You probably aren't reading this story if you don't read explicit/graphic content, but WARNING: this chapter gets explicit again.
we turn ourselves inside out, expose what we're afraid to see
Beth remained in her bedroom, trying to calm herself and slow her racing mind. She passed the time with scrolling through news articles and reading over a handful of them. By the time she heard Daryl calling, "Food's ready!" from outside her door, she was confident that her face had regained most of its color after the ghostly quality she'd taken on from the weight of her realization.
She went to the bathroom and washed her hands, assuring herself that she looked mostly normal. The last thing she needed right now was Daryl picking up on her worry. She just wanted to sit down and have a normal evening, pretending she didn't have a million and one problems weighing down on her shoulders.
Daryl set the table for three people, placing Malachi on the small, edge spot so they could be together, and also because Malachi's setting took up less space. Beth sat down at the table, her back toward the front door, and watched Daryl arranging his son's plate and cup of milk. Both of the boys had already washed up and changed into pajamas for the night. The toddler sat in his chair, propped up on his knees, and eagerly grabbed his utensils.
When Malachi was settled in and digging in to his food, Daryl sat down in the chair across from Beth and picked up his own utensils. Beth realized he was drinking a glass of ginger ale, but he'd set out two glasses for her – one with ginger ale and the other with water. She sipped the soda and caught Daryl glancing at her from the corner of her eye. Then she looked down at her food and began tentatively eating, relieved when she tasted the chicken and her body didn't try to fight back against it.
Malachi began to tell one of his stories, apparently tired of the three seconds of silence that had settled over the table. "Um, Dad, so uh – um, today, Carol…"
Beth glanced at the toddler and slowly ate while she and Daryl listened to him talk, his voice trailing off at times and completely jumping subjects at others. But he went on for at least five minutes while Beth and Daryl nodded and ate their dinners, and Daryl gave "mm-hmm" and "hunh-uh" grunts when his son asked him questions. Then he instructed the toddler to focus more on getting his green beans into his mouth instead of all over his lap.
While Malachi struggled to pick up green beans with his fork and maneuver them to his mouth, Daryl spoke between mouthfuls of food, "Oh, Carol said ta jus' bring her plate back whenever yer done with it. Don't forget, though. She'll come lookin' for it."
Beth looked up from her food and met Daryl's eyes, giving him a small smile and a nod. "Okay, I'll be sure to."
He gazed back at her and said, "An' she, uh, wanted me ta ask how yer feelin'…?"
Beth nodded and tried not to let any of the worry show through on her face. "Better… Um, the cookies kinda helped. So…"
"Ah… good," Daryl wavered and cleared his throat, looking back down to his plate and stabbing another piece of chicken with his fork. He asked, "Whatcha think? Is it edible?"
Beth nodded and said, "Yeah, it's really good."
She took another bite as Mal chirped up, "Yeah, it's – I like it! Yer a good cook, Dad!"
Daryl chuckled, "Thanks, bud."
Beth continued to quietly eat while Malachi went on asking his father questions and telling another story. Daryl was the first to finish his meal and then he was beginning to clean up the table while urging Malachi to finish his last couple of bites.
Within about ten minutes, Beth had finished eating and Daryl grabbed up her dirty dishes before she had a chance to stand up.
"Oh – thanks," she said, turning to watch him carry the dishes back to the kitchen.
Malachi had taken his own plate to the kitchen and Daryl called back to Beth, "I'm gonna clean this up. Better get that guitar ready, it'll be bedtime soon."
Beth smiled to herself and nodded, finishing her glass of ginger ale and heading to her bedroom to grab the guitar from its spot in the corner, slipping the pick from where it was tucked behind the strings. She returned and walked past the table to take a seat on the couch. She sat perched on the edge with the guitar in her lap, plucking the strings to assure they were still tuned.
At the recognizable sound of the instrument, Malachi rushed into the living room, his face lit up with excitement.
"Oh, oh – what're you gonna pway?!" He asked with wide eyes and a big smile.
Beth chuckled and shrugged, "I dunno. What d'you wanna hear? Besides 'Free Bird'."
Daryl must've been able to hear her from the kitchen, even over the sound of the running water, because Beth heard him let out a laugh. She smiled and kept her eyes on Malachi.
The toddler put a hand to his chin to dramatize his thoughtfulness, pursing his lips and gazing upwards for a few seconds while he made a "hmmm" noise in his throat. Beth had to stop herself from giggling at how much Malachi resembled Daryl in that moment.
"Umm… do-d'you know the Mail Song?" He finally asked, looking at Beth expectantly.
"The Mail Song?" Beth asked, furrowing her brow. "Is that – "
"From 'Blue's Clues'!" Daryl called from the kitchen, where he was still washing dishes.
"Thought so," Beth smiled, and Mal grinned.
She placed her fingers over the frets carefully and began strumming with the pick, going off her memory to recreate the song as closely as possible. It must've been an accurate rendition because the toddler started laughing and clapping along.
Beth started singing playfully, "Ohh-h-h, it's the mail, it never fails – "
Malachi, grinning, sang along loudly and happily, "Makes me wanna wag my tail! When it comes, I wanna wail: MAA-A-AA-AIL!"
Beth strummed the last chord loudly and ended the song to enthusiastic applause from Mal. Then they laughed together until Beth thought of another song to play and began strumming again.
Daryl finished up in the kitchen and joined them a few minutes later, glass of whiskey in hand. He paused next to the couch and lifted his glass to Beth when she looked at him, silently offering her a drink. She shook her head and turned back to Mal and the guitar without missing a beat in her playing or singing, and Daryl walked around Mal to take a seat on the end of the couch.
He sat down and relaxed into the cushion, sipping his whiskey and watching Beth play with tired eyes. She glanced at him and smiled in between verses, and he returned the look with a smirk while Malachi playfully danced around the living room floor and clapped to the songs.
Without really thinking about it, Beth began playing a familiar and well-known old tune, and as soon as the music hit her ears, she was remembering being just a bit older than Malachi and singing along to this song in Sunday school. It seemed Malachi had heard the song before, too, because he sang along to some of the words and continued smiling in excitement.
"…He's got my brothers and my sisters, in His hands, He's got the whole world in His ha-ands," Beth sang, while Malachi mimicked her and clapped along. "He's got the sun and the rain, in His hands, He's got the moon and the stars, in His hands. He's got the wind and the clouds in His hands, He's got the whole world in His ha-ands!"
