a family of trees wanting to be haunted

Beth and Carol finished their conversation on a much lighter note, Carol managing to steer the subject elsewhere while Beth's mind raced and she mulled over everything Carol had said. The older woman offered her food and she politely accepted, barely listening as Carol chatted away about the upcoming class and Tobin. Beth's brain didn't really slow down until she was helping to put Malachi down for his nap and assuring him she'd see him that evening. She couldn't quite explain it, but something about looking down into his big, innocent, blue eyes made her forget most of the things that were constantly looming in the foreground of her conscience. He and Daryl seemed to share that ability, but Daryl's was for much different reasons.

She didn't really want to think about that right now, though. It was bad enough that she had to look Carol in the eyes while she explained to Beth that she had to take the antibiotics until they were all gone. Beth didn't fail to notice the way Carol had avoided mentioning the birth control altogether. Maybe Dana had actually kept everything confidential and didn't mention what Beth had told her about having a new sexual partner – it would be all too obvious that it was Daryl if Carol were to find that out. And there was no way Beth could dodge the questions. For now, she hoped Carol was sufficed with thinking that Dr. Dana had wanted Beth to have them as an option, just in case.

She returned to apartment 3A, shutting the door behind her and checking her phone to find a text message from Clementine. She would be on her way over shortly. Beth sent back a confirmation, then opened up the new pill bottle and took one of the antibiotics, heading over and grabbing a bottled water from the fridge to chase it down. She screwed the cap back on tightly and gathered the pill bottle and the yellow packs of birth control and took them to her bedroom, where she stashed them in the highest drawer from the floor and tucked each item into a sock.

Beth shut the door of her bedroom and went back out to the living room, plopping down on the couch and letting out a deep breath of relief. She was glad to be alone again for a little while. Although she was quickly finding that the silence was only giving her mind more chances to be loud. She turned on the TV at a low volume, then pulled out her phone to scroll through the day's news headlines. It helped to keep her from mulling over Carol's words any longer. After a while, she found herself reading the news just because it had caught her attention, and after fifteen minutes with no sign of her family's name, she kind of forgot about searching for updates on their case. Once again, no news was good news.

A knock came at the front door and shook Beth from her thoughts. She tossed her phone down on the couch and got up to go to the door, standing on tiptoes and peering through the peephole. As she'd expected, Clem was standing in the hall, wearing a backpack, a light hoodie and gray leggings, and a messy bun. Beth quickly opened the door, finding herself genuinely excited to see the other girl. She briefly wondered if she was just craving the companionship of someone closer to her own age after spending so much time with Carol – who kind of reminded her of her momma in a good way… but also in some bad ways.

"Smells good in here," Clem commented, slipping her bag off her shoulders and slinging it onto one of the dining chairs. She wandered towards the kitchen. "Still got some coffee?"

"It's prob'ly cold by now," Beth said, lingering in the middle of the living room, amused at the way Clem moved around the apartment like it was her second home. Something about it felt nice – like they'd been friends for ages and it was just another day of visiting Beth at her apartment.

Or rather, "Rosie."

Clem shrugged and inspected the coffeepot herself, but grimaced at the sight. "Damn," she muttered. She went about opening the fridge and freezer to gaze around, then spotted the cabinet above the freezer and opened it to find the liquor bottles. "One of these yours?"

Beth nodded even though she was looking at Clem's back. "The moonshine. The whiskey is Daryl's – I wouldn't touch it."

Clem chuckled and pulled down the moonshine bottle, turning to Beth with a suggestive smile on her face. "What d'ya think? Wanna have a little Friday drink?"

Beth shrugged indifferently.

"I had a long day at school," Clem said, turning back around to dig out a couple of glasses from the cabinet. "Want one or you gonna pass?"

"I guess one couldn't hurt," Beth mumbled, wandering over and standing on the threshold of the kitchen while she watched Clem pour two small glasses of moonshine. She'd eaten both breakfast and lunch today, and her stomach was actually feeling normal again, so the idea didn't appall her like it would've two days ago.

"Got anything to mix it with?" Clem asked, returning the liquor to its cabinet and opening the fridge to peer inside again.

