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Ya'aburnee: def. the hope to die before your loved ones do because it is too painful to say goodbye to them
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Chapter 28: Comfortably Numb.
"Alessia, you need to tell us exactly what happened to you. We can't fix whatever's wrong with you if we don't know," Bons says lowly, clearly not trying to piss me off any further as she slowly approaches me once again.
Nodding, I start to think about everything that happened. A swirl of bile hits my throat at the remembrance of coughing up all of that blood, at the remembrance of the pain. At the remembrance of Grams. Looking up at Bons with what I hope is a shred of seriousness, I sigh, brushing the remaining glass off of my bloodied palms.
"When we went home with Grams, we all went to bed after. Me and you said goodnight, and went to our rooms for the evening," I don't know if Bons knows that she does, but she winces when I bring up right before my death.
"I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain," I continue, clenching my still-bloody hands at the memory, "I tried to scream.. but all there was was more blood to choke on." Both Bons and Care are both crying again, looking at me absolutely horrified; but, they wanted the truth, so I'm giving it to them.
"I was absolutely terrified, thinking about you, thinking about Grams. And that's when I finally could see well enough to spot who was rearranging my guts with a steak knife— said old bitch. After that— no clue. I don't remember the afterlife."
Gritting my teeth, I swallow the pang of annoyance at mentioning , instead putting on a sort of sheepish grin, at least until I think about something. Something that makes my smile drop immediately, suspicion creeping like a mold into my gut.
"Bonnie?" I ask seriously, and she looks at me with wide olive eyes, clearly concerned about me and what I'm saying, but I can't bother with that at the moment. What I'm about to ask is much more important.
What's wrong, Alessia? Dahlia asks in my mind. What has you so worked up?
My throat is tight and dry, and I swallow, nearly sick at the thought of Bonnie's answer.
"Bonnie. I need you to tell me the truth, no matter what. Okay?" I request firmly, hands falling to the sides of my dress and clenching tightly. Caroline is starting to look more and more nervous, and it does nothing to calm the nausea overriding my senses.
And then, I finally bite the bullet and ask the one thing I'm most worried about at the moment.
"Bons, why was I dead for a month?" I ask quietly.
...
Absolute silence.
The roar of the fireplace is the only sound in the house.
It didn't make any sense to me. If Bons still had the resurrection spell that I had attached to our linking one in Emily's grimoire, I should have been out by the next full moon as long as she had all the ingredients and Caroline, ergo, two weeks ago. She had to be the witch to do it since she was the only other one tied to our link.
So why was I in that grave?
Maybe the spell was late? Yeah, that was probably it.
Bonnie's lips move, but sound doesn't come out at first, instead she does the 'guilty' waddle that she's done ever since she was a baby when she's fucked up and doesn't want to admit it.
"I-I, Lessy," she emphasizes, desperately wanting me to be understanding. But, I don't know if I'll be able to be understanding with how I am right now. Not even for Bons.
"You need to understand. I wanted to resurrect you the first time we had the chance," my little sister wrings her small brown hands nervously, "I was.. messed up after you died, Lessy. I-I was the one who found your body. I had to call Damon to help me preserve your corpse somehow after Grams explained what happened with a motive spell. We put you in a freezer for two weeks while we dealt with Klaus and I tried getting everyone to work with Elijah and Katherine."
Bons takes a deep breath before continuing.
"Katherine had an idea. She wanted to trap Klaus in the tomb that she was supposed to be trapped in. We got Klaus to come for that full moon, and after we put Klaus in, we'd come and resurrect you. But.. things didn't go according to plan. Klaus found out somehow about our betrayal. He grabbed Jeremy just as we were about to seal him in, telling Elijah that their family was actually not at the bottom of the ocean like he thought. Elijah switched sides, helping Klaus escape, and.. Klaus killed Jeremy, Lessy. To prove a point, and to warn us not to try again next full moon."
No, Dahlia gasps in my mind, completely shocked.
My eyes narrow when Bonnie pauses, several more tears rolling down her face as she looks at me apologetically. I know what she's going to say before she even says it, the hurtling sucker punch of absolute betrayal ripping through my already fried emotions.
She saved Jeremy. She chose Jeremy.
Bons left me in a grave to rot.
Bons left me.
Blinking, I realize that a tear has rolled down my cheek, which is strange because I don't feel any sadness. In fact, I don't know why I'm acting surprised.
"I'm so, so sorry, Alessia. The ancestors warned me that there would be consequences, but I didn't listen. Elena was so heartbroken without him, and I knew how I felt without you, so I didn't want her to lose him forever. I thought I could just save Jeremy now and save you next full moon..," Bonnie's face is red, wet, and heartbroken, but it barely shakes me off the realization that my sister had effectively killed me as well.