She glanced at Daryl in her peripherals and saw him watching Malachi with a smirk. He looked over at her a few times and she felt her face growing warm from singing.
"…He's got you and He's got me, in his hands… He's got the whole world in His ha-ands," Beth continued, wrapping up the song.
When she finished singing and the last chord faded out, Malachi's giggling slowly faded until he'd settled and was visibly yawning and rubbing his eyes.
"Gettin' sleepy?" Daryl asked, sipping his whiskey.
Mal shook his head, "No, no, not-not really."
Beth chuckled and looked over to Daryl, who was holding back a small smile.
"Ri-ight," he said. "''S gettin' ta be bedtime there, American Idol."
Malachi let out a whine and immediately begged, "Oh, Dad, one more, pwease?"
Beth covered her mouth to hide her smile and Daryl rolled his eyes. But she saw the small smile on his lips and then he replied, "Alright, one more. Then it's time ta go lay down."
The toddler grinned again and looked at Beth, waiting for her to start playing something else he recognized.
With a mischievous smile on her face, Beth began strumming an old song and singing the familiar lyrics, waiting for Daryl to catch on, "Ohh, the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon – "
"Nope! Not that one," Daryl interrupted, leaning forward and moving like he was going to stand up and leave. But he was smirking and Beth saw the playful look in his eyes as she grinned and laughed.
"Oh, c'mon, you don't wanna hear that song?" She joked between her laughter, though she had stopped playing.
Daryl chuckled and relaxed back into the couch, shaking his head. "You tryin' ta make a grown man cry in front of his boy? C'mon now."
Beth laughed again and Daryl smiled playfully while Malachi stood and waited for another song with confusion on his face.
"Alright, alright," she said, her laughter fading and another song popping into her head. "We'll just go with some Cat Stevens tonight."
Daryl raised his glass in cheers as Beth began strumming the chords, and the familiar old tune to "Wild World" filled the small apartment. Malachi danced around, though with much less enthusiasm as he was growing more and more tired. Beth smiled to herself when she thought about how Malachi danced very similarly to his father.
As the song poured from her, she was focused on nothing else but the guitar in her hands, the lyrics in her head, and the tiny, blonde boy in front of her. She didn't even care how red her cheeks were probably turning. Especially not when she could see Daryl staring at her from the corner of her eye.
And especially not when she knew how many other things she'd be worrying about when the apartment eventually grew quiet again.
Despite the dinner and guitar playing, Beth could still feel the tension between her and Daryl. Admittedly, she was growing a bit frustrated with how difficult it was to gauge him and his emotions. And it only confused her more when she felt the strong urge to kiss him as well as the slight urge to hide away in her bedroom and avoid him altogether.
Daryl took Malachi to bed – after the toddler gave "Rosie" a sincere thanks for the music and a very warm hug goodnight and a kiss on the cheek, of course – and Beth returned the guitar to its spot in her bedroom. But just before leading the toddler away and down the hall, Daryl had turned on the TV and left it on at low volume, leaving a newly-filled glass of whiskey sitting on the coffee table. Beth understood that he'd be back, and she didn't know if he particularly wanted her to still be in the living room when he returned. But for the time being, she would've rather sat in awkward silence with Daryl on the couch than go to her bedroom and try to trick herself into falling asleep while she worried about taking a trip to the store the next day. Just the thought of buying a pregnancy test was making the grilled chicken and green beans toss around in her stomach.
The TV had been left on the cartoon channel that was already turned on from the last time it had been used. Beth sat down on the cushion next to the spot where Daryl would be sitting and began flipping through the channels, trying to decide on something to watch. She wondered if he had intended on watching something in particular when he returned. She placed the remote back on the coffee table and left the TV on some sitcom rerun, then glanced up to see Daryl appearing from the hallway.
He paused near the table and asked, "Want a drink? Non-alcoholic, maybe?"
Beth shook her head. "No, I'm good. Thanks, though."
Daryl nodded and shuffled to the couch, taking his seat near the end and picking up his glass of whiskey. He relaxed and began watching the TV, but Beth wondered if he was really watching or if his mind was elsewhere, too.
They sat in silence until another commercial break came on. Malachi was surprisingly silent from the end of the hallway, leaving nothing but the quiet sounds of the TV filling the living room. Daryl had shut the window and blocked out the chilly, night air and the sounds of the city.
Halfway through the block of commercials, Beth felt like her tongue might swell up with all the words she wasn't saying. She'd started a conversation with Daryl at least fifty different ways inside her head, but none of them felt right in her mouth. Finally, she figured saying something was better than sitting in this tense silence all night and inevitably parting ways without a word.
That urge to kiss him was still kicking from somewhere within her.
Tentatively, she started, "I'm – um, sorry. Again. For – "
Daryl shook his head and looked over at her, lifting the glass to his lips and pausing before taking a drink to mutter, "Don't be. It wasn't… didn't mean ta, uh…"
He gave up and sipped the whiskey instead, giving a brief shrug. But Beth understood, and she nodded with pursed lips.
She watched him swallow the alcohol and relax again, then he turned his head toward her and she saw him chewing the inside of his cheek before he muttered, "Those uh, fresh wounds, huh…"
Beth curled her legs up underneath her on the couch cushion and placed her hands in her lap, picking at her fingernails anxiously without thinking about it. "Fer both of us, I s'pose…"
Daryl nodded curtly and glanced away from her, then back. He reached up with his free hand and stroked the hair on his chin almost nervously, and she saw him glancing toward her chest. Then he gestured toward it with the glass in his hand.
"So you, uh, really believe in that stuff, huh?" He mumbled, sipping his whiskey again as soon as the words had come out.
She realized he'd been gesturing toward her necklace and she reached up to absent-mindedly touch it. Then she nodded. "Yeah, I do. Always have."
She thought about the cursive writing inside the cover of the old Bible and added, "You… probably don't, I'm guessin'…"
He shrugged and gazed at the TV blankly. "Nah, that was – it was always more my ex's thing. Can't say I really believe anythin' in particular."
Is he actually talking about her? Or should I pretend I didn't hear that? Beth wondered.
"Was she… Christian?" She asked, taking a guess.