"Umm, I think we just have ginger ale," Beth said, trying to remember. "Unless you wanna use one of Mal's juice boxes."

She smiled and Clem laughed, "Ha! That might not be too bad, actually…"

But Clem seemed to pass on the mixer because she shut the fridge again and grabbed the glasses, holding one out for Beth to take. She couldn't help but think of Daryl as she reached out and wrapped her hand around the glass, and a tiny flutter went through her stomach at the memory.

"What happened at school?" Beth asked, following Clem to the couch and sitting down on one end while Clem plopped herself down on the other, the two girls facing each other while the TV sat on mute.

Clem shrugged and took a sip from her glass, and Beth saw her face scrunch up as she winced at the taste. She chuckled at the sight and Clem looked up with a playful smirk.

"Eh, nothing in particular. Just a lot of homework and, for some reason, we have a bunch of tests coming up even though we just started a couple weeks ago," Clem explained, rolling her eyes. "It's annoying... This stuff's pretty strong, you drink this regularly?"

Beth laughed. "No – just when I feel like havin' a drink. Not that often. You get used to it – I guess it's an acquired taste."

Clem gave Beth a comical look. "Acquired taste just means it's bad and people force it down anyway."

Beth giggled and retorted with, "Isn't all alcohol an acquired taste then?"

Clem shrugged. "I dunno - Tara's made some drinks that actually tasted really good. From what I can remember anyway."

The girls laughed together.

Clem took another sip of moonshine and asked, "So you're coming to class tomorrow, right?"

Beth nodded. "Yeah, I planned on it. Carol said she's bringin' Tobin – they went on a date last night."

Clem raised her eyebrows. "Oh, I forgot about that. Cool, we can finally see what he looks like."

Beth smirked. "What, you expectin' him to be ugly?"

Clem chuckled. "Not necessarily, but… I dunno, I'm more worried about whether or not he's a total dick."

"If Carol likes him, then I doubt it. She said their date went really well," Beth said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively and making Clem giggle.

"Oooh, wonder if she already put out or if she's making him wait?" Clem joked.

Beth was about to retort with a sarcastic comment, but she saw Clem sitting up and looking down at the couch beneath her quizzically. Then she pulled Beth's phone from between the cushions and glanced at it, eyes lighting up with realization.

"You got a text from Daryl," Clem said, looking up from the screen of the phone to meet Beth's eyes.

Beth hadn't realized she'd left her phone on the couch, right where Clem had sat down. She felt her cheeks heating up and she held her hand out, trying to remain casual. "Oh – what's it say?"

"'You feeling up to joining us tonight?'" Clem read aloud right before placing the phone in Beth's hand and relaxing back into the cushions of the couch. But she was giving Beth a very suggestive look, eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Who's us? Him and Malachi? What d'you guys got planned tonight?"

Beth glanced down at the phone to see that the text message from Daryl said exactly those words, but she darkened the screen and shoved the phone beneath her leg on the couch, trying to force her face to stop turning red. She shrugged and took a sip of moonshine before answering quietly, "Yeah, he jus' means dinner. That's all."

But Clem's eyebrows weren't lowering. "That's all? Really?"

Beth furrowed her brow and tried to appear clueless while random images of being wrapped up in Daryl's naked limbs were flashing through her mind. "Yeah… Why d'you keep lookin' at me like that? What're you tryin' ta say?"

Clem scoffed and smirked knowingly then took another sip from her glass. She kept her brown eyes focused on Beth's, unwavering. "I know we haven't known each other long, but… c'mon. You don't have to lie to me, Rosie."

Beth's cheeks were warm again and she wanted to press an icepack against her face. But she smiled innocently. "Lie to you? About what?"

Clem shook her head, studying Beth's face. Then she quirked an eyebrow and said, "You and Daryl? Roommates… friends… now you have dinner together? Like a family…?"

Beth blinked and finally averted her gaze away from Clem's, lifting the glass to her lips and taking a tentative sip. She was shuffling through a whole stack of lies, trying to decide which was the most believable.

But Clem was anything but stupid, or gullible. Beth thought she must've had senses as keen as Carol's to be able to read people the way she did. Or maybe Beth was just way more transparent than she thought. Daryl, too, for that matter.

