn't it supposed to be blessed or something?" Elena asks, apparently recovered from the situation but not reading the room properly.

"Water is water, Elena," I reply with a roll of my eyes, putting my water back and instead grabbing Emily's talisman. The rush of power it sends through me gives me goosebumps, and despite my now very bad mood, it was electric and brought a small smile to my face. No pressure on her end, and it made me feel a slight bit of relief, although, not much considering the ritual hadn't been completed yet.

Holding the talisman tight in my palm, I turn to face Bonnie who's standing in the center of the pentagram. I give her a small, sad smile. I'm sorry, Bons. She gives me one back as I walk towards her, grabbing my hands softly while maneuvering to clasp Emily's necklace as well. Me too, Lessy.

Closing my eyes, I focus on my magic, swirling, tumultuous, and finally, calm as I take a few deep breaths. There'd be time to fall apart later. Breathing slowly, my magic slowly swirls to connect with Bonnie's, and once again I feel a sense of comfort. Bonnie was always easy to be with. I could only hope that she found comfort in me as much.

"Phasmatos Salves Nas Ex Malon, Terra Mora Vantis Quo Incandis, Et Vasa Quo Ero Signos."

Bonnie and I continued this chant over and over. While in the deep hum of my meditative state, I could vaguely hear the Salvatores and Elena chatting, but it was nothing compared to the roar of the earth. The constant shifting of plates and swirling magma, the ocean's push and pull, the wind's mighty howl. Emily's talisman has truly been a magnifier, and I almost feel as if I am one with nature as we continue our spell.

Then, I felt the strain. The glass ceiling that was supposed to stop this spell from being fully completed, and Bonnie and I pushed our magic hard against it. Even with the talisman, this was proving to be quite difficult, and I had started to think we might not succeed until it budged slightly. Cracking like a windshield, the ancient spell shattered, and I could feel its strength being released. It was such a rush that it made my eyes snap open.

Blinking rapidly, my eyes meet Bonnie's olive greens, and I can see that this ordeal was just as difficult for her judging by the matching sheen of sweat on her forehead and matching rough breathing.

We'd done it.

Rushing over to her, I squeeze her tight and she immediately reciprocates just as tightly. We had done such a good job.

Releasing Bonnie, I turn to Damon with happy, yet tired eyes. "It's open, D."

His gaze is bright enough to make the stars jealous, and there is barely even a hint of doubt in his crystalline blue eyes. Damon stares at me, a bit in disbelief, before nodding and turning to his brother, "We got some fires to build."

The green eyed god nods, looking to Elena, "I'm gonna get some gasoline, I'll be right back."

Glancing up at him, I wave my hand to catch the younger Salvatore's attention before he leaves, and he arches a thick brow in question.

"You mind taking her with you? Bons and I gotta talk for a sec."

He immediately assumes it's about Grams and promptly grabs Elena's hand, ascending the staircase without another word. Well, he's wrong. Glancing around the 'room', I realize that Damon has entered the tomb without making a peep. It makes me smile that he didn't feel the need to take a hostage. I must've really proven myself trustworthy to him.

I start to whistle the tune of 'We're Off To See The Wizard', and Bonnie and I are unsurprised when Anna appears in the tomb. She looks like she's about to speak, but Bons lifts a finger to her lips, tilting her adorable head over to the large stone door with the pentagram carved on it. I then mouth, 'fifteen seconds' and receive a quick nod in return. She disappears, and I hope that Damon is too distracted trying to find Katherine to hear them getting her mother.

Hearing another whoosh of air blow through, I smile. Flawless. Stefan and Elena appear a few minutes later, all smiles and blushes, and I feel myself get a bit angry that they thought they were off the hook for ruining my relationship with my grandmother. Oh no, I'd be paying them both back for that. And then, I hear something that makes my heart ache painfully.

"SHE'S NOT HERE!!"

Closing my eyes tightly in an attempt to erase the absolute anguish that I heard in Damon's voice, I feel a wisp of air fly past as Stefan rushes into the tomb. Elena, of course, starts to panic.

"What's going on?! Alessia, what did you do??"

The real question is what didn't I do.

Bonnie immediately snaps back, "Why do you automatically assume it's her fault? Why do you always do that?"

Because, Elena always needs a 'bad guy', or just someone to blame. That's the simple answer, anyway. I smile at my sister's protective nature over me, placing a hand on her shoulder as I gesture to the cavern entrance, letting her know I'm going to go in and finish the job. Or at least make sure it gets finished.