Daryl nodded, still staring blankly at the TV. "Yeah. Real Jesus freak... Always was, though. Never tried ta push it on me, but she wanted Mal ta have that – faith, I s'pose. A belief in somethin' bigger… Tried takin' him ta Sunday school an' church a few times, but he's too little yet. Can't sit still through that stuff."
She thought about how Malachi had known the words to one of her favorite Sunday school songs. "Oh – so his name…?"
Her voice trailed off but he nodded and turned his head to look at her. "Yeah, she picked it. Wanted him ta have a biblical name. Can't say I really cared, though. Figured she was the one who had ta carry him an' give birth to him, least I could do is let her name him whatever she wanted."
Beth smiled. "That's sweet."
Daryl shrugged and she could see him contemplating his words inside his head. He took another sip of whiskey, then muttered, "So you believe 'cause yer family raised ya to, or does it do somethin' for ya?"
She raised her eyebrows, still smiling. "Neither. I mean, yeah, I was raised to, but I didn't just blindly believe. I… I dunno, I really do believe it. I don't need it to do nothin' for me, just… it's nice, sometimes. To not feel so alone. To have some kinda… faith. In somethin' bigger than yourself."
He narrowed his eyes and studied her thoughtfully as she spoke, nodding along to her words. Then he asked, "Yeah, but this dude yer prayin' to – God or whoever… ain't ya kinda mad that he lets all this shit happen t'you? Like, what'd you do ta deserve all that? 'Sides pray to him an' worship him yer whole life? Kinda seems like a messed-up dude who jus' wants ta punish everybody."
Beth's gaze drifted away from Daryl's eyes and she mulled over his words for a moment. Sure, he made a point, in a way. And it wasn't like she hadn't heard this same argument from other people before. Her daddy had always taught her to approach all non-believers with care and respect, and not to shove her own personal beliefs on other people.
She could hear her Daddy's voice in her head, "You never know what someone has gone through and what reasons they have for their beliefs, Bethy. We all fight our own battles in our own ways."
Then again, this was Daryl Dixon. And she didn't want to make assumptions, but it seemed he'd been posing these questions long before Beth showed up.
She looked into his eyes again and saw him waiting patiently for her response. She shrugged, hoping she didn't appear indifferent, but also not wanting to come off as preachy or naïve. "Honestly… yeah, I guess it is messed up. But I don't… blame God. It's not His fault. We're all given free will, and humans are far from perfect. All of us… There's a lot of people who will tell you it's God testin' us, but – I dunno, I just don't think it's that simple… He has a plan for everybody, but we can't know about it. We can't understand it. That's why it's so important ta have faith – to just believe, even when you don't feel like you can anymore. If you let all the bad change you an' beat you down, then… what was the point?"
Daryl watched her carefully the entire time she talked, taking in her words and studying her face. She felt her cheeks turning red and turned her head away from him to feign scratching the back of her neck for a moment.
He spoke in a quiet voice, "That's how she used ta talk… jus' like that. Then somethin' changed… God left her. He turned his back on her. And she gave up."
Beth's breath caught in her throat and she stared at Daryl while chewing on her lower lip.
Well, that explains a lot, she thought.
"God can't always save us from ourselves," she said, and her voice came out no louder than a whisper.
She didn't know how he'd react to her words, and she almost regretted speaking. But he didn't look away or become angry. In fact, his expression didn't change. He continued staring back at her with that thoughtful look on his face.
"Then how d'you keep prayin' to him? If you know he ain't got the answers," Daryl asked quietly, sounding genuinely curious.
Beth shrugged briefly but didn't break their eye contact. "'Cause I don't expect answers. Just… hope."
He nodded as if that made sense and looked down at the glass in his hands, thumb moving across the condensation on the glass. She could see him biting his bottom lip.
The silence hung around them for a moment, the TV playing like background noise. A question hung off the tip of Beth's tongue and she nearly bit it back. But the tension was slowly dissolving between them with each quiet word, and she decided to throw caution to the wind.
"You… call her your ex," she started, glancing at his face tentatively and watching his eyes lift to meet hers. "How come?"
"Whatcha mean?" He grunted.
Her heart sped up a little and she clarified, "Well, I just wondered… most people don't… I-I jus' mean, did you guys… end badly or somethin'?"
She was stumbling over her words now, unsure of how to word it without sounding unnecessarily nosey. She was afraid he'd get upset that she mentioned Malachi's mother, but was relieved to see his expression unchanged when she finally got the question out.
He continued staring down at his drink for a few seconds, then answered quietly, "We, uh… yeah, I s'pose. I didn't do enough – too wrapped up in figurin' out how ta be a good dad, I let bein' a good boyfriend fall t'the wayside. All the classes we went to an' none of 'em told us how serious postpartum depression was. I thought… I jus' – I didn't know... We got in a big fight, she packed some shit an' left… I didn't go lookin' for her. I was… furious. She said she had ta leave, had ta get away from Mal 'fore she did somethin' bad. I thought… how could she ever say that, how could she ever do that…? I thought she loved me – thought she loved us… I shoulda known better. I did know better… Jus' too damn stubborn to… When I finally pulled my head outta my ass, it was too late. Found the motel she was stayin' at an'… I had ta break the door down. By the time I got to her, she was already cold."
Daryl didn't raise his eyes from the glass in his hand, nor did he look back at Beth while she stared at him. She tried not to look too shocked, but she'd had to hold back a gasp at his words.
She'd wanted an answer to her question, but she hadn't expected to get one. And she certainly hadn't expected to get this explanation.
She swallowed hard but didn't tear her eyes away from him. She could see the darkness in his eyes and the deep remorse and regret on his face. He suddenly looked ten years older.
"I'm sorry," she choked out quietly. "I – shouldn't've asked. I didn't mean to…"
Her voice trailed off but Daryl shrugged and finally lifted his head to look at her, forcing a small smile as if to assure them both that it was fine. But she could tell it was far from fine.
"'S alright. Been long enough, no reason I shouldn't be able ta talk about it," he said, and she could hear the knot in his throat before he coughed and cleared it. "Guess that was more than ya asked for. I'ono why I keep blabberin' on like an asshole… Sorry."
Beth quickly shook her head. "Don't be. It's… good ta talk about it. Y'know, after a while."