"It's just dinner," Beth assured, maintaining her innocent expression and meeting Clem's eyes again. "Sometimes I read to Mal… he likes it. I guess I'm kinda gettin' attached to him."

Clem shrugged. "That's a given. But the fact that you've only been here two weeks and you and Daryl already text each other… I dunno. I don't think you realize how closed-off this dude actually is."

Beth furrowed her brow. "He's quiet, sure. And he's not exactly outgoing... But he's not cold."

"I didn't say he was," Clem said. "He's just super guarded. He does his own thing, keeps to himself, and the only person I've ever seen him treat like an actual friend is Carol…"

Beth was shaking her head and half-smiling, as if Clem were being ridiculous and talking about something she didn't know about.

"Till you came along," Clem finished.

Beth's head stopped and she stared at Clem, studying her face. "What's that s'posed to mean?"

Clem raised her eyebrows. "Not anything bad. Just – we could never get him to come out with us or hang out after class, and he never really talked to any of us like friends, except Tara and maybe Denise, sometimes... But then you moved in and suddenly, he was down to come to our party – shit, he danced. In front of everyone… With you."

Beth swallowed hard and took a long sip of her moonshine, Clem's eyes burning a hole through her skin.

"I mean… it's not like you guys really tried to hide it," she finished, a little quieter. "Then the way he looked at you in class last week, and – okay, I'm pretty sure I saw him staring at your tits when we were about to leave for Rosita's party… Dude is not as subtle as he thinks. You must be blind if you really aren't catching that stuff."

Beth shrugged and tried to laugh it off, but it sounded awkward. She had no other cards to play here. Clementine had made her point, and it was a good one. Beth hadn't even thought about how obvious they might've seemed to everyone at the party – at the time, she'd thought they were just being friendly, and no one would see it as anything other than that. Now she was realizing that was a naïve thing for her to have assumed. And she'd known Clem was observant, but she'd still been denying to herself that anyone paid that close of attention to the clues Daryl let slip through. Apparently, his recent demeanor was a lot stranger to those who'd known him for a little while.

"I don't know him the way you guys do," she finally said, her voice sounding more confident than she felt as she conjured up another white lie. "I just met him a few days before I met y'all. But I haven't been doing anythin' more than tryin' ta make friends. If he's got other ideas, then he hasn't made it very clear to me, 'cause everything we've done so far has been what I thought was part of bein' friends and roommates…"

It was a good lie. Good enough for the time being, anyway. Her only choice now was to play ignorant and hope that Clem bought it. Even if she didn't, there was still some truth to it. If it hadn't been for Daryl kissing Beth, and other things… Beth probably would've never guessed Daryl felt any particular way about her. It was completely true that she didn't know him the way they all did, the way Carol or Tara or Rosita did. She didn't know his tendencies, except what she'd come to observe since living with him. And she wasn't one to assume that any of his subtle actions were to be interpreted as attraction.

Clem seemed partially convinced, but her eyes were still studying Beth curiously. Then she smirked again and said, "So if he did make it clear to you… what would you do?"

Shit, how am I supposed to lie about this? Beth thought, looking down at her glass. Why am I being interrogated about it? Does she want us together or something?

Beth shrugged and put on her most nonchalant tone. "I dunno… I don't think he sees me that way, but even if he did – he's a little too old fer me, don't ya think?"

That was a pretty fluid subject change, she hoped. Although it was something that she'd actually thought about in passing a handful of times, but pushed off for the most part. After all the other things she had to consider when sleeping with Daryl, the age difference seemed like such a non-issue. It was barely a thought at all. Sure, if Beth's life and situation were a little more normal and she and Daryl had met under extremely different circumstances, their age gap might be a problem. But sitting amongst Beth's towering pile of skeletons, it seemed minute and trivial. Eighteen and thirty-two was a pretty sizable gap, after all. Yet most of the time, Beth didn't feel eighteen – she hadn't felt like an actual teenager for most of her teenage life. And a lot of the time, she forgot that Daryl was older than her. She wasn't sure what that said about him. However, it was an overall good point to bring up as a distraction for Clem – who was under the impression that "Rosie" was mostly normal.