Gotta love my family.
Sacrifice everything for them, devote your life to making their lives happy, and what do you get? A nice, warm fucking kick in the teeth, that's what.
"But, I had no magic after, Lessy. I had to go home and bury your corpse that had been in the freezer for two weeks. I thought you were gone."
I don't know what to think.
I don't think I'm angry though.
I don't know for sure if I feel anything, but I realize that I must be lying to myself, because every candle in the room and the fireplace both look like someone has sprayed gasoline directly across the open flame. Bonnie doesn't look away from me, and she looks so hurt that I know the look of betrayal on my face must be something fierce. Caroline dashes between us, holding up her hands to stop us like we were about to have a girl fight.
I need to get out of here.
We need to get out of here, Dahlia and Lettie chime in together, just as monotonously.
"I...," I'm speechless. Never in this world or the next did I think that my own sister would put fucking Elena Gilbert's happiness before my life. "I need to get the fuck out of here before I do something I regret," I grit out, biting my cheek hard enough to draw blood as I apathetically look at my little sister before closing my eyes, thinking hard about the bridge. Just anywhere quiet. I feel myself dissipate as Caroline and Bonnie run at me, begging me to stay.
That's all I meant to you?
Elena Gilbert is still the most important person in your world?
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Reappearing at the half-moonlight bathed bridge, I pace the empty road, anger igniting my bowels as I fret back and forth.
The revelation of Grams' betrayal was already emotionally taxing to say the least, and frankly, it already made me want to burn the town of Mystic Falls to the ground. A deep part of me desperately wants to be rid of any memories of Grams, because if I don't remember her, then she never took advantage of me when I was vulnerable. That was nothing compared to the insatiable desire for consequences to be paid.
Back on the fucking carousel once again. Continuing to run in the same goddamn circles that I've ran since the moment I've been born; sacrificing everything for those I care about. What was the fucking point if they wouldn't do the same for me?
I would've let Jeremy Gilbert rot before I left a Bons that was depending on me in a fucking grave.
Was Caroline involved too, do you think? Lettie asks quietly, pensive.
Who fucking knows?? Was this how Klaus felt all the time? The same constant rejection over and over, and stupid Alessia never learns. This wasn't their faults. It was my own.
I knew who these people were before I even dived into my insane rescue mission. I saw their entire lives without me, and I chose this. It was time to rectify my mistake.
We're here with you, Alessia. Can't betray you inside your own head, Lettie laughs, and I know that it's wrong, but I find it kind of funny, too, in a dark way. What to do now that I only could rely on the voices in my fucking head?
Why should I be the only one who has to suffer?
Alone. Alone. Alone.
In my eternal struggle to save Bonnie, I ended up being her. I died knee-deep in fixing Elena Gilbert's mess, and with this second chance, there was no way I was going to hesitate on doing whatever I wanted. Fuck the rest of them.
Damon used me as a place holder for his ex-girlfriend and an irritant for his brother, Stefan used me as an advice dispenser. Both have used me in their stupid feud. I was Caroline's self-esteem pump, ready and willing to shower her with praises whenever she needed. Tyler has me as his therapist basically, a one-person anger management class for him. Served dutifully as the only thing keeping Matt's family semi-together. And I was anything Bonnie needed me to be.
Protector. Mother. Sister. Criminal. Murderer. Anything she needed, I never hesitated. I even threw my life on the line for her best friend that I can't stand, multiple times. And there was my root of the problem: Elena Gilbert.
I was never going to be good enough for my sister with her around.
I could never find peace until that bitch was dead, and then the rest of these manipulative assholes could try and do this on their own. If they want to constantly stand in their own way, who was I to judge?
My mind swirling, I don't even see the car slowing to a stop on the side of the bridge.
Seeing red, I hear a man approach me. He's a large, burly, dark-haired, middle aged man.
"Hey! You okay?" He asks, but I don't look at him, still facing the waterfall as I tighten my grip on the railing, hoping he takes the hint and leaves before I knock his fucking head off his shoulders.
"I'm fine. Go. Not in the mood to talk to pedos."
He doesn't take his chance to escape, stepping closer to get a better look at me in my dusty high-slit dress, his eyes wandering my form lasciviously. "Now, come on, honey. I can give you a ride home, can't I?"
The second his hand touches my arm, his head snaps back 180 degrees, and I don't even flinch. Not when it snaps, and not when his corpse hits the floor. The old Alessia just cared too much, there was nothing wrong with the 'me' now.
I was better.