She watched him nod and slowly take another sip of his drink. She swore she could see still a trace of regret on his face and it gave her the strangest urge to wrap her arms around him tightly.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, their eyes drifting over to the TV and watching it without really paying attention. Daryl continued to sip his drink while Beth picked at her fingernails in her lap, discreetly glancing at him every other minute. She thought she saw him looking at her from the corner of his eye a time or two, as well, but wasn't sure.
After two more commercial breaks without speaking a word, Beth turned her head to look at him and cleared her throat, stretching her legs out and placing her feet on the carpeted floor.
"Well, think I might… go t'bed," she mumbled, standing up and stretching her arms above her head for a second. She really was growing tired, but in all honesty, she knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep for at least another couple of hours.
Daryl nodded and watched her slip past him to head toward her bedroom at a leisurely pace. "Alright."
As she turned down the hall, she heard him shut off the TV and stand up from the couch. She stopped just inside her bedroom door, the light still off, and listened as Daryl's footsteps approached behind her. Her heart started beating faster and she wasn't sure why.
She turned around and watched him leave his glass in the kitchen before approaching her. She didn't know if he was already going to walk up to her or if he did it just because she was standing still and looking at him expectantly. Either way, she found them standing about a foot apart in the doorway of her bedroom and she licked her lips before she spoke, finding her mouth to be dry.
"I'll uh, make dinner tomorrow," she said quietly, the silence around them hanging heavier without the TV in the background. "Unless you were planning on somethin' else."
Daryl shook his head and glanced down to his socks, then back up to her eyes. "Ya ain't gotta do that."
Beth shrugged, wondering why he was saying this again. She reassured him, "It's no big deal. You cooked tonight, so…"
Her voice trailed off and he nodded, one hand stroking his chin thoughtfully while the other hung at his side. He mumbled, "Yeah, but… it ain't like that…"
She furrowed her brow, confused, and studied his face to try to figure out what he was referring to. "What d'you mean?"
He shrugged and looked down at his socks again. "Jus'… like you said last night – it ain't like that. We don't gotta… play house or somethin', ya know, just 'cause we…"
Her confusion began to fade as she recalled their awkward exchange the night before, right before he'd freaked out over the Bible. It started to click in her head that he listened to her words much more closely than she would've thought.
And she was beginning to realize that his mind probably worked a lot like hers – against him, and tirelessly.
She gave him a look that showed how baffled she was and spoke softly, "Daryl, I… I didn't mean it like that. I just meant, I hadn't even really admitted t'myself that I could see you that way – or that you could see me that way, but then everything… You didn't – I don't…"
She swallowed and watched him chewing on the tip of his thumb anxiously, nodding briefly in understanding, and lifting his gaze from his socks to watch her when she couldn't find the right thing to say. He lowered his hand back to his side and waited, dark blue eyes gazing at her expectantly.
But she couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence at this exact second. She could see him forming words behind his closed lips and she hesitated, wanting to hear what else he had to say before she tried to explain herself any further.
When he realized this, Daryl spoke quietly, but his voice was low and serious. "I'mma be honest with ya fer a minute – no beatin' around the bush er whatever... I, uh – I got this buddy, Dwight, at work. An' he's got this wife, Sherry, nice gal – but he's 'bout the only person I talk to 'sides Carol. An' now you… And I, um…"
He sighed and he seemed almost frustrated with himself, but Beth stood and waited patiently, gazing at him with attentive eyes and pursed lips. She was biting down on the inside of her cheek so hard, she thought she might draw blood.
He continued, "Well, he's the one who told me ta stop beatin' 'round the bush. He usually jus' talks out of his ass, but – today, he said somethin' an' I think he might be right... Said it don't matter how fucked up we are, what kinda fresh wounds we got, 'cause that shit ain't ever goin' away, but we – we found each other an' it ain't gotta be, ya know – it ain't s'posed ta be some rom-com or fairy tale or somethin', and neither one of us knows what could end up happenin', but… maybe we just… Shit, I dunno. Maybe I sound retarded right now, but I gotta believe that dipshit when he tells me his ol' lady changed his life fer the better. An' I don't wanna be the emotionally stunted asshole who runs off the only person I've given a shit about since…"
Daryl's voice trailed off and Beth found her own voice stuck in her throat.
"I ain't… tryna propose to ya or nothin'," he said when he realized she was still staring at him expectantly and wasn't opening her mouth to speak. "It's just – I ain't got the energy fer the bullshit... I been keepin' shit in fer years and it always worked, but now this shit's been all I can think about fer days an' it – it's drivin' me fuckin' crazy every day, wonderin' if I'll come home an' find ya… gone…"
Beth parted her lips to say something, taken aback by his uncharacteristic candor. But the only thing that would come out was a weak, "Daryl…"
He sighed again and waved his hand dismissively, "Ya ain't gotta – you don't gotta say nothin'. I just… I'm sick of bein' the one ta not say shit. An' then I wish I did. So I guess… I wanna say that I don't want ya t'go. And-an' I do want more nights like tonight, and… maybe we can be… all fucked up an' broken together… Or maybe things'll change, maybe you'll see what an asshole I am an' get sick a me an' wanna leave – that's fine. Or – you can always tell me ta fuck off right here, right now. That's fine, too. An' I'll know I deserved it. But… at least I'll know. 'Least I didn't beat around the damn bush no more. 'Least I can tell Dwight to shut his mouth when he tries callin' me a pussy again."
He's talked about this at work? Thought about it while he was gone? Thought about me? She questioned silently.
Beth opened her mouth, heart thumping against her chest, and spoke hesitantly, "I… don't think I've ever heard you talk that much at once…"
Despite the tension, she gave him a small, light-hearted smile and he returned it sheepishly before looking down at his socks again.
A few long seconds passed before she found the words she'd been searching for and forced her mouth to put them into sentences. "I would never tell you to fuck off, but… I don't – I'm not tryin' ta take her place, ya know. I would never want that."
Daryl furrowed his brow and quickly said, "I know that. Ya never could. Nobody could. It ain't – I didn't want you to think – "
"I don't," Beth stopped him. "But… I don't want you worryin' about me. You've got enough going on in your life to keep you busy without addin' me an' my bullshit…"
He shrugged, eyes still set on her as he blinked slowly. "I ain't worried about ya. An' trust me, yer bullshit ain't nothin' to me. I know the deal... Wouldn't say it's an uneven trade… Carol used ta tell me, people like us are better when we stick together…"
He smirked, attempting to lighten the tension, but her expression remained serious.