Yet Clem laughed. She took another sip of moonshine and her cheeks flushed for a brief moment. Then she said, "Are you kidding? Who gives a shit. He doesn't really act like he's in his thirties anyway... Not that I'd do him, but he's still pretty hot for being a middle-aged dad."

Beth couldn't hold back at hearing this and giggled, shaking her head. "Wo-ow!"

Now Clem was blushing lightly, laughing along with Beth and asking, "What? I'm just being honest! C'mon, like you haven't seen the way he looks on that bike…?!"

Beth laughed louder and sipped her moonshine to hide the redness in her cheeks.

Beth didn't hear or see T-Dog leave after his make-shift surgery. By the time Hershel, Shawn, and Glenn joined the girls at dinner, most of the food was lukewarm and Beth was finishing her last bites. Her momma sent her off to her room after the dishes and she didn't argue. Instead, she silently obeyed and hid away in her room for the rest of the night, writing in her journal and listening to music.

It was well past eleven, and well past Beth's bedtime, when she heard her daddy, Maggie, and Shawn going into the study. She stood at her bedroom door and held it open a tiny crack, just enough for her to see out into the hallway and toward the door of the study. But it was shut tight and she could only make out muffled voices from inside. Beth knew her momma was just down the hall, in the master bedroom but not sleeping, so she decided against stepping foot into the hall.

Beth watched with one eye through her door for a while, but when she realized they'd be in there for a while, she slinked away back to her desk, where her journal lay open. But she couldn't focus enough to write. She knew T-Dog was probably fine, but what she didn't know was what it all meant for her family and their farm and church.

It was none of her business, sure. Her momma liked to tell her, "Don't you worry about grown-up things until you have to worry about grown-up things. Leave all that to us." But technically, Beth would be a "grown-up" in less than a year. What then? A crash course in all the stuff that had been hidden from her for over a decade? Or would they just pack her up, send her away, and hope for the best? Either way, she did not feel even the slightest bit prepared.

Beth heard more footsteps on the stairs and the landing, so she silently rushed back to her door and peeked out again. It was Glenn approaching the door to the study. She watched as he readied to knock and turn the knob, but before he had the chance, the door swung wide open and Maggie was storming out in a flash of brown hair and red cheeks.

" – No, it's just what you think is best. That doesn't mean yer always right!" She huffed as she looked over her shoulder into the study with a scowl, trying to keep her voice hushed but failing as her anger leaked through.

Beth couldn't hear her daddy or Shawn, or what their responses were to that – if they even had any. She didn't even have any idea what had prompted Maggie's anger or made her leave the study so abruptly. But she knew it couldn't be good.

Maggie shut the study door behind her, just short of slamming it, and glanced toward Beth's bedroom door. Beth's breath caught in her throat and she froze, but Maggie either couldn't see Beth's eye through the tiny crack in the door, or she didn't care, because she turned her head to Glenn and gestured for him to follow her to the bedroom they shared.

Beth watched them disappear behind their bedroom door and when they didn't emerge for a few seconds, she went back to her desk. Shawn and her daddy must've still been in the study, talking, because she hadn't seen them or heard their footsteps leaving yet. But the muffled voices from inside had become nearly silent, at least from where Beth was.

She shut her diary and shoved it into her desk drawer as usual, then went to her bed and prepared to lie down for the night. Before she could shut off her bedside lamp, though, there was a light knock at her door.

"Come in," Beth called, just loud enough to be heard right outside the door. She stood beside her bed and watched as Maggie slowly pushed open the bedroom door and entered, closing it quietly behind her.

"Hey," her big sister greeted, putting on a very forced smile as she approached the bed and stood near the end.

"Everythin'… okay?" Beth asked, furrowing her brow.

Even if Maggie hadn't seen her watching, she could still guess that Beth had overheard her little outburst. In fact, Beth was surprised her momma hadn't come out and scolded Maggie. But maybe she just felt like staying out of it tonight. Annette had had to step in between Maggie and Hershel a lot lately, and it worried Beth. Her momma had always taken Hershel's side for as long as Beth could remember – the epitome of a dutiful wife – but in the last couple of years, since Maggie begun getting more confrontational, more bossy, more demanding and interrogative of Hershel's decisions, Annette had actually backed her up a couple of times. Beth didn't know what it all meant, but she kept staring at all these random puzzle pieces in her hands and trying to figure out how they all fit together. She knew the ever-growing police presence certainly wasn't helping anything. But could it really be as simple as that?