Bending down and grabbing a flashlight off of the dusty ground, I quickly make my way through the rock door, looking for Stefan and Damon. After passing by several desiccating vamps, I find them at the very end of the corridor, Stefan standing very stiffly.

Damon is a mess. There's blood all over the wall where he splattered the blood bag that was supposed to be Katherine's, and Damon looks like he doesn't know whether to scream, cry, break something, or break down. I see that some of the blood has splattered on his face, and that's when he notices I'm there. His eyes are wide, surprised, and overwhelmingly broken-hearted.

He stares me down, and I don't know whether he's looking to see if I had something to do with this, or looking for a friend. Never being good at dealing with emotions, I stuff my hands in my pockets, slowly walking towards him and keeping eye contact.

Damon's blue eyes are so angry and hurt and I don't know how to fix it, so instead, I grab the small plastic pack of Kleenex out of my jeans, pulling one out of the plastic folding as I get close enough to touch him.

I hope my gaze is soft and compassionate, but I'm unsure as Damon breathes hard in front of me, barely keeping his broken heart together as his blue eyes stay locked on mine. Wiping off the stray blood with the Kleenex slowly before throwing it on the floor, I give him a weak smile and he looks briefly stunned.

"Today is not our day, D," I sigh, opening my arms in an offer for a hug, "Mind being my fake boyfriend for a sec? I need emotional support."

I knew Damon wouldn't take my pity directly, but if instead we were just both sad together, I was pretty sure it'd leave his already cracked pride intact. He glares at me momentarily, and I decide right then and there that if he pushes me away, it won't bother me too much. Instead, he runs a shaky hand through his hair, before battening down the hatches on his facial expressions, instead giving me a weak smirk.

"You send awfully mixed messages, Alessia." He sighs, but his voice is thick with emotion as he pulls me right into his arms. I feel his shaky breath as he tries to get a hold on his intense emotions, burying his nose in my hair. My fingers tighten around the leather on his back, and I hold him just as tightly against me, whispering in his ear.

"I'm so, so sorry, Damon."

And I truly was.

*

Damon had let me go after a few seconds, realizing his brother was still there and was looking shocked, before quickly putting on his 'Damon the Dick' hat. We three proceeded to burn the rest of the corpses, me double checking afterwards that we'd gotten all of them.

It was a very long night, and both me and my sister were mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. So, here we sat in the car, not having moved since we parked it in front of Caroline's fifteen minutes ago. It was all so surreal. Sure, Grams wasn't dead, but she wanted nothing to do with us after our disobedience, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was like this in the original timeline.

Was I too rash?

No. Grams would've kept trying to be part of the ritual if I had said anything less, and I had no idea whether or not our ancestors had attempted to reach out to her. I knew for a fact now, that if Grams had to choose between us and our ancestors, she'd choose them.

My heart ached. Just how many times would me and Bons be left behind? The inherent sense of childhood 'I'm bad, so it's my fault' comes in full swing, and I feel a torrent of tears spill down my cheeks. I didn't know whether it was worse to have her dead, or have her alive and want nothing to do with us.

Everything just felt so complicated, because while I did blame myself for how the evening had gone down, I was also angry because Grams wasn't blameless either.

She lied to us.

She neglected us.

She drank all the time.

She left me, a child, to take care of Bonnie.

She and our parents were the reason me and Bonnie were bullied by the founding families growing up.

She left.

I look to my left to check on Bons, and see she's in a similar state of heartbreak once again. Just how many times would we go through this cycle? She sniffles, glassy green eyes spilling tears down her honey cheeks, and her lips tremble.

"Lessy, is there something wrong with us?"

Reaching over the console, I grab her hand and squeeze it comfortingly with a weak smile, "Nah, Bons. We just have really shitty Bennett luck."

She wipes her face as she chuckles sadly. "Do you think she meant what she said?"

"I don't know," I say quietly, turning to look out the windshield as more tears roll down my cheeks.

"But, if she did, don't worry, B. It's gonna be me and you till the end of time."

She squeezes my hand even tighter as she holds back her sobs. What a strong little Bennett witch.

*

A/n: Hi all! Hope you enjoyed this sad chapter, it wasn't super easy for me to write, but it was important for what I have planned for the Bennett witches. Don't worry, this isn't me shoddily writing Grams out of the story. She'll be back sooner than you think.

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