Her voice came out soft but stern when she said, "I don't need you to save me."
Daryl's smirk quickly faded and he took a tentative half-step forward, closing some of the distance between them as he gazed down at her. She suddenly felt exposed before him.
He said quietly, "I ain't tryin' to. You don't need me fer that."
She stared back at him with wide eyes in the dimly lit apartment, mouth slightly open like she had intended on speaking.
"Jus'… promise me somethin'," he mumbled, finally breaking their eye contact and glancing downward.
"What?" She asked, furrowing her brow.
He reached out and took her arm gently in his hand, and she looked down at it as he then turned it over to reveal the thin, white scar on the inside of her wrist. He brought his other hand up to lightly trace a calloused fingertip across the thickened line of skin.
Chills ran up and down Beth's arms, but she didn't even have the urge to pull away. His hand was warm on her skin.
Then he whispered, "Don't leave without givin' me a chance ta say goodbye…"
She looked up and into his dark blue eyes again and a whole new set of chills ran through her body.
Beth couldn't tell if she had leaned in first or if Daryl had, but the next thing she knew, their faces were inches apart and quickly closing the distance. She closed her eyes and felt his soft lips pressed against hers, and suddenly all the tension that had built up in her muscles from stress was melting away, along with all her inhibitions. She felt his other hand reaching around and gently grasping the back of her neck.
The fluttering in her stomach was back, and it was turning into a cold chill that was finding its way outward to her limbs.
After a few long seconds, Daryl pulled his lips away just an inch or two, his warm hand still placed firmly on the back of her neck and his fingers tangling in her hair. She lifted her lids just enough to see him gazing at her with hooded eyes and red, parted lips. She could see the question in his eyes before he repeated it.
"I promise," she breathed, and as soon as the words came out, Daryl was pressing his mouth over hers again and kissing her harder. His fingers pressed into the tender skin on the back of her neck and scalp, and those cold chills seemed to be merging together and shooting straight between Beth's legs.
He didn't taste like cigarettes tonight, but he still had that familiar musk on him and now it was like an intoxicating high as it enveloped Beth. She was breathing in nothing but Daryl, feeling nothing but his stubbly face against hers, his warm body against hers.
All the things that had been weighing on her mind, that she knew would keep her awake for hours, were suddenly unimportant, and she couldn't remember even one at this very moment. All she could think about was the growing ache between her thighs and the way Daryl's tongue was pushing against her lips, begging for entrance. Her body was beginning its greedy chant of more, more…
She thought he must've sensed it on her, or maybe he was just that good at reading a woman's body (clearly, he had a lot of experience…), but he seemed to know how badly she wanted to feel him against her because he stood so closely that there wasn't a centimeter of space separating them. And then he slipped his leg between hers, parting her thighs and using his free hand to firmly grab her by the ass and bring her in even closer to him, until they were pressed together and his upper thigh was causing the most amazing friction right there.
Is this what he needed? She thought. To know that I'm not just a one night stand or some weird fling?
She wrapped her arms around him and dug her fingers into his back. She heard him groan faintly and then he was nudging her backward, urging her back across the threshold and inside the bedroom. At this point, he probably could've picked her up with one arm and put her wherever he wanted because she was so preoccupied with his tongue and his lips and that fucking leg between hers. She was putty in his hands and she did not mind one little bit.
Within seconds, they'd inched their way back until Daryl could swing the door shut with his foot. When she heard the latch click, Beth broke their kiss and pulled her face away just a couple of inches, breathing heavily. She opened her eyes and glanced past Daryl, at the door behind him.
She couldn't help but remember that Malachi was just down the hall…
"What if he comes in here?" She asked, looking up into Daryl's hooded eyes and trying not to glance at his swollen lips for just a second.
"He's knocked, he won't wake up," Daryl whispered, leaning into her again but kissing her on the cheek instead of the mouth. Then he trailed his lips along her cheek and to her ear, pausing to breathe into it, "…if we stay quiet."
A shiver ran through Beth at the combination of his words, the low growl in his voice, and his hot breath in her ear. She could feel the goosebumps forming down one arm. His hand squeezed her ass tighter and she found herself grinding against his leg again as she captured his lips in a hungry kiss, clamping her front teeth down gently onto his bottom lip. He growled from the back of his throat and kissed her harder, fingers massaging her buttcheek and simulatenously pulling her in closer, pressing his leg tighter against the heat between her thighs.
Beth let herself get lost in him, closing her eyes and focusing on nothing but the building sensations inside her and Daryl's warm mouth. She could feel her panties getting damp and she moaned against Daryl's lips when his leg rubbed against a particularly sensitive spot. She could feel him smiling into their kiss, and then he was carefully nudging her backward and guiding their steps across the dark bedroom to the bed.
When Beth could feel the edge of the bed right behind her, she gave Daryl's lower lip a lingering suck as he briefly broke their kiss. She opened her eyes to see him pulling off his shirt, and while it was being yanked over his head, she glanced down and saw the erection hiding beneath his pajama pants. She bit her lip and when he tossed his shirt aside, she quickly looked up to meet his eyes again.
He stared at her like she was a hidden oasis and he was a hiker lost in the desert. He reached out and gently grabbed her by the back of the head again, fingers tangling in her hair, and pulled her back in to greedily kiss her raw, red lips.
But just as she was beginning to explore his mouth again, he pulled her head back and opened his eyes to look her up and down. The licentious glaze over his eyes sent another delicious shiver all through her body. He bit his lip briefly, as if he were holding himself back, and reached out to grab the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head when she raised her arms. He tossed it aside, then reached for the waistband of her pants, and she allowed him to tug it downwards until she was kicking the pants aside and standing before him in nothing but her panties.
He pulled back and stared at her for a long couple of seconds, and Beth saw something in his eyes that she hadn't seen in someone for a very long time. Surprisingly, she didn't feel the urge to cover herself or turn away. But she did feel her cheeks growing even hotter than they already were.