Maggie sighed and rubbed her forehead, bags under her eyes and a million worries etched onto her face. She gestured toward the bed and walked around to approach the side Beth stood on. "Let's… sit down."

Beth's heart sped up a little and she started to get worried but tried not to let it show. She put on her brave face and sat down, gazing at Maggie expectantly and watching her sit down lightly on the edge of the bed beside her. They were turned toward each other, and Maggie seemed to be contemplating the words in her head.

She finally looked up to meet Beth's eyes and started quietly, "Dad really… doesn't want me tellin' you anything. But I don't think that's fair. I think… you're old enough now, there's some things you have ta know. Not just for your sake, but for all of us. I tried tellin' him that, but… well, you know Daddy."

Beth feigned a smile and nodded, waiting for her sister to go on.

Maggie licked her lips and took in a breath, then went on, "Bethy… we're in too deep. That man, The Governor, he… he doesn't want us leavin'. Daddy screwed up… He did. We all did. And this guy has… well, he's dangerous, Beth. Very dangerous."

"His men did that to T-Dog?" Beth asked softly, and Maggie seemed surprised until she realized that Beth had overheard more in the barn than she'd originally thought.

Maggie nodded and replied, "Yeah… and that's just the start of it. We don't know how bad it could get. We… we're tryin' ta get out. But… it's hard. We got in really deep. It's… it's not so cut-an'-dry anymore. There's a lotta people…"

Her voice trailed off and she sighed and looked away from Beth's eyes. Beth felt the anxiety building in her chest.

'This really isn't good,' she thought to herself, watching her sister pinch the bridge of her nose and take another deep breath.

"I – I been tryin' ta get Daddy to… lemme show you how to shoot," Maggie went on, voice softer and fringed with unshed tears. "But he's so damn adamant against it… Me an' Glenn tried talkin' sense into him. Hell, even Shawn took my side, and he didn't – well, nevermind. Jus'… just know that me an' Shawn are looking out for you. Daddy is, too, but… yer not a little kid anymore, Beth. You haven't been for a while. You know more than you let on, and I… I just want you t'be okay."

Beth raised her eyebrows and felt a knot building in her throat, but she swallowed past it. She watched her sister struggling and turning away from her again to look at the floor and blink away tears. Then Maggie was lifting her head and meeting Beth's eyes again, putting on her token "unbreakable Maggie" face.

Beth spoke first, though. "I'll be fine. I know… I know how t'stay safe. You might not think you have, but you've taught me a lot. So has Daddy. But I'll only be okay if… if you guys are okay. Yer my family, you're all I have…"

She hesitated, watching Maggie struggle to retain her strong demeanor. Then Beth asked quietly, "What about… you an' Glenn's family? Your future? Like we talked about before your wedding…"

She could see Maggie swallowing hard before she spoke, "I'm… not so sure about me anymore, Bethy. That life – me an' Glenn… we know what we got ourselves into..."

She opened her mouth and paused, then seemed to change her mind and said, "Mom, Dad, Shawn… Arnold, Otis, Patricia… We had a choice a long time ago and we made it. But you didn't – you never made any choices. You're the only truly innocent person on this farm… I'm pretty much fucked either way, but if I can get you outta here… that's all I want. That's all I'm hopin' for anymore."

Beth's mouth suddenly went very dry and she felt a pit opening up in the bottom of her stomach. She'd never heard Maggie talk like this. Not to her, anyway. Not so openly. It had always been about the future, even if it was a very distant future.

Maggie's mouth was still open, like she had more to say, but she was gazing off blankly, lost in her own thought. Beth sat and watched her, waited. She could feel the weight of her older sister's words before they'd even come out.