I could finally see through the bullshit and realize that everyone I've ever cared about has used me and left me alone in the end. The common denominator? Me.
As my thoughts twist ever darker, I see the car and corpse levitate off of the ground out of my peripheral. I swipe my fingers towards the river and my magic responds with too much strength, hurtling the car and corpse deep into the dark waters.
I was strong now, I could fix this and move on from here.
I was my own problem. And the only way to truly fix that problem, is to have Elena Gilbert's head on a platter.
Gazing back out into the darkness, all I can do is scream.
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You could say that I've had a bit of a Renaissance of sorts. And by that, I mean that now, I didn't care if it was inconvenient to everyone's stories, I went through town. There was no huge hooplah, just a lot of whispering, but I couldn't blame them.
Fun fact: that guy I killed last night was staying at the local motel for the next week, so I had a place to stay besides the ashes of my childhood home and the millionaire's playhouse that the boardinghouse encapsulated. Inside the motel room, however, was a ton of credit cards and a lot of different identities. No clue what the dude was doing, but I didn't mind using his illegal activities to my advantage.
I had been on a bit of a shopping spree with the guy's credit card, getting myself some new clothes for my new attitude. My propensity for dramatic entrances hasn't diminished with my empathy thankfully, so I wanted some good dramatic outfits to go with it.
Speaking of which, it wasn't super easy to tell if they were staring at me because I had a decent size funeral or because of what I was wearing.
Tight leather mini skirt revealing more of my shapely legs than I had seen since the dance, I strutted down Mystic Falls' Main Street, hoping to maybe spot Grams and give her a good spook before I disembowel her. Red tartan cropped tank top under a leather jacket plus some tasteful pantyhose with black pumps.
I'm sure I looked very different than my usual cute comfy, and it was on purpose. Sexy makes people intimidated, and that's exactly the reaction I wanted. Red lips pulled into a cocky smirk as I push up my cheap gas station sunglasses, I'm more than ready for today.
Okay. If no one wanted to value me while I was on their team, they could deal with me as an adversary.
And since I have lost whatever inhibitors were there in the first place, I would start big, moving continually upward till I had Elena Gilbert's corpse.
But first, I hadn't eaten in a month, so food.
Walking in, I realize that the Grill gets awful silent when I strut in, several gasps being heard. Maybe all the people who went to my funeral are just in here today, I think with an eye roll. I don't hesitate, walking straight up to Matt's back facing the drinks on the other side of the bar and putting my pretty butt down in the stool directly across from him.
Matt turns around, spotting me in front of him nearly immediately with a jump and a drop of the glass of coke, it completely shattering and really getting everyone in the Grill's attention. Matt covers his mouth, baby blue eyes wide and confused.
"Alessia? What? No. You died."
Rolling my caramel eyes, I play with one of the straws left on my place mat. "Don't be delicate about it. Not like I was there or anything," I reply boredly, "But I'm not here for a reunion, Matty. You seen my Grams anywhere?"
Shaking his blond head, completely flabbergasted, he starts bending down to clean the broken glass, shooting wide glances my way occasionally. "I haven't seen her since.. since the funeral, Aless."
He sounds nervous, like he's not supposed to be talking to me, and when his wide eyes glance behind me, I have to hold back the urge to groan in annoyance. Only one person makes Matt look like that, and it's the most annoying person it could be.
Damon Salvatore sits his handsome self in the seat besides me, face pleasant but eyes obviously sharp and filled with an emotion I couldn't recognize. Drumming my fingers on the wooden bar in irritation, I take a deep breath in through my nose to try and soothe the irritation his presence fills me with.
"Ah, Matt," I sigh, reaching over the bar and grabbing a bottle of teguila and spinning the lid off with one hand, and swishing my fingers over my head, causing the rest of the bar to stop noticing my presence as they blink and get back to their meals and conversations undisturbed. "Should've guessed you were compromised."
Matt blinks at me scared, and I hum lowly, making a mental note of the deceit.
"The hell are you doing, Aly Cat?" Damon suddenly asks in a rushed whisper, blue eyes bright with anger. "You left some random dude on my couch knowing about magic. I had to compel him to forget. Oh, and I should probably mention what pisses me off most: why the fuck did you leave us there?"
He's such a drama queen, Lettie sighs in contempt. Oddly enough, my emotional state seems to be directly tied with theirs, so they were both feeling a tad bit sociopathic as well. Thank god for small blessings, otherwise I'd be stuck with a fucking Jiminy Cricket chiming into my brain waves constantly.
"God, I'm glad I didn't sleep with you," I complain with a blasé tone, not even looking him in the eye. I see him stiffen in my peripheral as I continue, "You're very over dramatic. Even Little Loretta agrees with me."