Beth was determined to take charge this time. Not only had she relived the other night with Daryl in her head a hundred times over, but she'd also imagined about a thousand more things that she thought she might like to do to him. She knew he was probably far more experienced, but that wasn't going to stop her from surprising him. There were insurmountable amounts of pent-up sexual frustration inside her, and she was pretty sure she could see something similar inside Daryl – just waiting to be let out. All of it.
Their mouths crashed together again and Daryl was placing one hand against her lower back while the other fumbled clumsily with her breasts, groping and massaging and tweaking her nipples randomly. She pressed herself against his warm body and felt his erection nudging against her tummy, twitching beneath the thin pants and boxers.
With a smile against his swollen lips, Beth pulled away and opened her eyes to watch his expression become quizzical for a second. She briefly glanced him up and down, then smiled mischievously. She reached over and turned on the bedside lamp that was sitting feet away from them on the nightstand.
The sudden light seemed to flood the room, but once their eyes became adjusted, Beth realized it gave the room a soft, warm glow. And it certainly gave her a better view than the nightlight had. She looked Daryl up and down again, still smiling, then leaned in to kiss him.
She wasn't sure where this sudden boost of courage had come from, or why she felt a strong and unfamiliar urge to rake her nails and lips across every inch of Daryl she could reach. In the back of her head, in a small percentage of her brain that was still functioning on a logical level, she knew that she was giving into purely lustful emotions and carnal desires, and at this point, it was practically a last-ditch effort at one more carefree night before she was forced to face reality tomorrow.
But for now, she could be lost in the smell of Daryl's skin and the sound of his animalistic growls and groans. So why not go all out and see if she could elicit the same reactions from him that he was able to get from her?
He didn't lean away from her, but he only kissed her back for a couple of seconds, quizzical expression still on his face. Then he broke away to ask quietly, "Why'd ya do that?"
Beth shrugged, wrapping her arms around his waist and leaning in to plant small kisses just below his ear. She whispered back, "'Cause I wanna see if it feels the same in the light…"
This seemed to suffice as an answer – or maybe she was just kissing the right spot on his neck – because he growled and closed his eyes, and she felt his dick twitching against her tummy again. She wasn't lying, though. A part of her wanted to see him well-lit for the pleasure of it, while a larger part wanted to find out if he was even capable of that level of vulnerability just yet… Or if she was.
His fingers dug into the skin of her back, and while she was trailing kisses along his jawline, he began slipping one hand across her bare tummy and down, toward her panties. She pulled away just slightly and stopped kissing, waiting for him to open his eyes and look at her again.
When he did, she leaned in and pecked him on the lips, then whispered, "Your turn."
He looked confused again, but she didn't wait for him to question it. Before he could figure out what she was doing, Beth had taken a step back and crouched down, resting on her knees on the floor. She slipped her fingers between Daryl's skin and the waistbands of both his boxers and pajama pants, then quickly pulled them down until they fell and pooled around his ankles.
On her way down, Beth's eyes glanced across the scar she'd thought she'd felt the last time – and in the light from the lamp, it was white and faded like hers, but didn't look as recent. She diverted her eyes away from it.
He started, voice almost panicked, "What're you – "
But the rest of the sentence was suddenly forgotten when Beth grabbed the shaft of his hard, twitching cock and carefully wrapped her lips around the glistening head. His words broke off and all Beth could hear was a deep groan and a shuddering breath. Once she had her lips around it and began taking the length inside her warm mouth, he was reaching out desperately for something to hold onto. He wound up wrapping his fingers up in Beth's hair with one hand and leaning the other against the bedside table, seeing as his legs were becoming unusually shaky. She could feel him holding back from pushing down on her head, and his breathing was growing heavier and shakier with every inch of throbbing flesh that she took into her mouth.
His cock was salty with precome but she could feel it twitching in her mouth and against her tongue, and she moved slowly, reveling in the way his fingers dug into her scalp and all his muscles tensed. He didn't smell like leather and whiskey and stale cigarettes like she might've expected, but rather like soap and a hint of that scent he always wore and maybe something that resembled shaving cream. She kept one hand wrapped lightly around the base of his shaft while the other held onto his upper thigh for support. As she slid her mouth down slowly, slowly, slowly… until she was sucking on the head lightly, and she heard a long, deep sigh coming from his mouth.
He tried to form a sentence with shaky words, "Y-you don't – have ta…"
She smiled softly and opened her eyes to glance up and find hooded, dark blue eyes staring down at her from behind a parted curtain of shaggy, dark hair. He was biting down on his bottom lip and watching her with a look on his face like he was seeing something he'd only ever imagined in his darkest fantasies. Or maybe she was just reading way too deeply into it.
But then she was speeding up her pace and taking his thick length into her mouth again, until she could feel precome dripping down the back of her tongue, and he was groaning through clenched teeth. She could hear him trying to contain himself, trying to keep his groaning to a minimum, but then she hummed lightly from the back of her throat and wrapped her tongue around his shaft and he was gripping her head and letting out a guttural moan. His hips instinctually bucked upward, and the tip of his cock pressed against the back of her throat, bringing another moan from the bottom of his own throat. She gagged a little but regained herself, watching as his eyes shut tightly and his head tilted back in ecstasy.
Daryl gasped out partial sentences and Beth could hear the desperate need in his voice, "Fu-u-uck… that feels – shit, if yer not careful, yer gonna make me…"
Beth sped up a little, letting his hand gently guide her head up and down as she took his cock in her mouth and sucked lightly, occasionally gliding the very edges of her teeth against his throbbing flesh just to feel the way he would push harder on her head and to hear the deep, throaty sound he would make. He was biting down on his lip now and she had shut her eyes, but she could feel him glancing down at her every few seconds.
She flicked her tongue out and teased the tip of his cock, then slid her hand from his thigh over to gently grasp his balls in the palm of her hand. His hips bucked lightly again, and then she was licking up more precome and eliciting a deep growl from his throat. She could hear the restrained moans in his voice.
His cock throbbed against the roof of her mouth and she traced circles around the head with her tongue each time her mouth slid down that direction. His building climax was practically tangible. Meanwhile, the tightness had grown to a deep ache between Beth's legs and in the very bottom of her gut, and she could feel her own arousal beginning to drip down her inner thigh. She couldn't help but notice that he had a recently trimmed appearance and feel to his pubic area, which had felt much hairier and coarser the last time they'd had sex.