"We…" Maggie paused again and met Beth's eyes, her voice solemn. "We have to be prepared, Beth. D'you hear me? We need to be ready for whatever's comin'. Not even Daddy knows what to expect anymore… You, me, Shawn, Glenn – we gotta be prepared. We all got jobs to do, okay? And right now, yours is t'be careful. Be watchful – and be ready…"

Beth was soaking in Maggie's words, blue eyes staring into green unwaveringly. Beth nodded weakly, but it felt like her lips had grown together. Her sister's voice was sending chills down her spine.

Maggie raised her eyebrows and added quietly, "Can you do that?"

Beth nodded again with a bit more fervor. Maggie pursed her lips and Beth could see her swallowing hard. She glanced away thoughtfully for a second then back, her eyes boring into Beth's.

Maggie sighed, sounding exhausted. She went on more gently, "You know, Daddy didn't mean fer this… He was tryin' ta make a better life fer us. Tryin' ta save our home, the farm, our church… He wanted you ta have everything he couldn't give me or Shawn, he wanted us – to have a chance…"

Beth thought about the day Hershel had sat her down at the dining room table. He'd seemed so happy, so hopeful back then.

It had changed so quickly.

Maggie added quietly, "You know that… right?"

Beth nodded weakly and finally managed to form a reply. "'Course I do."

Beth and Clementine had settled down and gradually drifted to watching TV and scrolling through their phones. Beth was glad that Clem had gotten bored with their conversation about Daryl and hoped to avoid any more talk of him. She'd briefly texted him back once Clem had grown distracted, assuring him that she was feeling much better and would definitely be joining him and Malachi for dinner.

Her head was getting a little swimmy from the moonshine, and she could see the tint of pink in Clem's face as she occasionally sipped on her second glass. They were casually talking and joking, enjoying each other's company without any pressure of entertaining one another. And it had proven to distract Beth for a while, lifting her mood just the slightest.

Beth thought her favorite part about Clem might've been the fact that she was almost positive the two of them wouldn't have been friends if they'd met at any other point in their lives – whether it was in Georgia or New York. Clementine was different and smart and intimidating, in her own way. She would've never been allowed around the farm, maybe not even the church – she was too observant, too defiant. Beth's daddy wouldn't have trusted her. Maggie probably wouldn't have either.

They'd been discussing some book that Clem was assigned to read in class, and then their words had trailed off and they were distracted by their phones again. The only sounds in the living room were the low volume of the TV and the buzz of the city coming in through the windows. Clem made an intrigued humming from her throat, waiting a moment before speaking and interrupting the silence.

"You met that Spencer guy at the party, right?" She asked, still staring down at her phone and slowly scrolling through something.

Beth had been doing nothing more than scrolling through nonsense social media posts, so she lifted her eyes and looked over at Clem. "Um, the tall guy with the brown hair? And the jawline?"

"Yeah," Clem confirmed, still not looking up. "I guess Rosita's hooking up with him now."

Beth raised her eyebrows, recalling a text message she'd received a couple of days ago. "Oh, yeah – didn't you tell me that the other day?"

"Well, I said I thought she'd started hooking up with him, but I wasn't sure," Clem clarified. "But, yeah… definitely."

Beth felt her phone vibrate in her hand and looked down at the screen to find a new text message from Daryl. She quickly tapped it and read:

Can't wait.

She smiled to herself but quickly wiped it away so as not to appear too obvious, trying to remember what Clem had been talking about. "Oh – so what?"

She looked up and saw Clem shrugging. "I'm just wondering if she's gonna start dating him. She kinda has a problem with relationship-hopping."

Can't say I'm really one to talk about that, Beth thought, unable to ignore the fact that she was sleeping with a new guy less than a month after breaking up with the first. Another one of those little details that she didn't like to pile on top of all the bigger impasses.

But she said, "I guess some people just don't really know how t'be alone."

Clem nodded absent-mindedly, then looked up from her phone to take a small sip of moonshine and gaze towards Beth. "Yeah, I guess… I should probably keep my nose out of it, but she always ends up getting hurt. It just sucks to watch her setting herself up for it again... Tara gave up trying to talk sense into her once she started seeing Austin – if she can't get through to her, no one can."