Damon snaps in anger, gripping my shoulder tightly as he forces me to look at him right in his icy blue eyes. "I don't give two shits what kind of teen angst BS you're going through, don't talk about Lettie. That's bitchy, even for you."
I blink at him slowly, wondering if he's as stupid as he sounds before I tightly grip his hand that's holding my arm tight. Squeezing hard, I smirk at Damon's pain-filled face as cracks ring out from his hand, Matt looking on with fear and apprehension as the rest of the Grill takes no notice.
"'Teen angst BS?'" I repeat back venomously, seeing a tiny spark of panic in his blue eyes as he realizes his vampire strength isn't getting me to let go. "Do you want to see what 'teen angst BS' I went through Damon? Do you want to know what being stabbed twenty seven times in the chest feels like?"
Clenching my hand as I picture it, Damon cries out in pain as several bloodstains start leaking through his white Varvatos shirt at an accelerated rate. But, I don't stop.
"Do you know what it felt like to see who it was? To realize that the only other family member I have is the one who's driving the blade in, carving up my skin, making me die on my sister who I thought needed me?"
As Damon collapses on the floor in pain, Matt silently watches on in horror, unsure of how to stop me from tearing the vampire into pieces. Continuing to glare at his writhing form, I don't even feel it when one solitary tear rolls down my cheek.
"And you know what the worst part, Damon?" I ask, standing up from the booth and reaching into my leather jacket for a cigarette and lighting it once it presses against my lips, the latest attempt at curbing my anger issues burning the back of my throat as my hand closes tighter, making Damon choke on his own blood.
"When I woke up in that box, I had this big idea that you all just had messed up the spell and I woke up late, you know?" I ask the gurgling Damon before suddenly cutting off my magic from assaulting him. Looking at him deep in his pain-filled blue eyes, Damon Salvatore looks at me like it's the first time he's ever felt regret in his life as I continue, "I had no idea that useless little Jeremy Gilbert was a more valued friend to you all than I was. I was so worried about making sure you trusted me. That we could be business partners, maybe even friends."
My blank gaze hardens, basking in the slightest look of guilt on his devilishly handsome face as my fury grows to new archs of high.
"But no. I know who really was more important to you. Elena. It's always been Elena and it always will be. Her happiness was more fucking important to you than our friendship. If my being furious with you all over this is me being a bitch, then fine. I'm the biggest bitch of all!" I scream at him, unintentionally releasing a huge wave of magical energy directed everywhere besides within.
A loud ringing sound explodes from the burst, causing everyone to drop like flies in the Grill, clutching their ears in desperation to stop the ever increasing in volume frequency. Seeing Damon squirm on the floor as he grabs at his ears like they're on fire does literally nothing to quell my rage, instead wanting him to be in more pain.
I just want everyone to suffer.
Blinking down at him as my fury ratchets ever higher with the pitch of the sound, I see Matt desperately covering his ears, and I frown momentarily. I had no more friends, but Matt didn't deserve my punishment. I'm about to call off the sudden wave, or at least attempt to fight it off, when I feel someone's grip on my ankle.
Damon looks up at me with big, beautiful cold blue eyes clearly begging for mercy, but my bloodlust-addled brain just wants more suffering. Opening my mouth at the overwhelming feeling of my magic controlling me rather than the other way around, I do the only thing that I want to keep doing until I drop dead from exhaustion.
I scream.
Every glass on every table, every pair of reading glasses, every fucking window in the place explodes in a shower of shards, sounding as if a jet had broken the sound barrier in the small restaurant. Everything is covered in dust and glass, and as the rest of the townspeople slowly recover from the explosion, I look down at a nearly passed out Damon as I grab a new cigarette, old one properly decimated by the explosion.
Taking a thick drag off of the lit cancer stick as I'm hit with a wave of dizziness, I glare down at the barely-conscious Damon, face blank.
"Tell Elena I'm coming after her as soon as I'm done with Grams. After that, I'm leaving town and never seeing any of you again. I don't really want to have to kill any of you," I say without much passion, feeling rather numb as I squat down to get a really good look at the bloodied, manipulative Salvatore.
"But if any of you try to stop me, I won't be merciful."
And with that, I walk out of the completely decimated Mystic Grill without a passing look at Matt, none of the other the civilians noticing, hearing the starting rumors of a gas leak explosion as I head back to the motel room to get a good nap in.
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A/n: Hi everyone! Hope you've enjoyed the new chapter. I wanted to announce that I won't be doing more re-uploads until FanFiction gets it together, but thanks for being patient with me!
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