"Oh, god, ya gotta stop, I'm g-gonna come," Daryl gasped out, and she opened her eyes to look up and see him staring down at her pleadingly, bottom lip indented with teeth marks.
Beth had already planned on stopping soon, but she decided to tease him a bit more by sliding her mouth back down the entirety of his length very slowly, letting her tongue make a trail all the way to the head while she massaged his balls with feather-light touches. He moaned through clenched teeth and tried to stifle himself, and Beth felt his cock twitch against her lips just as she was pulling her mouth away. She briefly flicked her tongue out to lap up the last bit of precome that had emerged from the tip just before pulling her head away entirely, and he let out a heavy, shaky breath. His abdomen was still tensed up and flexing.
She glanced over and saw that his knuckles were white from holding onto the nightstand for support. But she barely had time to stand up from her knees and look at Daryl again before he was grabbing her by the hips and lifting her up effortlessly, tossing her lightly onto the bed directly behind them. He freed himself from his pants that were pooled around his ankles with two quick steps forward.
Beth landed on her back and looked up at him with a mischievous smile, the animalistic lust apparent on his face as he wasted no time yanking her panties down her legs and tossing them aside. He practically jumped on top of her, licking his lips hungrily as he spread her legs apart and positioned himself between them. And then his cock was twitching eagerly at her dripping wet entrance.
He restrained himself and leaned down to kiss her ravenously, quietly moaning into her mouth as the head of his cock brushed against her wetness and she knew he'd felt it. She wrapped her legs around his upper thighs and her arms around his torso until her fingers were digging into his back again. His muscles tensed and she could feel the way he was holding back from shoving himself inside her all at once.
They broke apart briefly and simultaneously lifted their lids to look at each other with glazed, lust-filled eyes, both breathing heavier than usual. Daryl was already forming tiny beads of perspiration on his forehead.
He breathed out, "Is it – "
But Beth smiled and nodded and pressed her lips to his again to swallow the rest of his words, and then their tongues were tangling together again and their teeth were occasionally clicking together. She slid her hands down to dig her fingers into his asscheeks and pull him towards her. Her legs wrapped tighter around his thighs, almost possessively.
When she found him hesitating, teasing her with the head of his hard cock, she pulled her lips away just enough to whisper out, "Please fuck me."
Then he was pressing his mouth roughly against hers again, taking in a sharp breath as he carefully slid the head of his cock inside her. She gasped against his lips and kissed him hungrily again, and once she wrapped her legs higher around his thighs and allowed for better access, he finally let loose and shoved himself deeply inside her.
Beth gasped again, and he moaned into her kiss, biting down softly on her lower lip while his hips bucked forward and he slid his hard, thick cock inside her soaking pussy until he was completely engulfed in her. She clenched around him and then relaxed and let out a shuddering breath. The sensation shot from between her legs, up, and up, and all throughout her body.
Her fingernails dug into Daryl's back and he growled in his throat. Beth let out a small squeal at the way his animal-like sound combined with the feeling of his cock filling her up sent lightning blazing around in her chest. She could already feel that bubble building up somewhere below the pit of her stomach, begging to be popped and relieved of its pressure.
He didn't wait to build a rhythm and begin steadily pounding into Beth, making her grateful for the surprisingly non-squeaky bed they were on. Their skin slapped together and echoed off the walls, but all she cared about was listening to the guttural growls and heavy breathing coming from Daryl. They broke their mouths apart to gasp for breath, but he continued to thrust into her, lifting his eyelids lazily to gaze down at her.
She bit down on her lower lip and looked up at him, breathing heavily and occasionally letting out a small moan or squeal when he hit one of the many spots he'd discovered inside her. She saw his eyes studying her, glancing at her lips, then down. He propped himself up until he could be on his knees, pausing every few seconds to keep himself from climaxing. She reached out to hold onto his knees, but couldn't quite reach and let her fingers grasp the sheets below her instead.
Beth grinned when she saw him grimacing and shutting his eyes, and she pulled him in closer with her legs and bucked her hips up into him just for the pure torture of it. This brought a deep groan of frustration from his throat. He grabbed her thighs and dug his fingers into the tender skin there, then opened his eyes and gazed down at her.
A few strands of Daryl's hair were damp with sweat and hung over his glazed eyes, and the way he looked at her made her wet all over again. Just in time for him to thrust inside her again, too, and with ravenous intent. He scrunched his eyes shut again and moaned, struggling to quiet himself. When he opened them, he was staring down at her with that same gaze that made all the muscles in her pelvic region tighten up.
"Jesus – yer so fuckin'… perfect," he growled, his mouth taking a few seconds to catch up to his brain as he refused to tear his eyes away from her.
She almost wanted to laugh, but in the moment, his words only sent more shivers up and down her spine, and that bubble in her abdomen was growing larger and tighter. She bucked up into him again and he pursed his lips shut to hold in a loud groan.
To her surprise, Daryl pulled back and slipped out of her, and a whine of disagreement began to form in her throat until she realized he was grabbing her by the hips again and flipping her over, guiding her body to a doggy-style position. She followed without hesitation and within seconds, he was positioned behind her with his hands grasping onto her hips for leverage. Then he slowly entered her again, and she shuddered with pleasure.
"Ohh, my god," she moaned, trying to do so quietly but unsure of just how loud it had come out. Her hands grasped at the sheets beneath her and she leaned her head down and shut her eyes tightly, leaning back into him and focusing on the growing pressure inside her. With every thrust, her body was begging for more, more, harder.
She could've sworn Daryl could read her body like a book because his rhythm sped up and his thrusts grew harder and more intense, fingertips digging into her hips while the slapping of their skin bounced off the walls of the small bedroom. She could still hear him breathing and grunting over it, though.
Just as she felt the edge approaching, he let go of one of her hips and reached around to place his palm flat against her chest, just between her breasts. Then he swiftly leaned forward and pulled her back against him until she was sitting up-right on her knees, his cock still shoved deep up inside her tight walls. He slipped his hand over to grasp one breast and knead it between his fingers, sliding his other hand down from her hip to her swollen, pulsating clit.
Now her back was pressed against his front and her hips were arched to keep him inside her while his chin rested in the crook of her neck and his facial hair tickled her cheek and neck. She could feel his hot breath on her skin and hear it in her ear, and combined with his fingers pressing down on her clit and rubbing vigorously, it sent her flying toward the edge of her climax at warp speed. He continued his rhythm, thrusting up inside of her and hitting an entirely new spot that sent waves of pleasure coursing through her body.