Beth furrowed her brow slightly. "Well, you never know who'll hurt her and who won't. Maybe she just needs to find out on her own. Sometimes that's the only way you can figure out what you're lookin' for."

Clem shrugged. "Yeah, probably. What do I know, I don't even have somebody that I like in that way. Everybody sucks, if you ask me."

Beth smirked and watched Clem's face, waiting for her to smile, but she didn't. "That's not a very uplifting outlook."

Clem leaned back into the couch and rolled her eyes up toward the ceiling, a dissatisfied look on her face. "What can I say, my realism is my downfall… Doesn't help that I have to be around my asshole parents all the time. All I ever hear anymore is two people tearing each other down – it's like poison, dude. It's infectious. I've been so pissed off lately."

Beth furrowed her brow as she realized Clem was serious, and she could see the pain being hidden on the tawny-skinned girl's face. Was that why she'd wanted to come hang out? To get away from the toxic environment inside her own home? Had they both decided to spend time together as a distraction from their personal problems without realizing it?

"I kinda figured it wouldn't get much better," Beth said softly, recalling their brief, past conversations about Clem's parents' fighting and trying to sound compassionate. "That sucks, though. Are you thinkin' about moving out?"

Clem shrugged and sighed, taking another sip of moonshine and looking back at Beth with clouded eyes. "I dunno. I can't really afford it right now while I'm in school, but… they're gonna get divorced. I know it's coming. I just wish they'd get it over with already. It's like, they don't even care that they're making me suffer with them."

Beth frowned, listening attentively and nodding in understanding. "Aren't you sad, though?"

Confusion crossed Clem's face and she asked, "Why would I be?"

"'Cause they're your parents and they're gettin' divorced," Beth said softly. "I'd be sad… They're s'posed to love each other. It doesn't give you a lotta hope for yer own relationships if you have t'watch them fall out of love."

Clem's eyes glistened slightly, but she quickly turned her head and Beth was almost certain it had just been a trick of the light. Then Clem sniffled quietly and drained the rest of her glass before meeting Beth's gaze. She still appeared indifferent, but Beth was starting to see that most of it was a mask – kind of like Maggie's.

"It'll be better once they admit it's over and separate. It sucks, but I'm not gonna let it ruin my whole outlook on love or some shit," Clem said. "What about your parents? They never divorced?"

They loved each other until my momma's last breath. And long after that, Beth thought, blinking.

She shrugged. "Long story… Let's just be thankful that Rosita is hookin' up with somebody who's not a total douchebag. Or, let's hope so. D'you know him very well?"

Clem set her empty glass down on the coffee table and put her feet up onto the couch, slip-on shoes left on the floor. "Not super well, I've met him a few times when he was hanging out with Tara and Rosita. But she's known him longer than she knew that Austin dude before they started bangin', so I guess that's saying something…"

"Ehh," Beth made a sound of uncertainty. "We're not exactly settin' the bar high if we're only hopin' for better than Austin…"

Clem snickered. "Yeah, good point… Ugh, he kept making Asian jokes when I was in Tara's kitchen with him. He even called me 'Oriental' once. It was so-oo hard not to punch him in the throat."

Beth sneered in disgust. "Ew, and just when I thought he couldn't get any more disgusting. I dunno why you didn't punch him…"

"'Cause he was Rosita's boyfriend-thing. I didn't wanna start any drama," Clem muttered, scrolling through her phone again.

Beth picked up her own phone and did the same, just for the sake of occupying her hands. A few moments of silence passed, the sound of honking car horns drifting in through the windows as rush hour traffic was building up outside.

Then Clem asked casually, "So what were you doing all week? You said you were pretty busy. You get a job or something?"

Beth shook her head and answered without really processing the question yet. "No…"

"Oh – Daryl's not making you his personal maid, is he?" Clem asked with a playful smile, meeting Beth's eyes again.

"Yeah, right," Beth chuckled, but the cramps were making themselves known in her lower abdomen and she winced for a brief second. "No, I was jus' – not feelin' that great."

"Ew – it's not contagious, is it?" Clem asked, putting on a comically over-exaggerated look of disgust.

Beth probably would've laughed, normally. Instead, she said, "Actually… um, I kinda had t'take care of somethin'. With my ex…"

Clem's face fell and she stared at Beth with wide eyes. "Oh – for real?"

Beth nodded, her cheeks growing warm.

"He didn't – he hasn't found you, has he?" Clem asked, concern building on her face. "Daryl wouldn't let him near you, right? You can stay with me if you need somewhere he won't look for you."

Beth shook her head, and the words burst out of her without a second thought. "No – it's nothin' like that... I – uh, I was pregnant."

Clem's face relaxed somewhat, but she was still giving Beth a quizzical look. "Oh… seriously? What happened? Did you lose it? Are you okay?"

Something about the genuine concern in Clem's voice made Beth feel a little stronger, a little reassured. She couldn't explain why, and she still didn't know why she trusted this other girl so much. But there was just something about her that Beth related to, or aspired to, or envied. Whatever it was, she was suddenly heart-warmed to hear that Clem wanted to help – just like Carol, and Dr. Hatfield, and Daryl. She was starting to resent how right Carol had actually been about all the people who cared.

Beth slowly shook her head, glancing away while she quietly said, "No… I had a… an abortion."

She forced her eyes to meet Clem's again, at least to see the reaction on her face. And once again, Beth was surprised to see that it was unchanged. Clem didn't seem surprised or shocked or, in the least bit, appalled. She merely frowned in sympathy.

"Damn, dude, that sucks," she muttered comfortingly. "You're okay, though?"

Beth nodded, studying Clem's face and searching for the judgment. It wasn't there. "You don't… think I'm gross?"

Clem furrowed her brow and smirked as if Beth had told a confusing joke. "Huh? Why would I think you're gross?"

Beth's face went red and she looked away, shrugging. "I dunno."

Clem seemed to understand, though, and she sniggered. "You're not down south anymore, homegirl. Nobody cares what you do up here, as long as you're not slowing down anybody else's day... You're not the first friend I've had tell me about an abortion, and you won't be the last. It's not like I don't understand… Even if I didn't, it's none of my business. Your life, your choices."

Beth relaxed. Somehow, Clem's words were almost more comforting than Carol's had been.

"I mean, you didn't go to like, a back alley surgeon or something, did you?" Clem asked, and Beth looked up to see a half-joking smirk on her face.

"Actually, Carol hooked me up with one of her connections," she explained, and the look on Clem's face told her that the other girl didn't know whether to believe her or not.

"Really?" Clem asked.

Beth nodded. "We had t'go clear to the Bronx, but they didn't ask questions about my situation. I think they deal with girls like me all the time."

"Oh, wow – so Carol really came through. That's good," Clem remarked, sounding relieved. "So it went okay? You're… better now?"

"Yeah," Beth said softly. "Er, gettin' there. But yeah."

Clem nodded understandingly, then asked curiously, "What would you have done otherwise?"

Beth raised her eyebrows. "If I didn't have Carol, or she didn't have friends with clinics?"

Clem nodded.

Beth shrugged and her eyes drifted downward as she contemplated the question. She'd put a lot of thought into it, before she'd mustered up the courage to go to Carol and ask for help. But she still didn't have a definitive answer. In fact, she didn't like to think much about the 'what if's in this situation. Dwelling on them made her stomach hurt.

She replied, "I'ono… I guess… probably would've jus' taken the risk of my ex finding me. Probably would've put it off till it was too late, though… I'd prob'ly be stuck with somethin' a lot more difficult t'deal with…"

She looked up to meet Clem's eyes again and saw the other girl watching her thoughtfully. Then Clem muttered, "Well, thank God for Carol."

Beth didn't know why she smiled, but she did, and agreed. "Yeah - thank God for Carol."

to be continued…

A/N: The flashback is from the same day in November 2016 that T-Dog was shot and patched up in the barn. I came across a piece of fanart on Tumblr, a painting of Beth and Maggie by the artist Raun Edaño, and it reminded me of this fic. If you'd like to see it, as well as the link to the artist's website, go to AO3 dot org /works/13062762/chapters/34148525 . I posted it along with the chapter because I felt it fit the flashback. Thank you to everyone who's been reading and reviewing, you all are amazing and I can't believe we're almost 40 chapters in :)