Daryl was thick, muscular arms and a broad chest and torso pressed against the slight, petite frame that was Beth. His fingers were calloused and his facial hair was rough against her soft skin, but she reveled in his warmth and the way she could feel his sweat making their skin stick together. He practically enveloped her and she let herself sink back into him, hands grasping his upper thighs for support.
He massaged her clit in a circular motion, speeding up and slowing down over and over while he continued to thrust up into her. Each time her involuntary squeals of pleasure grew higher, he'd angle himself and thrust into the same spot with even more enthusiasm, and before she knew it, Beth was biting her lip and clenching her teeth and trying as hard as she could to hold back the loud moans that were threatening to escape her throat.
She felt Daryl's lips on her neck and took in a shaky breath, holding back another moan when he thrust up into her once more before grazing his teeth along the sensitive skin. His fingers didn't stop rubbing her clit, and the pressure was building inside her so rapidly, she thought she might actually combust when the climax finally arrived.
His fingers massaged her breast again while the others continued their work amongst her patch of blonde curls, and he planted another soft kiss just below her ear before whispering out, voice husky with lust, "Lights on was a good idea… but I almost came jus' seein' yer mouth 'round my cock…"
Beth's breath caught in her throat at his words and she felt a surge of pleasure rush through her, starting at where his throbbing cock was clenched between her walls and rapidly making its way upward. She couldn't remember ever being so turned on by someone's words during sex, but she wasn't questioning it at the moment. She wasn't questioning anything. She let out a small squeal of pleasure and he took it as a cue to thrust up into her harder again, and then she knew that it would only be one or two more pricks before the bubble would be popping.
"Oh, fuck, Daryl, I'm – I'm gonna – "
He breathed into her ear and nibbled lightly on her earlobe, giving another meaningful thrust. Then he growled, "What… yer gonna what?"
He bucked his hips up into her again and she gasped, "Come – I'm gonna…!"
But she didn't finish her sentence because her voice suddenly stopped working and all she could feel was the pressure mounting its peak and Daryl's hot skin pressed against hers. All she could hear was his voice growling in her ear.
"C'mon – prove it."
Daryl gave another rough thrust into her and then Beth was frozen, all her muscles clenching up and her mind going completely blank for the briefest flash of a second as she tumbled over the edge and that fucking bubble finally popped. The pressure was released – and it was coursing through every muscle in her body, eliciting a tight-lipped groan of ecstasy from her throat as she focused on nothing but Daryl's throbbing cock inside her and his teeth softly biting into the tender skin of her neck. He didn't stop, continuing to thrust into her as the orgasm wracked through her whole body and his teeth on her skin sent conflicting waves of pleasure vibrating down to her pulsating clit.
"Oh, yeah, there ya go," he groaned into her ear again, just loud enough that she could hear him over her own breathing. "Fuck, I can feel it – come all over my dick, jus' like that…"
Beth was biting down on her lip hard to keep herself quiet, but Daryl didn't slow his movements or his fingers on her clit and breast. He pinched her nipple between two fingers and then, as her orgasm faded and all the blurry edges started to clear up, she could feel his cock throbbing and twitching inside her.
He was sliding in and out easily, both of them slick with each other's bodily fluids, and she heard his breath hitch in his chest. Then he groaned against pursed lips, sending chills down her whole left side when she heard the sound right next to her ear and on her neck.
"Oh, my – I-I don't think I've ever come like that before," Beth panted in a whisper, fingers digging into the flesh of Daryl's thighs.
"Jesus – fuck," he grunted again, and she hadn't realized her words would have such an affect on him. He thrust into her with more force, and then he was releasing her clit and nipple from his fingers and grasping at her hips to hastily pull himself out.
Her muscles had relaxed substanstially and she felt him slip his cock out before reaching one hand down to stroke himself, and he groaned quietly as he shuddered against her body. She could feel his wet cock still between her thighs, and his fingers wrapped around himself and stroking for just a second before he let out a louder groan and flinched forward, leaning his head into the crook of her neck while her hands grasped his thighs. She felt and listened to his climax surging through him, and he couldn't stop himself from squirting a bit of the thick, pearly substance onto her inner thigh, though most of it pooled on the bed between their legs.
Then he was panting and relaxing against her, and she could tell that they were both equally spent and sweaty. But he released her hip from the grasp of his other hand and slid it up to cup her small, pert breast again. She winced a bit, just now realizing how sore they were – though not from Daryl's hands. However, the pain quickly left her mind, and so did all the worries that would surely be returning to haunt her head.
She felt his soft lips kissing her neck again, and he continued to hold her against him despite their shaky legs. She didn't try to move away. Even though they were both sweating, the feeling of his warm body pressed close against hers was still relaxing to all of her muscles.
After a moment of silence, during which they were both catching their breath and resting against each other, Beth whispered out with a small smile of satisfaction on her face, "Guess I was right…"
Daryl's lips grazed her neck again and sent goosebumps down her arm. He left his head lazily resting against her and asked, "'Bout what? The lights?"
She nodded and craned her head around to look at him, finding his face flushed and his hair even more damp than it had been before they'd switched positions. "Yep."
He raised his eyebrows, exhaustion in his eyes, and asked, "So – what? Does it feel the same, or…?"
She continued smiling, then pecked his lips lightly and continued gazing into his eyes. "No, not at all… it's way better."
He grunted in approval, but she thought it might've been a chuckle if he hadn't been so drained.
to be continued…
A/N: Chapter 27 WILL be posted on May 4th. It's a little short so chapter 28 will be posted just a couple of days after that ;)
THANK YOU to everyone who has been reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing. And if you're lurking: just leave me a little review and tell me that you're enjoying the story! I love hearing feedback, and I can never tell if getting a lot of hits but only a few reviews is a good thing, or if people are beginning the story and then hating it and walking away from it lol so let me know EVEN if you hate it!
Anyway, hope that scene was okay. Things are gonna start getting a little dark after next chapter, so enjoy the fluff while you can ;)
Chapter title is taken from the song "If I Cut My Hair, Hawaii Will Sink" by Chiodos (the entire song is about sex lmao)